by Jamie Knight
I was ready.
Chapter 40 - Natalia
I showed up at the house early in the afternoon on Thanksgiving and found my dad wrestling with the raw turkey in the kitchen sink.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said, barely looking up. “I'm getting the bird prepped to go into the oven now. Happy Thanksgiving.”
He grunted as he ran water over the pale turkey that flopped out of his wet hands into the sink. He kept trying to pick it up, only for it to fall out his hands again. I had to stifle a laugh at the sight of him struggling with a mere turkey, this career military commander. It was sweet.
“Dad, what, uh… what do you have going there…?” I asked, shaking my head.
“I really don't know,” he said, taking a step back from the sink and staring at the bird that lay there helplessly. My dad was trying to do his best.
“How about the rest of the food?” I asked, looking around at the kitchen. There were no smells coming from anywhere that signaled that today was Thanksgiving.
When my mother had been alive, she was in charge of making sure that dinner was cooked for the holidays. She would start about a week in advance, planning out each dish so that it was perfect. No matter where or what we were doing, we always had a full house for the holidays. People loved coming to our house because my mother would cook every side imaginable and never turned anyone away. There was one year that it was pretty much standing room only until it got dark and then everyone started to go on home. It was packed and a little uncomfortable, but our house was always warm and full of love.
Looking around at our empty kitchen made me feel a sense of pity for us that I hadn't felt before. I felt particularly sad for my father, who had been used to either having huge holiday dinners or spending the holidays with his crew in the Air Force. We had eaten plenty of meals together just the two of us, but this was the first time that we had been sharing a holiday dinner together. Alone.
I decided to put him out of his misery and take over.
“Why don't you go into the living room and watch football while I whip up some dinner?”
He looked up at me as if he were trying to see if I was serious.
“Are you sure you don't need my help?”
I hugged my dad and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
“Dad, to be honest, I am surprised that you even remembered to thaw out the turkey,” I said, patting him on the back. “I'll take it from here. You go take a load off and relax.”
My dad's eyes started to glimmer.
“Do you remember that Thanksgiving when we were living in Florida?”
I smiled, thinking back to that year. I was ten years old. It had been a particularly hot summer riddled with tons of hurricanes that left many of our neighbors' homes in shambles. But, my mother, being who she was, had invited the whole block over for Thanksgiving and I was almost sure that, with all of the people that were in our house, everyone had showed up. My dad had been deployed overseas, so he wasn't around. The only place that I found any real peace was in my room, so I hid out there most of the time.
All of a sudden, the door of my room opened and a giant frame filled the doorway.
“Excuse me, sir,” I said, trying not to panic. “This room is off limits.”
“Is it?” came the playful response.
“Dad!” I said, running across the room and jumping into his arms. I melted while he hugged me, clinging onto him for dear life. I was so happy to see him and surprised at the same time. That memory made me feel all warm inside. My mother had been so happy that she cried when she saw him.
“I don't know what made me really insist that they send me home then,” my dad said, thinking back. “But, something in me knew that I needed to be home. And I am so glad that I did. Your mother kept hugging me, almost like she thought that I was a ghost or something, like I would disappear if she didn't keep hugging me.”
My dad laughed easily. The smile quickly faded and was replaced by a sadness. It pained my heart to see him so sad.
“Yeah, that was awesome,” I said, trying my best to sound cheerful, hoping that my dad would hang on to the thought of the happy memory. “Mom talked about that for years.”
“Yeah, she did,” he nodded, flashing me a smile. But, I could still see the pain hiding behind his eyes.
I put the turkey in a roasting pain, slathering it with butter and seasoning it like my mother used to do, and put it in the oven. I looked over at my dad and noticed that his eyes were a little wet. I was holding back tears myself and didn't want to make it worse by letting them out.
“Aren't you supposed to be watching football?” I asked my dad, putting my hands on my hips.
He shook his head.
“You're right,” he said, walking off in the direction of the living room.
I turned around and looked at the empty kitchen and shook my head. I knew that my dad wasn't going to have a huge spread for Thanksgiving like my mother did. I rummaged through the cabinets looking for food that I could use as sides. I found a few boxes of macaroni and cheese, instant mashed potato flakes, and some cans of green beans. It wasn't going to be a gourmet meal, but it would be enough for just my dad and I. I grabbed some flour out of the cabinet and looked for a recipe for pie crust. There was a bunch of apples on the counter that were starting to have brown spots, so I figured that I could make a pie.
I put on some music and started mixing ingredients into a bowl. It felt good to be back at home with my dad.
I grabbed the rolling pin from the cabinet under the sink and dumped the dough out on the floured counter top. I went to work, kneading it and rolling it so that it was flat. I looked down at my work with a self-satisfied smile on my face. It felt good to put to use the skills that my mother had taught me. I thought that it was perfect practice for when the babies were born and I have children of my own. I rubbed my belly absentmindedly as I looked over the smooth surface of the dough.
I jumped with surprise when I heard the doorbell ring.
“Are you expecting someone?” I yelled to my dad in the other room. He didn't answer.
“Hey, there!” called out a voice that I knew, a voice that made my stomach churn.
I had to reach out and grab the counter to steady myself because I felt faint as the realization set in of whose voice I had heard.
Bradley.
Chapter 41 - Natalia
I clutched my belly instinctively, starting to panic a little at the thought of being so close to the father of my children. What if he noticed that I was pregnant? My first thought was to make some excuse about why I had to leave and hightail it out of there right away.
I shook my head, telling myself to be serious. There was a slim chance that he would even notice that I was pregnant. Even my dad had assumed that I was just gaining the infamous freshman fifteen.
“It's good to see that you have a healthy appetite,” he had said. “But, you know, you don't have to eat everything that you see.”
I had simply laughed it off, glad that somehow I had sideswiped an uncomfortable conversation that I had been still gearing myself up mentally to have.
Now that Bradley had shown up, I knew that there was no way that I was going to attempt to have this conversation. My goal was to get through dinner long enough so that I can make my exit as quickly as possible. The thought of being around Bradley, knowing that I was pregnant while he had no idea started to make me feel nauseous. I hadn't felt nauseous in weeks.
I went over to the sink and splashed some water on my face, hoping that it would wake me up from whatever nightmare I was having. When that didn't work, I walked on wobbly legs back over to the counter where I had rolled out the pie crust. The counter came up almost to my chest, so my belly was covered when I stood in front of the counter.
“Guess who decided to join us for dinner?” called my dad gleefully, walking into the kitchen with his hand on Bradley's shoulder. “I had invited him a few weeks b
ack, but never heard from him either way if he was going to take me up on it.”
“That's great,” I said happily, but while gathering up the dough and forming it back into a ball. I started kneading it again, being careful not to make eye contact with Bradley. I kept working the dough, hoping that they didn't notice my hands shaking.
“Yeah, I wasn't too sure what I was going to do,” said Bradley, who, from my peripheral vision, I could see looking at the counter nervously. “I didn't want to intrude on your family holiday, but when you told me that you were probably going to spend the holiday alone, I figured that it would be a good idea to stop by. There's no sense in both of us spending the holiday alone. But, it looks like you have Natalia home with you.”
“I wasn't sure if she was coming, either,” said my dad, looking between Bradley and I, a slight look of confusion on his face. “But, it all worked out. I feel like even though it's a small dinner, the people who matter to me most are all here.”
My dad beamed as he looked at us. It warmed my heart to see him so happy.
“I was just watching the game,” said my dad. “Let's grab a few beers and head back into the living room so that we can give Natalia here enough space to work her magic in the kitchen.”
Bradley sniffed, closing his eyes as he inhaled.
“It already smells great in here,” he said warmly, smiling at me.
“Thanks,” I said, still not looking up at him. I could feel him staring at me, his eyes like hot missiles burning my skin.
“Could you use a hand?” asked Bradley, softening his voice a bit. His tone took on such a silky quality, I could feel the blood rising to my face and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. The last thing that I wanted was to be left alone with Bradley, especially when I was trying to get away from him as soon as possible so that he wouldn't notice my belly and start asking questions.
“Uh, no, that's okay,” I said quickly, my voice cracking. “I wouldn't want you to miss the big game... ” I attempted a chuckle, fruitlessly.
I tried to sound easygoing and pleasant, hoping that my dad wouldn't notice the unease in my voice, but the look that he gave me, raising one of his eyebrows questioningly, made me think that he was starting to get a weird vibe.
My dad hesitated for a moment, looking at me as I kneaded the dough, and then walked over to the pantry and pulled out a six-pack of beers.
“Nothing cold, old man?” asked Bradley, joking with my father. He laughed and shook his head.
“No, I already polished off the ones in the fridge,” he said.
They walked off toward the living room, laughing and joking about beer. I stood there, a smile plastered on my face as they left the room. I willed myself to keep looking at the dough, my hands working overtime turning it over and over on the counter. I knew that it was overworked and I would need to throw it away, but I waited until they left the room before I did. As soon as I was sure that they were back in the living room and engrossed in their football game, I tossed the dough in the garbage.
For some reason, the idea that I had ruined the pie-crust seemed unbearable and made me want to cry. The tears started welling up behind my eyes and, before I could stop them, they were spilling down my cheeks. I ran into the bathroom as fast as my legs would carry me.
Once in the bathroom, I locked the door and sat down on the toilet. I cried and cried. Hot tears streaked down my face as I cried. I cried for a good while, until I didn't feel like crying anymore. When my cries had quieted to dry sobs, I stood in front of the sink, turned on the cold water, and started splashing it on my face. Each handful felt amazing, the cool water cascading down my face, soothing my swollen eyes and runny nose. When I was sure that I had gotten myself together, I opened the bathroom door and headed back toward the kitchen.
I literally ran right into Bradley as soon as I opened the bathroom door. I almost fell on the ground, but he caught me in his arms. His arms were around my belly. He paused, a look of confusion on his face as he mumbled out some sort of an apology. I quickly gained my composure, righting myself so that I could stand up. I took a few steps away from him, pulling my sweatshirt down over my belly and trying to push past him. He put his hand out against my shoulder, stopping me from walking.
“Whoa, hang on,” he said. “How are you doing?”
He looked into my eyes, a look of real concern etched on his face.
“Fine, “ I said, shifting back and forth, itching to get away from him as soon as possible. I tried pushing past him and he held me there by my arm. His warm hands on my skin felt so strange. But, at the same time, there was something electric and comforting about his touch.
“You know, I can't tell you enough how sorry I am that things went the way that they did with us,” he said quietly, craning his neck to look around the corner to see if my dad was nearby. “I know that you are moving on with your life. I'm glad that you are doing so well. But, I also know how hard it can be living on your own. It's always good to have as many people in your corner as you can. I wish that there was a way we could be friends like we used to be. For both our sakes. And James's.”
I wasn't quite sure what he had expected me to say. There was so much that I wished that I could say. But, I chose to keep quiet instead. I crossed my arms and sniffed, staring at him in a way that made it clear that I wasn't really interesting in anything that he had to say. He looked at me hopefully for a few more moments before stepping aside and letting me breeze past him.
I looked back over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of his shoulders hanging low in defeat.
I was just glad that I had gotten away from him.
Chapter 42 - Bradley
The scraping of forks against the plates was all that could be heard in the dining room while we ate dinner. James tried to make light conversation but was only met with one-word answers. Natalia stared at her plate, pushing the food around listlessly. My heart was beating fast as I felt the tension build with each passing second.
James had a look on his face that made me shift uncomfortably in my seat. His eyes were focused on Natalia. He barely ate. I wished that I could get her attention somehow, to let her know that she was dangerously close to letting the cat out of the bag.
This was it, I thought. I knew that there was no way to prepare myself for what was about to happen. I swallowed hard and held my breath.
James threw down his fork, making a loud clanking sound against the table.
“What's going on here?” he demanded. I knew it. My palms sweated as I struggled to find some sort of explanation. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.
“Nothing, Dad,” said Natalia softly, her eyes brimming with tears.
It was then that I realized that he hadn't even been talking to me. He was completely focused on Natalia. I just happened to be sitting at the table. I leaned back in my chair, overcome with relief that I hadn't blurted something out that could have made things worse.
The look on his face that I assumed was anger was actually concern, a kind of sadness mixed with pain. He was a father worried about the wellbeing of his daughter and that was it. It had nothing to do with me.
“Well?” asked James, motioning toward Natalia and her still full plate that she hadn't even taken one bite from. “You haven't eaten any of your food. You look a lot better than the last time that I saw you, but there's something about you that seems... off. What's going on? You're among family here. We care about you. If there's something going on— ”
“It's really nothing,” she said, her voice taking on a nervous, high-pitched quality. “I'm just really tired from school. It's all new and it's a lot to adjust to.”
“See, this is why you should come home. I knew that all of this would be a lot to deal with. Just come home, honey, and you can stay here while you adjust to school.”
Natalia shook her head, pushing her plate away from her.
“No, dad. I know that you care about me, but this is
something that I need to do right now. I can't really explain it right now.”
I took a closer look at Natalia and noticed that, while her cheeks were more rounded, she had dark purple circles under her eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept in months. She really did look worn out.
“Well, it's your life and your choice,” he said, rubbing his neck in frustration. “I just wish that you would come home. What about just for Christmas break? Two weeks. School will be out, anyway, and you can just come home and relax. It would put my mind at ease. What do you say?”
We both sat there eagerly waiting for her answer. She stared at the table, considering her father's words. Please say yes, I thought to myself, but didn't speak out loud.
“I guess that might be okay,” she finally said after a few minutes.
“Great,” said James, letting out a loud sigh while wiping his brow comically. “I thought I was going to have to hog-tie you to get you come back home. I like this option better.”
Natalia stuck her tongue out at her father, teasingly. I tried to hide my smile at watching their silly interaction. You could tell that they truly loved each other. I felt honored to be able to witness it firsthand.
But, I understood how James felt to some extent. When she agreed to come home for Christmas break, I felt a huge sense of relief, too. I knew that I had no right to be as concerned about Natalia as I felt, but that didn't stop me from feeling concerned, anyway. There were plenty of times when I had to stop myself from jumping in my car and creeping into her parking lot so that I could spy on her and make sure that she was okay. But, seeing her look so worn out and tired made me worry about her even more, now. She deserved some time to relax and rest. Hopefully, having two weeks off and spending it with her father would be just what she needed to get away.