“Close enough, Walk.”
“What the hell, Chief? You’re acting like I used to beat her something. I’ve never hurt Poppy!”
“I wouldn’t go that far. You might have never laid a violent hand on her, but you sure as fuck hurt and betrayed my sister. So, that’s close enough.”
Walker ignored my brother, imploring me with a look instead. “Do we really need a chaperone?”
I cocked my head to the side and took him in. I was left with an odd realization that while he seemed familiar he also felt like a stranger, or someone I might know in passing. It was strange to think I was still technically married to the man before me, or that I’d spent the past 10 years of my life with him, because now I felt nothing. It was obvious, though, from the look on his face that the feeling was not mutual.
“What exactly do you want, Walker? Did you bring signed divorce papers?”
“What? No, Poppy, I don’t want the damn divorce. I understand you were mad, but you’ve had time to cool off and realize how hard things were on me. Yeah, I should have handled things differently, but I was under a lot of stress and you…” he stopped talking when I turned around and started walking away.
“Wait, where are you going? We’re in the middle of talking.”
“No, we aren’t.” I turned again so I was facing him and he could see every bit of what was playing out on my face. “You have the audacity to come here, demand to see me, and then tell me about how hard your life was and how the stress you were under caused you to fall dick first into every whore at the clubhouse, never check on your wife, or do any goddamn thing for her either. You had it so hard because you couldn’t do simple tasks the doctors asked you to do in order to get your sperm count up like wear different underwear. Yeah, I can see how that demand made you run straight to other pussy to prove what a man you are. Don’t you dare stand here and try to trivialize this shit. You are a grown ass man, who made dumbass decisions, and now as a result the woman who once loved you with everything she had doesn’t want you any more. Guess what? It’s time to suck it up, and reap what you sowed, because I’m done. I’ve been done, and I don’t ever want to go backwards.”
“Poppy, I know you were mad. I get it. I fucked up. I know I did, but I’m here now. I pulled my head out of my ass, and…”
“Stop right there. Even if you had managed to pull your head out of your ass – which I highly doubt considering the first thing I saw when I walked in here was some other woman touching you and you doing nothing to stop it – you’re still forgetting the part where I said I’m done.”
“You don’t have to be done. We can work through this. We still love one another. I’ll find a way to give you the baby you want, I swear it!”
I growled out a ferocious, fed up noise that quieted the whole clubhouse, or at least the parts in close proximity to us. “I do not still love you. I love someone else. I already have my own baby on the way, and it’s not yours!” I was yelling at this point. “You gonna raise another man’s baby?” I laughed then. “Never mind, that’s a moot point, because even if you were man enough to agree to that, I don’t want you to. I can’t count on you to be there for me during a goddamn storm, I sure as hell couldn’t count on you to be there for sleepless nights, teething, vomiting, and any other thing that might inconvenience your life. I am happy here. I am in love with someone, and that someone isn’t you. He’s the father of my baby. Now, do you understand? There’s nothing left of us. It’s all gone, and what little bit had been left before I moved here, you trashed and threw away with your actions.”
“You’re pregnant?” It was only at his reiteration of my words that I realized what I’d just done. In my anger and frustration with Walker I’d let my secret out of the bag. I felt warm hands wrap around my waist from behind me, and then whispered words found my ear.
“We’ll talk about that revelation later at home, but honey, I need you to know, I love you too.” His hands dipped low on my belly and settled there protectively. Walker started to get pissed.
“You’re my brother!” He yelled out. “You knocked my wife up?”
“Ex-wife,” Smoke corrected.
“Those papers aren’t signed yet,” Walker argued.
Smoke made a tsking noise in the back of his throat before he responded to that. “She just told you all the ways you screwed up, all the reasons she didn’t want you back, and that she was happy, finally. She signed the papers already. In her eyes, in her mind, you two aren’t together. She’s just waiting for you and the law to catch up with everything.
“Club first,” Walker called out.
“Yeah, we all know you put the club first, every aspect of it, including catering to the whores. That seemed to be your problem. I don’t regret making Poppy mine, or anything that resulted from that decision. Best damn woman I’ve ever met, and I’d be a fool to let her go. You didn’t hang on to a good thing, and now you’re seeing that, but it’s too late. I suggest you get gone back to Georgia, and do something for someone other than yourself for a change, and sign those damn papers.
Walk just stood there digesting everything Smoke had just put out there for him. Then he turned to me. “I wouldn’t care,” he finally told me.
I just laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Yes, you would. The thing is, that part doesn’t even matter, because I’m happy right now. I wasn’t before. I meant it when I said I wasn’t willing to go backwards for anyone, Walk. Not even you.”
“Poppy, I promise you I’ll get it right this time,” he pleaded. It made me sick to think where I’d be right now if he had done this right away after I kicked him out. If he had come to me with promises and pretty words would I have stayed there stuck in the middle of his bullshit games and lies again.
“How long, Walk?”
He frowned at me before asking the question he couldn’t help asking. “What do you mean? How long? I plan on loving you forever, just like I said when we got married.”
“No, how long were you fucking other people?” I asked the question point blank even though phrasing it like that was not something I’d normally do. I couldn’t consider him having sex with other women in any other terms. It hurt too much.
Walker looked extremely uncomfortable as he watched me standing there waiting for his answer. He fidgeted and glanced away eventually.
“You won’t even answer her?” Smoke finally stated. “You can’t come clean, but you expect her to believe you care enough to stick with her now?”
“Four years,” he spat out at Smoke. Then his guilty eyes found mine. We’d been trying to have a baby together for five years. We didn’t even seriously start until four years ago.
“We were trying to have a baby then, and you were off fucking other people?”
“Sex was becoming a chore with you, Pop. It was so important to get the baby as a result, but there was no fun in it anymore, because it was like going to work. You know? Something you have to do and not necessarily something you like doing.”
That hurt. It didn’t matter if I didn’t want him anymore, it still hurt to hear that your ex felt like sex was nothing more than a chore they didn’t want to do with you so they went looking for excitement elsewhere.
“You do realize that you having sex with other people was probably why you kept failing to get me pregnant in the first place, so you literally perpetuated your own problem and made the situation worse?”
“I didn’t,” he started to say, and then it sank in. There were reasons the doctors told us to wait in between having sex, because he needed time to build up a high enough sperm count. Instead he was blowing his load with whomever else and leaving nothing behind in the batter.
Smoke scoffed. “Like I said, you’re an idiot.”
“Well, I think we’re done here,” I said as I turned to move toward the back door so I could go find Leanne and Brant.
“Poppy,” he called out, voice sounding as though it was being affected by emotion, but I didn’t bother to turn
and look. I was done with Walker Smithson. There was no fixing what he’d broken between us, especially after that admission. I couldn’t even wrap my head around the fact that he’d been unfaithful all that time. Had I just been a joke all that time? Had I run into any of the women who were sleeping my husband? I couldn’t go down that road, because I knew it would make me physically sick. I’d gone to the doctor and asked to be tested just in case after the storm that opened my eyes to everything – or what I thought was everything at the time. I had, thankfully, been clean. To think I was trying to make a baby while he could have been passing me diseases was an awful feeling. I really needed to get away from the man.
“No!” I heard Smoke say, and I still wasn’t interested enough to turn around and look at Walker again. I couldn’t look at him. It hurt too much to know how long he had been lying, betraying and cheating on me. “If you hadn’t fucked up bad enough before, you have to know that there’s no coming back from that. You don’t come back from that kind of bullshit with a woman like Poppy.” Chief was at my side by the time I reached the back door, and he whispered into my ear, cutting me off from hearing whatever response Walker gave.
“Sis, I need to know you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” I stated as I waved off his concern. “Obviously, it hurts to know how far back it all went, but I’m in a better place now, I’m happy, I’m healthy, and…”
“Pregnant?” He questioned with a hurt tone.
“Yeah, that too,” I turned to look him in the eye then. “I wanted to tell Smoke first, but every time I tried something happened. I found out when I got home from Pittsburg, and then everything happened with Smoke’s family.”
“Jesus, talk about bad timing.”
“Exactly. Then every time I’ve attempted to tell him he’s had to run off or something has happened to make me put it on the back burner,” I explained.
“We’re going to talk about that when we get somewhere private,” Smoke’s voice trailed over my skin, leaving goose bumps in its wake.
“Smoke,” I started to say, but he cut me off.
“Let’s get Brantley, and get back to your house before we talk about anything else, okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed, because what else could I do?
Chapter 18
Sitting at home waiting on Smoke to show up was torture. I thought he would be leaving the clubhouse at the same time I was, but I had been wrong. Chief had texted me to let me know they were having a chat and then Smoke would be on his way. I had a feeling big brother was attempting to make sure that Smoke wasn’t going to be angry with me. I wished he wouldn’t though. I didn’t want to get a filtered response to my news. I wanted to know exactly, honestly, what he thought and how he felt about the news.
It was about an hour later when I heard the tell tale rumble of a bike in the distance. As it moved closer my stomach started to flip-flop a bit thinking about what Smoke’s reaction might be. It didn’t seem as though he took the news poorly in the clubhouse, but that was in front of a whole lot of other people. I almost felt the rumble of his bike as he pulled in next to the house and then the absence of noise when he killed the engine. I had given him a key when Brantley started staying in my spare room so he was able to let himself in. Bubba didn’t even flinch at the intrusion now since he was used to Smoke, his sounds, and scent. Brantley was sitting in front of me, with Bubba by his side, playing with his building blocks. Unlike the dog, Brant actually reacted to his presence.
“Unc Moke, wook what I made.”
“That’s really cool, little man!” Smoke’s enthusiastic response put a smile on the boy’s face immediately. Smoke leaned down and kissed the top of his head, ruffling his hair as he moved away. Then he started for me. His expression was blank, holding no clues as to how this was going to go for me. So, I waited. He sat next to me, reached over and pulled my legs across his, and turned slightly so he could look me in the eye.
“I’m getting that I have failed to make myself clear with you,” he stated with zero emotion as I gulped down my apprehension that was attempting to bubble up from somewhere deep inside me. “I thought I was clear, but according to your brother you’re still confused so I’m going to lay it out for you and I need you to hear me.” I tipped my head ever so slightly in a nod of agreement before he continued. “I’m with you. Only you. I don’t want anyone else, Poppy. I am committed and I honestly don’t know how else to say that except that I thought it was straight forward that you were my old lady.” I huffed out a shocked breath and he just waved it away.
“Don’t care that you’re still married to some other fool who was too stupid to hang onto the best thing he’d ever get.” He scoffed at that. “Better than he deserved, the idiot. You’re my old lady, I don’t see you any other way.”
“Sophie told me you never told anyone that Julie was your old lady. I just thought,” he stopped me by squeezing my thigh.
“Julie never was. The difference is I’ve already told every single man in the clubhouse and the firehouse that you’re mine. They understand that. Now, I need you to understand that I should have made that perfectly clear to you, and I’m sorry I didn’t do better.” I couldn’t even reply to him then because the words and the overwhelming emotions all seemed to get stuck inside me. Honestly, about all I was able to manage were some tears welling up in my eyes, and I damned those bastards, because they didn’t convey enough.
“Now, tell me our news, because I don’t want to think about the way I found out. I want to hear from your lips to my ears like it was meant to be.”
“I’m so sorry about that. I got so frustrated earlier, and I just blurted it out. I hadn’t even told anyone. Well, Leanne, but that’s because she was worried I was getting sick a lot.”
“See, that’s something we’re going to discuss, because I feel like a real asshole right now since I didn’t know you were even getting sick.”
I reached up and smoothed out the crinkled up lines of concern on his face. “I didn’t want you to know.” Clearly, my words did not make anything better so I hurried to explain. “I didn’t want you to think there was something wrong until after I knew for sure what was going on. At the same time you had things going on with your family, and when I found out I wanted to tell you right away, but that was the day you guys walked into the clubhouse with bad news.”
He thought for a few minutes and then he blew out a frustrated breath. “Then I was constantly running out every time you wanted us to talk.” He shook his head back and forth. “I really fucked that up, didn’t I?”
“No, you didn’t. This hasn’t exactly been an easy week for anyone, but especially not for you. I understand. I’m just sorry you found out that way. I’m sorry you weren’t the first one I told, because that was how I planned on it happening. I hadn’t even told Chief, because I wanted you to know first. I guess everything just hit me all at once and I really wanted it to sink in for Walker that I am never coming back to him.”
“You said you were happy. Earlier, when you were talking to him,” he clarified before I could agree.
I smiled at him then. “I am the happiest I’ve ever been, which makes me feel horrible at times, because this is such an incredibly inappropriate time for me to feel that way considering your loss, and Brant’s loss. I know he doesn’t really understand yet, and maybe he won’t until many years from now. Still, it’s crap timing for me to find my happiness and you to be so lost in grief and driven by revenge.”
“Poppy, it’s not revenge driving me. I want that too, but mostly I want to make sure that you and Brant are safe, even more so now that I know it’s not just the two of you I have to worry about.” He leaned in then and placed his hand gently on my belly. “In case I forgot to say it, I am so damn excited about this.” He leaned over then and kissed my belly just above where his hand was splayed out. “I will take good care of all of you, I swear. I will never step out on you. I will never take you for granted. Poppy, you are everything, and if I ev
er don’t treat you like that’s exactly what you, you will kick me in the ass and set me straight, because I can’t lose you. Your idiot ex still doesn’t realize. Obviously, he thinks he does, but one night soon he’s going to be sitting there with some cheap imitation of you, he’s going to here about how wonderful your life is, and then it’s going to click for him that he could have been part of that. I think it’s starting to set in for him now, otherwise I doubt seriously he would have offered to raise another man’s kid today.”
“I don’t care what he’s going through. He brought it on himself.”
“I know that, honey. I’m just saying, you and me, we are never going to get to that point, because I know exactly what I’ve got right here.” He smiled up at me and then kissed my belly one more time. “When do you need to go see the doctor?”
“Soon. I haven’t made an appointment yet, because of the timing of everything else.”
“Don’t do that. You take care of yourself and our baby above everything, you hear? There are plenty of people who can keep an eye on Brantley while you go to an appointment, and as long as you schedule it for a day I’m not with the firehouse, I’ll be there too.” He leaned in and kissed me on the lips then. “Make no mistake, I want to be there. I want to be there for everything.”
I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face. “That’s good because I want you to be there for everything,” I told him just before a little boy decided to climb into my lap.
“I be der for tings?” Brantley asked looking worried.
“You will always be there for things, lil’ man,” I answered.
His smile rivaled my own then. “Good. Me likes tings.”
Smoke chuckled at that. “Wonder what he’s actually thinking of?”
“Who knows, but if I have anything to say about it, he’ll get everything he dreams of.”
“You have everything to say about it now,” Smoke told me solemnly. I knew there was one thing I’d never be able to grant for Brantley. I couldn’t bring his parents back, but I could make sure Smoke and I did our best to stand in for them. It was my promise to them both.
Redemption Weather Page 21