My Heart Skips a Beat

by E. L. Todd

  “Then knock it off! What are you gaining by letting her go? You aren’t gaining anything. Do you really picture yourself with someone else?”

  “No,” I said honestly. “But I don’t want to go through that pain again.”

  “You won’t,” she said firmly.

  “You’ve never had your heart broken so you’ll never understand how it feels. It’s the worst pain that you can comprehend. It was so trying and devastating that it killed a part of my soul. While I love Skye more than anything on this planet, I wouldn’t survive if she hurt me again. I can’t do it…I just can’t.”

  She breathed hard but fell silent.

  I rubbed the back of my neck while I tried to sort through my emotions.

  “She’s going to find someone else,” she said quietly. “She won’t wait around forever.”

  “I know…”

  “Some guy is going to sweep her off her feet and you’ll be nothing but a memory. You understand that, right?”

  I couldn’t think about it because it crushed my soul. “Yes…”

  She took a deep breath and then her eyes flooded with tears. “I can’t believe this…”

  I stared at the ground, unable to meet her gaze.

  “Of all people, I thought you guys would make it.”

  I didn’t want Trinity to see me cry so I kept the moisture back. “I know.”

  “And I thought you would never give up on her.”

  I was barely holding on so I said nothing.

  “Don’t mention this to Skye. I don’t have the heart to tell her there really is no hope.”

  I turned around and looked out the window, hiding the tears that started to leak.

  She walked out and left the door open. The only way I knew she was gone was by the dying sound of her heels.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Roland

  I dribbled the ball then made the shot. “Take that, sucker!”

  Conrad jobbed to the ball then grabbed it before it went out of bounds. “Lucky shot.”

  “It wasn’t lucky. It was all skill.”

  “Skill?” Conrad kept walking then stopped when his back was to the hoop. Then he threw the ball backwards.

  My eyes followed the ball, unable to believe he’d really make it.

  It bounced off the backboard then fell on the pavement. “If you made that…”

  “I know, right?” he said with a laugh. “Eh, it was worth a shot.”

  I chased after the ball then returned. “So, Beatrice is finally putting out?”

  “We fool around,” Conrad said. “It’s nice. I’ve been over there every night because I have to make up for, like, a year of orgasms.”

  “Brutal.”

  “Well, it’s pretty fun now.”

  I laughed. “I bet. Does she have a rockin’ body?”

  He glared at me.

  “I took it too far?”

  “A tad. Theo was nosy too.”

  I dropped the ball. “You told Theo before you told me?”

  “Told him what?” Conrad asked.

  “About Beatrice.”

  “Yeah, I live with him…”

  I would never get used to being replaced. I tried to spend all my free time with Conrad to off set his time with Theo, but it didn’t seem to be working. Theo was his new best friend. What did that make me?

  “Every time Theo comes up, you act weird,” Conrad noted. “Is there something up?”

  “No.” I dribbled the ball and pretended like I didn’t care.

  “Are you sure?” he pressed.

  “Yep.” I didn’t look at him and made another shot.

  Conrad seemed to believe me. “We’re opening up a studio together.”

  My body went haywire in the middle of the shot, and the ball didn’t even hit the backboard. “You’re what?”

  “Opening up a studio.” He said it like it was the most normal thing in the world.

  “What the hell?” I snapped. They did everything together, they both had a girlfriend together, they lived with each other, they went to school together, and now they had to run a damn business together? “You don’t even know karate!”

  “It’s martial arts,” he said. “And what’s the big deal?” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me incredulously.

  “You don’t even do martial arts,” I snapped.

  “I’m going to run the business side of it while he does all the martial arts side. It’s perfect for us.” He studied my face. “Why are you so repulsed by that idea? Everyone else thinks it’s really cool.”

  “Well, good for them,” I snapped. I marched to the bench and grabbed my keys and water then marched away.

  “Um, what are you doing?” Conrad asked.

  “I’m going to see if…” I wasn’t as close to the other guys as I was to Conrad. I tried to find a name to throw out there but couldn’t find anything. “Heath. He’s my friend. I’m sure he won’t be too busy for me.”

  “Roland?”

  I kept going.

  “Roland!”

  I turned the corner then got into my car. Then I hauled ass back home.

  ***

  When I walked inside, I slammed the door behind me. I didn’t mean it. It was an accident. The anger coursed through my body and controlled it on it’s own.

  Mom came around the corner, looking concerned. “Why did you slam the door? Is everything alright?”

  “I just felt like it,” I hissed. “Get over it.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me, pissed. She got in my face and pointed her finger into my chest. “I’m sorry you had a bad day, Roland. But do not take it out on me. You’re lucky your father didn’t just hear that.”

  “Hear what?” Dad came down the stairs, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He just got home from work and his hair was a little damp from the shower.

  “Nothing,” I muttered. Even though I was an adult and I was the same size as my father, he still scared me. He would never hurt me, but I knew he could make me feel like shit easily.

  “It didn’t sound like nothing.” He reached the floor then turned on me.

  My mom was always the soft one. She didn’t like to discipline Skye and I. She usually gave us pep talks instead. “It’s okay, honey. Everything is fine.”

  Dad took one look at her and knew she was lying. Then he turned his unforgiving gaze on me. “Talk to your mother like that again and I’ll make you regret it, Roland. This is her house, where she does your laundry and cooks for you, and if you don’t respect her, I’ll make you homeless in a millisecond.” His eyes were wide and he didn’t blink.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m just having a bad day.”

  “You think I give a damn?” Dad could never see straight when it came to my mom. If I gave him the same cheek, he wouldn’t have cared. But any time anyone was mean or rude to my mother, he flipped the hell out. “Knock that shit off now.”

  “I said I was sorry,” I repeated.

  Mom placed her hand on his arm. “Sean, it’s okay. He apologized.”

  He stared at me without blinking again before he backed off. “You’re lucky your mother is so forgiving.”

  I stayed silent because I knew if I said anything it would make it worse.

  Mom gripped my shoulder. “Tell us about your day. We’re all ears.”

  I was upset with Conrad but I didn’t know how to explain it. I was just hurt. “It’s nothing.”

  “Come on,” Mom said. “Sit down and I’ll get you a beer. Dinner is ready.”

  I was hungry. “Okay…”

  Mom kept her arm around my shoulder while she guided me inside. She was always nurturing and warm, making up for the coldness my father projected most of the time. Judging his silence, he still wasn’t over the disrespectful way I spoke to my mom.

  “We’re having homemade pizza.” She set me down and put the beer next to me. Then she took the pizza out of the brick oven, a gift from my father for her birthday, then placed it on the ta
ble.

  “It looks good, baby.” He kissed her on the cheek.

  Like every other night, he did and said the exact same thing. I would roll my eyes or make a smartass comment but I knew it wasn’t the best idea at the moment.

  “Isn’t it, Roland?” Dad pressed.

  “It smells good.” I drank my beer then grabbed a few slices.

  “Now, tell us what happened.” Mom waved the steam off her pizza before she took a bite.

  “It’s Conrad…”

  “What about him?” Dad asked.

  “Ever since I left Cambridge, he’s been spending all his time with Theo.” I rolled my name at the mention of his name. “Theo. What kind of name is that anyway?”

  Mom and Dad shared a look before they turned back to me. “And what’s the problem?” Dad asked.

  “I just thought when Conrad moved back we’d be best friends like we used to be. We used to do everything together, hit up all the bars and have a good time. But now he lives with Theo and spends all his damn time with him. His girlfriend is friends with Theo’s girlfriend. And now they’re opening up a damn business together. It’s like I’m second best now. I was replaced without further thought.” I wasn’t hungry anymore so I didn’t touch my food.

  “What business?” Mom asked.

  “A karate studio,” I said disdainfully. “So stupid…”

  “Mike mentioned that,” Dad said. “He didn’t get a chance to tell me all the details.”

  “Hmm,” Mom said. “That’s an interesting idea.”

  “Why didn’t he ask me if I wanted to open up something?” I demanded. “All he wants to do is hang out with Theo. He even told him stuff about Beatrice before he told me. It’s like Theo is his best friend and I’m not.”

  Dad finished his beer before he spoke. “You feel replaced. I understand.”

  “No, I am replaced,” I said darkly.

  “But you aren’t,” he said. “Theo was the only friend left at Cambridge. It’s not surprising they became close.”

  “Silke was there,” Mom mentioned.

  “But in terms of guys,” Dad continued. “They only had each other. And they both got their girlfriends at the same time. It’s understandable.”

  “Well, now they are back here, but they are still inseparable,” I muttered. “And the first thing Conrad does is move in with Theo.”

  “Didn’t he ask you first?” Mom asked. “But you couldn’t because you didn’t have a job?”

  “That’s beside the point,” I argued. “They do everything together, and now they’re opening up a business together. It’s like I don’t exist.”

  “But you still hang out,” Dad said. “Right?”

  “It’s not the same.” I picked at my pizza. “All he ever talks about is Theo…”

  Dad drank his beer again then returned it to the table. “Roland, I think you’re overreacting. The more you pick at Conrad’s relationship with Theo, the more you’ll push him away. Then you won’t be friends at all. You’ve made other friends while Conrad has been away. You spend a lot of time with Heath.”

  “But that’s different…”

  “Not really,” Dad said. “Just take a few days to cool off and then let it go.”

  I ate most of my pizza in a single bite then downed my beer. I didn’t want to talk about Conrad anymore. It was just making me mad all over again.

  The doorbell rang.

  Dad tensed, like usual. “Expecting company, baby?”

  “No,” Mom answered.

  Dad headed to the front door then opened it. “Roland, Conrad is here.”

  He is? Why? I dropped my pizza then headed to the entryway.

  Dad gave me a knowing look before he headed back into the kitchen.

  Conrad looked at me. “Can we talk? Outside?”

  I was cornered and had nowhere to run. “Sure.” I didn’t expect him to chase me down like this.

  We walked outside then headed down the garden path.

  “Roland, what’s going on?” Conrad asked.

  I put my hands in my pockets and looked at the path as it passed under my feet. “You just spend a lot of time with him.”

  “So…?” He looked at me, confusion on his face.

  “Well, you didn’t spend that much time with him before.”

  “When we were at school together, we just got close. You weren’t around anymore so I had to find other people to hang out with.”

  “Yeah…” Just like my parents said.

  “Seriously, what is your problem?” He stopped on the path and looked at me. “What’s your problem with Theo? Every time you’re around him, you act like a dick.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and looked in the direction of the beach.

  “I’m talking to you,” he snapped.

  “He’s your new best friend.” I didn’t look at him as I said it. “You do everything with him, you live with him, and now you’re opening up a business with him. You never do anything with me.”

  “That’s not true,” he said. “I was just playing ball with you.”

  “It’s not the same,” I argued. “We see each other like once a week. You see Theo every day.”

  He sighed in irritation. “I. Live. With. Him.”

  “Whatever,” I snapped. “You obviously prefer him over me so why don’t you just make it official and call him your new best friend? I’m just a thing of the past.”

  “Dude, you’re being such a girl right now.”

  “And you’re being a dick.” I turned around and walked off.

  “Stop storming off!” He chased after me.

  “I don’t need you anyway. I got plenty of other people to hang out with.”

  “Like Heath?” he asked. “You sure spend a lot of time with him.”

  “He’s my boss. I have to see him every day.”

  “How is that any different than the fact I live with Theo?” he demanded.

  “Well, I only talk to him because I have to.”

  “Bullshit,” he said. “You just invite him to hang out with us just because? You take trips to London with him?”

  “That was for work!”

  “Put whatever spin on it you want,” he snapped. “Maybe we’ve grown apart since we’ve been two hours away from each other, but no matter what you’ll always still be my best friend. Theo is a really good friend and I like him a lot, obviously. But you and I have been buds since we were little. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “Really?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Yeah, now stop being annoying.”

  “I’m not annoying,” I said weakly. “I just…felt replaced.”

  “Dude, no one can replace you.” He came closer to me then clapped my shoulder.

  “Thanks…”

  “You know I love you, man.” He cleared his throat at the end.

  “ I love you too…” I looked at the ground and avoided his gaze.

  “So, are we cool?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Sorry I got all…defensive.”

  “As long as we’re past this, it’s okay.”

  We stood together in the darkness for a while, both of us unsure what to do.

  “Mom made pizza. Want to eat?”

  He shrugged. “Sure.”

  We walked inside and Conrad sat at the spot beside me. “Roland invited me for dinner.”

  His place setting was already made. It was like Mom knew this would happen. “You’re always welcome, honey.”

  Conrad helped himself to pizza, and I took another slice.

  Both of my parents gave me a knowing look but didn’t say anything.

  ***

  “Long day, huh?” Heath asked as he pulled his bag over his shoulder.

  I hadn’t read that many words in a long time. Everyone at the office was asking me to proofread their work. I was practically the new editor. “You could say that.”

  He walked beside me as we headed to the elevator. “You want to get a drink?”
/>
  “I’ll never say no to that.”

  The elevator doors closed and we rode to the bottom.

  “You seem tired today,” Heath noted. “Did you go out last night?”

  “No, not exactly,” I said. “Conrad came over and we played video games until pretty late.”

  “That’s cool,” he said. “Conrad seems like a nice guy.”

  “He is.” I remembered our fight.

  Heath caught the tone of my silence. “Everything alright?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “We’ve been friends since we were in diapers, and he started hanging out with our other friend more. I guess…I got a little jealous. We fought about it but we’re okay now.”

  We walked up the street until we reached the sports bar. “It’s understandable. No one likes to feel a friend slip away.”

  We sat at a table then ordered our drinks. “I guess I thought he preferred Theo over me. They are opening a business together and I felt left out. Plus, they live together. And on top of that, they both got girlfriends at the same time. I just feel like they have more in common.”

  “I don’t think it matters,” Heath said. “A best friend will always be a best friend even when everything changes.”

  “I guess so…” I drank my beer then felt my body relax. “Do you have someone you’re really close to?”

  “Um…” He thought for a moment. “I was really close to this guy named Ander. We did everything together. He was definitely my best friend, someone who shared all my hobbies and made me laugh on my darkest days. But, we don’t talk anymore…” Sadness was in his voice.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “We just grew apart,” he said evasively. He drank his beer to cover up the tension. “Everyone is loving you at the office.”

  “They are?” I asked hopefully.

  “I hear all the gossip when I go into the break room,” he said. “Everyone seems to be impressed with your abilities, especially since you didn’t major in writing.”

  “Cool…” I felt my body flush with pride.

  “Even Nora has said some nice things.”

  “Wow,” I said. “Then that must mean I’m really good.”

  He chuckled. “It seems that way. I have a feeling she’s going to offer you the editor position. You wouldn’t be writing, but since so many people are trusting you with their articles, she thinks it’s a good fit.”