Neckbeard Vampire: Nightbeard Rising

by David Morgan

“Paxton,” the voice cooed.

  Paxton moaned incoherently.

  “Paxton,” the voice repeated gently.

  Suddenly Paxton was awake, every muscle in his body contorting and tightening, convulsing uncontrollably as the voltage ran through him. His eyelids opened slowly, one at a time, his brain being forced to begin working, analyzing, thinking.

  “Ahhh!!!!!” Paxton yelled in pain.

  Dex nodded to someone next to the cage. “Enough,” he said. And Fantasia pulled the stun gun back through the links of the cage.

  “Paxton,” he said again softly. “Do you understand me? Do you know who I am?”

  Paxton shook his head groggily, trying to answer the question with a “no”.

  “My name is Dex, Paxton. And I’m here to help you.”

  “I…” Paxton began to answer, sleepily. “I…don’t need help.” He said.

  “I…need…” He moved and struggled, trying to get up. “…her.”

  “Paxton, try not to move. It is better if you don’t move.”

  “Why can’t I get up?”

  “Because you’re in a cage, Paxton.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you are recovering from a bitter poison.”

  “Which poison?”

  “Her poison.”

  “Whose?”

  “Dasha’s.”

  “No. Poison? She wouldn’t poison me.”

  “It is called ‘oneitus,’” Dex explained gently to his prisoner.

  “Oneitus?” Paxton repeated, confused. “No. She would never poison me. She loves me.”

  “Does she, Paxton?”

  “Yes.”

  “She has made you think that she does.”

  “No.” he denied. “We’re best friends.” His voice became clearer now as he regained power over his faculties.

  “We tell each other secrets,” Paxton said.

  “Paxton—she has tricked you.”

  “No.” He said, pausing. “NO!” the anger in his voice grew. Dex nodded to Fantasia, who again forced the stun gun through the cage, pressing hard against Paxton’s flesh. She pulled the trigger.

  “Ahhh!!!!” Paxton screamed.

  “Time for another dose.” Dex said.

  Cruxx, Mickey, and Jaxxon5 gathered around Paxton once again, repeating the same tactic as yesterday. With a bit of a struggle they again forced another pill down his throat.

  The questioning continued throughout the day.

  “We’re not getting anywhere.” Mickey said to Dex as sunset approached. “Is there any progress at all?”

  “Patience,” Dex said. “It takes time to internalize the red pill. There will be rejection—,” he explained, “it is crumbling the stronghold that the Dakimakura has built inside of his head and heart. Her servants are her stronger weapons against us. It should be no surprise that she lays so much upon them.”

  Mickey didn’t respond, he just tried to understand.

  “But when he finally breaks free,” Dex continued, “he will be stronger than he ever imagined he could be. He will see clearly—the world will shine for him in a new light. And most importantly, he will be on our side.”

  “Paxton,” Dex continued the questioning as Fantasia shocked Paxton into consciousness.

  “Paxton,” he repeated. “Where is she?”

  “I…” Paxton began, “I…don’t know.” He said with disappointment in his voice.

  “See?” Dex said, looking to Mickey, “He is more willing to cooperate already.”

  “Why, Paxton?” Dex looked him in the eyes, the way a loving father might question a misbehaving son. “Why don’t you know?”

  “Because…but she loves me!” He said, now sounding as though he was trying to convince himself.

  “Paxton—if she loves you, why hasn’t she come to rescue you?” Dex asked.

  “Because...because…she will!” He declared. “She will rescue me—she is planning, plotting, and hunting for me!”

  “Paxton. No, she is not.” Dex said, “I have seen it many times. She never comes back.”

  Paxton slowly raised his head, looking into Dex’s eyes pleadingly. Dex looked back at him. “Paxton, she friendzoned you.” Dex said.

  Paxton couldn’t handle this. “NO!!!” He screamed, grabbing the cage and shaking it with enraged veracity. “NO!!” He yelled again. “YOU LIE!” He screeched.

  Dex signaled to Fantasia again, who tazed Paxton until he passed out. “Let him rest,” Dex said. “We’ll finish this later.”

  As the questioning continued, the days passed and the tazering grew less frequent, and Paxton slowly broke down. Occasionally his resistance would pick up again, lashing out in violent rejection of Dex’s suggestions that Dasha might be someone different than he thought, that she might have been using him.

  With time, however, progress was made.

  “I don’t know!!” and Paxton began to cry in his cage in the corner.

  “Dex!” The doctor yelled, “Come quickly!” He said. “The boy is speaking!”

  Dex hurried over to the cage. “What did he say?”

  “’I don’t know.’” The doctor answered.

  “You didn’t hear him? You couldn’t understand?” Dex asked, frustrated.

  “No. He said ‘I don’t know.’” The doctor tried to explain.

  “How could he know what you don’t know? That doesn’t make any sense.” Dex was losing patience.

  “No! Dex! He said, ‘I. DON’T. KNOW.’” The Doctor, flustered at Dex’s incomprehension made the quotation marks in the air with his fingers as he said the words.

  “Oh.” Dex said to the doctor. “Thanks.”

  He leaned down, turning to Paxton. Gently, he asked, “What is it? What don’t you know?”

  “Where she is.” And the tears rolled down his face.

  “Here we go.” Dex said, addressing the doctor. “It’s happening.”

  “Why don’t you know where she is, Paxton?”

  “Because she didn’t tell me.” He pouted.

  “But you said that she loved you. Wouldn’t she tell you?”

  “Yes. She did—or, I thought she did.”

  “Paxton—was she staying with you?”

  “I don’t understand it,” he responded, starting to speak more to himself than to Dex, “I did everything she asked. I served her faithfully. And she left me…”

  “Yes, Paxton. Don’t you see?”

  “What do I see?” With teary eyes Paxton looked to his interlocutor.

  “You were friendzoned.” Dex said.

  “Friendzoned again...” Paxton sighed with disappointment.

  “Friendzoned!” He said again, this time angrily. He began to shake and struggle—Fantasia readied the stun gun. Dex motioned to put it away.

  The cage rattled under Paxton’s strength and Dex backed away, deciding to let the rage run its course.

  Paxton screamed and seethed from within the old dog cage, and to the shock of everyone present, the steel began to bend and give way.

  Dex backed away, shocked. “Get my sword! Quickly!” He yelled as the wire bent and broke and Paxton stood at full height.

  Dex readied his Katana, preparing to silence the enraged Paxton.

  “BITCH!” He yelled. “That friendzoning slut!” he cried.

  “What’s he talking about?” Fantasia asked aloud. “Who’s a slut?”

  “What did you say?” Dex asked, just as perplexed as Fantasia, but lowering his katana just slightly.

  “HER! SHE—DASHA—the she-witch, the harpy. SHE is the friendzoning slut! I will KILL HER!!” He cried.

  Dex put an arm up to stay the other members of the guild as they poised to rush Paxton. “It’s worked,” Dex said to them.

  “At this moment!” Paxton yelled, “At this moment I am enlightened! Not because of some bitch’s phony love—but by The Truth! NOW I see that all women are like that. It is clear to me how beta I was. I must never go back!” A
nd he looked directly into Dex’s eyes. But then something snapped. “BITCH!” He yelled again, thrashing around the room.

  He picked up a table and threw it at the wall in frustration, knocking Mickey to the ground. He charged Cruxx, throwing him to the floor.

  “Fantasia! Quickly!” Dex shouted to her, she tore the stun gun from her pocket. “Put him DOWN! He’s out of control!”

  The walls nearly caved as Paxton rampaged in his righteous, enlightened anger. But the voltage ran through his veins again, sapping him of all energy. Seconds passed and he fell to the ground with a crash and a thud.

  “Tie him up.” Dex commanded his team.