*
In a different place and time, Maloch and Alza huddled together in the burnt out husk of a church. The rain still fell without a moment's break, but not a drop touched Alza's fair skin. Overhead, in the shape of a massive dome, was a shield of air and flame. Alza still did not know how she had combined the two, but it was effective. The rain gave off a gentle sizzle whenever water met fire, which had an oddly calming effect.
“I hope master Barsch and master Kingston managed to find shelter.” Alza floundered for a response. She was still not used to holding conversations with people, let alone re-mech’s.
“I'm sure they will survive this storm. They have proven themselves capable in the past,” she eventually answered.
“You do not seem to worried, even though you have been travelling with them far longer than I.”
“If I had emotions, I would not waste them on worrying about Ba- those two.”
Maloch gave her a sidelong glance that was almost human in execution. It was a look of surprise, mixed in with a healthy dose of disbelief. Eventually, he said, “I was not informed about your lack of emotions. Tell me, for how long has it been this way?”
Alza thought back, to when she had first awoken in Kingston's hut, and said, “Ever since I can remember, I have been emotionless. I do not know if I ever possessed them to begin with. Besides, from what I have seen, they are nothing but reward-less burdens. I am most likely better off this way. What about you? Have you ever had emotions?”
“Unfortunately, any extreme emotions produced by my A.I. Core are automatically removed by my Emotion Limiting Engine, for my own benefit I am told. A fellow re-mech once told me a tale from before the South Wars. He told me that when re-mechs were first created, they were able to experience the full range of emotions and think for themselves. Unfortunately those very same emotions made them dangerous to their masters, so they were removed. However, because the A.I., which produced the simulated emotions, is hard-wired into every re-mech, they decided to create an artificial limiter.”
“So, you too lack emotions? Then surely you should know how little they matter. When I'm fighting, there is no fear, no excitement. I am not distracted by emotions, so I am able to fight more effectively. Is it not the same for you?” Alza relaxed by a tiny portion. Conversing with Barsch or Kingston was tiring and difficult, but speaking with Maloch was oddly calming.
“I will not lie to you and say that I have not thought the same before, but I believe that emotions can be useful too. I have seen soldiers, empowered by their love for countries, or desperate to protect those they value, fight with the strength of ten men. I have seen men, half-dead and almost broken, perform feats of incredible ability when their loved ones were threatened. Emotions can give us power, just as easily as they can make us vulnerable.”
Although Alza refused to agree, she had long since realised the power of emotions; after watching Barsch and Kingston put everything on the line because of their feelings, and persevere. Looking up at the shield of fire, she quietly asked, “So... if it were possible, would you ask for emotions? Even if it meant throwing away everything that you have. Would you give up who you are, in exchange for the promise of emotions?”
It was Maloch's turn to think. He thought back on his time in the war, and of his subsequent interactions with the emotional humans he called “master”. If he somehow managed to acquire emotions, would he still be able to serve humans? Would he be content to remain a slave, whilst knowing that he had the capacity to become something much greater.
He glanced down at his mangled body. Every dent, every hole, had been gained whilst serving humanity. Self-sacrifice was programmed into him, but if he had emotions, would he still risk his body for those who gave no thanks afterwards? It was a line of thought that was inherently dangerous, and if he had voiced his concerns to any other human, they would have reported him for a complete A.I wipe.
“I do not know, Alza. Perhaps if you give me some time, I will be able to come up with an answer that will satisfy you.”
Alza nodded, no words needed. After that, they sat in silence beneath the shield of flame and wind, as the acid rain continued to pour.
Awakening Page 148