Awakening

by Hayden Pearton

  *

  The void. Always the void. It calls to me. It embraces me. I float through it, as my thoughts drift across my mind. There is a peace here, born through the non-existence of strife. It is calm, reassuring, and it was made for me. The void is without anger, without pain, without hope, without life. The nothingness stretches on for infinity, like a night sky bereft of stars. Somewhere, out there, I know that others are dreaming. They exist, not awake, yet not asleep. Their minds flourish as impossible hopes become reachable dreams, and they cry out as nightmares form from the darkness in their hearts.

  It is here, where reality is thinned and the line between what is and what is not blurs; that I can truly exist. In the world of light, I am cast out for lacking emotions. In the world of darkness, I am feared for my power. But here, in the twilight, in this world of shadows and impossible things, I can find a place to call home. The pain and weariness from the real world are but figments of imagination here.

  My worries. My fears. My hopes. My dreams. They exist here, but they bow to me, and I give them form only if I deem it so. In the distance, swimming through the void, barely visible at this distance, is a solitary star. It changes colour with every passing second, from blue to green and back again, in an endless repetition. The star drifts closer. As it draws near, I can see it's true form. It is not a star, but an orb of light. It is transparent, but seems solid.

  It appears to be travelling in a direction that is initially random, but it seems to have a destination in mind. The orb, bigger than a person, but smaller than a thought, brings back a memory that was hidden by time.

  A voice calls out to me. A voice that is pure and sweet, and oddly familiar. “Alza, this is the Nexus of Reality, where what is and what can be exist side by side. Here, existence is determined by strength of will. You are without purpose, so you have been forced to wander through the void in isolation. The dreams and hopes of others... what they have done and what they will do... are open to you. You are connected to the Great Will. You are connected to the Knowledge and the Truth. You are connected to the Partitions of Reality. Here, every dream is but a shadow of a My dream. Here, what you believe is what you are. Here, you may glimpse visions of other realities, where things went differently. Here, you are whole.”

  The voice is gone, leaving me with a deep sense of longing. The voice made little sense to my fractured conscious, but one thing managed to break through. Strength of Will is the catalyst for creation… and destruction. What I believe becomes my reality. With these tenets in mind, I open myself to the power that dwells within. The violet energy swells and surges, filling me from head to toe. A short distance away, the blue/green star has come to a stop, almost as if it patiently waiting to see what will happen next. With the power burning me, giving me life, I extend a tendril of amethyst-coloured energy. The tendril spreads out into the void, growing larger as it nears the orb of light. They silently connect, and our dreams become linked...

  As the dream was playing out, an unconscious Barsch began to murmur, “Alza... Don't come... it's dangerous...”

  The glade. The damned glade. I have been here so many times now. I know the shape of every withered leaf, and the smell of the fetid stream is like an old friend. The dead grass is barely registered, along with the pitch-black sky. I am alone, for once. There is no Alza crying tears of blood, or Kingston screaming my name. Terra and Ion are absent as well, and Maloch's broken frame is not in its usual place. This place is a prison. A prison for my thoughts.

  Outside the glade, in the darkness, I can see an infinite void. Tiny pinpricks of coloured light are the only disruptions to the endless monochrome. They call to me. They draw me towards them, daring me to destroy my dream and go to them. The void is calling me. The glade is my only refuge. In here, I am safe from the void. Out there, there is nothing but chaos.

  A hundred... no, a thousand fragments of reality assault me whenever I step outside my protective bubble. Without relenting, they show me things... horrible things.

  Visions of a massive sphere of rock and earth plunging into the planet, pummelling it to dust.

  Visions of a great war that ends in death for all.

  Visions of a hall filled with spores, burning as a uncontrollable fire rages without end.

  Sometimes I see Alza, hair darker and amber eyes that shine with kindness, kneeling beside a stone grave. Sometimes I see Kingston, surrounded by soldiers... or lying dead in a ditch... or holding hands with a woman wielding darkness... or flying towards a bright light.

  Sometimes I see people I have never met, and sometimes I see people who will never be. Yumiere, Rigel, The Unknown Woman, Maloch, Father, Terra, Ion, A man with crimson eyes... all of them swim through my thoughts, constantly changing faces and identities. Always. Always I retreat to the glade... to my sanctuary...

  “So this is where you have hidden?” The voice is familiar, but I do not want it to be. Slowly, I tear my eyes away from the endless void, and face my attacker. Raigan is here.

  Raigan? How do I know his name? Beside him, wearing an amused smile, is a man with white hair and crimson eyes. Their eyes are cold and hard, and look as if they have no concept of the word 'mercy'. In my heart, fear takes hold, but I beat it back with sheer willpower. In this place, in my dream, I am King.

  I open my mouth and say, “My will be done!” and it is so. Behind me, summoned by my will, is a black and blue beast. It is reminiscent of Fenrir, but with sapphire eyes instead of crimson, and a sleek black coat instead of a white one.

  It howls as I scream, until the noise becomes one and the same. “Lanista” I say, “Become my violence!” and the beast obeys. It leaps forward, metal teeth bared, whilst it changes in mid-air, into the figure that I have come to hate. The blade is already roaring by the time the transformation is complete.

  In response to this, Raigan and The Man with Crimson Eyes begin to merge together, until they are one being. The new creation, which I have decided to call Crimson, opens its mouth and calls out, “We are disappointed. If you are truly the best that they can come up with... this world will be mine very soon! You are not worthy of the title, 'Champion'. We shall destroy you here, and you will never wake. You will be lost to the void, and you will never again find the light!” Crimson dives forward, his hand reaching for my heart. Lanista cries out to be used, and I resonate with its bloodlust. The screaming sword cuts through nothing except air, however, and Crimson dances away unharmed.

  “Barsch!” The word breaks through the dream, as a thick tendril of violet light dives down from the black sky. In a flash, it is over, and Alza is beside me. Her eyes look red, as if she had been crying, but I dismiss the notion as preposterous. Crimson wastes no time in continuing his attack, but we are ready. In her hand, a ball of flame grows from nothingness, while Lanista's screams for blood grow louder until I can barely focus. The violence is there, but it is but a shadow of its real self.

  Crimson sidesteps our retaliation, before landing a blow on my exposed back. Exposed?

  DID YOU FORGET YOUR PAIN?

  Instantly, the glade vanishes. Crimson vanishes. Alza too, reluctantly disappears from view. I summon a crystal to act as a mirror, and slowly face away from its reflective surface. I can feel my breath catch in my throat as my disfigured back comes into view. The pain, which has somehow been hidden from me until now, is returning with a vengeance. I scream and scream, as hot tears roll down my face. Outside, the void waits patiently for my return, as my agonized screams call back the glade.