by Holly Rayner
“Yeah, he is.” I shrugged. “He’s a sheik, actually. Middle-Eastern royalty.”
Dad whistled through his teeth. “Wasn’t expecting that,” he said. “I thought maybe he owned one of the casinos and had come to warn you not to count cards in his establishment again.”
“Dad!” I protested. “I don’t count cards.”
He winked. “You’re smart enough to, kiddo. Not that it would be right, but it wouldn’t be surprising.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m not sure whether I should be insulted that you’d be less surprised to find out I went card counting on Sarah’s bachelorette weekend than you are to discover I spent time with a handsome sheikh.”
“Take it as you will,” Dad said, smiling jovially. “So what was he doing here, then? And why the Del?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Seems like a strange place to hang out.”
“We weren’t hanging out,” I said, using air quotes. “And you’re one to talk. Why’d you come back early?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
I stilled. Crap. Dad didn’t know that the reason I was so upset was because Jalaal finally knew my secret.
Luckily, my dad continued talking without waiting for me to answer him. “Dawn forgot she had plans today. I meant to call you, but we only found out this morning, and I thought it might be nice to surprise you. I took Sammy to the Del for ice cream as one last treat before we headed home.”
“It was a nice surprise.” I reached across the table and grabbed his hand, needing a little comfort. I couldn’t be mad at him. Sam being there when I met with Jalaal was nobody’s fault. Jamaal being surprised to learn that I had a son was only my fault.
It was time to come clean.
“I met Jalaal the first night I was in Las Vegas,” I told my dad, pulling my hand back into my lap. “I ended up spending the whole weekend with him.”
“But what about Sarah?” Dad propped his elbow up on the table, resting his chin in his hand. “Didn’t she want you to spend the whole weekend with her?”
I shrugged. “She said she was fine with it, and I think they had more fun without me, to be honest. I was the only one who didn’t want to spend extravagantly and get crazy, so it was probably for the best.”
“And you and this sheikh didn’t end up spending extravagantly and getting crazy?” Dad asked, a twinkle in his eye.
I scowled across the table at him. “That’s different.”
“Please don’t tell me he came all the way here to deliver the bill.” Dad clenched his jaw.
“Calm down, Dad. He came here to see me.”
Dad raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
And here was the real meat of the story. I’d told the same story to Sarah and the others, so why was I so hesitant to say anything now? I knew my dad would always love me, even if I did make poor choices on occasion.
I sighed. “Okay, so here’s the deal: I departed unexpectedly from Jalaal’s suite. I didn’t tell him about Sam, and I knew that if I stayed he would probably want to exchange numbers or something and I wouldn’t be able to think up a good enough excuse for why we couldn’t do that.”
My dad sat up straight in his chair, his arm dropping down onto the table. “You didn’t tell him about Sam?”
The disappointment in his tone killed me. I was already so disappointed in myself. I didn’t need someone else adding another layer.
“No, Dad. I didn’t tell the super-hot, super-charming guy I met on vacation about my son.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I added, “You don’t know what it’s like, trying to date when you’re a single mom.”
“I know it’s hard, sweetie, but Sam is the most important thing in your life. Didn’t you think it wouldn’t catch up with you?”
I narrowed my eyes in anger. “Do you think I enjoyed living out my little childless fantasy?” I spat. “All I want in my life is a guy who can love Sam like I do. A guy that doesn’t think my baggage makes me un-dateable. Jalaal caught me off guard, and it felt so good to have his attention that I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t tell him about Sam. So sue me.”
Dad was quiet for a moment, gathering his thoughts. It was something I’d always respected about him. Very rarely did he say things rashly out of anger.
Finally, he reached over and squeezed my hand. “I understand,” he said. “You’re right. I have no idea what it would be like to date as a single mother. Your mother spoiled me with her love, and I can’t imagine what life would have been like without her when you and your sister were growing up.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I squeezed back.
“So if you slipped out without leaving a way to get in touch with you, how did Jalaal find you?”
I winced. “I called him. He gave me something to hang on to one night at the casino, and I was trying to return it.”
I rose from the table, untangling my hand from my father’s. He was silent as I went over to my purse and flicked through it, eventually coming up with the poker chip. I tossed it over to my dad, who caught it between his palms.
“As it turns out,” I said as he inspected it, “Jalaal didn’t want it back.”
Dad looked up at me skeptically. “No kidding,” he said, snorting. “I wouldn’t bother coming back for a fake poker chip either. Unless it was lucky.”
I chuckled. “It’s not fake, Dad. I watched him win it with my own eyes.”
He dropped the chip like it had burned him. His eyes bugged out, flicking from the piece of plastic in front of him to my face. “You can’t be serious.”
“As a heart attack.” I sat back down. “Not that it matters.”
“Of course it matters!” he crowed. “This is going to change you and Sam’s lives!”
I shook my head. “No, Dad. I’m not going to cash it in.”
“What?”
It was something I’d decided on the drive home. Part of me wanted to cash the chip in. A pretty big part, if I were being honest. Guilt alone wouldn’t be enough to keep me from cashing it—though it was pretty strong. I did have the thought that if I didn’t cash it in, that somehow helped make up for my crime. That being said, wanting karmic absolution for something I did one weekend wasn’t a good enough reason not to use the chip to send my son to college and make sure he had a good life. But there were other factors at play. What if Jalaal wanted it back after what he saw today? What if he thought I was just some scam artist and he brought the police down on me?
“It’s not worth it,” I said. “I’ll spend the rest of my life waiting for the hammer to fall. I’m going to send the chip back to Jalaal and move on.”
Dad shook his head. “I think you should take some time to really think about it, Skyler.” He fingered the chip lightly. “It’s a huge opportunity, and if your man didn’t take it today, I reckon that means he doesn’t want it back.”
“If he really doesn’t want it back, he can mail it back to me,” I replied. “I just don’t think…” I trailed off, feeling tears swell at the corners of my eyes.
“You don’t think what?”
The first sob that escaped surprised both of us. My dad, never having been great at dealing with emotions, stared at me with wide eyes.
“I-I don’t think I d-deserve it,” I cried. “I don’t think I deserve him.” I wiped the first tears away with the back of my hand. “Not after what I did.”
My dad came around the back of my chair and folded me into his arms, then. “Honey,” he cooed. “Honey, don’t cry.”
Since when had that ever stopped anyone?
I didn’t just cry—I wailed. I sobbed. I shook with anguish and regret. What if I had just told Jalaal about Sam? Would things have ended differently? At least if he had rejected me back then, I could have just gotten over it and moved on.
But now I ached. My whole body felt like it was filled with lead, heavy and poisonous. What had I been thinking? My heart was broken and it was all my fault.
“Should I have stayed a little longer
today?” I whimpered. “Should I have told him I was sorry about lying? Maybe he wouldn’t have been mad.”
Who was I kidding? Of course he would have been mad. But the self-doubt had dug its claws in and it wasn’t going anywhere.
“I don’t know, kiddo.” My dad came around and sat in the chair next to me. He shimmied it close until I could rest my head on his shoulder. “Maybe he would have been upset at you. Maybe he wouldn’t have. Maybe he would have told you a secret of his own.” He patted my shoulder. “It’s impossible to tell these things. It’s like asking what would have happened if they hadn’t cancelled that show you liked.”
I groaned. “Which one?”
“Any of them.”
“Now I’m sad and I’m thinking about all the shows I love that they cancelled,” I grumbled.
My dad chuckled and tapped me on the arm. “But nobody could tell you what would have happened if they had continued the show,” he reasoned. “What if the newer seasons were horrible? They would have left a bad taste in your mouth, and you’d have ended up wishing they hadn’t renewed the show for another season.”
“I disagree, but I see what you mean.” I slid out from under his arm and wiped my eyes. “I just hate that I’ll never know.”
“Don’t we all, honey.” He smiled at me warmly. “Don’t we all.”
“I just feel so ashamed,” I admitted. “I’ve always thought I was so responsible, but not telling Jalaal about Sam was such a childish thing to do.”
Dad rose from his seat and turned on the kettle. “I won’t say I agree with not telling Jalaal about Sam,” he said, “but I completely understand. And you need to remember that you had to grow up very fast.” He started rifling around in the cupboards for teabags and mugs. “You got pregnant right out of nursing school. That should have been your time to enjoy being a new adult, but instead you had to think about settling down. And then that boyfriend of yours flounced off to God knows where, which only made things harder.”
He settled back down at the table, leaving the cups near the kettle. “I think that if you get the chance to talk to Jalaal again, you should explain that to him. I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
Dad shrugged. “His loss.”
I rose from the table, exhausted. “I’m going to go to bed.”
Dad looked back toward the kettle, which was just starting to simmer. “You don’t want tea?”
All I wanted was Jalaal. In lieu of him, I’d take a good night’s sleep.
“I’m good, but thanks, Dad.” I forced a smile. “I’ll see you in the morning. I’m working the morning shift.”
“I’ll see you then,” he said, waving me off.
I collapsed into my bed, but sleep didn’t come for some time. I kept seeing Jalaal’s face in my head. I kept hearing his silky voice, like he was with me, beside me. I tried to remember what it had felt like to have his strong arms wrap around me and pull me close to him as we drifted off to sleep together.
My sheets were too scratchy. The traffic outside was too loud. But, more than anything, I couldn’t sleep because my heart felt too hollow.
Chapter 13
Getting up in the morning was no easy task. I wanted nothing more than to mope around in bed all day, but that wasn’t an option, and hadn’t been for about five years now. After waking Sam up, I went about my morning routine until my dad came over and started to make breakfast.
I didn’t know what I’d do without my dad. Every time I worked an early shift, he would come over and make breakfast for me and Sam before I left. I would get something to go—usually a wrap or a smoothie—and Sam and Dad would stay and eat cereal until Sam had to go to school.
If I didn’t have my dad, there would be no way I could make it without a nanny, not when I worked such long hours most days. And I couldn’t afford a nanny. Thought trains like that only reminded me how pissed I was at Sam’s dad for leaving.
I steered my thoughts away from that particularly painful topic only to have last night’s thoughts pounce on me instead. Jalaal. I still felt horrible. He was the best thing that had happened to me romantically in years—perhaps ever—and I’d ruined it.
I didn’t want to cry again before work, so I kissed Sam and Dad on the way out and then cranked the radio up as soon as I got in my car. It was a twenty-minute drive to the hospital, and I intended to spend every single second of it singing along to crappy pop songs so I wouldn’t have to think about Jalaal. Or how disappointed I was in myself.
But even singing along didn’t distract me completely. I dreaded going to work. I’d thought a weekend in Vegas might reinvigorate me a little, but all it seemed to have done was put my life in a harsher perspective. I didn’t want this humdrum life with its morning commutes, angry middle managers, and endless pursuit of rent money.
Well, I might not want it, but it was the only life I had. Perhaps it would have been more accurate to say I wasn’t ready to have it back. I’d swapped out my boring life for one weekend of glamor, but one weekend would never be enough.
Then my thoughts slipped back to Jalaal, and to what he must think of me. He’d seen me enjoying the glamorous lifestyle he’d provided. He probably thought that was why I had been with him in the first place. I bet people tried to play him all the time.
But I hadn’t played him. Not on purpose. That was the worst part. While I had loved exploring the desert’s playground with him, my favorite memories of that weekend were the ones of us alone together. When he cut up fruit for me. When he whispered sweet words into my ear as we fell asleep. When his dark eyes seemed to absorb all the light in the room until I could only see him.
Damnit. How did I let myself start thinking about Jalaal again?
Suddenly, the radio station cut out. There was a brief ringing noise, like the kind that preceded a public service announcement.
My mind went into overdrive. Was there going to be an earthquake? A tornado? Oh God, had something happened to Sam? I moved to grab my phone.
“Good morning, San Diego. My apologies for interrupting your morning radio broadcast,” a smooth male voice said.
My heart lurched to a stop, just like my hand on its way to my purse.
I knew that voice. I had dreamed about it last night. Jalaal. Was he going to sell me out on public radio?
But he didn’t sound mad when he spoke. “My name is Sheikh Jalaal Afsal, and I have a message for a Skyler Monroe.”
Here it comes…
“Skyler, forgive me for doing this so publicly, but I wasn’t sure how else to contact you. I wanted to let you know that I think you’re an amazing woman and I truly want to be in your life. I didn’t get a chance to thank you for the weekend we shared, but I hope I will have the pleasure of seeing you again soon.”
I couldn’t believe it. I wished I could rewind the message and play it over and over again. But after a brief pause, there was more.
“I’ll be waiting for you tonight. Seven p.m., at the Azure restaurant in La Jolla. If you feel the same, I hope to see you there.”
The radio made that ringing noise again, and then it was back to crappy pop music. I almost thought I’d imagined the whole thing, but then the announcers came back on and started talking about how crazy and romantic the gesture had been.
“Skyler, if you’re out there,” said James, the morning radio host, “I think you’d be crazy not to go meet this guy.”
“Can I go meet him?” joked Gina, his cohost. “He sounds dreamy.”
A little bit of jealousy crept up in me. He was dreamy. He was also mine. But would I go for dinner with him?
I listened to the hosts discuss it for the next few minutes. I could have turned off the radio, but I was morbidly curious as to what they had to say.
“I wonder why he had to resort to taking over the radio to get this girl’s attention?” James asked.
“Maybe they had a hot one-night stand and he lost her number,” Gina speculated.
That was impressively close to the truth.
Soon, the station was receiving dozens of calls about Skyler and the mysterious sheikh. I reached the hospital just as a caller was saying how much she wished her boyfriend would do something romantic like that for her.
I checked my phone when I got out of the car only to see I had two missed calls and several text messages from Elyse. I left it for the moment, not wanting to be late, but I knew whatever she wanted to talk about probably involved the radio broadcast.
Being a nurse was hectic, exhausting work. But even amid all the trials of the day, I found my mind wandering to Jalaal and his offer. It seemed pretty simple—show up to the restaurant, get the guy—but I still had trouble believing it was really happening.
It all seemed too good to be true. Things that seemed too good to be true generally were, and that was why there was a whole expression devoted to such situations. That was why I’d been raised to be skeptical of infomercials and those phone calls that told you you’d just won a cruise.
Was this a trap? What would happen at the restaurant tonight if it was? Would a bunch of people show up just to see me get rejected? What if Jalaal didn’t even show? What if it was all an elaborate prank to get back at me for what I did?
I didn’t like not knowing. I wished I could just talk to him and ask, but I didn’t have a way to do so. And would I be brave enough, even if I did?
On my lunch break, I decided to call Elyse back. She’d sent me several texts since the morning, and I knew she was going to explode if I didn’t answer her soon. Elyse had never been great at keeping her excitement pent up.
“Finally!” Her voice was almost a shriek when she picked up. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day!”
“I was at work, Elyse.” I fiddled with a piece of hair that had fallen out of my bun. “I’m only calling you now because I’m at lunch.”
“Well luckily for you, I was at work, too, when I heard Jalaal’s radio broadcast. We play Mountain 105 in my office.”
“Mountain 105? I thought his announcement was on Zone FM? That’s what I was listening to on my commute.”