Lida slumped into the chair nearest her. “Yes,” she said weakly.
“And, is it possible that I might find my mother’s name on it too?”
Lida nodded. A rush of remorse suddenly came over Bela. What was she doing?
She loved this woman almost as much as she loved her own mother. She knelt at Lida’s feet. “I’m so sorry, Lida. I didn’t mean to find out this way. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Lida gave a long sigh and looked straight into Bela’s eyes. “I think I have some explaining to do. I think we’d better give the Circassian group a miss tonight.”
There was a long silence. Bela was still in shock, her mind aching with the enormity of what she’d just discovered.
“I think it’s probably time I told you the rest of the story,” said Lida at last.
Bela nodded, unable to speak. She settled herself in one of the other chairs, her hands still clasping the unopened piece of paper.
“My husband, Vladimir, and I were very deeply in love,” Lida began. “We still are of course. But the one sadness in our life was that we couldn’t seem to have children. We’d actually started talking about adopting one of the children at the orphanage, but it’s always complicated, you see. I didn’t want to get into trouble for mixing my professional life with my personal life.”
“And then my mother rang you out of the blue.”
“Yes, yes she did. I promise you that the idea of us adopting her baby didn’t come to my mind until she was almost about to deliver. I guess I was hoping she’d decide to keep the baby. I see so many unhappy, abandoned children at the orphanage. I would have done anything to save her baby from feeling that too.”
Bela nodded, thinking of Angelina and the day she’d collected her from the orphanage in Beslan.
“Anyway, your mother was determined not to keep the baby. I think she was hurting deep inside, but she was proud. She wanted your father more, and if giving up the baby was the price she had to pay, then that’s what she was going to do. Please don’t feel badly about her, Bela. That was just the way of things back then. We didn’t have the kind of choices that you young people have today.”
“I think Mama has already paid for her choices many times over,” said Bela sadly.
Lida continued. “The baby came a couple of weeks early and we didn’t have a bed ready in the orphanage for a newborn, so I handed him to a friend to look after for a few days. She was a nurse who worked for us at the orphanage. I knew she’d take good care of him, but I knew we couldn’t keep him with us until your mother had left. I thought she would stay with us another month, you know, to recover properly, but it seems she just wanted to run back home and forget this had ever happened. I tried to stop her, but she insisted on going back to Shekala about a week after the baby was born. She was miserable, and she no longer had a reason to be here.
Anyway, I went to collect the baby from my nurse friend and agreed to look after him at our home for a while. He was a little colicky, and we weren’t sure he was ready to join the others at the orphanage just yet.”
“And that’s when you decided to keep him?”
“Yes. We fell in love with him, Vladimir and I. And it all made so much sense. This baby was related to me. I felt a duty to make sure he had a good life.”
“What did you tell the orphanage?”
“We said a family had been found for him. It wasn’t a lie. I just never told anyone that we were that family.”
“And that’s why there’s no file on him at the orphanage.”
“Yes. He never went there, you see. He was never officially adopted. We arranged all the paperwork ourselves. I feel a bit bad about that, hiding his real birth certificate and fabricating a new one that had my name and Vladimir’s on it. But I honestly thought we were doing what was best, please believe me.”
“Did you ever tell my mother?”
“I tried to contact her once or twice, but I couldn’t get through. And then time just slipped by. I promised myself I would tell her if she ever called or visited again, but she never did. And then we kind of forgot. It was so wonderful to have a son. We were so happy.”
A tear slipped down Lida’s cheek, and Bela squeezed her hand sympathetically.
“It’s okay, I think you did the right thing.”
“You do? You’re not angry on behalf of your mother?”
“No, I’m not angry. I’m just so excited that I’ve found my half-brother at last, and that he should be Daniel, whom I already love like a brother. That’s just God at work in a wonderful way, don’t you think?”
Lida smiled and wiped away a tear. “Yes, He does work in wonderful ways.”
“Does Daniel know?”
“No. Irina knows that she’s adopted, but he doesn’t.”
“Oh, okay. So, I can’t tell him I’m his half-sister?”
“Please don’t, not just yet. Give us time. We’ll tell him the news ourselves and then let you know, is that okay?”
“Yes, of course. I understand. Wow! This has all been a lot to process!” Bela leaned back against the chair. It was so good to have solved the mystery of Mama’s baby and the missing adoption records. And that it should be Daniel!
“Will you tell your mother?” Lida asked, a little anxiously.
“I don’t know. I’ll pray about it. Let’s talk again sometime soon. I’m glad the mystery is finally solved, but I need to sort it all out in my head, first.
“I admit, I do feel relieved that you found out,” said Lida. “I so wanted to tell you, and that moment that your mother and Daniel came face to face, I thought my heart was about to stop beating.”
“Yes, I noticed. That’s when I became suspicious,” said Bela. “But why do you think Mama reacted so strangely? She’s never met Daniel before, and she had no idea you’d adopted him.”
“I suppose, now that he’s all grown up, he might look a little like his real father, and perhaps she recognised him,” Lida suggested.
“Yes, you must be right. So maybe Mama knows? Maybe she’s worked it out too?”
“I guess it’s possible,” said Lida.
“Oh, my goodness, there’s so much to think about. But do you know, I’m so happy that it worked out like this. It means that we have even more in common now.” Bela got up and gave Lida a big hug. This long-lost family of hers was becoming more and more special. God was so good.
Chapter 31
Azamat
It was certainly freezing outside. About minus ten, at a guess. Azamat quickly locked up the shop and rubbed his gloved hands together as he walked briskly over to where he’d parked his car. He hadn’t been expecting the call from Alyona. She and Alikhan had apparently been stranded after dance practice when their marshroutka had broken down. Azamat could only imagine the conversation that had gone on between the two teens before Alyona had been allowed to phone her uncle to come and pick them up. It was almost a year since Murat had died and still there had been no meaningful contact between him and his son. Yes, they’d seen each other in Moscow last October, but the boy hadn’t wanted to go near him. Azamat had almost given up hope of ever seeing him again.
He soon found them, on the corner where they’d been stranded, stamping their feet in the snow to keep warm. Alyona waved a hand as she saw Azamat’s car approaching. He drew up alongside them and waited for them to bundle themselves in the back.
“If you’d been any longer, Alikhan would have turned into an icicle,” Alyona said, laughing. “I mean, look at what he’s wearing, the idiot.”
“It’s alright for you, snug in all your winter gear. How was I to know it was going to snow?” said Alikhan, grumpily.
“It is January, Alikhan, it’s not unusual you know?”
Alyona was teasing him, but Alikhan clearly wasn’t in the mood.
Azamat turned the heater up to full blast. He turned around and gave Alikhan a smile. “Hi. You alright?” He hoped the boy couldn’t see the sadness and the longing in his biological father
’s face. That he couldn’t see how desperately Azamat wanted things to work out between them.
Alikhan paused, and then smiled back. His smile seemed a little shy but genuine.
“Thanks so much for getting us.”
“No problem.” Azamat turned back round to face the front. “Now, where am I taking you?”
“I think we need to warm up with a hot chocolate at The Orange Café. That’s if you’ve got time, Uncle Azamat?” said Alyona.
“Sure, I’ve got time for that, if that’s what you want,” replied Azamat. They both looked earnestly at Alikhan.
There was a slight break in Alikhan’s voice when he answered. “Sure, I’ve nothing important to do.”
AZAMAT WASN’T SURE what had turned Alikhan around that evening he’d collected the two of them from the marshroutka stop, but probably Alyona had given him a talking to. She could be quite direct when she wanted to be, his niece, and he loved that part of her. Maybe time had been a factor too. Alikhan had been grieving for Murat for a long time, but it finally seemed like he was ready to move on. The awkwardness in the café that night had soon evaporated, and they’d all joked around like they were old friends. It had been a miracle. Truly, a mountain had been moved. Since then, Alikhan had been willing to meet up again and things were slowly moving forward.
Thank you, God!
“Got you!” Azamat shouted, as a perfectly formed snowball landed on Alikhan’s back.
“You’ll pay for that!” laughed Alikhan as he took aim. The snowball came fast, and Azamat had no time to duck before it had hit him square in the face.
“Ow.” The snow stung his cheeks and he wiped it out of his eyes. Alikhan jogged over.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No, just a bit of a shock. I’ll get over it.” Azamat waited until Alikhan got near enough and then shoved a handful of snow down his back.
“Hey!”
Azamat grinned. This was it. This was what he’d always imagined being a father would be like. He couldn’t believe he’d been given a chance to start over again. Yes, he’d missed out on sixteen years already, but he was part of Alikhan’s life now, and things were just getting better and better.
“You ready to call it quits and head home?”
“Yes, I’d better. It’s school tomorrow.”
“Sure, I’ll take you back to the village.”
“No, it’s okay. I can catch a marshroutka.”
“No, really. I want to. I...er... I enjoy the extra time to chat with you.”
Alikhan nodded, and the two of them brushed the snow off their clothes and headed over to where Azamat had parked.
“How’s your mother?” asked Azamat, once they were on the road.
“She’s okay.”
Azamat nodded. He wouldn’t press further, although he would have loved to know more about Milana and what she was doing. He missed her. They’d hadn’t met since that time in Moscow.
“What happened between you two, anyway?” asked Alikhan.
“What do you mean?”
“Before I was born. Before Mama and Papa got married.”
“She hasn’t told you?”
“Not really.”
“Well, in that case, you should probably ask her to tell her side of the story.”
“I want to hear your side,” said Alikhan, earnestly.
Azamat gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, as he allowed his mind to go back to that painful time in his past.
“I loved her very much, your mother. We danced together, you know. Like you, in an ensemble. But then we met up again when we were a bit older. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. But, well, we were young. We got a bit carried away.”
“You mean, she got pregnant. With me.”
“Yes.”
“And you weren’t ready to be a father.”
“No! I mean, yes!” Azamat stared at Alikhan, his eyes questioning. “Is that what you think? That I left because I wasn’t ready to be a father?”
“Well, wasn’t it?”
“No. No, it wasn’t like that. It was a shock, of course, but I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to marry your mother and be a good father. That’s what I wanted.”
“Oh? I thought... Then why didn’t you?”
“I’m afraid your grandparents, your mother’s parents that is, didn’t think I was good enough for her.”
“Why?”
“Well, I didn’t always have my life together, like I do now. I didn’t have a proper job at the time, I’d dropped out of college. I had no prospects. Besides, I wasn’t from the right family line.”
“And my father was.”
“Yes. Your mother was intended for Murat, since they were little. The pregnancy just speeded things up. When I next saw your mother, she was already engaged.”
Azamat swallowed the lump in his throat.
“And you walked away.” Alikhan turned his face to the window. Azamat glanced at his son. So many misunderstandings, so much buried anger. No, maybe anger was too strong a word. Disappointment. He hated to think that his son was disappointed with him, but then he’d been disappointed with himself too.
“Alikhan, you have to understand that I had no choice. I walked away, but only because your mother asked me to. She told me it was for the best if I did, if I had nothing to do with her or the baby. She thought it was better for you that I wasn’t in your life. I should have fought for you, I know that now. That’s my biggest regret. I never was very good at standing up for myself. At doing the right thing. I used to let people walk over me, tell me what to do, you know?”
“But you’re different now?”
“Yes, I think so. Something happened to change all that. I’ll tell you about it another time. But basically, I found out where that path was going to lead me, and it was a terrible place.”
“Why didn’t you come and find me sooner?”
Azamat thought a while. “I guess, I didn’t think I deserved to be happy again. I didn’t deserve to be a father. I’d made some pretty bad choices in life and I needed to forgive myself first.”
“And have you done that?”
“Yes, yes I have. What’s more, I know that God has forgiven me too. And now I have you back in my life, and I’m never going to take that for granted. I know I’ll never replace your other father, but I hope that, in time, we might have something special between us.”
Alikhan nodded. “I’d like that.”
“We’re here.” Azamat pulled the car up just outside Milana’s home. He turned off the engine and looked at Alikhan, who was still deep in thought.
“I’m glad Alyona told me to give you another chance,” he said. Azamat smiled, and Alikhan continued, “But I’m just not ready to call you ‘Papa’ yet.”
“Of course, I understand.”
“And, I’m just not ready to have you and my mother... you know... get back together?”
Azamat felt a jolt of pain in his heart, but he swallowed, took a deep breath and looked intently at the young boy next to him, the one that looked so much like him when he was that age.
“Alikhan, I don’t know what the future holds for me and your mother. But I do know that neither of us would want to jump into anything if you weren’t ready, okay?”
“Okay.”
They shook hands and Alikhan got out of the car. He raised his hand in a quick wave and then disappeared inside the family gate.
Azamat sat there for a moment or two. Then he started the engine and slowly rolled away, back down the road towards Shekala.
Chapter 32
Bela
Bela glanced at her phone to check the time. The plane had landed more or less on time, and it had been a smooth flight down from Moscow. As they taxied around the edge of the runway, she could see Mama, Azamat and Alyona waiting for them at the fence, along with all the other families of the passengers on board. She waved, even though they wouldn’t be able to see her. Smiling at Angelina, she squeezed
her knee.
“It’s good to be home, isn’t it?”
“How long are we staying, Tyotya Bela?” asked Angelina, wide-eyed. Both of them were still so unused to flying that the whole experience was magical, albeit a little nerve-racking at times.
“A whole week. Tyotya Madina’s wedding is the day after tomorrow. Are you excited?”
“I love going to weddings. I can’t wait!” replied Angelina.
It had been well over a year since Bela had left her hometown, the longest she’d ever been away. As she stepped off the plane and onto the tarmac, she paused, took a deep breath and expelled the air slowly. Mountain air!
In a few minutes she’d be reunited with her family, but she felt a slight fluttering in the depths of her stomach. Nerves. She had something huge she had to tell Mama, and she was going to have to find the right time. How would Mama react? It was hard to tell.
Lida and Vladimir had broken the news to Daniel several weeks ago, shortly after the conversation in the kitchen about the discovered birth certificate. Apparently, Daniel had taken it well, once he’d got over the initial shock.
“You’re not angry?” Bela had asked him after he’d given her a huge bear hug that left her struggling for breath.
“No, of course not,” he’d replied. “It’s been a lot to take in, naturally, but I think maybe deep down I knew that something wasn’t quite as it should be. I’ve always felt a little different to my parents, and I could never figure out why until now. And Irina and I have even more in common now, so that’s great. No, how could I be angry? God had everything under His control the whole time. He placed me in a wonderful family, and I get to find out that you’re actually my half-sister and not just a distant cousin after all.”
“I hope we’re not a disappointment to you,” Bela said, with a little laugh.
“Absolutely not! I know enough about the backgrounds of the children at mother’s orphanage to know that that my real family could have been a lot more dysfunctional.”
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