“To me?” said Alikhan, his eyebrows furrowed.
Azamat took a deep breath.
“I know you’ll say that it’s none of my business, but just hear me out. Okay?”
“O...kay...” said Alyona, putting down her glass of soda and turning her full attention towards him.
“I don’t know if you two are just friends...”
They both blushed, Alikhan more so. That was enough to encourage Azamat to continue.
“But I just wanted to make sure that it was going to stay that way. It would be a really bad idea if... you know... if you were to get romantically involved.”
Oh, this was so painful. This was only the second conversation he’d ever had with his son and already he was having to give him relationship advice. He hadn’t had any preparation in parenting, and he hadn’t the faintest idea what the best way to do this was.
Alyona laughed, a little defiantly.
“You’re right, it’s none of your business,” she said, returning to her soda.
“If you can promise me that you’ll just stay friends, I’ll go away and leave you alone. That’s all.”
He looked at one and then the other. They both shuffled uncomfortably in their chairs. Neither one wanted to make that promise. Oh dear, this was bad.
“And why can’t we go out with one another, if that’s what we decide? Which we haven’t,” said Alyona.
“I can’t tell you that,” Azamat replied.
“Why not? Do our mothers not approve? Are we too young? What exactly are you saying?”
“Well, you are a little young, yes, but it’s not that. Look, you just can’t, okay.”
“Why?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Then we can’t promise.”
Oh, Alyona. His niece could be so stubborn at times.
“Look, I forbid you, okay. End of story.” Azamat ran his hand through his hair. This was excruciatingly painful.
“You forbid me? You can’t do that. You’re not my father,” Alyona said, her eyes glaring.
“No, but I am his.”
There was silence. Azamat couldn’t believe that those words had just tumbled out of his mouth. Alyona’s defiance had triggered something deep down in Azamat, and his reply had just burst out before he’d had time to think.
“What? You’re not my father.” Alikhan looked at him like he was crazy.
Here we go, thought Azamat. There’s no going back now. He took another deep breath and spoke slowly and clearly. “You’re not allowed to go out with each other because you’re related to each other. You’re first cousins.”
“What?” they both said at the same time.
“You’re my niece, Alyona, and you, Alikhan... You’re my son.”
Alikhan stood up quickly, his dark eyes flashing with both anger and confusion. His sudden movement knocked over the chair behind him and it fell to the floor with a clatter that drew the attention of the other customers nearby.
“You’re crazy, that’s what you are. You’re not my father. My father’s called Murat.”
“Alikhan, please, let me explain.” Azamat reached out his hand and touched Alikhan’s arm, but Alikhan shook it off and grabbed his coat. “Get your hands off me. I don’t know you. Stay away from me.”
Alikhan raced out of the café and disappeared. Azamat turned to look at Alyona.
“I think you have some explaining to do,” his niece said, all matter of fact. At least she was taking the news well.
Azamat sighed. “I do. Yes. Can I get you another soda? It’s a bit of a long story.”
Chapter 19
Milana
Alikhan burst into the living room at home, where he found Milana and Murat watching television.
“Is everything okay, son?” asked Murat.
Alikhan snorted. “Son? Am I? Am I really?”
Milana gasped and felt the blood drain from her face. Had he told him? Had Azamat gone ahead and told Alikhan who he really was? How could he?
Murat looked confused and glanced over at Milana for support. She met his eyes, her own eyes wide with panic and fear. Their secret was finally out.
“What’s happened, Alikhan? Has someone... has someone been talking to you?” she asked, trying to keep her voice calm. Perhaps there was still time to rectify the situation.
Alikhan threw himself down into the nearest chair.
“Alyona’s uncle told me he was my father. Tell me he’s wrong. He’s wrong, isn’t he?”
Alikhan looked pleadingly at Murat, but Murat’s eyes were on Milana.
“What’s going on, Mama? There isn’t any truth to this, is there?”
Yes, this was it. The moment she’d been dreading for fifteen years had finally come. She took a deep breath.
“Alikhan, darling, it’s time we had a chat.”
She looked pointedly at Murat and he left the room. It was best that she talk to Alikhan on her own. She’d have to deal with her husband’s feelings later. Goodness knows what was going through his mind right now.
The talk with Alikhan didn’t go well. Milana had done her best to tell the whole story. It had just seemed the easiest thing to do, to tell him the truth. She’d told him about how she and Azamat had fallen in love, about the way they were back then, young and carefree. She’d left out the details of how she’d got pregnant of course, but she’d told her son how her parents hadn’t approved of the match. How it had been arranged for her to marry Murat ever since they were babies. She’d told him how Murat had known he wasn’t the father, but that he’d stepped up and married her quickly so there wouldn’t be too much gossip. She found herself painting Murat in a glowing light. Was that just for Alikhan’s sake, or had she begun to forgive her husband and recognise once again what a good man he really was? There was no need to tell Alikhan that he’d never have a brother or sister, or to tell him the real reason Murat had jumped at the chance to get married to an already pregnant Milana.
She’d tried her best to speak well of Azamat and his role in all of this. She’d told Alikhan how it hadn’t been Azamat’s choice to walk away. He’d wanted to marry her and to be a father. She’d told Alikhan how his real father had gone off to be a soldier, and that he was working at the bike shop in town now. Everything Azamat had told her just the other week, when they’d met up in the park. She hadn’t thought about it at the time, but he really had turned his life around. He wasn’t the same drop-out, hooligan his parents had ordered her never to see again.
“Azamat would like to spend some time with you, Alikhan. Getting to know you. Do you think that’s something you’d like to do?”
“Dunno. Not now.”
“Okay, well, just think about it.”
“What does Papa say?”
“Actually, I haven’t talked to him about it yet.”
“Papa’s still my real father. This doesn’t change anything, you know?”
“Yes, I know. Just because he’s not your biological father doesn’t mean he’s not your real father. He’s a good father.”
Alikhan turned his face to the wall, his jaw set, his eyes narrow and cold. She could see he was really struggling with this.
“Alikhan, darling. There’s just one more thing to think about. You and Alyona.”
“Nothing’s happened.”
“I know. But, well. Nothing can happen. You know that, right? You’re related. First cousins, no less.”
“Hummpf.” And with that, he’d stormed off and slammed the door behind him.
She’d let Alikhan sulk off to his room. The poor boy had such a lot to work through. She’d filled Murat in on the conversation, and he’d been relieved to hear that Alikhan still saw him as his real father. They’d had a lot to talk about, as they figured out how to move forward with this.
“But what do you think, about Azamat?” she’d asked at last. “About letting him see Alikhan?”
Murat had thought for a long time before he’d answered. “I guess I can’t deny
the boy a chance to know his real father. Just as long as it doesn’t happen very often.”
Milana had let out a sigh of relief. Her secret was finally out in the open. Alikhan knew, and so far, they were all still speaking to each other. But who knew what the future held? This was the beginning of a new chapter in their family life.
Chapter 20
Bela
Bela hugged her knees close to her chest and sank down into the sofa cushion. When was it going to lift, this feeling of emptiness? She felt numb.
The baby had miscarried, just as the nurse had said. The bleeding had got heavier that evening after they’d been to the clinic, and then there’d been a sudden rush that had her running to the bathroom. She’d stared at the toilet bowl for several long minutes. Was she really about to flush her baby down the toilet? She’d cried for a long time.
The next day she’d been booked into the hospital for an overnight stay. Fortunately, the bleeding had slowed, and there was no sign of haemorrhaging. She’d had an operation, the drugs they’d pumped into her arm making her head reel before plunging her into darkness. She’d come to just as they were placing her back on her bed, but it was several minutes before she could work out how to operate her arms so that she could pull the blanket up over herself. Didn’t they know she was cold? Why couldn’t she speak?
The ultrasound the next morning had shown that there was nothing left inside her womb, and after an ECG she was allowed to go home. Michael had picked her up and they’d driven home together. He was doing his best to be comforting, but she couldn’t talk. She just stared out of the window. All she wanted to do was take a long, hot shower and try to wash the feel of the hospital off her body. But no matter how long she stood under the shower nozzle, she still couldn’t wash her heart clean of the whole situation. The pain, the disappointment, the despair. It was all still there.
It had been a week now. Michael was still being strong for the both of them, but she knew she couldn’t avoid him forever. She felt bad. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just one of those things.
The doorbell rang and it startled her. Then she remembered. She got up to let her visitor in.
“Hi Mama.”
“Oh, lapochka.” Her mother closed the door behind her and then enveloped Bela in a large hug.
“Tea?” Bela motioned towards the kitchen, even though she had no intention of shuffling in there and doing anything about it. Fortunately, her mother took charge.
“I’ll make it. I brought you some food too.”
“Mama...”
“Shhh... you look like you need some strength, girl.”
It was nice that Mama was here, making a fuss of her. Bela returned to her usual place on the sofa and waited for her mother to bring her the tea.
“You’ll get over it, lapochka.” Mama patted her arm and set the cup of tea down on the coffee table.
“But when?”
“I don’t know, but time heals. That’s what they all say.”
“Did you ever have a miscarriage, Mama?”
“No, no I didn’t. But...” Mama sighed and thought a while. “I did lose a baby once.”
Bela sat up straighter. She hadn’t known this.
“What baby? What happened?”
“It was a long time ago. I’m not sure I should be telling you this. I haven’t spoken of it for years. In fact, no, I shouldn’t really say anything. Forget I mentioned it.”
“Please tell me. You can’t not tell me now.”
Mama sighed and thought for a long time before she spoke again. When she did, her voice was softer. Mama was clearly carrying some guilt about whatever she was about to say.
“Your Papa and I got together when we were quite young. He was so handsome, you know. I couldn’t believe he’d chosen me out of all the girls. I mean, I had my fair share of suitors too, but your father, he was a real catch, as you’d say. But just because we were an item, it didn’t stop the other girls trying their luck with him, you know? They would flirt and flutter their eyelids at him. It made me jealous, but he seemed to laugh it off. He liked the attention. One day, I caught him kissing one of the girls that had been trying her luck with him for weeks. I was so mad! I slapped the girl round the face and stormed off. I was angry with him, too. I wanted to make him pay for cheating on me and embarrassing me like that.”
Mama paused and sipped her tea, before continuing the story. Her voice was quiet and her eyes full of shame.
“I found a way to pay him back. One of the other boys had been chasing me for a long time. I let him kiss me and... Well, it got out of hand. I honestly didn’t mean for it to. I was so mad at your father I let it happen, and when I realised things were going too far, I tried to stop the boy, but he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t stop. He forced himself on me. And I got pregnant.”
“Oh, Mama! What happened to the baby?”
“I was so ashamed. I didn’t tell anyone about what had happened. I just pretended everything was okay. Your father and I made up after our fight, and we’d been back together again for a few weeks before I found out. We both knew it wasn’t his. He could have chosen to have nothing to do with me. Getting pregnant out of wedlock brought huge shame to the family in those days, even more so than it does today. He said that if I got rid of it then he was still willing to marry me anyway.”
“You had an abortion?”
Mama sighed. “No, no. I couldn’t go through with that. No, I went away for a few months. Stayed with a relative. When the baby was born, I gave it up for adoption and returned home. Your father and I were married six months later.”
“Do you know who adopted the baby?”
“No, I never found out. I never really tried to. I just wanted to forget about the whole thing and move forward with my life, my new life with your father. I was young and in love; I wasn’t really thinking straight.”
Bela took a few moments to let it all sink in. This was huge news. She’d known about Pavel for several years, but only now was she just finding out that she had another sibling out there somewhere.
A tear ran down Mama’s left cheek, but she quickly wiped it away. Bela had rarely seen Mama cry or show any kind of emotion, really.
“And things were alright, with you and Papa? He didn’t hold it against you?”
Mama laughed cynically. “No, but we had an unspoken arrangement, you see.”
Bela frowned. “Oh, yes, I do see. He forgave you, and in return you turned a blind eye to his other women.”
Mama nodded.
“So, you knew about Maria and Pavel? All that time?”
“Yes, of course, I’m not stupid.”
There was a silence, and then Mama seemed to rally herself and put her defences back up again. “Now, come and eat this food I made you. We need to get you back on your feet again. That young husband of yours isn’t going to tiptoe around you for the rest of your life.”
“I know. I want to feel like my old self again, I really do. It’s just... hard, you know. To forget.”
Mama patted her knee.
“A mother never forgets, lapochka. A mother never forgets.”
MAMA’S VISIT HAD DONE her good. Not that she was glad about what Mama had gone through before she married Papa, but at least it had given Bela something else to think about for the past few days. She’d been wallowing in self-pity, she knew that. Not that it wasn’t right to grieve, but she owed it to Michael and Angelina to try to move on with her life.
She looked out over the large lake in the town park. She loved the view here and was glad Madina had invited her along. She hadn’t been here for ages and she’d forgotten what a beautiful place it was. There was something about being out in nature that couldn’t help but fill her heart with a sense of wellbeing. It was as if God was reminding her again that He was the creator of the whole world and He was in control.
The café where she was due to meet her sister was ideally situated, no wonder it was doing so well. It had almost doubl
ed in size since last summer, and now, even on a crisp day in February, it had plenty of tables lining the pavement outside. It was a surprisingly warm day for the time of year, and Bela had chosen to sit on one of the outside tables while she waited for her sister. She pulled her phone out of her coat pocket and checked the time. She’d got here a little early. Musa would be arriving anytime now, and she didn’t really want to be on her own when she met him. Would he be angry to find out Madina had invited her little sister along as a chaperone? Well, there wouldn’t be much he could do about it.
Madina had told her the whole story. It was funny how being sad and vulnerable seemed to help other people open up about their own problems. Musa had arranged to meet Madina here to ‘talk about the future’, but Madina had felt so shaky and unsure after their conversation that she’d begged Bela to come along as moral support. Bela drew in a deep breath and looked out over the lake towards the snow-capped mountains in the distance. If her sister was seriously contemplating getting back with her wayward husband, then Bela wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing. Madina was eager to get a second opinion, and Bela was glad to offer her help. As much as Bela despised her ex-brother-in-law, deep down she hoped that he might have changed. Maybe Madina was right. If there was a chance that Alyona could have her parents back together again, wouldn’t that be a good thing?
“Hello.” Madina tapped her on the shoulder.
“Hey,” Bela replied, getting out of her chair. The two sisters embraced, and then Madina took a seat at the table.
“I hope you don’t mind sitting out here. It’s such a beautiful view. We could always go inside if you’d rather,” said Bela.
“No, this is fine. It’s nice to get some sun on my face.” Madina glanced around. “Musa’s not here yet?”
“No, not yet.”
Madina laughed. “Well, that’s something that hasn’t changed. He’s usually late. Have you ordered?”
“Not yet, but I know what I want.”
“Me too. I love this café!”
“It definitely has the best view in the whole of Shekala.” Bela drew her chair a bit closer and lowered her voice. “Is there anything you want me to do or say in particular?”
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