Writing for the Green Light

by Scott Kirkpatrick

  Romantic comedies are very successful films, but again all of the above problems occur on these productions as well—and I have seen many potentially great romantic comedies fall apart from different variations of the above. Also, as the guy who literally signs deals on movies at the markets, I can tell you from first-hand experience that the prices romantic comedies go for are actually quite low (again, because of the risk and the cost to dub them).

  That said, if you’re just dying to write some humor, then it’s much smarter to focus on one of the below “good” genres and spice them up by adding some appropriately placed comic relief. Believe me, a few witty one-liners cleverly placed into a genre that proves you “get it” will do much more to further your career than a failed attempt at “the next great teenage comedy.”

  To repeat: Comedies are a very successful genre, but a very risky choice for new writers. Tread with extreme caution.

  If you are passionate about writing comedy or drama, don’t misinterpret the above advice to mean you can never explore these genres! I’m only suggesting they’re not the best “out-of-the-gate” spec scripts to show off your skills; check out Chapter Four for more details.

  And the Good

  So let’s get down to what does work: Basically everything else.

  What gains the attention of agents, producers, and development executives are clear, straight-to-the-point entertainment genres. What does that mean exactly? Simple: Thrillers work. So do action films, horror films, and light-hearted family films.

  The problem is so very few new writers actually write these genres! That means those that do write them have a much higher chance of getting their career into motion because they stand head and shoulders above all the competition out there.

  Turn on your TV and scroll through the channels. I bet you’ll count six to eight thrillers for every one romantic comedy. I bet you’ll find entire channels devoted to horror, action, and dozens dedicated to family. You’ll see dramas and comedies too, but you’ll also notice these are studio-level movies with major A-list casts (you’ll also notice a lot of them are old, except on the pay-per-view channels). This is not the case with thriller, horror, action, or family genres. Click on one. Watch them. Recognize the actors? Maybe one or two, from some TV series you cannot remember the name of. The point is that thriller, horror, action, and family do not require high-level A-list stars to work… . The genre itself is enough to give it stature.

  What about the international side? What happens when these genres get pitched at the Cannes Film Festival? I have never in my life heard any of my clients ask me for a drama. Not once. When I have had to sell drama, I’ll do my best to pitch it, but my client will always end up asking me about the cast in the movie. Unless it’s an A-list name, they shake their heads “no.” I have been asked for comedy, but it’s always a very specific request, like, “Do you have comedies about kick boxing?” or something else out of the blue. Comedy can work if it’s slap-stick (because it’s understood and doesn’t require a dub), but slap-stick humor still needs an internationally known star, such as Rowan Atkinson and his globally recognizable Mr. Bean character. If a comedy is dialogue-based, and most are, then it goes back to who is in the film and any name you provide never seems to meet the clients’ expectations. They just cringe their face, shake their heads, and pass.

  So what do my clients all over the world ask me for? Here are common requests in my working day: I’ll get a phone call from Starz, ION, or Lifetime, “What do you have for family or thriller?” A client from Japan will call me, “I’m looking for action, what do you have?” I go to lunch with Netflix, “Do you have any family or thriller?” I get an email from reps at Chiller, or limitless VOD platforms, “What do you have in thriller or horror?”

  See a pattern? Dramas and comedies are dead weight. People don’t want them and they clog up the system.

  If you want to be taken seriously as a writer, and want to be seen as valuable in the Hollywood system, then hop on the bandwagon and put your effort into what producers and development executives actually want to acquire.

  Well, No Shit, Sherlock

  Okay, perhaps Hollywood wanting entertainment-value genres is far from a shocking revelation. Besides, the word “thriller” or “family” can cover so many different types of stories; it’s not exactly a huge puzzle piece I’m providing here. I first wanted to make it clear that dramas and comedies simply need to be removed from your writing lexicon, at least for the time being. Now that they’re removed, let’s focus on those four top genres: Thriller, action, horror, and family.

  Writing a script based on one of these genres will drastically narrow the playing field, but it certainly won’t be enough to get you a first green light. You’re going to have to dig deeper into these genres and present a script based on what distributors consider absolute “content necessities”—meaning you’re going to have to present agents and producers with one of the “gold-mine” scripts.

  A gold-mine script is not one based on a certain genre; instead, it’s focused on a specific genre type. What does that mean? It means not all thrillers or horror films are made equal. Certain trends can define genre types (like zombie horror films), but these are generally fads—meaning that by the time you hear that a genre type is all the craze, the marketplace has already been flooded and your eight months of effort on a great zombie film go nowhere. Rather, a gold-mine script is one that stands the test of time… . A film based on a gold-mine script will be of interest to TV channels, DVD/VOD distributors, and content buyers throughout the world, year after year.

  Here is the real insight: Not only are the gold-mine genre types the fastest way to get recommended and the most sought-after within the indie marketplace, they are actually the easiest to write! In fact, there are six that are so foolproof and successful that entire companies (and entire individual careers) have grown and blossomed all by remaining true to them. Also, these scripts are so very rare to be received by agents, producers, and production companies that they review these scripts with more acceptance—and forgiveness—than any other (because they know they can sell the hell out of it!) making it much easier for you to edge your way into the top 1 percent of novice screenwriters who truly gain the attention of Hollywood.

  The Six Best Genre Types for First Time Writers

  The following six gold-mine genre types might not be what you expected, but writing one of these films is a sure fire way to grab the attention of Hollywood professionals by delivering what they need.

  Gold-Mine Genre Type #1: The Family Christmas Dog Adventure

  Next time you’re at the grocery store, take an extra moment to check out the Red Box kiosk. Take a look at the bottom two rows… . I’ll put money down that there’s at least one movie with an animal on the front cover, probably a few. Funny enough, they’re probably movies you’ve never heard of with completely unrecognizable actors, yet despite that they’re on the front of the machine, alongside major Hollywood movies, taking up very expensive marketing real estate that major studios would love to have.

  In Hollywood, “dog films” or “animal films” are equivalent to ATM machines. They’re cute, family friendly, and their posters attract both kids and parents alike. Makes sense: Family is one of our top four genres after all… . And even the coldest of us can have a soft spot for a puppy.

  Another cash-machine storyline involves anything related to Christmas… . Holiday specials in general can be very lucrative, but the Christmas holiday itself offers an entire season (thirty to sixty days each year) celebrated by a vast majority of the world—that’s almost two months of every calendar year where very specific content is in high demand.

  Put these two money-making power houses together and you have the single most slam-dunk gold-mine genre type imaginable: “The family Christmas dog adventure.”

  By no means are you limited to only using a dog. In general, anything family-safe with some cute animals will be taken seriously—even if it has no
thing to do with Christmas. Horse films are very strong, especially stories revolving around a tween-aged girl and her horse; other great animal characters can range from chimps to sea otters—sorry to all cat lovers out there, but cats are pretty lame in narrative live-action films, so don’t use them. Just remember, the more exotic the animal, the heftier the cost can be when it comes to production. Not only does the line producer have to budget for the animal, they also need to allocate cash to the trainer(s) and the transportation costs of getting the animals from point A to B. By far, dogs are cheap and pretty easy to handle while remaining extremely effective on the back end (financially).

  It’s because of these additional costs added to non-dog films (and the added “hedge” of safety offered by the Christmas theme) that makes a family Christmas dog adventure the true gold-mine genre in the family/animal category.

  Agents, producers, and distributors seek out these scripts with great interest—they know they can get a nice commission or advance (sometimes even some decent royalties depending on their position) just by having access to such scripts.

  Production companies are just as eager to jump on board. They’re also relatively easy to produce: They’re generally shorter, only eighty-two to ninety minutes, they don’t require more than three or four weeks of production, they’re usually shot in one central location with tiny crews, and they can be completed for very small budgets. These titles also don’t have the added cost of bigger name actors (and the headaches that come from dealing with their agents); instead they use out-of-work yet recognizable TV stars from recently cancelled sitcoms or series.

  Once completed, family Christmas dog adventure movies literally have bidding wars (first by us L.A. sales agents and distribution companies, fighting each other to have the right to just sell the movie, then later by all the different channels and home video platforms in each country, including the United States).

  The best way to illustrate how in-demand these films are is by offering a real-world example from the office: I’m preparing to attend the Cannes Film Festival next month (with only a few weeks left, I’m starting to see content requests coming in from my clients—sent to me from all over the world). These are the content requests I received just today:

  This morning, e-mails #2, 7, 9, and 16 in my inbox each came from a different country (one of which was Turkey, a predominantly Muslim country) all requesting advanced notice on what “Dog-Christmas” movies would be available at the film festival.

  Around 9:45am, the phone rang. The call came from the head acquisitions agent at the #2 channel in Canada (equal to NBC or FOX here in the United States) asking for “Christmas movies, especially ones with dogs or cute animals.”

  After lunch, an email arrives from a long-time buyer in New Zealand (who buys pay-TV rights and DVD/VOD rights for both New Zealand and Australia), “Mate, let me know what doggie Xmas movies you’ll have at the film fest next month, I need some for my Q4 slate.”

  Notice that they’re not asking for a pitch or wondering who is starring in the films? The genre type of “family Christmas dog adventure” is the selling point.

  It sounds like one could write anything and as long as the story takes place around Christmas and there’s a dog involved, it’s a sure-fire bet! In one sense this is very true, but there are five guidelines and rules for you to keep in mind before you begin plotting out your family Christmas dog adventure:

  These are family films, but they do much better when they attract the whole family (meaning you need to create characters within each generation). A great way to handle this, especially since it’s a holiday film, is to involve a family reunion. This way you have an older (wiser/advice-giving) married couple, a late-twenties/early-thirties leading man and woman (both ripe to find a “special someone” who obviously find each other), then a few “cute kid” characters (who are dealing with elementary school-level crushes on each other). Invent a reason why this family reunion is taking place, but just make sure the leading late-twenties/early-thirties man and woman are both recently single and suddenly “find” one another on this unexpected visit home for the holidays (while dealing with everything else). How you fit the dog in is completely up to you (the dog works best as a bridging character, meaning it helps characters “find” one another).

  Each of the three generations must experience some kind of love or romance scenario—follow the “boy-gets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-gets-girl-back” model, even if they’re not lovers and instead just friends. Also, women are the main audience in these films, so be sure to give the female characters that last witty (biting) “told-ya-so” type comment once the “boy-gets-the-girl-back.” (A Christmas Eve party is a great setting for this third act moment, especially with the obvious mistletoe references.)

  Do not write a “talking dog” movie. The dog can have special talents (like playing a sport such as the hugely successful Air Bud franchise), but it should not be able to speak. The Hollywood (and international) marketplace only likes talking animal movies if the animal’s mouths are animated as they talk… . And to animate at the quality-level required is extremely expensive—the Mister Ed trick doesn’t cut it anymore, and cheap animated mouths devalue the film. And don’t try that voice-over “thinking” or “telepathic” animal trick, that only works if you have an A-lister providing the voice. The producers and production companies behind these films don’t have A-lister budgets and will pass not just on your script, but possibly even you as a writer.

  The whole story must take place before Christmas. It must focus on all the shenanigans leading up to the big day. These movies must end as everyone settles in on Christmas Eve, able to enjoy the full holiday with all of the drama and chaos settled and resolved. Also, Christmas Eve offers a great excuse to get all your characters into the same location at the same time.

  The dog must mirror the story arc of the humans… . Since we have so many great loves finding one another, it only makes sense that our hero dog (also a female) is introduced to a very attractive male dog. This happens at the end, usually at the Christmas Eve party, once all problems are wrapped up—one of our character’s friends comes over, bringing his/her dog, which is the male canine of our hero dog’s dreams. It’s perfectly acceptable to push this to the next level, adding a “SEVERAL MONTHS LATER” chunk where our hero dog is resting with a litter of adorable puppies.

  Aside from the above guidelines, the storyline and character details of the family Christmas dog adventure are purely up to you. I didn’t add this in the rules, but it goes without saying that you should steer clear of heavy subjects or themes, such as abuse, alcoholism, and so forth—keep things light and fluffy.

  This genre type might be a bit more mainstream than some of you had hoped, but it is a guaranteed one-way ticket to being taken seriously by the Hollywood machine. Most agents, producers, and production companies have a radar scanning the Los Angeles basin, looking for these exact types of screenplays.

  To get a sense of the style and tone of these films, check out these real-world examples: 3 Holiday Tails (2011) or Scoot & Kassie’s Christmas Adventure (2013). For a non-dog version of this gold-mine genre, check out The Christmas Colt (2013). And to see a “family dog” film applied to a different holiday, check out the family Valentine’s Day dog adventure Gabe the Cupid Dog (2012).

  Gold-Mine Genre Type #2: The Woman-in-Peril Thriller

  This genre type is actually a win-win on both the business side as well as the creative. On the business end, there are dozens of slots open for these films across a wide variety of platforms (these are fantastic for TV with heavy cross-over into theatrical distribution and DVD/VOD throughout the world). There’s usually one playing each weekend at the movie theatre and you can find countless examples at any time of day on TV (look at the Lifetime Movie Network or A&E, both of which have built empires off them).

  For screenwriters, a woman-in-peril thriller can offer a lot of innovative plot twists and unique character development, grantin
g much more latitude for creativity in a way that’s fun and satisfying, while still providing Hollywood a script it’s on the hunt for.

  Distributors and production companies see woman-in-peril thrillers as very sound investments and take their submissions very seriously. They’re always eager to expand their catalogues with these films, but they do expect them to meet certain Hollywood standards.

  The drawback for new writers is that woman-in-peril thrillers are not nearly as easy to write as a family Christmas dog adventure and they will be judged much more critically than “fluff” genres. But there are definitely ways to approach this genre type in a manner that positions you, and your screenplay, on solid ground to nail your first green light!

  Let’s first review the three best-selling types of woman-in-peril thrillers, the ones agents, producers, and development executives are in search of:

  The Stalker Ex—The storyline is very straight and simple, also the most obvious. A young woman is completely loving and devoted to her perfect husband/boyfriend. But it’s soon revealed that he is abusive. With little money and no one to turn to, she finds the courage to escape and is forced to create a new life for herself elsewhere. She finds a new man, a truly kind and wonderful sweetheart, but their relationship is strained because of her past… . It’s also discovered that the ex is now stalking her. Act III starts when our leading lady and her new man have an argument: He feels hurt that she won’t commit, and she hasn’t yet been able to express her emotional conflict stemming from her past. The film climaxes when our heroine is in a vulnerable situation (alone, naked, and helpless work best, think Sleeping with the Enemy’s (1991) poster with Julia Roberts in the bathtub, realizing she’s not alone in the house) and she must face her stalker ex head on. The new sweetheart comes to her rescue at the perfect moment and all order is restored.