Scalding Hot Chocolate

by Jaliza A. Burwell

  He sighed. “It’s silly that I feel this nervous. Maddie…”

  “Dayton…”

  “I like you.”

  I blinked. “Um. Okay, I like you too.”

  Snorting, he shook his head. “You do that to me every time, make me feel like I’m a kid again. Let me say this again before I resort to sounding like one of my six-year-olds. Madison Daniels, I have an interest in you romantically and would like to take you out on a date.”

  My mouth popped open in complete shock. I didn’t see that coming. “Oh.”

  “And you’re in shock.” His shoulders slumped.

  “I didn’t know it was going in that direction.” I frowned, trying to understand my emotions.

  “I understand.” He looked like a sad little puppy, and I hated that. I wished I could say yes. Usually, it was easy to say yes, but the twins had changed my viewpoint in life. Felix had left me so easily because of them, though as time slowly passed, I was beginning to see reason. We were already falling out of love before I took the twins.

  For Felix, they gave him the perfect out.

  “I’m not ready to jump into another relationship. Especially so soon. I just broke up with Felix last week.”

  “Oh.” He let go of my hand and scratched the back of his neck. “And I’d be the rebound guy?”

  I nodded. “The one thing I’m proud of about my past is that I never had a rebound guy. Sure, I’ve enjoyed the dating scene, and I know you have too. But I never did rebound guys. I don’t want to start that now.”

  “I’m trying to figure out if that’s a no or a yes.”

  “That’s a not now.”

  Dayton pursed his lips briefly before grinning. “I’ll take that. For now.” He leaned forward, and before I could completely understand what he was doing, he pushed his lips against mine. It was a brief contact, a promise really. His lips were there to remind me that he existed, and apparently, he was going to wait until I felt like the next man I dated wouldn’t be a rebound from Felix.

  When he pulled away, he smiled big, all boyish and adorable.

  “Ugh. I can’t be mad at you.” I huffed and tried to stomp away.

  He laughed and grabbed my hand. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

  “You better, mister. Or I’ll sic my twins on you. They won’t hesitate to take you down. They aced their karate lesson. They can beat you up now.”

  His laughter was contagious, and I ended up laughing with him.

  Dayton liked me. He really liked me. My heart should have been soaring. My body tingled with warmth and excitement.

  Yet, I felt guilty. I felt bad and scared.

  Because those same emotions that Dayton enticed from me, I got from Koen and Bryce too. And that was all kinds of wrong, especially since I really did just break up with Felix last week.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I moaned, holding my stomach, dragging my full bag of candy behind me. The twins echoed my pain.

  “So much fun. So much candy,” I said.

  “Sooo much candy,” Lawson agreed.

  “And fun,” Lee added.

  The guys chuckled, basking in our complete misery. I tried to plan their demise, but my stomach was too busy making sure I was miserable.

  “I bet you regret eating that whole Snickers now, don’t you?” Koen asked.

  Glaring at him didn’t work, and he smirked as he opened the door into their house.

  “Ugh, I still need to get the twins home,” I said. The thought of driving in the middle of the night when I’d rather introduce my face to a toilet was pure torture.

  “Stay here,” Bryce said.

  I shook my head. “I can’t do that. We definitely overstayed ourselves at this point.”

  “Did we say that?” Koen asked.

  “I know I didn’t,” Bryce said.

  Dayton shrugged. “Not a peep from me.”

  “Stay here for the night, Maddie. Besides, you’re so full of candy that I know you want to throw it all up. You look exhausted too. Get some sleep, rest up, and you can run away from us in the morning. We won’t stop you,” Koen said. He grabbed my candy bag from me, not giving me a chance to fight back.

  Cheap shot, getting me while I was weak.

  “You look a little flushed,” Bryce said.

  “Check her temperature,” Koen called. He had led the children up the stairs. They looked just as exhausted as I felt. Which meant I’d rather be on the floor sleeping. It’d be so easier to lie down right there than finding a bed.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” Bryce said, grabbing me. “Here, let’s check your temperature real quick.” He shoved the thermometer into my mouth.

  “Hey! Careful with that thing. You’re practically stabbing underneath my tongue with it.”

  “Sorry.”

  The thermometer beeped, and he pulled it out. “Good, still under a hundred.”

  “Here.” Dayton held out some pills and a cup of water.

  I took it and let them herd me into the bedroom I had claimed as mine. Bryce was a complete gentleman as he brought me into the bathroom and sat me on the toilet. He dug through the cupboards until I pointed to my purse.

  “Are you looking for makeup wipes?” I asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “My bag.”

  He grabbed it and dug through until he pulled out a small packet. Bryce’s touch was gentle as he wiped at my face, removing all my makeup.

  “Ah, there you are,” he said. “Gorgeous girl. You look so much better without all that makeup.”

  I laughed. “You mean, I look less dead now.”

  His smile was infectious as he said, “Yes. Welcome back to the living, Maddie.” He took out the band in my hair and slowly undid the braid so that the thick strands fell around my face. I’d need to give it a good wash to get the spray out of it.

  “I love your hair,” he said. “It’s a nice style.”

  “Thanks. Takes forever to make it look this good.”

  He fingered a strand, the light highlighting the pink.

  “Definitely cute and fun. Light-hearted and silly. Matches you perfectly.”

  I laughed. “Good, because that was what I was going for.”

  He gave me a goofy smile before using a new wipe to go over my face one last time to make sure he got all the makeup.

  “Ready for bed?”

  I nodded.

  There was a knock on the door. “Change of clothes on the bed,” Koen called out before his footsteps disappeared.

  Bryce did a last check of my face and then ran his hands through my hair, pulling apart any knots he found. His touch felt so good and comforting.

  “Go to bed, Maddie.” Bryce kissed my forehead before leaving.

  I took a quick shower first to get the spray out of my hair. Once I got changed, it didn’t take me long to snuggle into bed and fall asleep.

  But sleep didn’t stay with me for long. I jerked awake and glanced at my phone. It was only three in the morning. I groaned and got up, needing a drink.

  When I made it to the kitchen, Bryce was there already with a bowl in front of him.

  “You’re up,” I said.

  “So are you,” he replied before scooping a huge amount of cereal onto his spoon and eating it. He chewed, the sound of his crunching loud. After he swallowed, he asked, “Why are you up?”

  I shrugged and moved to stand next to him. “Couldn’t sleep.”

  “You mean you had a nightmare.”

  “What makes you think that?” I asked.

  “You still look a bit panicked. Don’t forget, I am a therapist. I know the signs.” He took another bite.

  A minute passed before I broke the silence. “You’re not going to ask me about it?”

  He raised an eyebrow, before turning and rinsing his bowl in the sink. He grabbed a glass, filled it with water, and passed it over to me.

  “Thanks.” I grabbed it and took a sip, waiting for an answer.

  Bryce sighed. “Maddie, if
you want to talk to me about it, I’m here to listen. But I’m not going to make you reveal anything you don’t want to talk about.”

  “Hm, that’s nice to hear. Only Dr. Adam tells me that. Others just try to shake it out of me.”

  “Did your stepmother try that?” Bryce asked in a cold voice.

  “Sure, but only because it’d benefit her to fix me.”

  Bryce coughed and shook his head. “Fix you?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. So that I don’t embarrass her.”

  “Maddie…” Bryce trailed off and shook his head.

  “What?” I asked.

  “That’s messed up.”

  I smiled. “I know. Didn’t stop her from trying.” My next thoughts had me frowning. “And while I loved the dickens out of her, my sister was the same way. But she did it out of the kindness of her heart. She wanted me healthy and happy.”

  “So she would push you.”

  “Sometimes.” I sighed. “And it’s weird, but I miss it. I miss having her there, wanting to help me, doing everything in her power to help me, even when I didn’t want or need it.”

  “She cared.”

  I nodded. “She really did. When I had nightmares, she didn’t care that I called her. And she always answered.” My nose burned as tears threatened to spill. “She was my person. Even now, I try to call her when I have a nightmare. I can’t help it.”

  Bryce’s voice was heartbroken as he said, “And she’s not here anymore to answer.”

  I nodded and took a moment to take a quick drink.

  “This probably doesn’t mean anything to you, not yet anyway, but if you need someone to call, you are always more than welcome to give me one.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Of course. I suffered from nightmares for a while. I had… seen something that ended up sticking with me.”

  “Who was your person?”

  His smile was warm. “Older brother. He’s five years older than me, had already moved out of the house to go to college. It wasn’t an issue, though. Despite being so busy with classes and working, he managed to make time for me.”

  “And he always picked up for you when you called, no matter the time.”

  Bryce nodded. “I once called when he was at a frat party.” He chuckled and shook his head. “He answered when he probably shouldn’t have. That was when I knew he would never leave me hanging.”

  “And now?”

  “I don’t have the nightmares anymore. I was able to get past it. I don’t call him about them, but he hasn’t changed and when I call, he answers. Or if he can’t, he calls me back within minutes or sends me a text to tell me why he can’t answer. Then the moment he can, he’s calling me back.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “He’s living in Maine with his wife and two little ones.”

  “Oh, you’re an uncle.”

  Bryce looked all proud. “Darn right, I am. One is four, the other is two.” He chuckled. “When Mark and his wife need a weekend getaway, I go up and watch them for the weekend.”

  I moved to the island and leaned against it, looking down at my hands. “Your nightmares, what made them go away?” I asked.

  When he didn’t say anything right away, I glanced at him. His eyes were distant as he searched for an answer, giving my question careful consideration.

  “Not one thing made them go away now that I think about it. It was a mix of things. Talking definitely helped. Time did too. Facing the issue was part of it also.”

  “Facing the issue?”

  “I needed to accept that it had happened and there was no changing it. I didn’t want it affecting the rest of my life anymore. I wanted a lot out of life.” He smirked. “Like snuggling in bed with someone. And I didn’t like the idea of having a nightmare while cuddling my lover.”

  “It’s tiring,” I said. “Waking up screaming, or crying, or just drenched in sweat. I talk with Dr. Adam about it, more so after Mandy died. But it doesn’t help. I wish it did, but with the twins, and my fears, talking hasn’t been helping.”

  I leaned forward and rested my forehead against the countertop, loving how the coldness from the marble seeped through my skin.

  “I have abandonment issues,” I admitted and squeezed my eyes shut. Bryce didn’t reply. He shifted closer so I could feel him brushing against my arm, but he didn’t do anything else. It made it easier to keep talking.

  “Mom got sick when I was twelve. Cancer. It hit her hard, and she became so sick. I took care of her until the bitter end. We barely scraped by. Dad helped with the medical bills. It was the only thing he did for us. I guess it was something at least. One night she was fine. I was reading to her one of her favorite books late into the night. I fell asleep and woke up. She didn’t.” I sighed. “I was right next to her, and yet, during the night, she didn’t wake up. The doctors had said she had a few months. Around a year. She said she was feeling good, managed to eat food. We were laughing, playing games. She even got out of bed. Things were looking good. But it didn’t matter. I woke up; she didn’t. I was sixteen when that happened.”

  “And these are your dreams?” Bryce asked.

  I nodded. “Everyone,” I whispered. “Everyone goes to sleep and never wakes up.” I blinked furiously, my heart screaming in pain. “Mandy was one of them, but now… well, she’s obviously never going to open her eyes again. The twins, some of my clients, my friend, Kenni.” I snickered. “Even Dad and the stepmonster. They all close their eyes, but never wake back up. I’m all by myself, all of them all around me. I’m screaming for them to get up, not to leave me. But it’s useless. No matter how hard I try to wake them, no one ever does, and I’m just there, by myself, surrounded by them and darkness.”

  Bryce’s arms wrapped around me and pulled me into his chest. His chin rested lightly on top of my head and he made sounds of comfort. I pressed into him, needing his reassurance as all those fears came bursting forward.

  “I don’t sleep at night, not all the way through, not unless I push myself to exhaustion. I end up spending half the night, if not all of it, making sure the twins are breathing, still alive. I can’t not check in on them, put my hand up to their faces to make sure they’re breathing. The idea that they’d stop, it’s always this hard fear that sits deep in my gut and haunts my thoughts until they’re up in the morning begging to be fed. It’s all so stupid and irrational, and yet, I can’t stop.”

  “No. No, fear is never stupid, and it’s okay to be irrational. When a person is afraid of spiders, that is irrational to a lot of people, but to that person, it doesn’t make the fear any less. It’s real inside of them. The same is for you. Your fear is your own. No one else can dictate how you should feel or think about it. They don’t know you or what is going through your head. They don’t understand it. It doesn’t make you broken or someone who needs fixing. You’re a human being living through a trauma.”

  I squeezed him tighter, his words hitting my soul and loosening up all those hardened bricks I had to build around my thoughts and emotions. They settled into my thoughts and sent warm reassurance through me.

  “I’m not broken.”

  “Not at all.”

  “I don’t need to be fixed.”

  “Can’t fix something that isn’t broken.”

  I turned my head so I could bury my face into his neck. He rubbed my back, each pass of his hand relieving tension until I was nothing but goo under his touch.

  “You’re good at this,” I said.

  “It’s why they pay me the big bucks.” There was humor in his voice. “Don’t worry, I take hugs, cuddles, and movie nights as payments. I can also do free dinners.”

  I giggled at that, giving him a squeeze before stepping back. I wiped at my eyes, making sure the tears weren’t there. I never cried nice.

  “Come on, Maddie. Let’s get you back to bed, and this time, you’ll have good dreams. Maybe about unicorns or those flying horses.”

  I giggled. “Pegasus?”
r />   “Yes, him.”

  “That’d be fun. I always wanted to fly.”

  “I hear it can be cold.”

  I laughed, my body shaking at his silliness. “And wet. Clouds are made of water droplets or even icicles. They can defy gravity.”

  He led me out of the kitchen and back up the stairs. Whispering, he said, “So it isn’t the flying horse we need to study, but clouds.”

  “They have to be doing something right,” I said, nodding.

  “Hmm. I think it has to be a weight thing. I mean, think about it. The clouds stay up there, but as they get bigger and thicker, that’s when they start to fall. They meet their weight limit.”

  “I like that.”

  He walked me back to the bedroom and pushed me into the bed. I crawled in, and he pulled the covers over me. “Sleep, Maddie. It’s already a new day, and you’ll need the rest. I can tell you now, it’s going to be a fun one.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  He ran his hand over my head. “I do. I can already tell. I mean, with all that candy you guys hauled in, it can’t be anything but a good day.”

  My grin was wonderfully evil as I said, “I like how you think.”

  Bryce winked before leaving, closing the door behind him. I closed my eyes with a huge smile on my face and fell asleep just like that. Bryce was right, I had good dreams, but it wasn’t about unicorns or Pegasus or lying on fluffy clouds. It was about the twins and the guys. We were all playing at a park and it was never-ending bliss.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “All the food,” I said, drooling over the smell of bacon and the pile of pancakes lain out on the kitchen table.

  “Morning,” Bryce said. I paused in the doorway, expecting him to say something, anything, about last night. He only sent me a smile before taking a drink out of his coffee cup.

  “Morning,” I finally responded, beelining over to their cupboard and pulling down a cup. After they realized I failed their height requirement, they were kind enough to move the cups to a different shelf. I filled a mug with milk and popped it into the microwave.

  “What are you doing?” Koen asked as he focused on the bacon in the pan.

  “Hot chocolate.”

  “Isn’t it too early in the morning for that much sugar.”