Tainted

by Alexandra Moody

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  No matter what I do I can’t make ‘the sack’ look any good. It’s hopeless!

  To make matters worse, I still haven’t talked to Sebastian since the other night and I continue to worry about him. He was so despondent and barely said two words to me as we made our way back home.

  Hopefully I’ll see him at the dance tonight. I catch a reflection of ‘the sack’ in the mirror. Then again, maybe I won’t be going at all!

  I’m starting to consider just wearing the usual greys tonight when Quinn comes through the door. Upon seeing me she bursts out in a fit of laughter.

  She’s literally crippled with it. Every time she goes to say something, it seems to hit her again even harder. I can feel my cheeks flushing bright pink with embarrassment.

  ‘Definitely wearing the greys,’ I mutter, walking across to my drawers to pull them out. Quinn manages to get a hold of herself and comes over.

  ‘No, stop,’ she says, plucking the greys out of my hand and placing them back into the drawer.

  She turns and pulls an old, battered suitcase out from under her bed. Handling it ever so delicately she places it on her mattress. Her hands seem hesitant as she slowly unzips the case, and she blows out one long breath before she pushes it open.

  Inside there is an explosion of colour, like the sun has crash landed on Quinn’s bed and blown up in our room.

  Dresses!

  ‘You were so kind giving Gemma that dress, I think it’s only fair I do the same for you,’ she says.

  I am speechless.

  ‘But how?’ I eventually stammer.

  ‘My mum,’ she says softly, as she turns around and sits. ‘I don’t know if I ever really told you, but I wasn’t like you—you know, orphaned from the start. I came to the ARC with my mum.’ Her eyes glaze over and seem to stare beyond the bedroom wall.

  ‘I was seven at the time, so I can remember the trip quite well. Mum had been chosen to come here prior to the asteroid hitting.’ A hint of pride edges on her voice as she says this, but her face quickly drops and she frowns.

  ‘It was near impossible for us to leave though. My dad had cancer and was close to dying. They wouldn’t let him come. Bastards said they didn’t have room for someone who was just going to die anyway. Mum didn’t want to leave him, she wanted to stay with him to the end, but she came to save me. Only three years later she was taken.’

  ‘I had no idea,’ I say, unsure of how to comfort her. For as long as I’ve known Quinn, I’ve wondered about her past. She has always had a tendency to immediately shrug off any questions or only respond with short, vague answers.

  ‘Well, it’s not really the type of thing I enjoy talking about. I guess that’s why I’ve never really brought it up.’ She pauses, and I stand watching her in silence.

  She looks uncomfortable after sharing the burden she carries. Quinn’s never been big on delving into feelings that upset or trouble her. A moment later her face completely transforms, masking any pain she feels. ‘So back to the dress!’ she says perkily, effectively closing shut the door she’d briefly opened to her past.

  ‘Here.’ She offers out a beautiful pastel lemon dress. It is strapless, with a tight silk bustier and a sheer, chiffon skirt that poofs out from the waist. ‘You’ll look like the most beautiful ray of sunshine in this one,’ she says, handing it to me. ‘But you better believe I will hunt you down if you so much as think of getting it dirty! I know where you live!’

  I hold it in my hands, not quite able to believe this is happening.

  ‘Did you ever read that children’s story, Cinderella?’ I ask. ‘Because I’m pretty certain you’re my fairy godmother.’

  ‘Hmm, well I don’t think Cinderella was issued with death threats, but I’ll take it.’

  I practically tear ‘the sack’ off my body, feeling relieved to be rid of it forever. I put on Quinn’s dress and give a spin before asking how I look.

  ‘Like I said, a ray of sunshine!’ she responds.

  As I walk to the sports centre, where the dance is being held, for one of the few times in my life I feel truly special. Quinn had spent over an hour fixing my hair, and applying some of her precious makeup. When I had seen myself in the mirror it had taken me a minute to recognize myself looking back out of it. The dark, smoky eye shadow Quinn had applied made my blue eyes pop, the soft pink lipstick gave me positively luscious lips, and my hair fell in soft waves, similar to Quinn’s.

  I almost feel beautiful.

  Arriving at the dance, I’m nervous. I’ve never really cared what other people think of how I look, but now I stupidly feel the need for their approval. My stomach flutters as I wonder what Sebastian will think. I quickly adjust my dress to make sure it sits just right, then pull my shoulders back and walk in.

  The basketball courts have been converted for the occasion. The battered old disco ball they always bring out hangs over the dance floor and an array of coloured lights flash as they dance around the room. A long stage has been set up in front of one of the basketball hoops and some of the boys from school, who have a rock band called ‘Taken Nation,’ play on top of it. The room is packed with people, all dressed in clothes from before.

  I spot Gemma chatting with a group of girls. They are gushing over how amazing she looks in the green dress. I feel so happy watching her show it off. Especially after how horrible her last dance experience had been. ‘The sack’ was practically haute couture compared with the last outfit she had worn. She had been completely embarrassed by the whole ordeal. I wouldn’t be surprised if she still had nightmares over it.

  I am standing watching from just inside the doorway when I feel someone come up behind me. A deep male voice whispers in my ear.

  ‘You look amazing.’

  The voice makes me jump. ‘Sebastian…’ I laugh at my reaction and turn.

  ‘Ryan?’ I ask, startled. ‘I thought… W-What are you doing here?’ My eyes dart over to the crowd on the dance floor. Is anyone watching? I notice an official standing over by the drinks table looking in this direction, and it puts me on edge. I feel too exposed standing out here with him, so before he can answer I pull him by his sleeve out of the sports centre and into one of the nearby classrooms. I close the door firmly behind me. He goes and sits on the teacher’s desk while I stride over to stand in front of him.

  ‘Seriously, what are you doing here?’ I ask again. It’s such strange behaviour for him to come see me at a school dance. I wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he says confused. ‘I’m not supposed to be here,’ he mutters.

  ‘Then what are you doing here? A few days ago you said I wouldn’t be seeing you for a while.’

  ‘A few days ago,’ he repeats. He seems really addled.

  ‘Yes … in the Plantation,’ I expand.

  ‘The Plantation… Yes, you’re right. We won’t be seeing each other for a while.’ I shake my hands at him as his says this. Won’t see him for a while? I’m seeing him right now.

  ‘Oh yeah, well besides tonight of course,’ he mutters. ‘I didn’t realise I would get to see you tonight.’

  ‘Didn’t realise?’ I ask. ‘But you came to my school dance. How do you not realise you’re going to see me when you do that?’

  His face closes up and I come to the conclusion I’m not getting any answers tonight.

  ‘Listen Elle, I don’t want to get into any of that,’ he says in his no-nonsense voice. Then his expression softens. ‘I’m just glad I get to see you tonight. You are so incredibly beautiful.’

  He stands up from leaning against the teacher’s desk, steps towards me and lightly cups my shoulders in his hands.

  ‘So beautiful,’ he whispers again. He moves himself closer and lightly kisses my forehead. I can’t move. I am overwhelmed by his sweet, masculine smell that surrounds me. I feel completely lightheaded.

  All too quickly he steps away from me.

  ‘Well
, we can’t have Cinderella missing the ball,’ he says lightly.

  I laugh awkwardly. Tonight really does seem like the night for fairy tales. I look at him and all I can think is if he comes that close again I’d quite happily miss the ball. As quickly as the thought enters my head I dismiss it. What am I thinking?

  Instead I say, ‘No. Well Prince Charming is probably inside waiting for me.’ For just a second I see a frown cross his face, but it is gone so quickly I have to wonder if I imagined it.

  ‘You should go,’ he says, nodding his head toward the door.

  ‘Right,’ I respond. I walk over to the door and turn back one last time.

  ‘Have a good night,’ he says, as I pull my eyes away from his.

  When I make my entrance for a second time, I no longer feel nervous. Confused is probably a more appropriate term. What was with Ryan tonight? I spot Gemma dancing in the crowd and make my way over to her.

  ‘Elle!’ She practically squeals upon seeing me. With complete unabashed enthusiasm she runs over and throws her arms around me. Then, with one swift movement she stands back to give me an obvious once over.

  ‘You. Look. Amazing!’ she gushes, her voice even louder and more high-pitched than before.

  ‘You look better!’ I call back, attempting to be heard over the music.

  ‘No sack?’ she asks.

  ‘No sack!’ I reply. ‘I’ll tell you about it later. Are you having fun?’

  ‘So much fun!’ she exclaims. ‘And who knew there were so many cute boys in our year. They really scrub up okay, don’t they?’

  I have to admit, she’s right. It definitely seems like the boys in our year at school have grown up. I notice several of them are looking at Gemma.

  ‘I think they think you scrub up okay yourself!’ I say. She looks around nervously, but I can tell she’s excited to hear it. I guess Cam has some competition.

  ‘C’mon, let’s go dance.’ She grabs my hand and pulls me through the crowd and into the thick of it.

  I have to admit the dance is awesome. We jump around and sing along to all the songs, even though we don’t know the words. I look like an idiot, convulsing around the dance floor, but I’m having too much fun to care. For the first time in ages I feel like I’m finally letting loose.

  I notice Cam dancing just behind Gemma. He looks like he’s trying to catch her attention with some ludicrous dance moves, but she’s completely oblivious he’s there. I yell to Gemma over the music, ‘I’m getting a drink.’

  ‘Come back soon,’ she shouts back.

  I head towards Cam as I try to move through the crowd towards the drinks table. When I get to him I stand on my tiptoes to get close to his ear. ‘Just ask her to dance already!’ I yell loudly.

  ‘Okay,’ he yells back. ‘Only if you promise not to tell her about the moves I was just pulling!’

  ‘I think it’s better no one knows about those.’

  He laughs and begins to slowly dance-shuffle his way over to Gemma. Within minutes they’re dancing together and I think it’s safe to say she’s forgotten how cute the other boys are looking tonight.

  It’s a relief to get out from inside the crowd. I head over to the drinks table and finish off several glasses of water. Everyone is having such a good night. Even Kate walks past me and doesn’t have a bad word to say.

  I place my glass down on the table and turn to see Sebastian edging along the drinks table to stand rigidly beside me. He’s wearing a black tailored suit that fits him remarkably well. His hair is gelled back and he is strangely at ease in the foreign outfit. He looks amazing, but I would never admit that aloud.

  ‘Hey,’ he says distantly. His eyes look at me darkly and he’s frowning as though he’s angry. I don’t understand why. We stand in silence for a minute as I wait for him to explain.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ I ask him, when he continues to stand there glaring at me.

  All he will say though is, ‘I need to speak with you.’

  ‘What’s up?’ I ask. He jerks his head towards the exit and motions for me to follow him. I’m not certain why he’s acting this way, so I follow him quietly.

  The music is loud and everyone in the room is happy, but as we walk over to the doors and out the exit I feel like we’re in our own quiet bubble of tension, and everything outside of it is muted. Sebastian hunches over as he walks and I can practically see the unease radiating off him.

  There are several couples making out in the hallway, in seriously overt sessions of PDA. I wish we could laugh about them together, as we usually would, but Sebastian ignores them completely. He walks straight by them, oblivious, as he heads over to the same classroom I had been in with Ryan just a few hours ago.

  He marches into the room ahead of me, stops in the middle and continues to face away from me.

  ‘What do you want to talk about?’ I ask, attempting to sound as neutral as possible.

  ‘I saw you,’ he says, turning to look at me.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I saw you with him earlier.’

  ‘Who, Ryan?’ I ask, confused.

  ‘Yes,’ he says, through his teeth, his eyes narrowing at me.

  ‘And…’

  ‘God Elle,’ he groans. ‘Don’t you get it?’ He turns and paces up and down in front of me. ‘You’re just … well … you’re dating someone who is completely wrong for you,’ he hurls at me.

  ‘What?’ Of all the things Sebastian could have said to me I didn’t expect that. As I think through the implications of what he’s saying I begin to worry. Does he really think Ryan and I are together? Surely he knows there’s nothing between us.

  ‘We’re not dating,’ I finally say. My voice is thick with accusation. He’s been the one hiding a relationship, not me. I clench my jaw shut and turn away from him. I take slow, deep breaths and try to quell the wild arguments that run rampant through my mind. I don’t want to fight with him.

  He doesn’t respond to what I’ve said and his lack of words make me worry him and Chelsea actually were together. My stomach lurches at the thought. I ignore the sudden empty sensation inside and try to suppress my feelings. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight Sebastian. I just want to be your friend, especially when you’re hurting like this. I’m so sorry your girlfriend was taken.’

  ‘Girlfriend?’ he asks, confused. ‘What gave you the impression Chelsea was my girlfriend?’

  ‘I overheard some guys talking and then when you took me up to the top levels the other night it kind of confirmed it. It’s okay, I’m not mad you didn’t tell me.’

  ‘Well of course I didn’t tell you. It’s not true! I mean, don’t get me wrong, Chelsea and I are friends and we used to hang out, but nothing more. Since when did you listen to gossip over me?’ he asks.

  I shrug off his question. ‘Girlfriend or not though, I know you must be sad.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it Elle. I’m fine,’ he reassures me.

  He takes a step towards me. His eyes look into mine deeply as he says, ‘Besides, don’t you know, there’s only one girl for me.’ I feel my heart leap inside of me.

  ‘You said you weren’t dating him?’ he asks, moving closer.

  ‘No,’ I respond. ‘I mean, I see him around, he kind of just turns up, but we never do anything. I think he just likes to see how I am.’ I’m rambling as I try to work out how this conversation turned a corner so quickly.

  ‘Really?’ he says, stepping so close that I can almost feel the heat from his body. I take an involuntary step back and bump against a desk.

  ‘Yes really. What’s it to you anyways?’ I ask.

  ‘Well,’ he says, taking a final step to close the distance I’ve put between us. ‘It suits my interests for you to not be with him.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say. I try not to look at him, but he’s so close now that I don’t have too many options. I end up just staring at his chest.

  ‘Y
ou said you didn’t kiss me during spin the bottle because you don’t want to ruin our friendship.’

  I nod, feeling confused and wishing he hadn’t brought that up again.

  ‘Surely you must know that no matter what, we will always be friends.’

  ‘I guess,’ I mumble.

  ‘I’ve been thinking a lot these last few days, and one thing I’ve realised is that there may not be a tomorrow, so we’ve got to live for today. I realised if I only had one day left then I would want you to know the truth.’

  ‘What truth?’ I barely whisper the words.

  He gently takes my hand in his. ‘Elle, if you’re going to be with anyone, it’s meant to be me.’ He looks down into my eyes, searching for my answer.

  ‘You are so beautiful tonight,’ he says tenderly.

  I close my eyes and smile at his words, feeling lighter and happier than I can ever remember. When I open my eyes again to look up at him he’s watching me and there’s a powerful desire in his eyes that I can feel awaken something inside of me.

  Ever so slowly he puts his hands on my waist and begins to lower his head towards mine. I swallow, feeling nervous because I know this is the moment we’re going to kiss. My blood simmers beneath the surface of my skin, which seems to buzz with so much electricity that the hairs on my arms stand on end.

  With unexpected courage, I place my hands on his arms and then slowly allow them to make their way up to his neck. He shivers as my fingers trace along his skin, leaving a wake of goose bumps along his arms. He grips the back of my waist tighter, drawing me closer to him. Our faces are now only inches apart and I can feel his warm breath against my lips. He takes a moment and then ever so gently he brushes his lips against mine.

  They are as light as a feather being traced along my lips and I feel a thrilling jolt of electricity pass through my body. I long for more, but the door swings open, hitting the wall with a bang.

  We both jump and Sebastian turns to look at the door. I quickly look down at his chest, feeling breathless, like I’ve just run a half marathon.

  ‘Oh sorry,’ some guy drawls from inside the doorway, a girl hanging off of his arm. ‘Didn’t realise this room was taken.’ He lurches back out, dragging the girl with him and leaving the door ajar.

  Sebastian still holds me in his arms, but the moment has gone, and I don’t quite know what to do. We stand frozen for a few seconds before he slides his hands from my waist and steps back. It’s only one step, but it feels like he’s a mile away.

  I touch my fingers against my lips, trying to stop them from trembling along with the rest of my body. I can’t manage to bring myself to look Sebastian in the eye.

  ‘Are you okay?’ he asks.

  I nod, not trusting myself to speak. He goes to take my hand in his, but I shy away.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  I shake my head.

  ‘Elle, please talk to me. Did you not want this?’ I can hear the fear clearly in his voice, the worry that I regret what just happened.

  ‘No,’ the word catches in my throat and I clear it. ‘No, of course I did … but we can’t.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I can’t get close to you. I can’t risk it when I could so easily lose you.’

  He grasps my hand firmly in his and looks me in the eyes. ‘Elle. I’m not going anywhere and whether or not I kiss you isn’t going to change how I feel. Can you really imagine feeling closer to me than you already do?’

  I pull my hand from his. ‘Yes,’ I whisper quietly. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that opening my heart to him would be the worst kind of mistake. That if I gave into him, dared to love him, and he left, I would be shattered and would never recover.

  I push my feelings down and lock them away. No matter how much I want to be with him, I know that staying friends is for the best. ‘This,’ I wave my hand between the two of us, ‘was an accident. Some sort of school dance … accident.’

  ‘No,’ he replies quietly.

  ‘Please?’ I plead with him.

  He steps back from me, hurt evident on his face. My hands lift unconsciously in response. I want to reach out to him. I want to take his hands in mine again, to feel the tingles that flutter inside me at his touch. I want to tell him he’s all I’ve ever wanted and I would risk anything to be with him, but I’ve lost too much and I can’t bring myself to open up to him the way I desperately want to.

  I force my hands back down to my side. ‘We’re fine. Let’s just pretend this never happened. Goodnight Sebastian.’ I turn away, not waiting for him to respond and walk out the open door.