Project Dreamz

by Natavia

  “I didn’t lie to you about not having a man. You asked me, and I told you the truth. I’m only about you now, and besides I quit my job to focus on us,” she said.

  “Give it to me straight. What do you want?”

  “I want you—us. I think we should have a title now before we both get hurt. But I need to know if you and Tierra did anything,” Dream said.

  “No, damn. You really think I’d smash my brother’s aunt?”

  “I don’t know, Tryst. These older women love you,” she said.

  I pulled Dream onto my lap and she kissed my lips. Love was a serious word and when I was younger, I used it a lot with my high school girlfriend not knowing the meaning behind it. Now I knew I was serious about it. I remembered when my father told me to have someone who would appreciate me for me and not for what I have. Dream was that woman he was talking about.

  “I want to be your wife one day so we can have a lot of kids,” she blushed.

  “You make me want to put one up in you now.”

  She playfully smacked my arm and I squeezed her ass. “Get ya lil’ short ass up.”

  “Not until you give me some tongue,” she said.

  Kabella stormed out of the house carrying her shoes. Trell threw a spoon at her and it popped Kabella on the back of the head.

  “Get your dumb ass on, bitch!” Trell said to Kabella. Dream hopped off my lap; I had to hold her back, so she wouldn’t fight my brother.

  “Fuck you, too, Trell! With your lil’ dick!” Kabella said.

  “Yeah, keep talkin’!” Trell said to Kabella.

  “Y’all fuckin’ or somethin’?” Dream asked Trell.

  “I ain’t fuckin’ that broke-ass nigga. Look at him, he needs to cut those locs off his head with his dingy ass. Every time I come around he has to be disrespectful,” Kabella said.

  Dream walked down the steps to see what was up with her cousin.

  “Yo, what’s up with you and Kabella? Why y’all always beefing?”

  “I got caught up, bro. I mean I’m in some deep shit,” he said.

  “The fuck you do now?”

  “I’ve been smashin’ Kabella for about four months. She got mad at me because I was tryin’ to hit up Naya. I miss my girl, bro. It’s been a week,” Trell said.

  “You smashed your shorty’s cousin? Yooo, she is gonna kill you, bruh. You might as well just give up on Naya. Kabella a hoe anyway.”

  “If she’s a hoe then so is Dream because they are always together,” Trell said. He went inside the house, leaving me in deep thought. I thought Dream was on some hoe shit, too, but I couldn’t see it. Being insecure was something I couldn’t do, so I had to trust her until otherwise. She came back up the steps after Kabella’s car pulled off.

  “Let’s go downtown to get some ice cream,” Dream beamed.

  “Aight, hurry up. I’m ridin’ with you though.”

  “I’ll be right back,” Dream said.

  I waited by her red Dodge Challenger until she came outside.

  “We can grab food and a drink first. This is goin’ to be so fun,” she said in excitement.

  “Yo, you too spoiled. I need to fall back.”

  “Whatever,” she giggled.

  Downtown was only a five-minute drive without traffic, but Dream got there in three.

  Thirty minutes later…

  We were sitting outside on the dock of a restaurant watching a boat show. Downtown was always packed especially around the summer time. Dream was eating nachos and drinking a margarita. I, on the other hand, had a shot of Patrón.

  “I want a boat,” Dream said.

  “You want everything.”

  “That’s what happens when you grow up poor. Sometimes being broke for so long can change your mindset and then the only thing that becomes important is money. I should’ve been more than what I am now,” she said.

  “You can still follow your dreams, it’s not too late.”

  “I know it’s not. Do you ever think about football?” she asked.

  “To be honest, I really don’t. I was good at it but only because it made my father happy. It wasn’t a dream of mine.”

  “Do you see me in your dreams?” she asked.

  “Of course,” I replied.

  “TRYST!” a familiar voice called out.

  Jonna almost knocked over a waitress trying to get to my table. If it wasn’t for her voice I wouldn’t have recognized her. She cut her hair off and was sporting a bob. Jonna also put on a few pounds but she was still slim, and her face was a little fuller than the last time I saw her. Every once in a while, I’d run into someone from my old school if I was at the mall or a restaurant, but I never expected to run into Jonna.

  “OMG! Tryst, you look so good and you cut off your hair. It’s so good seeing you,” she said while wrapping her arms around me. Dream cleared her throat and Jonna looked at her in disappointment.

  “Wow, I thought she was just something to do,” Jonna said.

  “Welp, I’m something to do every night because we share a home,” Dream said.

  “Congratulations but anyways, Tryst, Ryan is having a summer party and you should come. It’ll be like old times and, besides, we have to catch up. A lot has happened since your family moved away and I’m very sorry about your father,” Jonna said.

  “The party scene isn’t my thing.”

  “Can we exchange numbers, so we can keep in touch?” she asked.

  “What is wrong with you? He’s not single!” Dream replied.

  “Take care, Jonna,” I said.

  “Tryst, I really need to talk to you,” she said.

  Jonna’s parents walked over to our table and her mother was carrying a baby with an almond complexion in her arms. If I had to guess, the little girl looked no older than three. Dream looked at the little girl then looked at me. I remembered going raw with Jonna one time during our summer break in 2008. A knot formed in my throat as her parents grilled me.

  “We will be sitting down. Handle this on your own, Jonna,” her mother said. She gave Jonna the little girl before walking away with her husband following her.

  “This is our daughter. I didn’t know I was pregnant because I didn’t start to show until I was six months. By that time, you had moved away, and I couldn’t contact anyone. My parents have been raising Jasma while I go away to school, so they adopted her. I thought I could get you out, so we could talk alone, but I see that you can’t. We can get a blood test if you want, I just think Jasma needs to know her father,” Jonna said.

  I looked at the little girl and she resembled me a lot. My father left his trademark behind because of his nose and Jasma had our nose.

  “Let’s go somewhere and talk,” I said, standing up.

  “Go ahead and handle your business. I’ll see you when you get home,” Dream said. She got up from the table and stormed away. I know she was hurt but what could I do? There was nothing I could do or say. I sat back down at the table and Jonna sat across from me. Jasma grabbed a fork off the table and Jonna took it from her.

  “You were gettin’ high while you were pregnant. Was she born okay?”

  “Yes, I only did it occasionally, but your sister set me up and made it seem as if I did it all the time. She ruined a lot of our lives.”

  “Deerie didn’t force you to sniff cocaine but where do we go from here? No offense but I want a blood test. You could’ve reached out to Sebastian about this when you found out.”

  “Sebastian had his number changed when his father pulled him out of our school. There was no other way to contact you. I’m really happy I get to see you again,” she replied.

  Jonna got up to put Jasma on my lap. Her hair smelled like baby lotion and so did her clothes. She cried while reaching out to her mother. Jasma didn’t know me, we were strangers.

  “We can exchange numbers and meet up somewhere quiet.”

  Jonna gave me her number and I texted her, so she could store me in. I left money on the table for my bill before
getting up.

  “I’ll call you very soon. Maybe you can come over my parents’ house to spend some time with Jasma,” she said.

  “Cool, hit me up tomorrow.”

  I walked away from Jonna with the weight of the world on my shoulders. My life was full of surprises. I wasn’t too worried about Jasma, I’m a man regardless of how she came about. My concern was being attached to the one girl I regretted having feelings for. Three years ago, wasn’t that long ago even though it seemed like forever.

  I thought Dream was gone but she was sitting in her car when I left out of the restaurant. She unlocked the door on the passenger side when she saw me standing by the door.

  “Yo, you seriously playin’ this song right now?”

  She said it’s your child

  And it really messed me up

  How could you deny

  Your own flesh and blood…

  “Mary J. Blige gets me through whatever I’m going through,” Dream said while wiping her eyes.

  “What are you cryin’ for? You act like I knocked someone up after I met you.”

  “That’s not why I’m cryin’. I’m cryin’ because you’re going to go back to her. Women who give men their first child will always be special to them. You’re going to fall out of love with me,” she said.

  “I’ll never do that though. I love you too much to let shorty come between us. To be honest, I don’t have any leftover feelings about Jonna. I can’t remember what the sex was like with her since you been puttin’ the wet on me.”

  She sniffled then wiped her eyes. “I can’t be mad if you decide to go back to her and do the family thing,” Dream said.

  “Yo, just drive home. You talkin’ stupid, bruh. That girl doesn’t have shit to offer me, kid or not.”

  We didn’t say much to each other on our way back to the crib. Kimberly was sitting on the porch when we pulled up the house. I got out of Dream’s car and she waved to me.

  “My handsome son. Come here and let me see how tall you are,” my mother said. She was chilling in her night clothes. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to Kimberly, but I couldn’t deal with her. Deerie gave Kimberly a key every time I had the locks changed so I gave up. Dream walked up the steps and went into the house without saying anything to Kimberly.

  “What’s wrong with her? Usually she speaks with her grown ass,” Kimberly said.

  I sat next to Kimberly and she rolled her eyes at me. She was always having mood swings when just a second ago she wanted me to come to her.

  “I ran into Jonna and her family today while I was out with Dream. She had a little girl with her that looks like me and she said I’m the father. Long story short, Jonna was knocked up when we moved. I’on know what to do, Ma. I held Jasma and she started crying and shit. Dream thinks I’m gonna leave her and build a family with Jonna, so you already know how it’s going to be.”

  “You just had to go raw with that white girl. See, Tryst, I don’t get you. You’re a smart boy but you know damn well most of those girls in that school only wanted your black ass because they thought you were going to the NFL. Time and time again I told you rich girls are whores, not all of them but most of them are. You are just like your damn daddy. I hope you get a blood test before you give Jonna any money. Hmm, I never liked that girl anyway. I only tolerated her because you had your head up her ass,” Kimberly said.

  “Jonna isn’t white and she was my girl all throughout high school, so I slipped up and went raw one time. I wasn’t thinking back then.”

  “You’re a man now so you will deal with it. I might not be the best mother but remember what I’m telling you, don’t be a deadbeat,” she said.

  “But you wanted David to be a deadbeat to Trell, why is that? You spent many years hating my brother and he never did anything to you. You gotta stop with that bullshit, Ma.”

  “I was pregnant when I found out about Trell but after all of what your father put me through, I had a miscarriage. That was my breaking point! If it wasn’t for Trell, you and Deerie could’ve had a little brother or sister. Every time I see him I have to be reminded of that but you’re right, it’s not his fault but it doesn’t change how I feel,” she said.

  “I’m going in the house to see what’s up with Dream.”

  “I’ll be out here,” my mother said.

  Dream was coming out of the bathroom when I walked into our bedroom. She had just got out of the shower. Dream sat on the bed; I grabbed the lotion for her.

  “I can do it myself, thanks,” she said.

  “Yo, you mad at me for real?”

  “No, I’m just jealous, damn. Girls like Jonna get to have everything and girls like me have to do shit that we don’t want to do when the world is against us. I just hate my life sometimes and no matter what I do it fucks me over,” she said with tear-filled eyes.

  “You want me sleep in another room cause I’m not gonna kiss your ass over some shit that happened years ago.”

  “No, you don’t have to do all of that. I just needed to vent a little,” she replied.

  She put the lotion on by herself while I sat on the end of the bed rolling up a blunt.

  “You better not light that up after I just took a shower. Come on, Tryst, I don’t want to smell like weed,” Dream said. I lit the blunt then blew the smoke in her face.

  “Stop playin’ before I hit your dumb-ass! Get out while I’m trying to sleep,” she said.

  “And I’ll choke your lil’ ass out, too, act dumb.”

  “You ain’t fittin’ to do a fuckin’ thing!” she yelled. Dream got off the bed just to stand in my face and yell at me. She was clapping her hands and moving her head like she wanted to fight me.

  “Nigga, ain’t shit funny,” she said.

  “You should be on your knees blessin’ your man instead of running off with your mouth. Come put your mouth on it.”

  Dream mushed me when she got back in the bed. Sometimes she popped off at the mouth when she wanted me to fuck her. I was used to her mood swings whenever she was sexually frustrated.

  “Yo, Dream, you wet over there?” I asked over my shoulder.

  She snatched the comforter over her head. I put the blunt out to sit it on top of the dresser. Her nipples were hard when I snatched the comforter off her body. I pulled her down by her legs and she was still talking shit.

  “Get off of meeeee!” she said when I pinned her legs back. Dream just wanted a nigga to get rough with her because she wasn’t trying to pull back. Her pussy was wet and her clit swelled. She moaned my name when I tasted her.

  Slurrrppppp! Muah! Muah! Slurrppppp!

  I slipped a finger in her slit as I played with her pink pearl with my tongue. Her walls were squeezing my finger, so I added another one. She smashed my face into her pussy, smothering me with her wetness. Shiddd, I wasn’t scared behind drowning between her folds so I pulled my fingers out of her to replace it with my tongue. Dream’s clit was throbbing, so I brushed my thumb across, making her come. She wrapped her legs around my neck, but I pulled them away, pinning her down. Her nails scratched at my forearms as her legs shook.

  “TRYYSSSSSTTTTTT!” she cried out.

  I left her on the bed while she tried to catch her breath to smoke my blunt in the bathroom—in peace. My phone in my pocket vibrated; Jonna sent me a picture of me and her in high school. She also told me she missed me and wished we could work it out. I sat on the toilet seat to let my mind wander.

  I was everything my father didn’t want me to be: a drug dealer and a young father. Crazy how life turned out because I was headed down the same path as David except I was hustling because he had loose ends with his connect. Now, thinking about it, I got addicted to hustlin’. David left me behind in a fucked-up world and I wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing anymore.

  Trell

  The next day…

  “Naya, open the fuckin’ door! Come on, bruh, you got these niggas out here clowning me!” I shouted. I knew she was home because her ca
r was parked in front of the building. My homeboy J-Breezy and a few other old heads were in the building clowning me.

  “Give it up, youngin’!” someone said.

  “Nigga, shut your ugly ass up!” I replied.

  “Get away from my damn door!” Naya yelled out.

  I went down the stairs and pulled J-Breezy to the side because I needed a favor from him.

  “Yo, I need a favor. I want you to shoot in the sky a few times, so I can get her to open the door. I’m gonna tell her I got shot.”

  “Aight, you owe me, too. I’m gonna go around the back of the building so the kids won’t see it,” J-Breezy said. A couple of people were still talking shit about me.

  “Y’all clowns mad because I ain’t gotta pay for pussy! Fuck outta here with all that bull. All y’all niggas broke and bummin’ off y’all bitches anyway. Fuck all of y’all!” I said to the group of men. They knew not to try anything because of how I got down.

  Two shots rang out and the people in the building scattered like roaches. I banged on Naya’s door. “Open the door, Naya! Somebody shot me!” I panicked. The door opened so fast I almost lost my footing and fell inside.

  “About time, damn. That’s fucked up how I had to plan out my death to get you to open the door. It’s hot outside and I need something to drink.”

  “See, this is what I’m talking about! You can’t just turn your feelings on and off for me. What don’t you get?” she asked.

  I thought Naya was going to look stressed out from missing me the way I missed her, but she looked good. She got her hair done in braids and she was wearing a two-piece shorts set. I missed my hood ass shorty so much I almost fell to my knees and begged her to take me back.

  “Can we go back together?”

  “Bye, Trell. Get out of my apartment and go to Katrice’s dirty ass house!” she said.

  Naya walked out of my face and I grabbed her from behind, squeezing her tight so she wouldn’t break away. She cursed me out when I kissed her neck.