Absolute Zero: Soldier of Light Chronicles Book 2

by Ireland Gill

  “So,” Joel mused as he stared out into the distance, “this is Georgia.”

  “Yup,” I bobbed my head to concur, “this is Georgia.” I looked out at the tree line, searching desperately for something else to say. “What about Paris? Everything been okay there?”

  Joel nodded. “Yup,” was all he said, still petting my dog.

  We both sighed, as if we were trying to fill in the silence with a miscellaneous noise. It was awkward and unsettling. I hated it. For the first time in the history of our friendship, Joel and I were at a loss for words. How could two people as close as we were, knowing everything about each other, be so damn tongue-tied? I soon found out that the awkwardness didn't go unnoticed on his end.

  “What's with us, Ev?” Joel asked, looking at me pleadingly. “Seriously, what is this shit? We're not even talking. Why do I feel like we're coming apart?”

  “What?” I was actually shocked that he put it that way. I'd figured it could have been said a bit more subtly. “Jo Jo, we're not coming apart. I guess...I guess we just have a lot to catch up on and we don't know where to start, you know?” I watched him nod and I rolled my eyes at myself. Was that the best I could come up with? Where was my creativity?

  “I should never have moved.” Joel shook his head. “That ruined everything.” I pursed my lips, frustrated that he was going to start blaming himself again. He turned to me. “Are you really okay? I mean I see that everything is okay, but....are you?”

  I looked at those expectant eyes, full of concern and love for me. “I'm great, Jo,” I embellished a bit. “I really am.” I wanted to sound convincing and I didn't want him blaming himself for anything that had happened. I knew he still had reservations about the huge changes in our lives taking us in such dramatically different directions, but I didn't want our bond to break. Not now. Not after all the years we'd been friends. I didn't want another reason to be angry at God. “This new life is really working out,” I said to him assuringly, and I knew I'd pulled it off when I saw him smirk at me, but he didn't look into my eyes. He kept his stare on my dog. “What's with that look?” I asked with a giggle.

  Joel shrugged. “Maybe the new life has a lot to do with...the roommate?”

  I laughed. “You're just saying that because you have a crush on him,” I joked, relieved that we'd gotten past our moment of tension.

  Joel sucked air. “That is so not true! I'm totally taken. I find him attractive, that's all.”

  “Well, I knew that already,” I razzed him, taking a sip of the strong coffee.

  “Although,” he tapped his chin, “the other one is a cutie, too.” I laughed at him. “But, seriously, I haven't really seen you smile the way you smiled last night in a long time, and I don't think it was all because of my showing up,” he said. I gave him an incredulous look, and he sighed. “I mean, I know you are completely jovial about my visiting and all, but I saw you with him, Evika. Hayden pulls out this face in you that I can't even describe. You're like glowing when you're around him.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You can see all that just from last night, huh?”

  He looked at me with one of his are-you-kidding-me looks. “Please, girl. Don't insult me. How long have I known you now?”

  I grinned. “Okay, okay. You're right. You know me like the back of your hand,” I admitted. I recalled the moment that I'd tried to kiss Hayden and wondered Joel had seen that part.

  Joel kept his eyes locked on me and threw his hands up. “And?” he tried to get me to continue.

  “And....you're right.” I looked around to be sure no one else was there to hear my admission. “I totally have a thing for the roommate.”

  He smiled smugly and sighed. “I know.”

  “And that doesn't make you mad?”

  “Ev, why would that make me mad?”

  “Because you didn't want me to fall into something bad when I moved in with him.”

  “Yeah, but that was before I talked to him and before I met him.”

  I looked at him curiously. “So, that's all it took? One phone call and one night out at some Halloween party to conclude all of this?”

  “Pretty much,” Joel said blithely.

  “Wow.”

  Joel laughed. “Why is that surprising to you?”

  I looked at him seriously. “Because you have always been the one that's been protective of me. I didn't think it would be that easy.” I was sort of disappointed.

  He shrugged. “You said it yourself, Ev-bear. He's a twenty-twenty person. Maybe I see the same thing that you do.” He smiled. “And honestly, it's not just what I see in you. I see something in him, too. The fact that he brought me and Evan here to surprise you, he really cares about you, Ev. A lot. And the way the guy looks at you, I mean, wow.” If only Joel knew it was Hayden's job to watch over me as a Guardian angel.

  I blushed as I thought about what Joel said, but I couldn't help wondering if he saw something that I didn't. I tried to kiss Hayden that previous night and got pushed away. Not to mention, all of the other times there were chances of our lips touching, it just never happened. I wondered if what Joel thought was based off of Hayden's angel charm, or if he really saw these things in Hayden. Nonetheless, it felt good that I had Joel's approval on the current situation. It made things a bit easier.

  “So, does he know?” Joel inquired, breaking my train of thought.

  “Know what?”

  He gave me a puckish grin and leaned into me to whisper. “That you're in love with him, Ev-bear,” he said.

  I breathed a laugh. “Seriously?” I shook my head, slightly annoyed.

  Joel looked at me inquisitively, then laughed heartily. “Ooohh, I get it.” He grinned and leaned back in the porch swing.

  “You get what, Joel?” I was slightly frustrated.

  “You're not ready to admit the obvious yet, are you?”

  I studied him while I thought. He was right. I didn't want to admit it, that I was in love with Hayden. Even though I'd admitted it to myself, there was no way, after the previous night's events, anyone would get me to admit it aloud.

  “It could change the entire dynamic of our relationship,” I said. “I'm not ready for that type of change yet.” Joel's eyebrow raised as he gave me a hard, incredulous stare. “What?” I asked defensively.

  “Right.” He rolled his eyes. “And did you realize that before or after you tried to kiss him last night?” he asked bluntly. My eyes widened as I looked over at him in shock. “Yeah,” he said, “I saw that too.” It sort of stung finding out there had been an audience to my embarrassment. “Knowing you, you're never going to try again, are you?” He said it as if he were disappointed in me. I looked away, but I could see him shaking his head in my peripheral. “You are relentless in every, other way, and yet, you let something like this stop you.”

  Joel didn't really need me to answer, because I knew he already knew. It was the one thing about me; it took a lot for me to get to the point I was at in order to even try with Hayden, and I'd failed miserably. Luka, and I'm sure, Joel, both shared the same opinion, that it was just the wrong time and place for my advance. But it didn't matter. I was still turned down, and it hurt like hell.

  “Well, it was a mistake. Shouldn't have even happened. Besides, we work together,” I said, trying to deflect the topic of the conversation. “Bad idea, all around.”

  He nodded, then started playing with Beau's fur again. He still held an expression that told me he wanted to ask more. My stomach knotted again when I saw the look on his face. I wished so badly I could tell him everything that was going on with me, but then he would know too much. And I knew in my heart if I told him, he would uproot his life in an instant to move back home. I knew Joel, and I knew he would feel it necessary, that is, unless he thought I'd gone crazy... Then again, my alleged insanity would probably only further accelerate his need to come home to take care of me. I needed him to see that I was okay, no matter how much internal turmoil I had going on. I didn't want h
im to feel so segregated from my personal life.

  “Believe it or not, I talked to Brittonia last week,” Joel said.

  “Did you really? You were nice to her, weren't you?” I pried. Joel was never a complete fan of Brittonia being in our friendship circle, but he still made efforts to tolerate her.

  “Of course I was nice to her,” he guffawed. “I'm not an ass, Ev-bear. She did impress me quite a bit ever since you were in coma-land, you know.”

  I'd forgotten that Joel and Brit had kept in touch while I was comatose for those few months. Brittonia had done a lot to help me out, and even offered help to Joel, but he was too proud to let Brit's dad pay some of his bills. Joel had let a lot of things go unpaid so he could use the money for his flight to come visit me in the hospital.

  “I think her heart's finally thawing a little.” I giggled. “I haven't talked to her since right before we moved, but she seemed really happy with some new guy she started dating a few months ago.”

  Joel nodded. “Yeah. Some dude named Christian?”

  “Yup, that's it,” I said.

  “She seemed really smitten with this one,” he said. “And it's got to be some new record for her, no doubt. She's never with anyone longer than a few weeks.” That was true.

  “I'm happy for her. He sounds like a keeper from what she told me.”

  Joel shook his head. “Oh, the poor boy.”

  I laughed. “Don't be mean.” I nudged him and smiled. “So, how about you and Evan?” I changed the subject. “You two were meant for each other. That's pretty clear.”

  Joel let out a dramatic, girlie, I'm-in-love sigh, “I know.” I could see him melting. “I'm gonna marry that boy one day.”

  I giggled. “I swear, you should have been a girl, Jo Jo.”

  “This is true,” he agreed with my joke. “But, like I said before, he's my Superman. Enough man for the both of us.” He chuckled.

  I looked at him solemnly. “I like him a lot, Jo. He's good for you.”

  Joel gave me a genuine smile. “Just as Hayden is good for you, Ev-bear.”

  I looked at my best friend with admiration, so happy that he hadn't seen Hayden as a threat to our friendship or my life, but as a reason for him to let go of his constant worry. Maybe Hayden knew all along that, not only did I need that visit, Joel needed it even more. He needed to witness, for himself, just how good things were on the surface in order for him to let go of the guilt he'd been carrying since the day he left for Paris. It was honestly the perfect solution in order to heal the both of us.

  I could feel the smile on my face as I sipped my pungent coffee and I laid my head on my best friend's bony shoulder. The both of us swayed in the porch swing along with the light wind and watched the sun finally peek out from behind a cloud.

  9

  Airplanes and Angel Dust

  Driving Joel and Evan back to the airport was bittersweet. It felt like the beginning and the end of something. A certain clarity fell upon me during those three days while having my best friend visit. It was as if he brought the feeling of home with him, but in some ways, the feeling felt a bit foreign as well. A huge change had taken place in my life, and I'd somehow managed to accept that. Part of that change, other than my whole lifestyle, was in me. I felt more grown up in some ways, like a certain level of maturity had fallen over me. In a way, I was relieved and felt silently proud of myself.

  Toward the evening of the second day of the visit, Hayden and Joel teamed up and made a full course dinner. They marinated chicken and steak all day long for the grilled shish kabobs. Joel made his famous au gratin potatoes as a side, and they even made carrot cupcakes with cream cheese filling and topping.

  “The man can cook,” Joel wiggled his eyebrows at me as we all started eating.

  Hayden laughed. “Funny, those are almost the exact words Evika said when I cooked her breakfast a few weeks ago.” I looked over at him to see his smug expression. Always one for tooting his own horn. I had to laugh along with him. We all did.

  On the last day, we'd decided to have a movie marathon, just like Joel and I used to do. Comedy, horror, action, chick-flicks; you name it, we had it. It was funny how we'd all melded into our positions in the living room to watch the movies, Luka on the recliner with Beau's huge body spilling over his lap, Joel and Evan huddled together in a blanket with a constantly-filled bowl of cheese puffs, and me, comfortable with my head in a pillow on Hayden's lap while he played with my hair.

  We were like this happy family. We didn't need to go out and drink or party to amuse ourselves. We didn't need to be out shopping and spending money. All we needed was one room, one television, a pizza delivery, and each other. During moments when my attention was elsewhere, I'd steal a glance at Jo and Evan. I saw those content faces, those smiles they wore, and once in a while, I'd catch them feeding each other a cheese puff. I imagined them in Joel's little apartment in Paris, together. I felt satisfied to know they felt comfortable enough to be who they were around me, around Hayden and Luka.

  Memories of the first time I took Joel to the airport, months before, played through my head. I tried to pinpoint the emotion I was feeling when we walked into the lobby. I took a deep breath, watching Evan and Joel walking side by side with their luggage as Luka and I trailed behind. I realized it was a little easier to let Joel go this time. I wondered why that was. I loved him with all my heart, but I guess I just felt better that the void that used to be my place was now filled with someone who could be with him all of the time since I couldn't. Evan had this awesome sense of humor that could get Joel out of his worst mood. He possessed this patience that was remarkable. It was all the things that I couldn't really be for Joel anymore. In theory, it was all the criteria to make me jealous, but not an ounce of jealousy ran though me. I felt content and relieved because I was placing my best friend in the hands of someone that was, essentially, better for him than I was.

  “Why is it always me going on the airplanes, Ev?” Joel nudged me with a forced smile.

  I smirked and shook my head at him. “You're not the one with an aversion, silly boy.”

  Joel's face stiffened once we got up to security, as if he were holding those tears in, but it only made it harder for me to control my own. “We're doing it again, Ev. We're making this seem like a final 'goodbye.'” I knew he was referring to the time he left for Paris. Airports always meant 'goodbye' for us.

  I stepped up and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him hard, trying to focus my energy into the hug and not into the tears. “It's not 'goodbye,' Jo Jo. It's only 'see ya later.' Remember?” I said in a shaky voice.

  Joel sniffled as his gripping hold around me tightened. “I'm gonna miss you all over again, Ev-bear,” he said quietly. “It feels like something is missing when I don't have you with me.”

  I breathed deep and squeezed my eyes shut tightly to get the last of the tears out, but that hit home. And it hit hard. Why were those words coming out right when he was ready to board a plane again? Why wasn't it something we'd talked about when we were alone that first morning? And why was I having to be the strong one all of the sudden?

  I slowly broke our hug so I could look at my best friend's drooping face, wet with tears. “I've been feeling that way too, Jo,” I admitted, wiping my own tears, “but you know that, no matter what, we'll always have each other. Even when you become the next Iron Chef,” I teased, and he chuckled. “I'll be there to witness it.” I glanced at Evan, who was standing a few feet from us with his hands in his tattered jeans' pockets, rocking back and forth on his feet, trying not to let his wet eyes pour. I gave him a sympathetic smile. “And so will Evan.” I nodded at the boy, and he took that as his cue to dart over, arms wide open, hugged Joel and me into him.

  “Oh, you guys make my heart melt. I can't stand it,” Evan bellowed theatrically. I think he was trying to lighten things up, but I could sense that we really were getting to him. I trusted that he would console my best friend on the flight home, and he was
strong enough to do it, just as he had been once before.

  We stood there hugging for at least a minute before all three of us turned our curiosity to the silent Luka a few steps away. He was picking at a hanging thread at the end of his t-shirt, oblivious for a moment, then finally looked up to see each of us staring at him and waiting.

  He put his hands up. “Oh, no. I draw the line at group hugs.” He chuckled.

  “Oh, come on. You know you wanna melt too,” Evan teased.

  We three huffed a laugh as Luka blushed and shook his head. It was worth a shot.

  I gave Evan and Joel kisses on their cheeks. “You better call me as soon as you guys land.” I pointed my finger at them.

  “Promise,” Joel nodded and took a deep breath before lifting his luggage. “Come on, E-Zone.”

  I chuckled at the nickname and smiled at Joel with adoration. “You finally came up with a good one for him, huh?”

  Joel grinned. “It wasn't hard after he started calling me Jo-Zone.”

  “I see.” I smiled wryly at Evan. “So you're the creative one in the relationship now, eh?”

  Evan leaned in, but spoke loud enough for all of us to hear. “Girl, you have no idea.”

  I gasped at his admission and laughed, shaking my head at the endless meanings of that comment.

  “Love you, Jo,” I said.

  “Love you back, Ev.” Joel forced a small smile.

  Luka walked up for a final handshake and fist bump with the boys, then put his arm around my shoulder as we watched them walk away.

  “You gonna be okay?” Luka asked.

  “Sure,” I answered unconvincingly. “I'm fine.”

  He tilted his head at me. “You do know what fine means, don't you?” My eyebrows raised, waiting for him to enlighten me. “It's an acronym for...feeling intensely neurotic and edgy.”

  I burst out laughing. “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

  “No idea. It's a gift.” He spun around on his heels, locked my arm in his and directed us to the way out.