by Nina Raine
ANNA. Well, I’m sure they’d be thrilled, but.
CORIN. But.
ANNA. Hmmm.
Beat.
I don’t know quite what to say…
Pause.
CORIN. It’s important I make it clear I suppose.
ANNA. I see, thank you very much.
CORIN. I just know I don’t want to be a father.
ANNA. Right. Thank you.
CORIN. But I do feel for your situation.
ANNA. Right.
CORIN. I am interested.
ANNA. Right.
CORIN. But I don’t want to be a father.
ANNA. Okay.
Beat.
Maybe I should just think about what you’ve said.
CORIN. Yes. Do that.
Scene Eleven
39 + 5
The little GIRL lies in the bed. ANNA sits on the edge of the bed. ANNA’s tone is as if she is reading aloud a story. In a different part of the stage, LACHLAN stands, smoking a cigarette.
ANNA.…So then what happened was, the Irish man whose sister had died, we met up and we went to the ballet.
GIRL. Why?
ANNA. So we didn’t have to make eye contact. It was a modern ballet…
GIRL. I saw a lobster once with purple bands on its paws.
ANNA. Yeah… on its claws … and then the Irish man… well all night long we were watching this ballet, we couldn’t talk and when we got outside he turned to me and said –
LACHLAN. So listen, Anna, I’m really glad we met up again, cos I know a lot of time has passed since we last met and I haven’t been in touch. But I’m feeling a lot better now.
Beat.
I hope there’s no awkwardness between us.
ANNA looks at him, trying to fathom what this means.
ANNA. No, no, um… Of course not.
LACHLAN. It was lovely to see you again.
He turns, about to go. The little GIRL speaks directly to LACHLAN.
GIRL. But you haven’t said yes or no!!
LACHLAN looks at her, leaves.
ANNA. Maybe it’s easier for him that way.
His sister had just died.
GIRL. But then what happened?
ANNA. Well then there was the man who was a vegetarian… but he just tried to kiss me.
GIRL. Rude.
ANNA. That’s what he’s like.
GIRL. And then what happened.
ANNA. Well then there was the famous film director… but he never called me again.
GIRL. Why?
ANNA. I think I put him off when I said we could do it the natural way.
GIRL.…I want another story.
Scene Twelve
39 + 6
ANNA sits in a nice restaurant with JULIE. JULIE is about ten or so years older than ANNA and speaks in an Australian accent.
JULIE.…But if Filippo had his way neither of us would work… we would just stay at home together all day watching shit telly.
ANNA. If only!
JULIE. Yes…
I think the trouble is the house has been really crowded with the boys being back from uni and Filippo, I think that’s been doing his head in. Filippo, you know, he likes to have his space, stay up very late, watching stuff, smoking and thinking and stuff…
ANNA. Mmm.
JULIE. And my boys disrupt that… But luckily, they’re going away with their dad and then we’ll have the house to ourselves again. Filippo needs that.
ANNA. Yeah…
JULIE (warmly).…But Anna. How are you doing?
ANNA. Well…
You know… The break-up with Tom was really hard…
JULIE sighs.
JULIE. I know, Anna. I know. I’m so, so sorry about that.
JULIE’s eyes fill with tears. She brushes one away.
ANNA. Gosh… Julie… I…
JULIE. No, I’m so glad you got in touch. I’ve been thinking about you a lot… because of course, I’ve seen Tom…
Beat.
ANNA. How is he?
JULIE. Well… we saw him at a party… and it was funny, he looked… younger…
ANNA. I know.
It’s like he’s aged backwards since we broke up.
JULIE. But actually, I hardly talked to him. It was Filippo who talked to him. They went and smoked together.
ANNA. Yes, I heard Tom’s started smoking again… how did Filippo say he was?
JULIE. He said Tom was trying to write something.
ANNA. Mmm. Yes.
JULIE. Anna. I felt so sad when I heard about you and Tom. I saw how happy you made him. You were so well-matched.
It’s a terrible pity.
JULIE is tearful again.
ANNA. Yes… You know we were trying for a baby…
JULIE. I did know that, Anna, yes.
She squeezes ANNA’s hand.
I’m so sorry, Anna.
Pause.
ANNA. Yeah. It’s difficult to know what to do now. I’ve been a bit of a mess, really.
JULIE. Yes. I know, I know.
ANNA. Asking people… if they can help me out… I don’t really have time to fall in love with someone else…
JULIE. But you’re so lovely, why do you think you won’t meet someone… you will.
Beat.
ANNA. Well – I’m thirty-nine.
Beat.
JULIE. There is no right way of doing it, Anna. In a way I’m lucky I had mine so young… but then of course, the marriage didn’t last.
The little GIRL comes in, watches them from a slight distance.
And of course, I sometimes worry that Filippo, you know, coming from an Italian family… and being younger than me, will want some of his own one day. Italians, it’s all about the kids, the bambini. And of course, I can’t any more. It’s difficult every which way.
ANNA. Yes…
Pause.
Well actually, Julie –
Erm it’s really difficult to know how to say this, but… Tom did mention, ages ago, I mean when we were going out with each other, that you were worried one day Filippo would want a kid of his own and…
God, this is very difficult…
JULIE.…
ANNA. And I was thinking, and it occurred to me.
Well really, Julie, I wanted to run this by you first, but if Filippo did want to have a kid, he could give his… sperm… to, um to me.
Silence.
JULIE. Oh Anna… I don’t know…
ANNA. No, I mean, forget it, forget it…
JULIE. No, it’s just, Anna… having children with someone, it’s an incredibly… it’s the most intimate thing you can do.
Beat.
ANNA. Of course, of course…
JULIE. I’m just not sure we would… survive it, you know what I’m saying?
ANNA. Julie, of course. Of course. Please.
Beat.
I wish I hadn’t asked.
I’m sorry. I feel I’ve ruined our lovely lunch now…
JULIE. No, no. Not at all.
Beat.
ANNA. Julie, I’m sorry to have asked… but I’ve been a bit desperate… I’ve asked lots of people, and… had no luck so far…
Beat.
I suppose I felt, I wouldn’t ever know if I didn’t ask, so, there was nothing to lose by asking.
Beat.
JULIE. But maybe you should have sat and thought a little harder before asking.
Beat.
ANNA. Um…
JULIE. I’m kind of surprised, Anna, that you didn’t have more imagination about how I might feel.
Given your own situation.
GIRL. But you have two children.
ANNA. Oh I’m sorry, Julie…
JULIE. It’s all very well that ‘If you don’t ask you don’t get’ approach but this isn’t crowdfunding – don’t you think it’s dangerous when it’s people’s private lives you’re asking about?
Lives you might know nothing about?
ANNA. I’
m sorry.
GIRL. I don’t want your husband…
Beat.
JULIE. You think I didn’t want to have a child with Filippo?
GIRL. I don’t have any.
Beat.
JULIE. Yes, if you don’t ask ‘You’ll never know.’ But you run the risk of causing other people pain. Opening up stuff they’ve tried to work through, get over, finally put away and managed to lay to rest.
Or not.
ANNA. Julie, I’m sorry.
JULIE. You don’t really know me very well. In future maybe you should just try asking people you know a bit better.
She gets up and leaves.
GIRL (after her). I don’t have anyone.
Interval.
Scene Thirteen
39 + 7
ANNA sits in the kitchen with her friend BETH, drinking wine.
BETH.…I don’t know, Anna… How many have you asked now?
ANNA silently counts up on her fingers, saying names under her breath.
ANNA.…Oh no hang on…
… … … … …
…Eleven. They all said no.
It’s weird, you sort of end up being a different version of ‘you’ with each one… The actors are up for it, I think because they’re used to being asked to play roles… they think about it for a bit… ‘Do I want this part’ – then they say no.
PAUL comes in, waving a mobile which is ringing. The ringtone is a duck quacking. PAUL is very softly spoken.
PAUL. Sweetie – it’s your mother.
BETH. I don’t want to talk to her.
PAUL puts down the phone, still quacking, leaves.
…She’s driving me crazy…
ANNA. Your mum is lovely…
BETH. My mum is mad, Anna. Sometimes I feel I don’t know who she is. She’s a full-blown hoarder now. You know she has boxes in her room. Piled up by the bed. With labels on.
She makes the inverted commas in the air.
‘HOUSE.’ ‘DIVORCE.’ ‘NAZIS.’
ANNA.…She’s just trying to make sense of her life.
BETH. Why do I have to be her mother? She’s my mother.
ANNA. She loves you. Every time you write an article, she sends it to everyone you know.
BETH. Including the editor who commissioned it!
ANNA (thoughtfully). Probably quite a good idea, actually.
The little GIRL comes in with a storybook.
GIRL. Will you come up, Mama?
BETH. No, darling. I’ve been up.
Leave me and Anna alone. This is grown-up time.
GIRL. Story?
BETH. No. You’ve had one.
GIRL. Please?
BETH. No means no.
ANNA (to herself). But does it…
BETH (looking at the book). Ugh, certainly not ‘The Cave of Time’.
(To ANNA.) She’s into these bloody ‘choose your own adventure’ books now. You know, alternative worlds. If you go through the red door, turn to page twenty-eight. I just don’t want her to start asking me about free will versus predestination. (To the GIRL.) Off you go.
And check baby on your way up.
The GIRL starts to go off. Shouts from off.
GIRL (from off). Keep the noise up!
BETH (throwing her voice). Will do!
GIRL (from off, further away). Love you!
BETH (throwing her voice). Love you!
GIRL (far away). All of it!
BETH (throwing her voice). All of it!
GIRL (faintly). And the rest!
BETH (throwing her voice). And the rest!
…needs this ritual every night…
ANNA. I know… Sometimes I feel like I’m ten years old…
GIRL (faintly). Mama!
BETH. Yes!
GIRL (faintly). Just checking!
BETH. I don’t know, Anna… What about the fucking gays? (Throwing voice.) Love you!
ANNA. Like who?
BETH. Well, I keep thinking Zachary… he’d be the perfect gay… intelligent, funny, successful career in New York…
ANNA. Yes, the same thought had crossed my mind…
BETH. The only thing is, he’s your brother…
ANNA. Yes…
GIRL (faintly). Mama!
BETH. Yes!
GIRL (faintly). Just checking!
BETH. What about Felix? He’s gay. Art dealer.
ANNA. a: I don’t think Felix likes me very much, and b: I don’t think he wants a child, so those are two quite big stumbling blocks. But actually, there is one gay friend, of Rosemary’s –
BETH. Oh yes?
ANNA. ‘Rupert’, apparently he’s desperate for a kid… bit older… writes graphic novels… incredibly keen… tried to twice, but the women let him down…
BETH. Oooooh… Dunno if I like the sound of that.
ANNA. What, graphic novels?
BETH. No, ‘Incredibly keen’… He’ll be wanting to get all involved. He’ll want to deliver the baby.
ANNA. Isn’t that the point?… Thing is, I tried reading one of his books…
and it wasn’t very good… What if the kid asked me what I thought of Daddy’s writing, what would I say? ‘It’s shit’?
BETH. Anna, for fuck’s sake, that is the most middle-class fear I’ve ever heard! You have to get away from your upbringing…
But, I do wonder if you’re not better off with a sperm donor… you don’t have to agree on everything, for a start…
PAUL comes in.
PAUL (quietly). I’m just ordering the pedal bin. Do we want thirty-five litres or forty-five litres?
BETH. God, I don’t know.
PAUL. Forty-five litres?
BETH. Just buy it. I want to talk to Anna.
PAUL. How are you, Anna?
BETH. I’m just telling her she should go with an anonymous sperm donor so she doesn’t have to agree on everything.
PAUL.…Oh… I know someone who was the child of an anonymous sperm donor. James. You should meet him.
ANNA. Is he gay?
PAUL. No. Have you heard anything from Tom?
BETH. Tom’s history! Tom let her down! Tom’s an arsehole!
PAUL. I just wondered how –
BETH. How he is? When he got together with Anna, he broke up with his mum. And now they’ve just got back together again!
PAUL. I feel sorry for him.
BETH. For him? Why?
PAUL. Well… Poor guy… I can kind of see why he freaked out… He’s allowed to feel the way he felt… Maybe he was… just too young.
ANNA. Yeah… Look, for the record, I was freaked out too, okay?… It’s just, the thought of not having a kid made me feel more freaked out, so… (To PAUL.) Do you think I’ve gone mad? Asking all these men?
PAUL. I don’t know. Have you gone mad?
BETH. Of course she’s not gone mad! She’s doing the only sane, logical thing she can do in an impossible situation!
PAUL. But that’s the thing about madness, it poses itself as sanity.
BETH. Tom left her high and dry. So what, she’s not going to have children – because of fucking Tom?
PAUL. But are you sure you want a child?
ANNA. Yes.
BETH. Of course she is!
PAUL. But why do you want a child?
Beat.
ANNA. I can’t explain it.
Life just feels pointless without…
PAUL. What does that mean.
ANNA. I don’t know. Without it feels like death.
PAUL. But what does that mean.
ANNA. I can’t explain it.
Beat.
The awful thing is when people say you don’t have a god-given right to a child – they’re right…
I know there are people who are perfectly happy without.
I’m just not one of them.
BETH. Look, Anna. When you get your baby – and you will – you’ll be so in love with it, you just have to think if you hadn’t broken up with Tom you would ne
ver have had that particular wonderful baby. Everything happens for a reason.
ANNA. Yeah.
I used to think that.
Beat.
Actually, I have heard from Tom – he sent me this novel he’s written.
BETH. Hopeless!
ANNA (suddenly angry). I know! I need sperm! Not a novel.
He inscribed it ‘You were always my audience for all things comic.’ I mean, what!! ‘You were…’ Putting me in the past tense! I’m not fucking dead! Novel wasn’t even about me… Sorry, I’m obviously still quite angry… I should really be past that stage of grief by now… what are the stages of grief?
PAUL. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
BETH (suspiciously). Wow.
PAUL. I’ve been reading this book. Apparently there are only seven stories, every story is a variant on one of them. Rags to Riches, Overcoming the Monster, Voyage and Return, The Quest, / Tragedy –
BETH. / All right, all right!!… Don’t shout at us!
He has not raised his voice.
I’ve been reading this book – Are Men Obsolete by Camille Paglia.
The little GIRL comes back in.
PAUL. Well, I think that’s all we need to know.
BETH. Oh sweetheart, what?
GIRL.…My knee?
BETH looks at her knee.
BETH. Wonderful. Your scab is gone.
ANNA. I wish my scabs healed that quickly.
PAUL takes the GIRL’s hand.
PAUL. Come on. I’ll tuck you in.
GIRL (lingering). I want Anna to tell me a story.
BETH. Anna has to finish telling me a story.
GIRL. I like Anna’s stories.
BETH. So do I. She’ll come up in five minutes. Anna?
ANNA. Sure.
As they are leaving.
PAUL. Night night!
GIRL. Night night!
BETH and ANNA. Night night! Sleep tight!
Night night!
PAUL and the little GIRL leave. A brief pause.
ANNA. You’re so lucky to have children.
BETH. I don’t ‘have’ children.
ANNA. Yes you do.
BETH. I don’t, Anna.
ANNA. What do you mean?
BETH. I don’t ‘have’ them. I don’t own them. They are their own people.
ANNA. You can only say that because you have them.
Scene Fourteen
39 + 8
ANNA sits side by side with RUPERT and PETE in a counsellor’s office. RUPERT has an accent which is half-London, half-posh. He is enthusiastic. JENNY, the counsellor, a middle-aged woman, listens patiently.