Shared Secrets

by Pam Mantovani

  “C’mon, Counselor. This will help give you a better perspective the next time you have to defend someone caught driving without a seat belt.”

  “What if we’re that someone?” she asked, smoothing out the wrinkles they’d imprinted on the envelope.

  “I’ll defend you.” He looked down and winked at her. “If you defend me.”

  Taylor tried, and failed, to keep the giggle from escaping as she relaxed against him. Lucas decided he hadn’t heard quite so sweet a sound in a long while.

  “Adams, hey, Adams. Where are you?”

  At the sound of Stephanie’s voice, Taylor jumped up from behind the desk and ran to the door of the study.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, her throat clogged with fear. She never should have allowed Stephanie to go into town on the motorcycle with Micah. She should have ignored the stack of papers and briefs and driven Stephanie into town herself. She never should have agreed to the request made at the wedding party to look over another contract. Once again, her daughter would pay a price for her dedication to the law.

  The camera slung around her daughter’s neck—a sight she’d almost started to take for granted—eased much of her apprehension. Still, a mother worried, and while she and Stephanie were getting along better, she couldn’t stop the concern from building inside her.

  “Are you hurt?”

  Taylor took a step, reached for her daughter, and automatically began checking for blood or broken bones.

  “No.” Stephanie laughed. “I just wanted you to see these. C’mon, let’s go in here where I can spread them out.” She grabbed hold of Taylor’s hand and led them back to the kitchen. Confused, she watched her daughter cover the table with a collection of photographs.

  Stephanie stepped back. “Well, what do you think?” She gestured toward the table with her right hand before lifting it to nibble on the cuticle around her thumbnail.

  The photographs were raw and unpolished, but even to Taylor’s untrained eye they were full of promise. In addition to the shots Stephanie had taken at the wedding party there were a few enlarged prints of Micah lifting weights. Not that she’d caught his face in many of the pictures. Instead, she’d concentrated on the muscles themselves. With lighting and angles, she brought to life the strain of exertion and the sweat of exhaustion. Few people looking at these pictures would do so without thinking of some time in their life when they had pushed their body to the limits of endurance.

  “I know they’re not great,” Stephanie started, her nerves creeping into her voice. “But Jimmy, Micah’s friend, the one who’s been giving me some pointers, he said they show potential.”

  “Goes to show what he knows,” Taylor said, her eyes glued to the pictures. “These don’t just show potential, they’re practically bursting with it.”

  “You think so? You really think so?”

  Taylor looked up to see the surprise on Stephanie’s face. And the pleasure. She felt a well of pride explode in her own chest. “I’m no expert, but yes, I think they’re wonderful.”

  Before she knew it, she found herself wrapped in her daughter’s warm hug. The camera dug into her ribs, but no amount of pain could have made her loosen her hold on Stephanie.

  “Thanks, Adams. I know you’re my mom and moms are supposed to like everything their kids do, but I know I can count on you to always tell me the truth.” Stephanie laughed. “Even when I don’t want to hear it. But this time—” She released Taylor and turned back to her photos. “This time I like what you have to say.”

  “What made you take an interest in photography?”

  Stephanie picked up a shot of Taylor and Lucas after they’d returned from the wedding party. “To be honest I only asked Lucas about the camera because I planned to pawn it and use the money to run away.”

  Taylor’s heart stopped cold as she struggled to balance a parent’s lecture on honesty, stealing, and running away with a mother’s joy at having her child confide in her. It took less than a second for the joy to win out, and the lecture to stay locked in her mind.

  “And now?” she prompted.

  “Well.” Stephanie lifted the camera and removed the lens cap. With her shirttail she cleaned the glass. “If Lucas doesn’t mind, I’d like to continue using the camera.” She looked up. “Jimmy said he’d give me some pointers on light and angles, even some time in his dark room but I have to pay for all the materials I use.”

  “Seems fair.” Taylor crossed to where she’d left her purse last night and withdrew fifty dollars. “Let me know when you need more,” she said as she handed the money to Stephanie.

  “Just like that?” Stephanie’s green eyes widened as she blinked in astonishment.

  “Just like that,” Taylor agreed, lifting a hand to brush aside her bangs before reaching out to do the same to Stephanie’s. “Don’t you know I’d pay ten times more to see you this happy?”

  “Well.” Stephanie slanted her a sly look. “There is this telephoto lens that Jimmy has for sale.”

  “We’ll see. After all, you do have a birthday coming up soon.” Mention of the approaching birthday had Taylor thinking of the trust fund and the knowledge that Stephanie would soon be free to leave home. Free to go into the world and live her life. Make her own choices.

  Perhaps Stephen had been right, Taylor considered even as nerves gripped her stomach. Perhaps she should try to explain to Stephanie the reason why decisions were made and the truth had been kept from her all these years. Yet how could she consider telling Stephanie without…“What’s with all this mess in my kitchen?”

  Taylor looked up to where Lucas leaned against the door frame. Thoughts of a long talk with Stephanie faded.

  His hair looked wind-tossed, his eyes gentle. She wondered if this was how he looked when first waking in the morning—after a night that had ended with loving. His cheeks showed the hint of an afternoon shadow, causing a chill to run down her spine at the thought of how that scrape of whisker would feel against her own cheek. Against her throat and breast.

  “Adams? Hey, are you all right?”

  Taylor blinked against the blurred motion of Stephanie waving a hand in front of her eyes, trying to get her attention. Sometime during her fantasizing Lucas had crossed to the table.

  She knew her cheeks were flaming and it was necessary to run her tongue over her bottom lip to ease the sudden dryness. “Sorry, guess I was daydreaming.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Lucas asked. “You look a little flus—”

  “I’m fine,” she insisted.

  He stared at her, his eyes dark yet calm. Taylor felt herself being drawn to that inviting peace, believing for a moment that she could dream of a future.

  Lucas turned to Stephanie. “I hear you just got back from a lesson with Jimmy. How did he think the prints turned out?”

  Stephanie straightened, and her face glowed with pride. “Better than an amateur, not as good as a pro.”

  Lucas nodded. “That’s high praise coming from someone as demanding as Jimmy. You’ll learn a lot from him.”

  “So, you wouldn’t mind if I keep using your camera?”

  “It’s yours to use as long as you want.” Lucas set down the print he’d been studying. “In fact, why don’t you just consider it an early birthday gift?”

  “Are you freaking serious?” Stephanie asked, her excitement showing in the way she clutched the camera to her chest and danced in place.

  “Lucas.” Taylor gasped. “You can’t just give away something as expensive as that camera.”

  “Why not?” he patiently questioned, drowning out Stephanie’s groan of protest. “It’s mine to do with as I want.”

  “But—”

  “I told you,” he said, both of them ignoring Stephanie. “I’ve hardly used the camera and have no plans to do so any time in the future. This is something Stephanie obviously has a talent and passion for, or Jimmy wouldn’t have offered to teach her anything. Maybe it’s selfish, but I like knowing I gave her
something she’ll use and enjoy.” He smiled at Stephanie. “Isn’t that what birthday gifts are for?”

  Stephanie looked at her, pleasure warring with caution in her eyes as she waited for Taylor’s decision. It was more than the financial generosity of Lucas’s gift that had her nodding her head. “Yes, that’s exactly what birthday gifts are for.”

  Stephanie whooped and threw her arms around Lucas’s neck. “Oh, thank you. I don’t know when I’ve been given a gift that means as much to me. Thank you.”

  With the camera jutting between Lucas and Stephanie, as it had been between the two of them earlier, Taylor watched his arms momentarily tighten around Stephanie.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “I can’t wait to tell Micah.” Stephanie drew back and gathered up her pictures. At the door she spun back around. “Do you think I could come into the workshop one day and take some pictures of you while you’re working?”

  Lucas winked at Taylor. “Why do I have the feeling we’ve created a monster here?”

  “Hey,” Stephanie protested over Taylor’s silence. “I have my faults, but I’m a long way from being a monster.” She tucked the photos under one arm, laughed and lifted the camera. The shutter clicked as she spoke. “I’ll have you know, Mom raised me to be a lady.”

  Taylor felt her heart swell with the sweetest ache. For the first time in more months that she cared to count, her daughter had called her Mom. What made it all the more perfect was she had done so without hesitation or bitterness.

  Taylor knew she couldn’t spoil this newfound closeness between them by telling Stephanie the truth.

  “Yeah,” Lucas agreed. “I can see your mom did. Anytime will be fine, Stephanie.”

  “Great. See you guys later.” The back door slammed behind her as she ran out.

  Without a word, Lucas closed the distance between them and drew Taylor into his arms. With a long breath shuddering out, she laid her head on his chest.

  “I was beginning to wonder if she would ever call me Mom again.”

  “I think you’d better get used to hearing it more often in the future.”

  “I’ve made so many mistakes with her.”

  “What parent hasn’t?” His arms held her closer. “All Stephanie needed was a little time to remember how much you love her.”

  “She’s so like…” When she felt Lucas’s hands tighten around her, Taylor pulled out of his arms.

  “Her father,” Lucas finished.

  “Yes.” Taylor twisted her hands together. “Well.” She swiped her hands down the thighs of her slacks. “Why don’t I make something special for dinner to celebrate?”

  Lucas took a step back in retreat. “I can’t stay. I only came in to go up and change,” he said.

  “Change?”

  “Didn’t I mention I’m meeting someone tonight?”

  She had no right to ask, she reminded herself. In fact, given the turmoil of her emotions it was probably better if he wasn’t here tonight. Then there wouldn’t be any temptation to confide more than she dared hope he would understand.

  “Taylor.” He waited for her to meet his gaze. When she finally did, a small smile curved his lips. “It’s a client. He’s coming in from Dallas. We’re having dinner while we discuss plans for the kitchen cabinets and entertainment units he wants made for a new retreat he’s building in the Ozarks.”

  “Oh.” Feeling foolish, but inexplicably relieved, she started to turn away. Lucas stopped her with his hand cupping her chin. Before she could say anything, he leaned down and brushed a kiss over her lips.

  “I’ll see you later,” he promised, then turned and walked away.

  She missed him. Taylor knew Lucas had returned home, had waited for him to appear in the study. Instead, she’d heard his low voice as he spoke with Micah before he headed upstairs to his bedroom. Stephanie, suffering with cramps, had gone to bed more than an hour earlier. The study was quiet, there were no distractions to keep her from concentrating on the briefs and files and diagrams before her. She got next to nothing accomplished.

  She wanted to be with him. Taylor knew what she felt now was based on a new awareness, along with a new appreciation, for the man Lucas had become. And it was that man, not the boy of her memories she wanted to be with.

  Going upstairs would mean a step had been taken, a decision made. Silently she left the study and made her way upstairs.

  He answered her soft knock immediately—almost as if he’d sensed she would come to him. Not rushing, nor taking a chance of being discovered, she slipped into the room so he could close the door.

  Her breath caught as she lifted a hand to brush back her bangs. Her heart, the one he already owned, jumped into her throat while she stood rooted in one spot.

  It was the bed they had talked about, dreamed of, planned for. Before her waited the bed she and Lucas had hoped to share during their marriage.

  The intricate spool design comprising the identical headboard and footboard lent an air of delicacy and yet durability to the bed. The mix of maple and cherry wood stain they had finally agreed upon looked more beautiful than she’d once imagined. The large size was softened by the pale blue and peach colors of the comforter.

  “Oh, God,” she whispered.

  “I built it after my divorce,” Lucas explained from where he stood behind her. “I’ve never shared it with anyone, Taylor.”

  Choking on tears that wouldn’t fall, she walked to the footboard. Running her fingers over the dips and curves of the posts, she pictured him patiently sanding and hand polishing until he was finally satisfied with the smooth grain of wood. She trembled as she thought of his hands running over her with the same patience.

  She turned back to face him. She didn’t know why he’d built the bed and really the reason why didn’t matter. She knew only one thing, had one request.

  When she held out her hand, he reached for it. “Share it with me now, Lucas.”

  Standing by the bed of their dreams, he pressed her palm to his lips before gathering her close to him. Her cheek rested on his chest as her arms circled his waist and her hands spread across his back. Taylor felt his warmth and absorbed his strength as she listened to the steady beat of his heart.

  When she lifted her face and met his mouth, their night began.

  Leisurely they kissed and caressed as they removed clothes. Without haste they touched and explored. Together they traveled the boundaries of the bed designed to hold their loving.

  For Taylor, who had worn the finest silk and satin, nothing had ever felt as luxurious, as sensual, as Lucas’s calloused hands on her bare skin.

  For Lucas, who had expected the flash and fire of Taylor’s passion, the slow, seductive way she moved against him, with him, was almost unbearably arousing.

  Memory guided their hands to secret spots. Discovery led them to find newer points of pleasure. Not once, not even when tension and need spiraled tight, did Lucas hurry satisfaction. For either of them.

  Taylor couldn’t remember ever being so lost, nor so deeply steeped, in desire. His hands, those incredibly strong yet infinitely gentle hands, held her close. His mouth peppered her face with soft kisses, interrupted only by his tongue taking deep, thorough sweeps into her mouth. His body, solid and every lean inch of him blatantly masculine, molded itself in perfect alignment against her feminine curves.

  They were adults now she rationalized as her hands gripped his shoulders, as her mouth became as avid as his. Of course, experience and maturity would add to the passion that had always existed between them. And yet, there was something new, something different, in the quick flare of heat curling and twisting inside her.

  In his wildest dreams, Lucas had never imagined a night such as this. There was nothing she denied him, little she didn’t demand of him. She cried out his name as he swept her over that fine line of pleasure and pain. He caught her cries with his mouth. And sent her reeling once again. When he finally entered her, his body throbbing hard and full of nee
d, he felt complete. And whole. More alive than he’d felt in all the years since he’d held her last.

  “Taylor.”

  He braced on his forearms, taking the weight of his chest off her. Slowly he drew his hips back, leaving only the tip of him embedded in her. She groaned and clutched his buttocks to guide him back. Her hips lifted, taking him deeper yet.

  “Taylor,” he tried again, gritting his teeth, holding back the need to explode within her. Her eyes were closed, and passion brought a flush to her skin. It was so like all those years ago. And yet it was different, so much more. “God, help me here.” He pressed his forehead to hers, drew in a deep breath. “I should have asked first. Do I need to protect you?”

  Her eyes opened, and long years of pain and loss dulled the bright green. She shook her head, sending her hair flying across his pillow. “I don’t…I can’t.” Her eyes closed for a moment, and when she trembled, he felt a fist crush his heart. He didn’t need the words to know what she meant.

  “Fill me,” she pleaded. “Please, fill me.”

  “I will.” His mouth lowered to hers. “Always,” he added as the first ripples of her climax squeezed around him.

  When they each reached completion, when spent and drowsy, they lay tangled together, the intimacy continued. Lucas couldn’t stop kissing her, stroking her.

  “What happened?” he finally whispered.

  She didn’t feign ignorance. But she did avoid his gaze. “The delivery was long and difficult. There were complications, and I started to hemorrhage. The doctor had no choice but to operate.”

  “I’m so sorry, Taylor.”

  Silently Taylor prayed for Lucas to let the subject drop. She knew if he pressed there was a danger she would confess more than either of them could handle at this point. Was it too much to ask that she have this night and the simple, uncomplicated pleasure of being with Lucas, without shadows or doubts or questions?