The Wife's Choice: An emotional and totally unputdownable family drama

by Emma Davies

  ‘Really? I didn’t think it was that bad…’

  I look at her concerned face and smile automatically. ‘No, of course it isn’t. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with that, if it makes you happy. It just isn’t for me, that’s all.’

  Tash pulls one of my pattern books toward her with her free hand. ‘So, what are you going to do? Because I should have thought that was obvious.’

  I shake my head. It’s a conversation we’ve had on several occasions before. ‘Stop it,’ I reply. ‘I’m far too old to go starting my own business now.’ I watch her while she takes another swallow of wine, a cheeky grin on her face. ‘Right, down to business. What kind of thing do you have in mind?’ I ask. ‘Demure, flirty, femme fatale?’

  Tash could pull off any of those looks; she’s gorgeous. Five-foot-nine, with a model figure, ice-blonde hair, baby-blue eyes and nearly fifteen years younger than me. But, even though on that basis I should hate her with a passion, I couldn’t wish for a better sister-in-law.

  She sighs. ‘Do you know what I’d love?’ she says. ‘Something feminine… soft, floaty. Anything that’s not made of Lycra.’

  Tash is a personal trainer. Even now, of an evening, she’s wearing skintight leggings and a vest top. I unhook my bag from the arm of one of the chairs. ‘Well, in that case…’ I pull out the sample of fabric I cut at work the day before. ‘What do you think to this?’

  I lay the sliver of silk on the table and watch her reaction. Her mouth drops open into a soft ‘O’ of surprise. ‘It’s perfect… so pretty.’

  ‘And not midnight blue.’ I grin. The material is cream silk, covered in pale pink cabbage roses; hideously expensive, but on Tash it will look amazing.

  ‘I thought we might do something like this…’ I pull the book back towards me and thumb through the pages, stopping at a very simple design. The dress is cut on the bias and will drape itself softly around Tash’s curves, emphasising them without being clingy. A flippy hem adds to the romantic look.

  ‘Oh God… It’s so beautiful. Angela would hate that, she’d be green with envy…’ A wicked gleam comes into her eye. ‘I love it!’

  I pick up my wine glass, holding it up to clink against hers. ‘Then that’s it, job done.’

  ‘Just like that?’

  ‘Just like that. I’ll have to take some measurements from you and do a couple of fittings, but I’ve made this dress before – a long time ago, mind, when I could wear things like this – and it doesn’t take long. I’ll buy the material tomorrow while I can still get my staff discount and I’ll have it made by the weekend. Which gives us next week to tinker with it if we need to.’

  Tash is staring at me. ‘What do you mean, when you could wear things like this? Oh, make another one for yourself, you have to!’ She pauses. ‘Maybe not exactly the same, otherwise we’d just be doing an Angela all over again, but a different fabric, something brighter… red, or… green. With your hair that would look amazing.’

  ‘Tash, I really don’t think—’

  ‘Why not?’

  I give an exasperated sigh. ‘Well, for one thing, I’m an awful lot older than you and another… I don’t exactly have your figure.’

  She stares at me. ‘What bloody rubbish! You have a great figure, if you didn’t hide it all the time and, as for being older than me, that’s just a number. If you look good, you look good.’

  I pull a face. ‘I don’t think so, Tash. That’s kind of you, but…’

  ‘Hugh wouldn’t like it?’

  ‘He probably wouldn’t… but, in any case, I don’t think I’d be comfortable in something quite so… it’s just not me,’ I finish, lamely.

  Tash takes a swallow of wine, watching me. ‘I disagree,’ she says. ‘But okay, I can see I’m not going to convince you.’

  I take a sip of my drink, wishing I could be more like her. ‘Right, now I’m glad we’ve got that sorted.’ I pause. ‘We need to talk about far more important things. Which is why I’m glad I’ve got you on your own,’ I say, leaning in towards her. ‘How are things between Ed and Angela now, between the two of you…?’

  Tash’s face softens. ‘I still can’t quite believe Ed stood up to her, but things are certainly different.’ She gives me a coy look. ‘It’s like we’ve fallen in love all over again.’

  ‘It was a big thing he did for you,’ I reply. ‘Quite possibly the biggest declaration of his love for you he could make.’

  ‘It certainly was.’ She smiles. ‘Utterly ridiculous of course… that he should have even had to. I mean, for goodness’ sake we’ve been married for six years, you’d have thought that Angela would have got over it by now. But I guess I’m always going to be in Louise’s shadow whatever I do. I have to accept that.’

  ‘Don’t put yourself down, Tash. Louise wasn’t perfect by any means. But she died of cancer, unfortunately, and although I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, it put her on the highest pedestal on earth and you—’

  ‘Will always be the second wife?’

  ‘Yes, I’m afraid you will… But Ed loves you, for you, not because you’re a replacement for Louise; he’s just made that perfectly clear. Telling Angela that her behaviour towards you was unacceptable was long overdue, we all know that. You two couldn’t have gone on the way you were. I’m sure it’s caused a few… ripples having him ban her from your house, but that can’t be all bad.’ I catch Tash’s eye and grin. Angela has never been as bossy or unpleasant with me as she has with Tash, but there’ve been many times when I wished Hugh would stand up for me.

  ‘There is that,’ she admits, smirking. ‘And at least the ball is now in her court. I’m not about to change, I’ve told her that, so if she wants any kind of relationship with me, it’s up to her.’ She stops, fiddling with the stem of her wine glass. ‘Problem is, Angela’s not really talking to me at all at the moment and that isn’t what I want either. I’ve just swapped feeling angry and hurt by her behaviour for feeling guilty that I’ve caused a rift between Ed and his mother.’

  ‘You haven’t caused a rift, Tash, Angela did that all by herself. And clearly that was a risk Ed was prepared to take. Things will settle down, I’m sure. And I for one am very glad that Ed’s taken a stand, because I’m banking on you being a part of this family for a very long time to come. Louise was okay, we got on well enough, but she wasn’t you, Tash, not by a long chalk.’

  She smiles gratefully. ‘I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you to talk to,’ she confides. ‘You’re just so… so, sensible and wise… Sorry, no offence, I didn’t mean that the way it very probably sounded.’

  ‘None taken,’ I reply, amused. ‘I am old, there’s no getting away from it. Not necessarily wise, but definitely old.’

  ‘You are not!’

  ‘I’m nearly fifty, Tash… how on earth did that happen? One minute I was full of energy and hope and now I’m…’ I trail off, suddenly choked by the enormity of what I am about to say. ‘Now I’m a middle-aged married woman with a grown-up daughter. It’s crept up on me rather.’

  Tash sighs wistfully. ‘Yes, but what an achievement. A long and happy marriage and a beautiful and talented daughter. That’s a lot to be proud of.’

  ‘It is, I know.’ I look up at her, nodding, knowing she wants me to agree. ‘Did I ever tell you I was married before?’ The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

  ‘No…’ Tash looks genuinely shocked. ‘I thought you and Hugh had been together since, well, forever.’

  I smile, ignoring the voice in my head telling me, No, it just feels like that.

  ‘How old were you?’ she asks. ‘You can only have been about fourteen.’

  ‘Not quite. Early twenties,’ I reply. ‘Just one of those things… Been to uni, got my degree, had my life all planned out and then, bam… fell in love.’

  Tash picks up the wine bottle and pours herself another half glass. ‘So, come on then, tell me all about it.’

  She’s settling in for a good story,
but I’m going to have to disappoint her. If I start talking about you now, who knows where it might end.

  ‘There’s not much to tell,’ I reply. ‘I met him in the canteen at work, the day I started at Harringtons. We only said half a dozen words to each other, but evidently that was enough. There was just something about the way he said my name, the way he looked at me, like he knew every part of me. And yet how could he…?’ I break off, laughing. ‘And yes, I am aware that sounds crazy. Anyway, we met one day and then he left the next. My first day, his last… But two weeks later I bumped into him again and it was like meeting my oldest friend. Or so I thought at the time anyway.’

  Tash leans in. ‘Oh my God, that’s so romantic. So what happened?’

  I dip my head a little. ‘It didn’t work out,’ I say simply. ‘We were not meant to be together, after all.’

  ‘Oh, but the chances of you meeting at all in the first place. A day later and you would have missed one another. It’s like fate, isn’t it? Like you were destined to be together…’

  It was. That’s how it felt.

  I laugh nervously. ‘Obviously not, given what happened. And our meeting wasn’t that surprising really. I’d got my job at Harringtons because a friend of mine from uni knew Hugh and recommended me to him. And Tom was a friend of Hugh’s so I expect I would have bumped into him sooner or later even if we hadn’t met at work—’

  ‘Tom? Was that him…?’

  I blush. I haven’t said your name out loud for years. The shape of it feels strange on my lips.

  ‘Yes, but anyway… that was it really. We had a stupidly whirlwind courtship, got married and then split up a year later. Hugh was just about to be promoted to the Norwich branch and, knowing that I could do with a change of scene, offered me a job, and the rest is history. We got together a while later, and then Esme came along and here we are, present day.’ I roll my eyes at her.

  ‘Aw, it’s still a nice story. First love and all that, so sweet.’ She eyes me cheekily. ‘Do you still think about him?’

  ‘God no,’ I lie. ‘Not in years. And I have no idea where he is. I lived in Cambridge back then – he could still be there for all I know.’ I shake my head in amusement. ‘Blimey, you know you’re getting old when you start harping back to your youth, don’t you? That’s the trouble when your children grow up; you start living vicariously through them, reminiscing on what you did when you were their age.’

  ‘Well, I can think of worse things,’ replies Tash. ‘Esme is a complete credit to you and Hugh. And just about to set sail on her own wonderfully exciting adventure; you must be so chuffed for her.’

  ‘Oh, I am. Landing her first job since gaining her diploma and it’s at The Green Room… It really doesn’t get much better and will be the biggest feather in her cap. I don’t think she’s stopped smiling since she got the news.’

  ‘I really hope it all works out for her,’ says Tash. ‘No one deserves it more than she does. And I’m sure things will be fine this time around, it’s a completely different venture from the restaurant in London, isn’t it?’

  I’m about to reply when I suddenly realise what she’s said. ‘What do you mean, things will be fine this time around?’

  Tash looks a little uncomfortable. ‘Nothing… Really, I didn’t mean there was anything wrong…’ Her mouth makes a little moue of apology. ‘Sorry, Alys, I don’t know the details, only that there was some funny business down in London. I shouldn’t have said anything.’

  ‘No, I’m glad you have. If there’s anything not right about this job, I’d rather know now, for Esme’s sake. What do you mean by funny business? Fraud? Breaking hygiene regulations? Cooking horse meat…?’

  Tash smiles, shaking her head. ‘I don’t think it was anything serious. I mean, if it was, they wouldn’t still be in business, would they?’ She breaks off and bites her lip. ‘Alys, I don’t actually know what happened… it was just something that Hugh said. He—’

  ‘Hugh?’

  She frowns. ‘Yes, Hugh. He popped in earlier to see Ed…’ She studies my face. ‘Oh, you didn’t know. And now I’ve put my foot in it.’

  I lay a hand on her arm. ‘Tash, don’t look so worried, you haven’t done anything wrong. Hugh goes to see Ed all the time, they are brothers, it’s allowed… I’m just surprised that he would be discussing something like this with Ed so soon after finding out Esme got the job. It was only yesterday.’

  ‘I just got the impression he was a bit concerned, that’s all. But then, maybe that’s just Hugh being Hugh. He always has had a tendency to wrap Esme in cotton wool, hasn’t he?’

  I wrinkle my nose. ‘He has.’

  ‘And I’m sure it absolutely is the most perfect opportunity, it certainly sounds it. I should just ask Hugh about it if you’re worried but, like I said, I doubt it’s anything serious.’

  4

  ‘But what if I’m completely useless?’ wails Esme the next morning as I pull into the small parking area at the rear of The Green Room.

  ‘What if you’re not?’ I counter, smiling fondly at her. I reach across and stroke her hair. ‘Okay, so this being your first day in a new job, I feel duly obliged to offer the statutory mother-to-daughter words of advice… whether you want to hear them or not.’

  Esme smiles. ‘Who are you trying to make feel better, you or me?’

  ‘Hah!’ I reply, caught out. ‘But you’re quite right. I’m terrified too. I won’t be able to settle all day until I know it’s gone well.’

  ‘At least you didn’t say if it goes well.’ She groans, but she’s grinning. ‘Go on then, let’s hear your pearls of wisdom.’

  ‘Okay, well firstly, and very obviously, just do your best. No one can ask any more of you.’

  Esme nods. ‘Yep, got that.’

  ‘Secondly, always be yourself, and lastly, remember that no question is ever stupid. We’ve all had first days and better to ask than pretend you know.’

  There’s an expectant look. ‘That’s it?’ she says after a moment. ‘After all these years, that’s the sum total of your motherly advice?’ She laughs. ‘Thanks, Mum.’

  ‘You’re very welcome,’ I say. ‘Now go and be extraordinary.’

  She takes a very deep breath, one hand on the door handle. ‘God, I’m nervous.’

  ‘I know. But that’s a good thing. The most important things in life always make us nervous. That’s how we know how much they mean to us.’ I grin. ‘You can have that one for free.’

  ‘Right, I’m going,’ she replies, leaning across to kiss my cheek. ‘I’ll see you later. Thanks, Mum.’

  And just like that, she’s gone.

  I watch her as she walks to the restaurant door, poised despite her nerves. ‘You’ll be just fine, sweetheart,’ I murmur under my breath, feeling suddenly emotional. It hardly seems a day ago that she was holding my hand for balance as she learned to walk, and now look at her. Vivacious, daring, full of joy and spirit; all the things I was, once. I start the engine quickly before I begin to cry.

  Hilary doesn’t make me feel any better. She’s always had a tendency towards condescension but I’m not really sure I can cope with it today.

  ‘I know you’re not going to be with us for much longer, Alys, but we still have plenty to be getting on with.’ I’m carrying several bolts of fabric when she says it; it’s hardly called for. ‘And I’ve asked Elaine to call in later too. I know she doesn’t normally work today, but I thought you could show her the stock system.’

  I’ve already walked past her, only one ear listening, but I slowly turn. ‘The stock system?’

  ‘Yes.’ Hilary’s face registers surprise. ‘Maintaining that will fall to Elaine once you’re gone, she’ll need to learn how to use it.’

  ‘I see,’ I say quietly. ‘And you’d like me to teach her, would you?’

  ‘Yes please.’ Hilary is growing bored of the conversation. ‘And, let’s see how we go, but I’ve made a list of the other duties that are specific to you and, if we h
ave time today, we can pick off another couple and have a go at those too.’

  I stare at her, feeling a slow bloom of anger rise within me. Anger I’ve got so used to quashing that I automatically force a smile before I even know what I’m doing.

  Hilary checks her watch before glancing around the department as if expecting hordes of people to miraculously appear once the store is open. She’s not looking at me and, as I stand letting the seconds tick by, I realise it’s as if I’m not even here. I can’t believe she is being so insensitive. Asking me to train up my replacement when I’ve only just been made redundant.

  ‘Couldn’t you at least wait until I’ve gone?’ I mutter.

  Two pink spots appear on Hilary’s cheeks. Oh God, did she hear me?

  ‘Well, I…’

  An image of Esme from this morning floats into my consciousness, her enthusiasm, her self-assurance despite her nerves. How has my life come to this? I lift my head a little, trying to find some dignity.

  ‘You see, the thing is, Hilary, I’ve worked at Harringtons since I was twenty-two. And maybe it wasn’t the career path I originally wanted but I’ve worked hard, and when I was the manager here we were successful too. But you know what happened next. Staff got redeployed, the sales area shrank, they no longer needed a manager… But I’ve never complained. Or been uncooperative. I’ve simply got on with my job, serving and advising customers and trying to make what we have here the best it can be. So please don’t ask me to end my time teaching someone else my job. I appreciate it has to be done, but with all due respect, Hilary, erm… I wondered if you might be the best person to do it.’

  Dear God, did I really just say all that? Even though I didn’t tell her what I really felt. I find a smile from somewhere. ‘Sorry, Hilary. This isn’t personal at all, I just feel it’s a bit… insensitive.’ I swallow.

  Her cheeks are now flaming. ‘I see,’ she says, her voice barely under control. ‘Well I think you’ve made yourself perfectly clear, Alys. Although I must say I’m surprised. If you didn’t want to be in the position you are now then you should have said something, instead of taking it out on me just because you’ve changed your mind.’