Mine to Hold

by Shona Husk

  “I won’t. She wouldn’t want that either.” Grady stuck out his hand.

  Vance looked at it for a moment before shaking it. No one had ever offered him their hand before. He knew what the gesture meant on the surface, but to him it meant more. It was an offer of friendship and truce. They had an understanding. Then Vance drew Grady closer and embraced him. The other man went rigid in his arms.

  “Relax. I’m not going to do anything.” That was a lie. He kissed Grady on the cheek, then let him go. “But if you ever change your mind …”

  “I’m not sure Silke would be impressed.”

  Vance shrugged. “She might not care.”

  The thought of all three of them in one bed would entertain him tonight. However, he wasn’t going to share those thoughts with anyone.

  “I’ll see you round, Vance.”

  “I hope so.” The last thing he wanted right now was more alone time in his cell.

  Chapter Seven

  Leo wiped off the treadmill and walked out of the gym in the Army zone. He was making the effort to get out of E zone and get to know more people. Well-connected people were going to do better in the colony, and he intended to be one of them. There were always people moving around C zone, either getting ready for work or just coming off duty. But they weren’t all Army personnel. There were female prisoners here as well.

  No doubt collecting privilege tokens the oldest way known.

  That would’ve been the easy way to get sex.

  He grimaced as he swiped his chip over the sensor to open the hatch between zones, and headed back to his room. That was the problem, though. His attraction to Silke had never been just about sex. He’d spent most of the night awake contemplating what Vance had said. There was something between Vance and Silke, even if they weren’t acting on it.

  And now he was mixed up in whatever was going on, all because someone had a grudge.

  Whatever it was, he didn’t want to be caught up in it.

  Yet if he walked away from Silke now, that would only add fuel to the fire. He didn’t know what he was going to do. Vance was all right. Leo rubbed his cheek where the other man had kissed him, well aware that Vance had made a not-so-subtle pass at him. It wasn’t the first time a guy had made an advance, and it was flattering … but it was just another layer of complication that he wasn’t sure he wanted.

  Vance had all but admitted that he loved Silke, and that if he was a free man they’d be together. Where did that leave Leo? Was she only with him because her first preference was a no-go?

  He didn’t like that thought either. Silke had never made him feel like second best.

  So what should he do? Keep seeing her and hope that everything would shake down in his favor, knowing that Vance would always be a part of Silke’s life and, by default, his? Or walk away because he didn’t like the idea of sharing her heart, let alone her, with another man.

  He had no idea. As he slapped the button for a shower he knew the ridiculously short burst of hot water and air that he was supposed to wash in wouldn’t give him time to think. Usually he didn’t mind what passed for a shower in space. Today it was just another annoyance. Part of him wished he’d never asked Silke out.

  * * *

  Silke knew that something was wrong as she grabbed her breakfast. Like most meals on Siren, it was perfectly balanced for nutrition, and totally bland. It was probably supposed to be some kind of porridge, but was more like goop. Some days she’d rather eat the pellets she fed the animals. They certainly looked more palatable.

  A few people watched her as she sat down.

  Maybe they had learned that she’d failed Robert, or that she was seeing Grady. Although after last night, she wasn’t sure she still was. She’d accused him of underhand behavior and in response he’d been frosty, which was to be expected. She was very good at pushing people away and not very good at keeping them close. Her last boyfriend had accused her of making their relationship more like a trial than a pleasure. Perhaps she was one of those people who was just better off staying single.

  One of her students sat down next to her. “Is it true?”

  “What?” There was no way she was volunteering any information.

  The woman looked uncomfortable for a moment. The wife of an Army officer, she was studying because everyone had to be useful in the new colony. There were no free rides, regardless of rank or Earth-based status. “I heard that you were seeing that prisoner who works with you.”

  Silke blinked and took another mouthful of food before responding. “And what if I was?”

  “Well, it just doesn’t seem right when there are so many other decent men.” The woman smiled as though she was offering some well thought-out advice.

  “What I do in my spare time really doesn’t matter. Who I see also isn’t your concern. If by decent men you mean men those whose parents donated heavily to this trip and who then get snotty when they don’t measure up, I’ll pass. I like men who aren’t afraid of hard work and who have integrity.”

  “So it is true.”

  Really?

  “No, it’s not. I’m seeing an Air Force officer.” Once again, she was using Leo as an alibi and she didn’t like it. She shouldn’t have to explain herself. But she believed he wasn’t behind the rumors. He’d seemed genuinely surprised, and as he’d pointed out, it wasn’t his place to interfere with her job. No, only one person had anything to gain from that. Robert.

  “I’d feel safer working in the barn if that white wasn’t there.”

  Silke looked at the woman, who had obviously been coerced into being the mouthpiece. “1113 is a fully qualified vet nurse. He is non-violent and good at his job. He stays. Given that you have been doing work experience for the last six months without an issue, I’d like to know why the change of heart? Has Robert been in your ear about how he deserves the job? About how prisoners shouldn’t be able to study?”

  The woman swallowed. “He might have said something to all of the students. He told us to watch how you behave with 1113.”

  “He’s trying to get 1113 kicked out of the barn so he can take the job. He’s not doing it for the rest of you, he’s trying to save his own ass, and you fell for his manipulation.” How many other people had Robert told?

  “We need to know the truth … I mean, if you are treating prisoners better than us, it isn’t fair.”

  “What’s not fair is people sticking their noses into my life and then making up lies with the sole aim of discrediting me. Plenty of people, Army and civilian, are seeing prisoners. It shouldn’t matter. Once we are on Solitaire do you really think old Earth money is going to count for anything? You can’t eat money. You can’t shelter in status.”

  The woman leaned back, her mouth open. “I never realized you were one of those socialists who think the rich should be brought down.”

  Silke drew in a breath. “I’m not, but I do believe that everyone should get the same opportunities.”

  The woman stood up. “It’s pretty obvious what you believe. You Scandinavian Conglomerates are all the same.”

  Shit. But it was too late. The woman was striding away, no doubt to spread the word that the vet on board thinks everyone is equal. Which, while true, wouldn’t win Silke any friends. Plenty of people would be horrified.

  Silke finished the last of her breakfast, dropped her bowl off by the galley and made her way downstairs. She had to get ready to face the students, and their gossip.

  At least Vance would be there today.

  Leo was on his way up. “I’ve just been down looking for you.”

  “I got waylaid.” She touched his forearm. “I’m sorry about yesterday.” She should’ve thought it through a bit more but ever since she’d kissed Vance, everything had been spinning out of control.

  “I spoke to Vance last night.”

  Her eyes widened. What had Vance said? Had he told Leo everything? She swallowed and hoped that he hadn’t. “Why?” She managed to force the word out.

&nb
sp; “I needed to know if there was fire as well as smoke.” He held her gaze. “Bit of a smolder, isn’t there?”

  She looked away. He knew about the kiss. Robert’s rumor was damaging more than just her reputation. “We’re friends. If things were different maybe we’d be lovers, but they aren’t, and I’m seeing you.”

  “So I’m your second choice.” She could see the hurt in his eyes.

  “It’s not like that.” It wasn’t. She liked them both, but they were completely different people. “I wouldn’t have agreed to a date if I wasn’t attracted to you.”

  He was quiet for a moment. People moved past them in the narrow hallway, careful not to bump into one another. People had learned to respect each other’s space. It was too easy for tempers to fray when locked inside a ship for a year.

  “You thought I was a temporary fling.”

  “Yeah, I did. I wasn’t looking for anything serious or long term.” She hadn’t really been looking for anything, she’d just needed someone. Most people didn’t try to get close. She’d made sure she was too prickly. Leo didn’t seem to care, or notice.

  “Because of him?”

  She shook her head. “Because of me.” She smoothed her hand over her hair, as if to tidy it, but there wasn’t a strand out of place. She was going to have to tell Leo and let him decide if he kept seeing her or not. If he told, she’d lose what was left of her reputation. But at least she’d no longer be living with the fear of people finding out. She wouldn’t have to remain alone because she was afraid of her lover discovering her criminal past. “I can’t do this now. I have the students today. I have to try and sort out this mess before it spreads any further.”

  “How far has it spread?”

  “Obviously not into the military yet, but it seems to be spreading through the civvie area, and I don’t think they like the idea of the vet sleeping with a con.”

  “But you aren’t?” She could see the question in the slight lifting of his eyebrows. He was looking for confirmation, for something from her, and right now she didn’t have it in her.

  She shook her head. “I need to get to work. I’ll see you tonight?”

  He hesitated. He was going to say no. He was going to cut her free without an alibi. She immediately hated that the thought had even surfaced and that she was thinking of him that way.

  “Do you want to see me for me or because of what is going on?”

  Forget it. She didn’t need him to defend herself. “Whatever. You know where I live. You come and see me if you think I’m worth your time.” She spat out the words.

  He wouldn’t if he knew the truth anyway. Maybe it was for the best if this ended.

  She could get Vance to sign the Army’s stupid approval to fuck form—it had an official name but she couldn’t remember what it was—and then their relationship would be legit. Plenty of people were doing it. The paperwork would protect his job and him, and also the people in charge, should he snap and kill her. The Army loved its paperwork, and loved to cover all asses.

  She didn’t wait for his reply, just hurried down the stairs, trying to ignore the fact that they were blurring beneath her feet. She blinked and swiped away the tears. All of this was the reason she hadn’t planned on getting involved with anyone. It was too hard.

  But even if she’d remained single Robert would have still made trouble. It was who he was.

  Vance and his guard were already waiting by the hatch to the barn.

  “Sorry, I’m running late.” She unlocked the hatch.

  “It’s okay. See ya.” The guard wandered off without even waiting for the hatch to be opened.

  Seriously, they should just let Vance walk to work on his own. He had to cross through the Army zone anyway.

  “You okay?” Vance said as he stepped into the barn and started changing the lights from night to day. The red glow was replaced by the harsh blue-white of the artificial lighting.

  “Yeah. Just more gossip over breakfast.” She didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

  Chapter Eight

  Leo watched Silke walk away. He should let her go, that would be the easy thing to do. But he couldn’t. He liked her a lot, and someone was jerking her around. That pissed him off. He hated it when people took advantage or tried to throw their weight around. He’d been on the receiving end far too many times growing up. As soon as the rich kids realized he wasn’t really one of them, they made sure he never forgot it and they made his life hell.

  A group of people walked past him. They were a mix of ages—some youths who must have just finished school, some older and re-training. He smiled. Silke was certainly doing her bit for the colony.

  But when he listened to what they were saying, the smile faded.

  They were talking about Silke and Vance. How she obviously preferred animals to people, and other nasty comments. One guy in his mid-twenties seemed to be leading the gossip and hate.

  While Leo wasn’t a betting man—he didn’t like to lose his hard-earned money on anything as risky as chance—he’d put his money on that prick being the one behind Silke’s troubles.

  Once they were gone, Leo checked his portacomp. He had nothing scheduled for the morning. Some maintenance in the afternoon. Perhaps the barn could use another manual inspection. Only this time, it wouldn’t just be the internal skin of the ship and the breach alarms that he’d be checking.

  No. He wanted to find out what was going on once and for all.

  He went back up and grabbed his satchel. It held his tools and a few other essentials, like orange metal patches for any holes he found, and also a breather that would give him thirty minutes of air if a compartment lost compression. He’d fixed holes before on different trips to Solitaire. It was an adrenalin-filled, nausea-inducing, hair-raising experience. And a reminder that death was only a few millimeters away.

  Really, there were only two metal skins between the vacuum of space and everyone inside. And out here, there was no chance of help.

  The last hull breach he’d repaired had been a simple failure and it had happened only weeks out from Solitaire, on their way back to Earth. Some of the scientists had wanted to return to Solitaire and do a proper fix, but they’d continued on to Earth. Running out of fuel was the other big consideration.

  That was what played on his mind the most.

  No fuel meant no travel, and no life support. At least being sucked into the vacuum would be fast.

  As casually as he could, Leo entered the barn. At first glance everything seemed fine. Vance gave him a frown and then a wave. His other hand was busy holding a goat. Silke glanced up, but that was the only acknowledgement she gave him. She was talking to the students.

  He’d kind of expected a warmer welcome from her, especially if she was just using him to defer suspicion. Had he misread their relationship?

  Perhaps it was genuine, and everything else was bad timing.

  That would be more his style. His whole life had been mistimed. As a result, he’d slipped between the cracks and belonged nowhere.

  He started doing his manual check. That meant scanning the seams as well as testing the alarms that were housed between the skins of the hull. The barn, like his room and the machinery deck—where the flight crane and shuttles were stored—were all part of the main ship and as a result, only had the two skins. Every other room on the ship was a module that would be removed at Solitaire. It was a very clever system as it also meant that the ship would be much lighter on the return trip, thus using less fuel. It also meant people would have accommodation on the planet.

  Gradually he drew closer to the students and the goats. A black goat was chewing on the cuff of Silke’s pants, and even though she kept nudging it away, it kept coming back for more.

  He knew exactly how the goat felt.

  Vance was holding a goat while the mouthy prick drew blood. He was clearly saying something that Vance didn’t like. His lips pressed together and his eyes narrowed, his face taking on an edge that made Leo’s
heart bounce hard. He moved closer. To listen, but also so he could step in. If Vance reacted to the goading, he’d lose this job, which was just what Mouthy wanted. Leo didn’t know what Vance had done to be wearing white, but right now even he could sense the threat.

  So could Mouthy. He looked up with a smarmy leer on his face.

  “You’re just another animal to her. She’s slumming it until something better comes along. She’s going to end up on her knees in front of me and loving it. I’ll show her what a real man can do.” He leaned closer to Vance.

  Leo glanced at the other students but they were too far away. So was Silke. He watched as Vance let go of the goat and his fingers curled into a fist. This was going to end badly.

  “Do it, prove why you’re wearing white, slum scum.” Mouthy gave Vance a nudge.

  Leo grabbed Vance before he could do anything. Mouthy started laughing. With his free hand Leo punched him in the cheek. Mouthy hit the deck.

  Leo released Vance and stood over Mouthy. “If you ever talk about my girlfriend like that again, I will have you out an airlock before anyone even knows you’re missing. I don’t care how much money your family donated, you’re a useless little shit.”

  “You hit me!” Mouthy scrambled back as if expecting Leo to hit him again. It was very tempting, even though Leo was sure he’d regret it later.

  Leo took a step forward. Vance put his hand on Leo’s back. “Don’t waste your energy on dicks like that.”

  Leo glanced at Vance. The rage was gone, but he was still tense. His dark eyes were filled with annoyance, even if his voice and words were calm. Vance still wanted to hit Mouthy, and Leo had taken that away from him. He’d had to—Vance would get in much more trouble than he would. But having someone else fight your battles had to suck.

  And having someone else date the woman you wanted had to burn. He’d felt it when he’d thought Vance and Silke were together. Leo unclenched his fist and tried to shake off the tension. Vance’s hand was still on his back. It was oddly intimate, and also reassuring. He pushed aside the thought, not wanting to dwell on it.