Counting on Love

by R L Burgess

  “So, what should we do?” Travis asked.

  “I think we can follow the side of the hill and slip around the midline. It’s longer in kilometres, but we won’t have to go up or down which should save our legs.”

  “Let’s do it,” Zoe said. “Lead the way, Chiara.”

  They all fell into line behind Chiara as they picked their way across the barely visible bush track. If it wasn’t for Chiara’s exceptional orienteering skills, Zoe knew they would have been much further behind in this challenge. As it was they actually had a shot of winning the event.

  Zoe breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet, eucalyptus-scented air, enjoying the warm patches of sunlight, filtering in through the trees. It was good to be outside again with her friends, free from the stresses of the last few weeks. The tall gum trees reminded her of Alice Springs, a sudden painful twinge gripping her heart. She wouldn’t think about that now. She couldn’t think about that now. She had wasted enough time breaking her heart over what had happened with Reyna in the small hours of the morning when she should have been sleeping. Dark rings around her eyes told a story of too many hours spent sitting in her kitchen drinking endless cups of tea.

  They were moving faster now, jogging along the tiny path without talking, concentrating on their steps. Zoe could hear her friends breathing hard as they navigated the difficult path. She stretched out a hand and caught a bunch leaves, scrunching them up to hold under her nose for the aroma. Peppermint gum, she thought. They had mainly seen river gums in Alice. For the hundredth time she wondered if Reyna thought much about their encounter. They had barely seen each other over the last fortnight. Reyna had been locked away in her office, apparently having endless meetings. They had passed briefly in the hallway, Reyna stopping to ask in awkward, stilted tones how she was settling back in. Zoe had been torn between throwing her arms around Reyna, and giving her the cold shoulder. So instead she had found herself mumbling something vague and meaningless as she hurried away.

  She thought back to the email she had received during the week and wondered again if it was worth considering. “I’ve had an email from Financial Literacy Australia,” she announced as she carefully stepped over a fallen branch.

  “Who?” Travis asked from behind her.

  “They work with vulnerable community groups. Promoting financial literacy and health,” Zoe replied, puffing a little as she spoke. “They’ve offered me a job.”

  “What?” Mel risked a look over her shoulder. “What kind of job?”

  “Designing and implementing a program for schools.”

  “Zoe, that sounds amazing,” Chiara called from the front.

  “Wait, we need to talk about this properly,” Mel said, stopping abruptly. Zoe skidded to a halt behind her, Travis putting his hands on her pack to steady himself. “Are you seriously considering this?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  “Guys!” Enid called from along the path. “Zoe this is big news, but can we talk about it properly when we’re back at the base. We need to discuss this when I can actually breathe!”

  “Sure.” Zoe gave Mel a nudge forward. “Keep up, Mel,” she prodded.

  “What! You just wait until I am not dying from exhaustion, Cavendish. I’m going to get you.”

  In the end they came in second place, a result Mel felt was definitely “none too shabby.” As evening fell, they gathered around the campfire, balancing bowls of curry on their laps, eating by the firelight. Around them, similar groups clustered together, enjoying some well-earned rest after the day’s orienteering race.

  “So, Zoe,” Mel said. “Tell us everything. What’s the deal with this job offer?”

  Zoe finished her mouthful. “I caught up with these guys in Alice Springs. They’re called Financial Literacy Australia and they were interested in my seminar program. It turns out they want me to design a program to take into schools. They’ve got a grant to implement the program over the next five years and can offer me a proper salary and everything.”

  “Not like you get now, though,” Mel guessed.

  “Yeah, and only for five years,” Chiara added.

  “Five years is ages and who knows what else will come up during that time? And yeah, it’s community sector-style salary, but that doesn’t really bother me. I’ve got my mortgage all sorted with enough tucked away for a rainy day. I can easily afford to take a pay cut.”

  “Aren’t we supposed to be aiming for pay raises in life?” Enid asked through a mouthful of curry. “And don’t you love your job?”

  “I do love my job, but maybe it’s time to move on.”

  “Because of Reyna?” Mel probed. “You can’t leave just because things went south with Reyna. That would not be cool.”

  “It’s not because of Reyna. Well,” Zoe caught herself, “not entirely because of Reyna. I won’t lie. It is a factor, but you know how much I’ve enjoyed running my seminars. These guys are offering me an opportunity to upscale massively and implement a program for all Victorian school children.”

  “That’s a lot of kids,” Travis mused. “Do you have to teach them all?”

  “Nope. They said I’d have my own team. I’d run some sessions, but I’d also be supervising the team to deliver the program according to the benchmarks I set. They also mentioned getting involved in some of their women’s prison programs in the future, so I think there’s lots of opportunity.”

  “Sounds pretty cool,” Travis replied.

  “Are you seriously thinking about taking this?” Mel asked.

  “Yeah. Well, we’re meeting up on Monday to go over the details. They asked me for a decision by the end of the week. Apparently, if I don’t take it, they’ll advertise.”

  “When does it start?”

  “First of the month.”

  “But that’s in three weeks!” Mel frowned heavily. “I’m not ready for that.”

  “Well, you might not have to be ready. I still have to meet up with them.”

  “It sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”

  “I haven’t,” Zoe said, knowing she pretty much already had. This offer was a godsend. No way could she stay working in the same building as Reyna after what they had experienced together. Her heart cracked into a million pieces every time she caught a glimpse of her across the office. She knew time would probably dull the pain, but why put herself through that when a great opportunity had presented itself just when she needed to get away?

  “Just promise you’ll talk to us before you make your final decision, okay?” Mel asked, taking a swig of her beer. “I don’t want to be the last to know that my best friend is leaving.”

  “I promise.”

  She took the day off work on Monday, calling in sick. It wasn’t exactly a lie. The knot of anxiety sitting in her stomach was making her feel nauseous and she had spent another restless night, fighting with the doona as she tried to court sleep.

  At lunchtime, she took herself to the beach, strolling along the boardwalk as she licked a chocolate ice cream. Her meeting with Evie and Graeme had gone so well she was in no doubt about her choice. She would take the job. The salary they were offering her was much more than she had expected and would allow her to maintain the comforts she had become used to. Comforts mum never had, she reminded herself, shrugging off the thought angrily. She sat down on a bench and watched the waves. She was tired. Tired of beating herself up about her mum, tired of yearning for something that could not be, tired of dreaming about Reyna when she eventually fell into fitful sleep each night. It was a sort of torture, she decided. No need for waterboarding or whatever they did to people. Just make people fall in love.

  Diligently, she pulled out her mobile phone and opened up the group chat she shared with her friends. Interview went well. Job is amazing. I’m going to take it.

  Within minutes replies pinged back, congratulating her. Mel’s made her smile. Do they need a graphic designer? Who knew? Maybe they would.

  Next she opened up her email and sent a
message to Evie and Graeme thanking them for their time today and accepting the position. Finally she created a message to Thomus, requesting a meeting with him first thing the following morning. He wouldn’t wonder why she was accessing her emails when she was supposed to be off sick. He expected his staff to be contactable rain, hail, or shine.

  The following morning she sat across from Thomus and handed him a typed copy of her resignation.

  “What’s this?” he asked, fingering the envelope without opening it.

  “It’s my resignation, Thomus,” she said. “I want to thank you for the wonderful opportunities I’ve had here. I’ve loved working at Azoulay House and I’ll be sad to move on, but I’ve had an offer I can’t refuse.”

  “Going to Langley’s?” he asked. “They offer big salaries my girl, but watch out. The culture is awful. You’ll be working twenty-four-seven.”

  “Actually, with the greatest respect, I’m not ‘your girl,’ and I’m not going to Langley’s. I’m moving to the community sector.”

  “The community sector,” Thomus said, his mouth puckering around the word as if it tasted sour in his mouth. He gave a quick laugh. “Your bank balance won’t thank you for that.”

  Zoe smiled. “I’ve been offered a significant opportunity to head up my own team with a more than generous remuneration package, so my bank balance will be fine, thanks.” She rose from her chair, duty done. “I’m giving the required two-weeks’ notice. Please let me know how you’d like me to prioritise my workload during the time I have left.”

  “Have you spoken to Reyna about this?”

  “No,” Zoe said quickly, her pulse jumping irrationally at the mention of Reyna’s name. “I’ve come directly to you as my line manager.”

  “She’ll be disappointed,” he said with a scowl. “She invested a lot in you, taking you to FinCo.”

  Zoe felt a rush of guilt. She hadn’t thought of that. But then again, Reyna had taken her to FinCo to present on a program she had developed and implemented for Azoulay House, on her own time. She would leave them with the intellectual property and they could continue to run the programs. That would have to do. “I’m sure I won’t be the first bad investment Reyna’s made in her life. It happens to us all occasionally. She’ll get over it.”

  “You’ll be wanting a reference from me.”

  “Thanks, Thomus. That would be great.”

  She left his stuffy office and returned to her desk where she managed to hide out for the rest of the day with few interruptions. She just needed to make it through the next fortnight and she would be free. It wasn’t that she was running away, more like trying to slide out the side door unnoticed.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Reyna (Thursday, a.m.)

  Reyna stared at her computer screen in disbelief. Thomus’s email was brief, just keeping her in the loop, letting her know that Zoe Cavendish had resigned. Would she like to join the morning tea for Zoe next week?

  Morning tea? What the fuck? This was bad. She berated herself again for the poor choices she had made in Alice Springs. She had hoped the worst of it would be an awkwardness at work that would eventually dissipate. It seemed that her worst fears had been confirmed. She had stepped over the line and now Zoe clearly felt too uncomfortable to stay.

  Reyna sat back in her chair, swivelling around to stare out the window. What a mess. She had tried to stay busy over the last few weeks, keeping out of Zoe’s way, but obviously it had not been enough. Should she have tried to speak with her? Reassure her that it would all be okay? No doubt about it. She had failed in her duty as a manager in this situation, but she just hadn’t been able to bring herself to have the conversation. If she was honest with herself, she wasn’t sure she could be alone with Zoe, worried she would lose her mind and scoop Zoe up into her arms and hold her tightly, kiss the worry lines away from her brow. But there was nothing for it now. Decency required her to act and she would just have to be strong.

  Reyna swung her chair back around and picked up her phone, punching in Zoe’s internal line. After the sixth ring Reyna was about to hang up when Zoe’s voice came down the line.

  “Hello?”

  “Zoe, it’s Reyna. Do you have a moment to come to my office?”

  “Now?”

  “If it’s convenient.”

  “Okay, sure.”

  Reyna hung up the receiver and stood up to look out the window, restless as she waited for the knock on her door. When it came, she called, “Come in,” and sat back down in her chair as Zoe entered the room.

  Zoe, pale-faced and dark around her eyes in a way that left Reyna feeling uneasy, sat opposite her, hands folded over the notebook in her lap.

  “Thanks for coming,” Reyna said, feeling unsure of herself. Could she manage this? She gripped a pencil on the desk, opening her notebook out of habit just to stop herself from reaching across the desk. She wished she could erase the seriousness in Zoe’s face, find a way to bring the sparkle back into her usually bright eyes.

  “No problem. What can I do for you?” Zoe asked, her tone polite but cool.

  “Thomus has been in touch. He tells me you’ve handed in your resignation.”

  “Yes.”

  “Zoe, I…” Reyna broke off. “You don’t have to do this. We can work it out.”

  “I know. I’m not doing it because I have to. I’ve been offered an excellent opportunity. Too good to turn down.”

  “Really?”

  Zoe’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, really. I’m actually quite good at what I do.”

  “Oh, god, I didn’t mean it that way, Zoe. I meant…I’m sorry. It came out wrong.”

  “That’s okay.”

  “Do you mind me asking what?”

  “Financial Literacy Australia has offered me a chance to develop an economic health and wellbeing program for schools. I start in a week and a half.”

  “That soon?”

  “Yes. I did give my required two-weeks’ notice,” Zoe said primly.

  Reyna blew out a frustrated sigh. This wasn’t going well. “Of course. I’m sure you did. Look, is there any way I can change your mind? I don’t—we don’t—want to lose you at Azoulay House.”

  Zoe smiled grimly, her eyes refusing to participate in the activity. “Thank you, but my mind is made up. I’ve accepted the position. I think it will be a great move forward.”

  “It certainly sounds like the kind of thing you would excel at.”

  They gazed at each other across the expanse of Reyna’s wide desk. An ocean couldn’t have made them feel farther apart.

  Reyna waited for Zoe to say something—anything—but she sat, resolutely quiet, as if biding her time until their meeting was over.

  “So, there’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”

  “I wouldn’t have thought so.”

  “But why do you have to leave? I get that this job sounds great, but you were running your own program here. Can’t we give you more of that?”

  “I don’t have to leave. I want to leave.”

  “Why? Because of us?”

  “What us are you referring to? You’ve been pretty clear that there is no us.”

  “I know, I mean…” Reyna looked away. “Zoe, I’m really trying here.”

  “Trying what? To get me to stay on as your employee?” Zoe spat out the word like it didn’t belong in her mouth. “I don’t really want that, Reyna.”

  “You don’t?”

  Zoe looked at her hands as if the answer were written in secret ink on her palm. “No. I want…I wanted you.”

  Reyna’s breath caught in her chest. “It’s not possible, Zoe. I explained that to you.”

  “Actually, you didn’t. You told me you have too many commitments, whatever that means. But surely it’s possible to make some room in your life if you really want to. People don’t knock back something special because they have too many appointments.”

  “Is that how you think it is for me? Too many appointments?” Reyna felt a rush
of frustration. “What do you think I should cut back on, Zoe? You tell me how to work it out. Should I renege on my duties to the firm and the three hundred and fifty employees I have across the nation? Or perhaps I should sideline my responsibility to my nephew whose parents died in a car crash nine months ago? What are your thoughts here, Zoe? Which appointment do I shift off so we can go out to dinner and hold hands in the evenings?”

  Zoe paled. Pink spots stung her cheeks as if Reyna had slapped her. “Thank you for making it clearer. I hadn’t fully appreciated your position.”

  Reyna ran a hand across her forehead, upset with herself for losing her cool. “I’m sorry if that sounded harsh. But my hands are tied.”

  “Got it,” Zoe said, a muscle in her jaw flickering. “Is there anything else you need? If not, I’ll get back to my desk. I’ve got quite a bit to finish up before my last day.”

  Reyna took a shaky breath, trying to calm her racing pulse. “I hope you’ll change your mind, but if you don’t, I wish you all the best, Zoe,” she said, finally. “If there’s ever anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to be in touch.”

  Zoe looked like she was going to say something but changed her mind, nodding instead. She rose from the chair, hugging her notebook to her chest and hurried out of the room.

  Reyna put her head on the desk, thankful for the tinted windows that meant she had ultimate privacy. For a moment she let herself forget she was the CEO of a national firm and cried like a girl with a broken heart.

  Zoe’s farewell morning tea was excruciating. Reyna gave the required speech about how much Zoe had brought to the firm and how sorely she would be missed, allowing herself to mean the words in a way she realised she had probably never done before. She smiled heartily and clapped along with the group as Thomus presented Zoe with a voucher from the team for an adventure travel store, and a potted plant, “so she wouldn’t forget them as long as she kept it alive.” Zoe gave a pretty speech about how great the team was and how much she had valued all the opportunities she had had with Azoulay House. She didn’t meet Reyna’s eyes, her gaze sweeping past her as she thanked everyone and wished them all the best. Zoe put a little stack of cards at the end of the table and invited everyone to grab a copy of her new email address if they should wish to contact her in the future. Reyna found herself tucking the card into her suit pocket as she edged away from the gathering.