Neckbeard Vampire: Nightbeard Rising

by David Morgan

  Chapter 29

  A large cargo plane stood on the runway as cloaked figures hurried this way and that, preparing for takeoff.

  “The preparations are almost ready, Milady,” A maniacal voice spoke, repressing hysteria from within the walls of its enormous plastic head. The plastic eyes stared intently at the beautiful Dasha.

  “Excellent.” She said, “And my pillow?”

  “Indeed, your place of rest is with us, beautiful.” Chad stood on her other side. “We are always at Milady’s service.”

  She smiled, putting a hand to the giant blue bunny cheek, and using the other to just slightly brush Chad’s arm. “Good boys.” She said. “You’ll be rewarded for your loyalty.”

  The propellers roared, spinning with a deafening blast as some of the furry servants scurried to remove the fuel line.

  “Whenever you’re ready Milady,” Jiggles whispered into the ear of the Dakimakura, “I’ll be in the cockpit.”

  Chad watched as Jiggles walked away, his eyes narrowed in disgust. He leaned into Dasha, “I hope you realize that guy’s a total douche.” He said, “He’s just using you.”

  “Chad, don’t worry.” She said, “I can take care of myself.”

  “Oh I know,” Chad quickly backpedaled, “You’re very strong and surely you don’t need my advice, I just thought it would be good to have a fresh perspective.”

  She smiled coyly and pecked him on the cheek. “Come. It is time.” And she paused suddenly, as though she remembered something important that must be finished.

  “Chadwick,” she said, “Check the tarmac—verify that we do not have any…uninvited guests.”

  Chad nodded in compliance. “Consider it done.”

  He jogged down the loading ramp and hopped off the plane as two cars came crashing through the fence on the far side of the airfield.

  “No.” He said, “It can’t be! Milady!” He called out, but the cargo ramp was already lifting up—it was already higher than he could jump. He ran alongside the plane, trying to get her attention—to warn her of what was happening.

  Meanwhile, the cars were speeding down the tarmac to intercept the flight, and they knew exactly where they were going. Chad looked back again. “Paxton.” He muttered, drawing his Katana.

  “Milady!” He called out once more, “Open the cargo bay! I’m still out here!” He watched in horror as Dasha looked down at him, smiled, and then turned away. How could it be?! Was she betraying him?!

  No. He understood perfectly. Why should Milady risk her life for but a humble servant? It would be his destiny to fight and to die defending her. He awaited the approach of his enemies.

  The first vehicle stopped in front of Chad as the other swerved, speeding after the plane. Paxton stepped out. He stood tall in the twilight, the silhouette of a Fedora was unmistakable on his forehead, giving accent to broad shoulders and a newly-muscular build. Slowly, he stretched his arm across his waist and pulled a Katana from its sheath. The folded steel rang loud, piercing the air. Chad shuddered.

  “Chadwick,” Paxton said, “Put down your weapon. Take the Red Pill. Come back to us.”

  Chad stood silent, not taking his eyes off of his opponent.

  “Chad—she’s friendzoning you. Believe me. I have been there. I can help you. I know what it’s like.”

  Chad’s thoughts turned to the betrayals of his former friend.

  “It’s too late,” he said coldly. But his eyes gleamed in the dawning night, he had an idea. He began to circle his opponent, who responded in kind.

  “You dumped Kara because she was fat.” He accused. “You knew I liked her—and you went out with her…and then you dumped her. You left me hanging at the shop alone. So many times you abandoned me for…for…for nothing but sluts!”

  “Chad,” he answered. “Please listen—she doesn’t like you—she doesn’t like anyone. You must give her up!” He shouted, trying to overcome the noise of the propellers.

  “But how many times, Paxton?!” Chad continued, circling closer to the car, opposite Paxton, “How many times have you been friendzoned?!”

  Paxton was silenced in his shame. He had been a douche for so long.

  “Don’t you see?” Chad continued, “You’ve always complained of how nice guys finish last. But you were never a nice guy….just a skirt-chasing fat kid!”

  Chad had him on the run, he was ready to strike now, but he had to keep beating him down.

  “I’m sorry.” Paxton said.

  Chad stopped. They were the last words he expected. “What?!”

  “I’m sorry.” Paxton repeated, “I’ve been a douche. I see it now. Maybe it’s the Red Pill talking, but maybe it’s true—all these years, I always thought I was a nice guy—but I’m not nice. I was never nice---I just wanted a girlfriend and couldn’t understand why girls didn’t like me.”

  “Enough! Stop it!”

  “Chad,” he continued, “I’m sorry!”

  “It’s too late!” He spat back—he was already where he’d wanted to be. “This is the end, Paxton!”

  But instead of charging Paxton, he sheathed his sword and turned. “Good bye. My destiny is with Milady!” And he raised a finger to the moving cargo plane, slid into Paxton’s vehicle and took off.

  Paxton kicked himself for not seeing through the trick, which now seemed obvious. He tried to give chase, but it was too late. Chad was gone.