Obeying Daddy

by Kelly Dawson

  Beside her, she felt Vanessa stiffen. Janice’s face was white. Slowly, Jilly came down from the ceiling and back to reality and realised the enormity of what she had just done. She glanced behind Janice at the shadow approaching them: Mr. Hutchings.

  “My office, please, ladies,” he ordered, his voice stern. “All three of you. Now.”

  Dread settled in the pit of her stomach and she felt physically sick as she followed along behind Janice and Vanessa. Really what she most wanted to do was turn and run, but she forced herself to keep putting one foot in front of the other as they headed down the corridor where the partners’ offices were all located. They all filed in through the door and Mr. Hutchings closed it with a click behind them.

  “Take a seat.” Mr. Hutchings indicated the chairs against the wall as he seated himself on his leather chair behind his desk.

  Jilly sat down. This was it. Her job was over. She’d be both homeless and unemployed very soon, and she would have to beg her parents for help. It would kill her pride to do so, but she’d do it. The alternative was being at the mercy of the overwhelmed social agencies that may or may not be able to help her.

  She could hear voices in the background, discussing her no doubt, but she couldn’t make out what they were saying and she didn’t really care. She was completely consumed with wondering what the heck she was going to do. Would she get a redundancy pay-out? Or did that not apply to people who got fired? She wished she knew how the law worked... what to expect. Would she ever see Matthew again?

  Tears flowed down her face, dripped off her nose. She stood up. “I can’t do this. I need to go.”

  Mr. Hutchings stood up too, rounded his desk, and took her elbow. “I’ll escort you out.”

  Walking down the corridor this time really was a walk of shame. She could feel all the eyes on her, disapproving, judgemental. She looked a mess, she knew it. Below her eyes itched where her tears had made her mascara run. She wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Mr. Hutchings felt so intimidating, walking next to her and she could feel displeasure emanating off him in waves.

  He waited beside her as she quickly shut down her email program and picked up her handbag. She was sad to be leaving like this, under these circumstances, but it was too bad. There wasn’t anything she could do about it now. She’d just have to find another job, that was all. And a house... she made a very unladylike snort as she choked back a sob and her shoulders shuddered. She picked up the single framed photograph of her daughter that she kept on her desk and stuffed it into her handbag. Mr. Hutchings, like the perfect gentleman, helped her put on her coat.

  He didn’t let go of her elbow as he walked with her through the door and pressed the button on the lift. “Will you be okay to drive or would you like me to drive you home?”

  She nodded and tried to speak but choked on her voice instead.

  “Miss Watson? Look at me.”

  He reminded her so much of Matthew that fresh tears stung her eyes. Matthew. Daddy. Leaving him behind hurt her heart worst of all. The prospect of being unemployed and homeless was bad enough, but losing Matthew as well... that was more than she could bear.

  She couldn’t look at him, she was too ashamed. She kept her eyes fixed on her shoes but just like Matthew, he put two fingers under her chin and tilted her face up, forcing her to look at him. Just like Matthew, his eyes were both stern and kind.

  “I asked you a question. Are you able to drive or would you like me to drive you?”

  Being stuck in a car with her soon-to-be-former boss was the last thing she wanted. All she would be able to think about would be Matthew. She blinked, making him blurry again through her tears.

  She shook her head as best she could in his firm grip. “I can drive.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay then.” He let her go and stepped back. “If you’re sure.”

  “I am.” She turned her back on him and stepped into the lift.

  Keeping her head down, clutching her bag to her chest, she scurried down the street to the carpark building as fast as she could, walking right on the edge of the footpath to avoid the people. The second she got to her car she shut herself in, locked the door, rested her head on the steering wheel, and cried.

  * * *

  “Thirteen weeks? You’re kidding me! How am I supposed to survive for thirteen weeks with no income?” Jilly put the phone down in shock. She was screwed. If she’d thought she was desperate before, it was nothing compared to the utter desperation she felt now. Social welfare had been her last hope. She’d had no idea that getting fired for misconduct would mean a three-month stand-down period. Her legs gave out and she slid down the wall, landing in a heap on the floor, tears blurring her vision. Her shoulders shook with sobs. “What am I going to do?”

  She didn’t even know how much her final pay would be. She could vaguely remember something in there about forfeiting her holiday pay in lieu of notice but she didn’t have a copy of her contract here so couldn’t check. Not that it mattered. They were going to be homeless in a matter of weeks anyway. The size of her final paycheque wasn’t going to alter that at all.

  Jilly was torn. Part of her wanted to contact Matthew but the other part of her knew there was no point. What would he want with her now? She’d thrown away her perfectly good job. She’d made a fool of herself and gotten escorted out of the building by the big boss himself. A highly successful, handsome, desirable man like Matthew wouldn’t be interested in her anymore—an unemployed, soon-to-be-homeless, single mother. She had nothing to offer him. He would be just like Cameron. She would never hear from him again.

  Not seeing Matthew broke her heart. Insomnia gnawed at her, tearing apart her tenuous grip on sanity, and when she finally did manage to drift off to sleep at night it was his face she saw in her dreams. She thought of the lunches they’d taken together, the possessive way he’d touched her back as they walked. The way he’d made her feel like she was the only woman in the world. She played them all back in her head like a movie reel, in great detail, careful not to leave anything out. The words he’d spoken echoed in her head. Not leaving you, not now, not ever. You are mine. I claimed you. Daddy’s not going anywhere. But where was he now? She’d believed those words when he’d said them, but now, nearly two weeks later, she took them for what they were: empty words. He’d made her feel so special, so cherished, so loved. She held tight to the memory of how he’d made her feel. Her memories were all she had left.

  Every day it was getting harder and harder to drag herself out of bed. Taking Lily to school was the only reason she made the effort, and it was only her daughter’s smile in the mornings, and at the school gate in the afternoons, that kept her going. During the day, she slowly started packing their belongings up into boxes, fretting as she did so. Packing stuff away made it real. This was it: they really were leaving. After so many years of living in this house, they had to shift. This was the only home Lily had ever known. She felt like such a failure. Every day, Lily would look up at her with her big, beautiful blue eyes and ask did you find us a house today, Mama? And every day, Jilly would have to shake her head. No. Not yet, sweet-pea. Soon. Okay? Soon. I promise. And every time she said those words, her heart would clench with guilt because she knew she was making her daughter a promise that she couldn’t keep.

  Jilly was numb. She took care of her daughter on autopilot, cooking for her, taking her to school, following her routine like a zombie. But her heart wasn’t in it. Her heart was back in the office of Hutchings & Associates with Matthew and she grieved the loss.

  She couldn’t find the motivation to apply for a new job. She’d have to soon, she knew. But what was the point, when every single job application asked the same question: have you ever been fired from a job? What was she supposed to say to that? What could she put for the reason for leaving most recent employment? Who was she meant to give as a reference? She certainly couldn’t give Mr. Hutchings. Not if she actually wanted t
o find employment.

  Every single day, multiple times a day, Jilly prayed for a miracle. For a job or a house to fall out of the sky. For Matthew to call. Or something. An entire week passed with no miracles. No job, no house. Jilly sighed. She’d have to call her parents.

  Chapter Nine

  “Why the hell wasn’t I told?” Matthew snarled down the phone line at his uncle. “I don’t care what I was doing; you had no right to keep that from me! That’s my little girl!” Matthew clenched his fists. It had been a long time since he’d been this angry. Where did his uncle get off, hiding stuff like that from him? Just because he was the defence lawyer in a high-profile murder trial did not mean he didn’t care what was happening to Jilly, and it was no reason to keep things hidden from him.

  “It would have distracted you, son,” Mr. Hutchings explained, but Matthew didn’t care. He hurled his phone across the room, wincing at the probable damage as it hit the wall and bounced off, landing down behind the back of the piano. He’d have to get the broom and fish it out later.

  “Distracted, my ass,” Matthew grumbled.

  He poured himself a whisky. Downed it. Then another. As the strong brew burned his insides he slowly came to his senses. His uncle was right—it would have distracted him. But still... he wished he’d known. He could have at least phoned her, made sure she was okay, reminded her that he was still her daddy, and would still take care of her.

  He poured a third drink. Why the hell hadn’t she told him herself? She’d had enough chances, he’d known something was bothering her and he’d asked her directly, more than once, and she still hadn’t said a word. Disappointment flooded him. Why had she chosen not to trust him? He shook his head sadly. That ex of hers must have really done a number on her. He’d have to go and see her in the morning.

  It was really too cold to have the roof down on his Mercedes but he did it anyway, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the beat of Metallica blasting through the speakers as the cold wind flattened his hair. He knew that if he looked out to the left from where he was right now on the harbour bridge he could see the tall building where the Hutchings & Associates offices were housed and his stomach flipped. His whole life had changed in that building. And if Jilly refused to see him, and if she refused to come back, working in that building would never be the same again. Once he’d discovered her, he’d looked forward to seeing her every morning, taking her out to lunch every day. And he’d run out of excuses to call her into his office. It really wasn’t fair to her to make her do irrelevant filing, but it was what he’d resorted to, so strong was his need to see her.

  The midmorning traffic flowed smoothly enough and it didn’t take him long to reach the motorway off-ramp that led to her suburb. HR had given him her address and he plugged it into the built-in GPS while he drove.

  The flash houses gave way to more modest homes as he drove through the suburbs to where Jilly lived. He checked the signpost, checked the GPS. Yes this was it. He pulled in the driveway and took a deep breath. This was it.

  When Jilly opened the door in her pink and blue spotted flannel pyjamas, it was all he could not to sweep her up into his arms. Instead, he stepped back and took a good look at her. She looked so different dressed like this, so much more childlike and innocent with her long hair un-brushed, flying free down her back. She wasn’t wearing any makeup. Dark circles under her eyes proof that she hadn’t been sleeping. And she looked even thinner.

  “How come I had to find out from my uncle that you’re about to be homeless?” he growled and mentally kicked himself for not even saying hello. Here he was, turning up on her doorstep completely out of the blue and he didn’t even have the courtesy to greet her politely?

  She shrugged. A lone tear tracked its way down her cheek and he resisted the urge to reach out and wipe it away.

  “Why would you care?” She sounded angry. Accusatory. “You didn’t ring, nothing! I thought you didn’t want me anymore!”

  “I was at trial. You know that.” He tried to keep his voice calm but her obvious hurt broke his heart.

  “But I didn’t hear from you at all! I thought you had abandoned me, just like Cameron did. When I lost my job and you didn’t call...” Her voice trailed off as she started to cry.

  “Hang on. What are you talking about? Baby girl, you haven’t lost your job.” He took her into his arms right there on the doorstep, cradling her head to his chest and rubbing her back, making soothing sounds as she sobbed against him. It took her a full minute to register his words and when she did, she looked up at him with big, tear-filled eyes.

  “I haven’t?” Her voice quavered. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, baby girl, I’m sure. Now are you going to let Daddy come inside or are we going to stand out here on the doorstep all day?”

  She stood back to let him in and shut the door behind them, flicking the lock as she did so. He nodded in approval. At least she took one part of her safety seriously. He glanced around the small room. Boxes lined the walls and books were scattered over the floor in front of the half empty bookshelf. Pictures leaned against the wall from where she had taken them down in preparation to pack. So she hadn’t spent all her time watching soppy movies and eating ice cream directly out of the tub, then. Good.

  “Is anyone else home?” he asked.

  Jilly shook her head. “No. Lily is at school.”

  “So we have the house to ourselves?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” Without waiting to be invited, he sat down on Jilly’s couch and pulled her down next to him. “Because we have lots of things to discuss.” Where to start? He didn’t even know. So he gestured to the room around him. “You’ve been busy.”

  “Yeah.” She sounded sullen. Bitter.

  He picked up her hands. They were tiny, completely engulfed in his, as he rubbed her knuckles with his thumbs. “You never answered my question,” he reminded her. “Why did I have to find out from my uncle that you have housing troubles? Why didn’t you tell me yourself?”

  She avoided his gaze. She looked down at her lap and let her long curls fall in her face, covering her eyes.

  “Why would I? Why would you care? It’s not your responsibility.”

  Frustration welled up within him. Had their relationship meant nothing to her? Had it just been a game? Or did she truly not understand what he wanted from her?

  “But it is, little girl,” he told her. He raised her left hand to his lips and kissed her fingers, trying to force aside his disappointment. “When I said I wanted to be your daddy, I meant I wanted to take care of all of you. Not just at work. All the time.”

  She was silent; tears dripped off the end of her nose, but they were silent tears. She kept looking down, avoiding his eyes. Her hands were trembling. He held them tighter, wanting to comfort her, to give her strength, to remind her that he was her daddy. He was here for her; he wanted to take care of her. “I want to be your shoulder to lean on, little girl. Always. In everything.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “I think you did.”

  She shook her head, and her shoulders crumpled completely. Her unhappiness broke his heart. Pulling her close, he lifted her and settled her on his lap, hugging her tightly, brushing her curls back off her face so he could see it. Her eyes were puffy; she’d obviously been crying earlier this morning before he arrived. He brushed away her tears with his thumb but they continued to fall. “I am here for you, baby girl. I need you to know that.”

  “I do know that.” She snuggled against him, burying her face in his shirt and she felt so tiny in his arms, so vulnerable. With everything in him, he wanted to protect her. He wanted to take away her pain, to make everything better for her.

  For ages, he sat there like that, just holding her, doing his best to soothe her while she cried. And eventually, when his shirt was wet with her tears and her shoulders had stopped shaking, she looked up at him. “Are you sure you still want to be my daddy?”

/>   His heart melted at her insecurity and vulnerability. He kissed her forehead. “Yes, baby girl, I’m sure.”

  His reassurance seemed to be all she needed because her whole demeanour changed. He felt the tension leave her body, felt her relax in his arms. Even her breathing changed, becoming calmer and regular.

  “And you’re sure I haven’t lost my job?” She looked up at him.

  “Yes, baby girl, I’m sure about that, too. You still have your job. You’re even on full pay while you’re on leave. I took care of that for you.”

  “What about Janice? I said some pretty nasty things to her. I wasn’t just unprofessional, Daddy. I was horrible. I called her some not very nice names. How can I face her? How can I face anybody? Even Mr. Hutchings...”

  “Mr. Hutchings understands,” he cut her off. “He knows how stress affects people. We’re lawyers, remember? We see people at their worst. At their most frightened.”

  “I can’t go back there,” Jilly insisted. “I appreciate my job being kept open and everything, but she will make my life hell.”

  “No, she won’t. You will apologise to her, and it will be over between you. She’s not the horrible person you think she is, she’s just very loyal to my uncle and expects a high standard of work from my uncle’s employers.”

  He watched myriad emotions flick across Jilly’s face. What was she thinking? It was impossible to tell.

  “Are Janice and your uncle together? As in, a couple?”

  How much should he say? He didn’t want to invade his uncle’s privacy, but at the same time, Jilly might be helped by knowing. As long as she was discreet. He decided to trust her. “They don’t live together, no. Janice is too independent for that. But it was my uncle who gave me that ruler.” He winked as realisation dawned on Jilly’s face.

  “Oh.”

  “But I expect absolute discretion from you about that,” he warned in as stern a voice as he could muster.

  She nodded. “Of course. That goes without saying.”