You and I (You and I #1)

by H. M. Irwing

  If I was insane why would he want me as his? Now here we were after our separate baths arguing over whom should drop their towels first.

  "Tell you what love, I'll let you keep your towel on if you will spend the day loving me and letting me love you back," he said smiling charmingly.

  "There is nothing I don't love about everything you just said," I grinned impishly up at him and leaned up for a heated kiss. We were getting ready for breakfast and our last day at the ranch. I thought Jake should sleep in considering he'd been up most of the night ferrying the Amir back to the City.

  I reached into my luggage to yank out a silky grey top and pull out a pair of skinny grey jeans. Taking a matching set of undies I told Jake to turn around and face the door after making certain there were no mirrors he could peek through from that angle.

  His quick wicked grin should have alerted me but I was caught unawares when he spun around agreeably but only to drop his towel in the process.

  "Oops!" He said smugly while I stood there rudely staring. He had the most mouth wateringly hot piece of ass. I swallowed hard.

  Then he was bending over to reach for his towel and I reluctantly squeezed my eyes shut.

  Oh god!

  Unable to help myself I pried an eye lid open and reached out to a glorious lush cheek and gave it a smart pinch.

  "Ouch!!" He yelped leaping up to twist and glare at me but I only smirked back before following it was a loud smack. He stared incredulously down at me and even I was impressed with my boldness.

  "I will make you pay for that," he muttered threateningly his eyes raking down my length in a way that could only be described as hot.

  I pursed my lips and made a kissing sound at him.

  "By god you need a spanking," he murmured huskily. But my hungry tummy rumbled about then so we both forced out a shaky laugh to ease the sudden sexual tension and then focused on getting dressed.

  I slipped into a pair of flat grey pumps and decided the clothes and stuff was definitely going back as soon as I returned home.

  I felt a pang of longing as soon as I thought of my parents and sisters. I almost couldn't wait to get back home. We made our way down to the dining room hand in hand and took our seats at the mostly vacant table. Surprisingly, Celine was up despite her late night out assisting Jake in depositing Sadiq back in the city and she was even now at breakfast.

  "Could you pass me the salt?"

  I looked up to find Celine staring at me.

  "Sure," I said and passed it over. This being civilised with her was awkward business for she was trying to steal my Jake away from me but she was Richard's sister and I couldn't really get down and dirty with her. Then again I have told Jake he was a free agent so it was not my place to take offence if he chose to flirt with another. Like he was doing now sitting beside Celine with his arm over her shoulder. I mean who eats breakfast like that?

  I turned to face Richard but he was studiously munching on his toast. The hot blond with the imbalanced brains to bosoms ratio sitting beside him tittering over a conversation she was clearly holding with herself wasn't helping either.

  I hated it that they were both either consciously or unconsciously trying to drive me fuming mad. I stabbed my fork into the sausage on my plate almost causing it to flip over onto the plate nearby but I managed a timely save. Avoiding meeting the many eyes no doubt trained on my spectacle I popped the sliced morsel and popped it in the mouth.

  I excused myself not caring for the malicious chuckles that followed me from what must be Celine's close friends.

  I headed down to the stables. There I met with a stable hand and arranged to have a horse saddled up for me. I went to walk down to the lakeside then to wait for time to mill away till my horse is ready for me.

  Seeing the cool calm waters before me I felt an urge to swim. I took a quick look around and spotting no one about I stripped off my top and pushed down my jeans. Reduced to my underwear I took a running leap in. The splash was enormous and I couldn't help my joyful shout of laughter as I emerged from the cold depths of the lake water. It was fun and frolic in the sun from then on and time swept past without recourse.

  It was the noisy chirping and then the fluttering if wings that roused me from my dosing as I floated on my back in the water that had fast heated up under the morning sun. I swam back to climb out of the water just where I dropped my clothes off. I fell to the ground there and let the sun soak through me. It was a particularly fine day with clear skies. The sun soaked through my damp skin to warm me up to my bones. My lids slid drowsily shut.

  I was roused a short while later to the sound of heavy breathing. My eyes flew open to stare into the golden brown thickly framed eyes of a fluffy Labrador.

  "You have the most amazing eye lashes," I said to the panting dog.

  "So do you."

  My head whipped around so fast I almost got whiplash from the motion. I stared into and got lost in the dark gaze of Richard.

  I watched the lust flare up from smouldering embers to raging inferno as he rose from his perch nearby to settle closer to me.

  I felt keenly naked. My bra and panties were inadequate covering to shield me from his heated gaze.

  "I have scheduled a horse riding," I said urgently suddenly recalling the arrangements I had made.

  "Then you really shouldn't be lounging about near naked where any hungry male could easily come upon you," Richard murmured softly.

  I moved to get up. My limbs feeling strangely languid and heavy.

  He instantly placed the palm of his hand flat on my bare stomach effectively holding me in place. "Don't move," he murmured lazily leaning over me. I watched his head lower down closer to mine and then the sun was blocked out and I felt soft lips press a feather light kiss on mine. I barely restrained a moan but Richard had no such qualms, he groaned out loud before taking my lips again roughly almost bruising.

  This broke my restraint. I no longer held back the hungry mews and outright moans for more as his hand swept up and down my length moving freely.

  Soft and piercingly sweet. Then a short sharp pain followed as his assault on my mouth turned brutal again. He alternated the pace of his kissing taking my experience to new depths. I felt his body tremble beneath my hands as I ran them over his broad shoulders. Finally after an endless amount of kisses he moved to draw back taking me with him part way till he released my lips altogether then I fell back with a great sigh. I kept my eyes closed and relived the experience. When my breathing regulated to a more natural pace I shifted my eyes open to look into his darkly intense gaze. He was still leaning over me staring down at me in an almost regretful expression.

  I knew in an instant just what he was thinking …feeling. My eyes filled up and rolled down a tear at a time. His face blurred before me but then he was leaning down to kiss away the tears. Then he was moving away altogether. Getting up to his feet he looked down at me for a moment before reaching down to offer me a hand up. I grasped his warm palm in mine and felt the tug that had me on my feet moments later. I kept my eyes on his as he did the same. We both knew this would be the very last time we have together. There was only half a day left and then we were back in the city each living our own lives.

  I turned away finally to get my clothes back on then quietly we turned to walk back to the house each lost in our own melancholy thoughts. I turned away towards the stables as we neared and I knew he paused to watch me go but I didn't look back I needed more than ever to take a horse and put as much distance between us. A beautiful chestnut mare was saddled and made ready for me. I ran a sweeping hand down her shiny flanks and murmured praising words to her. She was truly beautiful. I found myself looking into her large brown eyes and thinking crazily that she knew... knew just how I was feeling. I felt my eyes water again as I swung my legs over to get a good grip before I urged to walk out of the stable then later into a trot. I took a path opposite to the one I rode the day before and when I cleared well away from the ranch house I urged my h
orse into an outright gallop. The hot dry wind whipped into me chapping at my skin as I flew with the horse our motions and emotions in sync. I felt the thundering of her hooves strike a matching chord in my heart. I pulled up a short while later to stare at the vast emptiness around me. Spinning my horse around I took in the flat golden landscape that marked endless amount of hay grass and not much else.

  I felt insignificant… pointless.

  Later when I would look back I would realise that this would be the turning point of my life. This wild ride into the plains would decide the course of my whole future.

  Taking a deep breath to calm my suddenly frayed nerves I steadied myself and my agitated horse then turned back to face the way we came. It was time I go back and take a firmer stance over my future. I love Richard and I love Jake but I will not let that mould my existence. I would stand by my decision to part ways with the both of them. I had said my final farewell to Richard. Tonight I will say the same to Jake and then tomorrow we will return to the city as three separate individuals never to cross paths again.

  I would decide on a course I would wish to pursue and enrol in a university that would provide it and Jake will return to Harvard to complete his education there while Richard will continue to strive to keep his and Jake's companies a float.

  It will as if these last few weeks never happened. As if none of this ever happened. It was the only recourse I told myself firmly when the bleak future had me waver in my resolution. But Dad was right. I was only eighteen and both Jake and Richard were too much for me to handle.

  I started the horse at a trot back stopping and pausing over my indecisions along the way so that when I finally reached the stables I was a mass of contradictions that had me frayed along the edges. That was how Jake found me, walking away from the stables in a huff and it was unfortunate ...for him that he followed me at all and more unfortunate ...for me that I went on to do just what I did.

  "Where have you been?"

  Hearing this innocent question from Jake had me spinning around to fling myself into his arms. I barely restrained myself from sobbing out aloud in his warm embrace. It hurt like I never thought it could. I held him tighter too me.

  "Well I was about to berate you for disappearing on me over our last day here. Where have you been? You look like the cat dragged you in and you stink by the way of horse, wet dog and....Richard?"

  He pulled away then seeing the truth written on my face. I watched his face fall as his disappointment grew. I knew it would be this way always. This like nothing else reaffirmed my decision. I would spare us all a heap if heartaches if I just stayed away. I was damaged somehow. To fall for two men couldn't be right. It was surely against some cosmic balance of nature.

  They deserved better. They deserved a woman who would love them whole fir theirselves. Unchanged, unique and utterly flawed as they were.

  "I love you," I said it like I never would again.

  "Look if this is about me flirting with Celine over breakfast I didn't mean anything by it. I was just getting back at you… I..."

  I raised my hand to cover his lips. I knew what he meant but I couldn't let him go on when it wasn't him at fault but me. I never expected to love them both. It was not planned. But I did and there was not much I could do about it.

  "I once read somewhere that love is just a state of mind. When you're ready to fall in love you just do. It doesn't matter who it is before you. You may know him forever or not at all, when you fell you fell," I mumbled out incoherently.

  "I never thought I would love you. I've known you my whole life. I became attracted to you on my sixteenth birthday but I don't think it was love. Not then but now it is. Only it isn't you alone whom I love...," I trailed of reluctantly then knowing what had to be said but wanting to delay it as much as was possible.

  Jake must have realised what I was getting at for he clutched me to him tighter and buried his face in my neck. We stood like that for a long time each unwilling to make a move to break it up. We weren't ready. Not yet. I gripped him tighter and gasped for a breath trying to get my emotions under control.

  "Shh...," he said comforting me," we still have tonight. There is no need to say anything more."

  I could hear the sadness in his voice and felt like beating me up inside for being the one to cause it.

  "I'm damaged," I muttered bleakly.

  "Well you must be if you can like both Richard and I together, since we are as alike as cats and dogs," he said making a feeble joke of it. I chuckled painfully. My chest felt unusually tight.

  "You and he...didn't..," Jake started to say.

  "No… nothing like that. We only kissed," I said reassuringly.

  "Just kissed," Jake repeated tightly and I just felt worse. But at least I wasn't going behind his back. "It was our goodbye kiss," I added hesitatingly.

  "If you've sent him off I don't see why you need to end us?" Jake asked almost pleadingly.

  "Don't. I don't want to do this not to you and not to him. I love you too much for that and... him too." That was the problem. They both deserved someone better than me. Someone who would love them singularly.

  "Well we still have tonight," he said adamantly. I let him lead me towards the house. We stopped by the kitchens to grab something to eat and then I followed him to our room knowing that he would want to get started with tonight as soon as possible just as I did. It didn't matter it was still bright outside that the sun was still at its peak in the skies. That it was only just a couple of hours after noon. We needed every hour we could have. We needed every second to be together as much as we can.

  We sat on the balcony facing the pitch dark night. In the distance glitter if light flitted about in the dark like sparks from a fire. Fireflies! I stared in wonder. It was bewitching this night with Jake. We stared into the dark each quiet and oddly at peace.

  We had the night. This night. This last few moments left before dawn marked the new rising. I turned to face Jake and he turned back to stare at me. The afternoon had gone by freaking fast. The clock was literally ticking away our time together.

  "What will you do when you get back?" I asked wondering.

  "Probably give Keith a call and catch up with the guys. I would love to go out on a real date with you but we both know what you'll say to that," Jake said casually.

  There was that awkward pause after that. The future together or lack of it was one topic the both of us had been tip toeing about all afternoon trying to avoid. But it was bound to happen and I guessed this was as good as we could get before reality kicked in its ugly head.

  "So what will you be doing," Jake tried to redirect the conversation back to safer ground but really he should have chosen better," I'll be weeping over losing you and Richard of course," I smiled ruefully," and trying to find a course that interests me. I may even study law."

  "I can see you as a lawyer," Jake said smiling charmingly. I gave him a watery smile back. I couldn't handle becoming anything at the moment. The thought of losing him was what reined supreme. I felt that hurt numb and pulsing waiting for my to pull the plug that would unleash the torrent of pain. I would delay that delivery till the very last minute.

  "Or maybe I'll try something else, become a merchant banker or perhaps an accountant?" I suggested several possibilities that I really was considering. I wanted to know what he thought.

  "Whatever you decide I'm sure you will be great at it. You could out do anyone I know and even run rings around Richard if you put your mind to it. You always dud excell at schooling," Jake smiled encouragingly at me. I had done well enough at school. As Jake said I needed to only set my mind to something. That it seemed was the hardest thing to do. I just couldn't decide.

  "Look all you need is the drive. Once you have it there will be no stopping you no matter what you decide to do. Just don't let ambition change you. It has a strange way of doing that of making people into things they never wanted to be. I mean look at Richard. He's the perfect example of just how wrong am
bition could go."

  "What do you mean?" I asked not sure if he was just trying to throw me off Richard's scent but I wasn't about to miss out on some information about him. Unlike Jake of whom I knew all I needed to know there was so much I needed to know about Richard.

  "Well for starters Richard's mom whom you've met is his step-mom. This ranch belonged to his real mom who died from a long drawn out battle with cancer when he was just 17. It was just about then that Mr Reeves lost his interest in the family business and Richard searching for something to take his mind away from the of loss poured his life into it," Jake shrugged indifferently. This was just old news to him but it shed a lot of light on a lot of things.

  It certainly gave me an idea of why he was not interested in pursuing me. Why he was more than willing to just leave things be....to jusf leave us be. I felt a tug of sorrow over his loss but knowing about him helped. Oddly, it helped me decide on what I would like to pursue in my future career.

  I turned back from staring at the black void before me to face Jake. "Let's go to bed," I said needing to be in his arms.

  "Come," he agreed readily. We went about the preparations for bed like a comfortable old couple. It was as if we had been together for years not weeks. In a way we have been together for just so long.

  I watched him take his usual spot on the bed and unquestioningly got into my own side. I instantly snuggled up to him to rest my weary head on his broad shoulders. He would take away my burden if worries for one last night. I kissed his neck and then chest in gratitude for giving me these few weeks with him. Then with each of us hugging the other tightly we fell asleep.