Writing for the Green Light

by Scott Kirkpatrick

  My personal advice, to give you the most well rounded approach, is to get two very solid opinions from these sources:

  First, reach out to a close friend who’s a complete TV geek. We all know one person who can recite every cast member of each season of nearly every TV series currently on the air… . That’s the type we’re going for here. Just ask them for basic advice, not technical advice (on craft, theme, etc.); the question should really be, “Could you see something like this working on TV and would you watch it?” You’re going for the entertainment viewpoint here, not the critical one. Let them speak openly and guide you on your overall story and series concept, and let them voice annoyances or concerns about your characters, or about the logic of the overall series concept—this friend knows TV and, moreover, knows how audiences respond to new programs. Take their criticisms to heart and rework your pilot as necessary. This is more to guarantee that your series concept (and its pilot episode) does indeed stick as an idea and does sync with a dedicated television audience.

  For your second opinion, you will need to dig a bit deeper and get someone with real TV industry insight. I would definitely go into the professional realm here and ask people who are truly in Hollywood’s inner circle. Of the two consulting names I mentioned in Chapter Three, Erik Bork would be a great pick here given his TV experience on Band of Brothers—but you can also check out UCLA Extension classes and Writer’s Store classes focused on television. This is the arena to look in when you’re taking an idea for a series you know sticks well with fans, but are better catering it for the eyes of the working staff writers who will be reading it—and judging it. Never get too bogged down with the exact credits of a professional TV reader; it’s more important that they (1) have legit working experience in television and (2) that you get along with them… . Try to get them on the phone for a few minutes to chat with them—ask yourself if you would work well with them; for example, do they give criticism in a way that you are comfortable hearing? They will be reserved with what they can say, obviously, withholding the real meat of the conversation until you’re hired, but see if you can set up a casual phone call as a sort of introduction to get a feel.

  Both of these perspectives will really get the ball rolling by ensuring you have a strong conceptual idea for a series (that truly allows for factory output), as well as a great showpiece pilot vetted by a general TV fan and a veteran writer with which to display it.

  What to Do After You Finish

  One of the biggest differences between the film side and TV side happens after you’ve finished your spec script… . On the film side, as already mentioned, there’s a clear-cut plan of action, however on the TV side, there’s not.

  You could send your sample TV spec script to the offices of an actual studio producing a series very similar to the style of your spec script… . But they will likely tell you they don’t accept unsolicited submissions (meaning that they only work with represented writers—not the case with indie feature scripts). You could instead go after the big agencies and try to seek out legit representation, and use their clout to secure you a gig… . But they will most likely be more interested in seeing what else you have (like a movie script), or in looking for something a bit more “immediate,” since most agents are much more focused on quick sale opportunities rather than building a long-term career.1

  The real answer is rarely spoken: Hold onto your sample TV spec script.

  As already stated, a feature-length spec script is a direct and simple one-off item, something that works completely in and of itself; however, a sample TV spec script is a longer term investment—it’s a part of the overall package that you, as a writer, represent. A feature-length spec script is a calling card; it’s the item you toss around openly to showcase you’re the real deal… . Those sample TV spec scripts you’ve written, on the other hand, are very valuable tools you don’t use often (but you’re always very glad you have when the occasion requires it).

  In some cases, your professional consultant might ask if they could show your pilot script to a close contact of their own, like a manager, agent, or fellow writer friend of theirs… . Let them! As long as you’ve taken the proactive steps to register your script with the Writers Guild of America (WGA), having your script passed along the ladder is the way this process really works—because to break the seemingly impenetrable walls of staff writing circles, you need someone on the inside to be willing to pass along your script. Obviously, you cannot expect your hired consultant to do this for you, but if they see enough promise in your work—and just happen to know someone looking for your exact qualifications—they could make that recommendation. And if not them, someone along the way will catch wind that you’re a hopeful TV writer, trying to break in… . If they reach out to you specifically and ask if you have something available to show your talents, you are in the enviable position to confidently hand them a piece of your writing.

  There’s no one you can necessarily—and blindly—send your work to where it will not be seen simply as noise (especially since spec-written pilots stand no chance of getting produced as one-offs)… . And “noise” doesn’t get you or your work noticed by Hollywood decision-makers. So your real challenge is to get yourself into positions where you have the ability to strengthen valuable relationships that might, if you play the game, take an interest in your work and read one of your scripts.

  The TV Credit Catch-22

  In TV writing, there is no green light for new series ideas, unless they’re coming from top studio executives or are being created by very well established veteran writers; therefore, the only real objective for a newbie writer is to get a job on staff for an existing series. Going back to our classic screenwriting catch-22, where no one will take you seriously until you have a legit onscreen credit, this logic is propelled to the extreme in the world of television writing. Until you have pre-vetted TV writing experience (with a legit TV credit), the notion of having your sample TV spec script reviewed by those in a hiring position, or joining a team of staff writers already in motion, is an extraordinarily challenging objective.

  But there is a way to tackle this puzzle, it just involves a little outside-the-box thinking. After all, those writers currently on staff writing the big Hollywood series had to have gotten there somehow or another.

  Entry Points

  The real secret to breaking in is via tiny wormholes I like to call entry points. An entry point is a rarely taught-about shortcut toward fast tracking your way through the Hollywood system. They are the foot-in-the-door jobs you can take that allow you real-world opportunities to get your work read by professionals who, if they like your style, might just bring you in and see if you have what it takes to be full time. (If this sounds curiously like an internship, the logic behind it is not far off.)

  As mentioned earlier, the majority of television is non-scripted… . However, it’s the non-scripted side that offers newbie writers the most wide-open entry points; let’s review a few examples specifically catered to television:

  Gag Writing

  Writing for the hosted late-night television shows can be a great way in—the creators of How I Met Your Mother broke through the studio walls this way.

  Regardless of the host (Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brian, etc.), the majority of them open their program with a monologue. On screen this lasts several minutes and is the glue that captures an audience flipping through channels and keeps them locked-in for the entire program (or at least the first half).

  Ever watched them and counted the jokes? There’s dozens of them… . Some take as few as five to ten seconds to set up and deliver. Multiply that times five episodes per week and you’re well into the hundreds of pre-scripted jokes—and they cannot be “evergreen” jokes, they have to be timely and current. Even the most talented and “on it” comedian/late-night host would never be able to sit and write twenty-five to forty jokes each day and have the bulk of them “sell” to an audience and garner a laugh.

  That
’s why they have a whole team of staff writers to draft out that daily monologue, right? Not quite… . Instead, they have dozens of gag writers (or joke writers) under non-exclusive contract—many of whom have never set foot in the staff writers’ offices. Every day, the gag writers submit a minimum number of jokes… . Sometimes it’s three per day and for others it’s seven; it really just depends on the program and the agreement. They email their joke submissions to their contact at the network, who then compiles all the day’s joke emails into a list. The joke list gets printed out, and is handed to all of the full-time staff writers who work for the late-night show directly as salaried or exclusively contracted employees. Together, they review the jokes and start to arrange them into a logical flowing order (they’re technically constructing the monologue, but in essence they’re writing it). Ninety percent or more of the submitted jokes are discarded right off the bat.

  What happens if you get your jokes thrown out for the day? Nothing… . You just submit your next batch of jokes the following day. However, if you do get a joke all the way to broadcast, with the host using your zinger on camera, you’ll get a check anywhere from $20 to $80 for each joke used (prices vary, and sometimes you have to hit a certain minimum, such as an accumulated $500 over the course of several weeks before a check will actually get issued). The pay is certainly not incentivizing up front… . But if you are talented joke writer and are submitting a steady flow of quality jokes each day, even if they’re not used during each broadcast, those staff writers will take notice that you’ve “got the chops” to write comedy.

  In time, they might lose a member or two of their staff to other writing assignments. How do they hire replacements? Generally, they pull from the talented and steady gag writers already submitting material. If they’ve been at it for a while, and have had several jokes on air, then they clearly understand not just the value of writing a good one-liner, but also have an understanding of the type of content (and style) that’s needed for the program. The head staff writer might just bring you in for an interview, or request to see that comedic sample TV spec script of yours.

  If brought on for a staff position, they might have you temporarily write out a few “freebies” such as those silly sketches and bits late-night comedians do midway through each program (the segment used to keep a TV audience watching). From here, they can tell if you’d fit in with their style of comedy and their way of working on content.

  Where can you go from here? Once you’re in with a crew of staff writers, you will be settled within a pretty tight-knit bunch … and you’ll be working at a TV studio directly. What do TV studios produce? Sitcoms.

  If NBC has a new sitcom it wants to produce, it’s much more likely to hire from within (by plucking a few of the “go-to” staff writers churning out quality comedic writing for the late-night shows and “promote” them into prime time). What would make you even more valuable is having a ready-to-go sample TV spec script to offer, already showing you’re ready for the opportunity—are you seeing a trend in how having a few of these laying around are useful?

  How do you get in with this crowd and become a gag writer? Start by going to a live taping… . Once you’re at the taping, you’ll be escorted into the big auditorium and seated. There will be a warm-up comic in front, keeping everyone alert and energetic before the program and during breaks… . That is your target. Get their name and contact details. Talk to them during a break or after the show. Tell them you’d be interested in being a gag writer or joke writer for the monologues, even if you don’t get paid. They will tell you they’re not the one to speak to, but that they can put you into touch with someone who can be of help… . Bingo!

  Don’t want to head to a live taping? Call the studio, there is a full-on department for each series in production. All you need is an office production assistant. Tell them you want to be on the “go-to” list of joke writers for the late-night show… . The “joke” team is always looking for new material to keep the show fresh.

  Staff Writing Assistant

  Essentially, a writing assistant is the grunt of the staff writing division. But nevertheless, these jobs are coveted positions that many fresh Hollywood newbies would be thrilled to accept. And although the dream scenario would be to join in on a team writing for a scripted series, there are numerous “reality-based” or non-script programs that need assistants too (that also happen to be working within the same buildings as, and sometimes reporting to, the same executives as the more “elite” scripted programs).

  The bulk of your duties will be running errands, scheduling meetings, making copies, and juggling drafts from one department to the next. You’ll also be in charge of handling all those unwanted submissions coming in from wannabe writers (the scripts and sketches that the studio is not legally allowed to review).

  On the positive side, as with the readers on Hollywood’s film side, this position does offer rare access to Hollywood’s unspoken rules… . You’ll learn how not to submit work into the professional world, you’ll learn where the orders come from in a studio setting (realizing that more often than not, the staff writers are following orders from the program’s showrunner on the overall direction and tone the show must follow). You’ll also overhear countless staff writer meetings, where assignments are dished out, and later, where written works are reviewed and revised.

  Whether for a big time studio dramatic series, a half-hour broadcast TV sitcom, or even a lower level project like a soap opera or talk show, getting in at the base level with the writer team will be a truly rewarding long-term investment… . The hours are awful and you will undoubtedly deal with at least one person you cannot stand, but stick with it. Regardless which TV show you’re lucky enough to land a gig with, you will walk away having learned far more about the world of TV writing—and the entertainment business as a whole—than you even could have imagined.

  Getting one of these jobs, on the other hand, is a very tricky endeavor. On the major studio-level shows, the writing assistants have their own hierarchy! You will have a head staff writing assistant who has his or her own group of assistants to the assistant to boss around. I would advise going smaller, getting leaner, and not directly approaching a studio-level job (besides, you’d have to cash in a great deal of connections and favors just to be interviewed for an assistant to the assistant position). Save yourself the trouble.

  The route I’d offer you is the seemingly unglamorous—yet rewarding— path toward daytime talk show TV programs, soap operas, or late-night comedy shows. The line is not nearly as long to get in and they need just as much work completed. You generally also have more in-check egos to deal with (which is worth its weight in gold on some days). You can approach these in much the same way as you would a gag-writing position, by calling the studio and asking for the [fill-in-the-blank] show. Whoever answers, tell them you’d like to see if the staff writing team needs assistants. Chances are, they’ll want to see a résumé—possibly a sample of your writing. If asked only to send in a résumé, do not include your sample TV spec script. Be professional about it… . Don’t mention your interest in writing and instead emphasize your skills at all the things they’ll need you to manage (computer programs you’re familiar with, clerical skills, and other functional assets). If brought in for an interview and asked what you hope to do long term, it’s perfectly fine to say “I do want to write for television, but I think it’s much more important to truly learn the business of how it works first.”

  Often times, if you play by the rules, writer’s assistants can end up getting to write a freelance script for the show… . Which will garner them their first onscreen credit.

  (This same process can work on any form of reality TV as well—even though many reality programs don’t have writers, they do have creatives on staff creating those magical scenarios that lead to grand reality TV moments).

  Office Assistant or Personal Assistant

  Too many people overlook these jobs, assuming they’re just to
o beneath them to be of value. The hours are awful and the pay is terrible… . But if you are an office assistant or (even better) the direct personal assistant to a Hollywood decision-maker in the TV space (either scripted or non), then you will be in a fantastic position to fast track your way into TV writing.

  The development, green lighting, and execution process of a TV series all takes place within high-level talks between a very limited number of strategically placed persons. There are many well-connected and talented comics or actors with fantastic ideas for long-running series that a studio or broadcast network would love to engage with (seeing them as long-term cash-generating enterprises). Studios acquire the rights to major book properties that have “hooks”—relevant concepts that could be expanded into a series. But producing, and scheduling, a full TV series is a very costly decision, one that must have back-end support before it’s ever moved forward.

  So, execs and decision-makers break it down into steps. First, they get the proper high-level parties involved to decide what the concept is going to be. Second, they commission key writers to draft up a “blueprint” for the series so that everyone can give their input into whether or not the series is taking on the right shape. This process continues until the blueprint is worthy of entering a scripting phase.

  From here, we all know the next steps (production of a pilot commences and everyone waits to see if the series will move forward). Most series go nowhere and get dropped. A few make it and get cancelled after a few episodes. And a small minority go all the way and become major TV hits.

  More often than not, the truly successful TV series come from proven TV writers (and occasionally feature-length film writers). Some are generated out of the offices of the big-wig execs, but it’s generally the hired writer who does most of the heavy lifting in shaping the overall program. I stress again that these major companies are not looking for series ideas from unproven writers, only in very rare instances have top notch programs come from unknown writers (best example would be Glee (2009), where writer Ryan Murphy was able to get an A-list showrunner to read and push his work… . Meaning it only got to air via a powerful recommendation).