Christmas at Black Cherry Retreat

by Angela Britnell

  ‘I don’t want to get you in trouble too.’

  Sandy rubbed at the condensation on the beer can and wiped his damp thumb on his jeans. ‘It doesn’t bother me none. Why’s she so bent on hassling you now anyway?’

  ‘Not sure. Maybe because I turned forty last year? Who knows with our sweet mother?’ Tom ventured. Nothing more was said. The comfortable silence was only punctuated by the sound of slow, steady drinking and the scraping of the chairs on the porch floor. Mikey hauled himself to his feet and disappeared inside the cabin.

  ‘There we go. Gourmet pizza courtesy of our favourite aunt.’ Mikey set a couple of oversized pizzas down on the table along with three plates.

  Immediately they all dove in and munched away without bothering with any conversation.

  ‘You got many guests in?’ Mikey asked, reaching for another slice.

  ‘Three cabins are full. A decent older couple from South Carolina who leave tomorrow. A family of four from Florida – the father’s obnoxious, mother’s a pain and the kids are all out brats. They’re here for the week.’ He hesitated a second before mentioning Fee. ‘There’s an English woman booked in for a month. She’s some sort of photographer.’ Tom caught the knowing glance ricocheting between his brothers. He’d been set up.

  ‘We hear she’s a smart lady. She sure won over Pops.’

  Mikey’s casual comment didn’t fool Tom for a second.

  ‘Good looker is she?’ Sandy chimed in, and Tom swallowed the last of his beer before pulling out another can from the cooler at his brother’s feet. He popped the top open and took a long deep swallow.

  ‘Not particularly.’ He flat out lied. ‘Pleasant enough, I guess.’

  ‘Doesn’t float your boat then?’ Mikey’s blunt question meant he’d been stuck with the bad cop role tonight, leaving Sandy to play the nice guy.

  Tom glowered. ‘I’m not interested. Thought you’d all have got that by now. Worst thing to ask today, don’t you think?’ Attack was often the best defence.

  ‘Fair enough.’ Mikey backed off with a conciliatory smile. Tom recognised it as nothing more than a temporary reprieve. He’d better stop drinking and keep his wits about him.

  Soft, yellow lights glimmered on Tom’s porch and Fee, sitting outside her own cabin, strained to pick out the voices drifting up the road. She couldn’t decide if it was all men or maybe included a woman with a low, sexy voice. Pull yourself together. You’re not getting involved, remember?

  She’d spent a lot of time thinking since her latest visit to Pine Ridge. Whilst bonding with Mary-Jo over a kid’s size serving of pear and pecan ice cream it’d been a cinch to extract the story she’d sworn not to ask anything about, finding out more about Gina Chambers than she really wanted to. It only took the minimum of encouragement to get Suzy-Beth to join in and gossip about her cousin.

  It was a simple, sad story. Tom and Gina were childhood sweethearts from two long settled Pine Ridge families who got married as soon as Tom became a police officer. Fee hated the flash of envy when the women spoke about the beautiful, charming Gina whom everyone loved.

  She worshipped him and everyone assumed they’d grow old together but Tom worked a murder case and when the man he charged got out of prison he was set on revenge. Gary Higgins shot Gina while she and Tom were sitting on their front porch. Tom’s never been himself since. He went away for a while and worked as a security consultant in Iraq but couldn’t stay gone. There was no way he could return to police work so he made the cabins his project and they saved him.

  No wonder he’d recoiled at being drawn to her the other night. An unbearable sadness filled Fee at the idea that such a loving man would close himself down. This wasn’t simply about his clear desire for her but also the longing in his eyes when he played with Lulu. It didn’t take a genius to guess he’d been picturing the children he’d hoped to have. After Pierre’s death she swore never to get close to anyone again because it’d hurt too much when things fell apart. If she was foolish enough to let Tom into her heart he’d let her down too because that’s what happened. She couldn’t take the chance.

  Fee pulled her cold, bare feet up on the chair and tucked the soft red blanket in around her to ward off the chill in the air. Rocking back and forth she allowed herself to dream.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘Higgins gets out next week.’ Sandy’s blunt statement hit Tom straight in the gut.

  ‘You’re fuckin’ kiddin’ me!’

  Sandy shook his head. He wore the same blank, serious expression he used to cover up his feelings in front of criminals and defence attorneys. ‘You knew he was goin’ in front of the parole board again. They sent an invitation for you to go and speak but you refused and never asked how it went.’

  Tom grasped the arms of the chair. ‘I couldn’t face seeing him again and didn’t think they’d be dumb enough to listen to his whining excuses.’ He leapt to his feet. ‘I’m goin’ to walk. Leave me alone, alright?’ The pity written across his brothers’ faces made him give the table leg a swift kick, sending the remains of the pizza and a couple of beer bottles skittering across the porch.

  Tom leapt down the porch steps and strode out towards the lake. There was enough moonlight to stop him falling flat on his face on the rough path. He’d prefer to run and pound his feet into the gravel while pretending it was Gary Higgins’ pale, fleshy face but that wasn’t an option. He turned left to walk clockwise around the trail so he wouldn’t pass the other cabins until he could manage a polite greeting if necessary. He launched into a brisk pace and twenty minutes later emerged from the trees and gradually slowed down until his breathing returned to normal. Tom hovered near the shed where he stored the boating equipment. He couldn’t face his brothers again yet but didn’t know what else to do.

  The glowing light on Fee’s porch lured him closer to her cabin. There was no reason to think she was sitting outside this late at night so he guessed she’d left it on for security. No way could he go and knock on her door.

  ‘Tom, is that you?’

  Her tremulous voice cut through the crisp night air and he cursed under his breath. The last thing she needed was him sneaking around and scaring her half to death. ‘Yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to freak you out.’ Tom walked over and hesitated by her bottom step.

  ‘Then don’t creep up on me another time,’ she teased, smiling at him from one of the rocking chairs. She leaned forward and frowned. ‘Is something wrong?’

  Tom swallowed hard and stared down at his feet. Her light, clean perfume drifted in the crisp night air and when he glanced again she’d made her way down the steps to stand in front of him.

  ‘What it is, Tom?’

  He could still walk away. Go back to his own place and talk to his brothers. Tom froze as she took hold of his right hand.

  ‘Do you want to join me in a mug of chamomile tea?’

  He’d received some unusual offers from women in his time but this beat them all. Tom managed to nod and gave her a tight smile.

  Fee tugged on Tom’s hand to encourage him. As soon as they stepped onto the porch he wrapped his arms around her waist and clutched her against his broad chest.

  ‘Tea?’ Her voice wobbled.

  ‘In a minute. Just let me hold you. Please.’ His deep voice, smooth as honey and dark as the night settling in around them, trickled over her senses and she snuggled further into his gentle, caressing hands. ‘You’re an extremely peaceful woman. That’s a rare thing.’

  Fee took it as a compliment and decided to take a huge chance. ‘I’ve never told you why I came here.’ Tom was smart enough to guess she was giving him a break by offering something of herself. ‘How about we sit and talk a while.’

  Tom tightened his hold. ‘But, I need …’

  She silenced him with a light kiss, brushing against his warm lips while aching for so much more. ‘I know, but I don’t intend to be someone you regret.’ Fee pulled away.

  ‘I’ll be a good boy and sit here while y
ou fix whatever weird drink you offered.’ He walked over to grab one of her chairs, shifting it closer to the other one and lowering himself into the seat with a quiet sigh.

  Fee hurried away inside and headed for the kitchen. She boiled the kettle and made a fresh pot of tea. While it steeped she rested against the counter and wondered if she’d manage to send him away later or whether she even wanted to. Without coming to any decision she poured out two mugs and made her way back to the porch. For a moment she stopped by the open doorway to watch Tom, his face etched with worry. Doctor Michael would tell her to run as fast as she could in the opposite direction because she wasn’t strong enough to take on Tom’s problems as well as her own. He’d encouraged her to come here largely because she didn’t know anyone and could hold herself apart. But he hadn’t bargained on Tom’s kind eyes and gentle voice luring her in.

  ‘It’s safe to come out. I promise I’ll behave.’ He flashed one of his endearing smiles.

  Fee managed a bright smile. ‘Here’s your tea. It’ll soothe you and help you sleep.’

  ‘We’ll see. Thanks.’ He nodded and took the cup she was holding out, sliding his fingers around hers so she couldn’t move or she’d spill hot tea over them both. After several lingering seconds Tom loosened his grasp and Fee pulled away. She sat down and wrapped her hands around her drink to steady her shaking fingers.

  ‘You know how to be quiet too,’ she commented after several companionable minutes slipped by without a word between them. ‘A police habit or simply you?’

  Tom shrugged. ‘Bit of both I guess. I’ve always been an observer.’

  ‘So what’re you seeing now?’

  ‘A starkly beautiful woman, highly intelligent and well-travelled but who doesn’t know her destination anymore.’

  His spot-on observation shook her. ‘Wow. You don’t mince words, do you?’

  ‘Do you want me to?’

  Fee shook her head. ‘I’m guessing you know what I do for a living?’

  ‘Yeah. Mary-Jo shared it with me and then your name registered. You do great work.’

  She swallowed hard, taken aback at the unexpected compliment. ‘I suppose you Googled me and now there’s nothing of my life left hidden?’

  ‘Nope. I figured you’d tell me if you wanted to.’

  This man with his huge, loving family could never understand her nomadic upbringing and solitary mentality. Maybe it was better to get it out in the open now. ‘My mother could never settle so we moved around all over the place. She always had a cause to follow and dragged me along in her wake.’ Fee tried to hide her bitterness. ‘Will Sawyer was the only one of Mum’s boyfriends who ever gave a damn about me and he gave me a cheap camera for my tenth birthday. I soon found out it’d never let me down.’ She could hardly bear the wave of sympathy flooding from Tom. Making him sorry for her was the last thing she’d intended. ‘As soon as possible I left home and never went back. I haven’t seen my mother in almost twenty years and we rarely speak on the phone.’ She briefly considered mentioning Maddy’s recent phone call but that could wait for another day.’ A flare of shock tinged his warm eyes but he didn’t say a word. ‘Photo-journalism felt a natural fit for me and there’s very little I haven’t seen and documented over the years.’

  ‘I’d imagine it gets to you in the end, doesn’t it?’ Tom murmured.

  ‘Rather like police work.’

  ‘Yeah. It sure makes relationships tricky.’

  She clasped her hands together and looked straight at Tom. ‘That’s why I didn’t do them long-term until … Pierre. I’d learnt from my mother never to trust men’s promises—’ Fee held up her hand to him. ‘—please don’t try to tell me otherwise. It’s the way she was and it rubbed off on me. I’ve never craved stability and family and all that entails.’ Her protests sounded hollow.

  ‘Pierre hurt you.’

  The blunt statement sliced right through her. ‘I let Pierre into the one place I’d always kept private, my heart, and he ripped it in two and tossed it out with the rubbish.’ Fee fiercely wiped away the tears trickling down her face.

  ‘Do you want to sit with me?’ Tom whispered. Without speaking she moved over and lowered herself onto his lap. He settled her into the curve of his body and began to rock the chair again.

  ‘I’m sure Mary-Jo told you Pierre died in front of me.’

  ‘Yeah, she did, sweetheart.’ His voice thickened. ‘I wish like hell we didn’t have this in common.’ Tom’s eyes glistened. ‘Gina was shot while we sat on our porch drinking coffee.’ He worked his jaw, as if he wanted to say more but couldn’t force the words to emerge. ‘It never goes away.’

  ‘At least you know she loved you.’ He didn’t respond straight away and his hesitation made her wonder.

  ‘Why do you doubt Pierre loved you?’

  ‘Perhaps because the wife he’d never mentioned arrived at his memorial service showing everyone pictures of their beautiful baby son and their gorgeous house in Paris.’ She blinked back tears. In her head she saw the blonde, elegant Helene in her black Chanel dress giving Fee a sympathetic pat on the back and thanking her for being Pierre’s friend.

  ‘Shit.’

  ‘That about sums it up.’

  ‘You didn’t have to share all this to make me feel better you know.’

  ‘Did it work?’ She struggled for a touch of humour.

  ‘Maybe.’ Tom toyed with the ends of her hair. ‘I ought to go.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘My brothers are visiting and I kind of stormed out on them.’ Tom’s bashful expression touched her heart. ‘Can I see you tomorrow when they’re gone?’

  ‘You know where I am.’ She stood up. ‘Good night.’ Fee turned away and walked back into her cabin, quickly closing the door behind her. She didn’t move again until his footsteps faded into the distance and she could trust herself not to run after him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tom ambled into the kitchen rubbing at his tired eyes and needing an infusion of hot, strong coffee more than oxygen.

  ‘Glad to see you’ve dragged your sorry ass out at last.’ Mikey grinned over his shoulder before turning back to concentrate on the eggs he was scrambling. ‘The bacon’s ready and I’ve popped the bread in the toaster. Get your caffeine fix and sit down. I’ll feed you.’

  ‘Turned into Mom, have you?’ Tom complained half-heartedly. They hadn’t talked much after he got back from Fee’s last night – correction – he’d kept silent and his brothers let him get away with it. ‘Where’s Sandy?’

  ‘Work.’ Mikey shared the eggs out between two plates then piled on a mound of bacon and toast. He set one in front of Tom before sitting down himself. ‘Sandy met your English lady when he went for his usual run. Said you were blowin’ smoke when you claimed she wasn’t anything special.’

  Tom laid down his fork. ‘For a start she’s not my English anything, and I didn’t say …’

  ‘Lighten up, bro, I’m havin’ a bit of fun, that’s all.’ Mikey shovelled in a mouthful of eggs then bit into a strip of bacon, blackened to a crisp the way everyone in their family preferred.

  ‘Yeah, I know. It’s me. Sorry.’

  ‘No worries.’ Mikey went back to eating.

  ‘I’ll tell you somethin’, but if you breathe a word outside these four walls you’re dead meat.’

  Mikey froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. ‘What the hell have you done?’

  ‘I haven’t done anythin’, well not really, I mean …’

  ‘Get on with it, idiot, or I’ll beat it out of you.’

  Tom sighed, wishing he’d kept quiet. ‘I kissed Fee the other day.’

  ‘Okay.’ Mikey dragged out the word as though unsure where to take the conversation next. They normally joked about anything under the sun except for the subject of Tom and women. ‘You wanted to do more, right?’

  ‘Yeah. What does that make me?’

  ‘Um, normal?’

  ‘What about Gina?’

&nb
sp; Mikey took a swig of coffee and stared at Tom. ‘You really want the truth?’

  Did he? ‘I guess.’

  ‘Gina would call you an idiot. If it’d been the other way around I damn well hope you wouldn’t have expected her to lock herself away for the rest of her life.’

  ‘She died because I screwed up. There’s a big difference,’ Tom snapped.

  ‘No, she didn’t, you moron. She died because Gary Higgins is a vicious thug.’ Mikey rested a hand on Tom’s shoulder and the unexpected contact made his throat tighten. ‘No one’s telling you to forget Gina but you’re still alive so live for Christ’s sake. It’s got to be better than this half-assed thing you’re doin’ now.’

  Tom’s jaw gaped open. His taciturn, quiet brother was never this blunt.

  ‘You’ll catch flies in a minute,’ Mikey teased. ‘Finish your breakfast. I didn’t waste my time cookin’ so you could let breakfast go cold and greasy.’

  He dutifully picked up his knife and fork and followed orders because it was easier than replying. Even if he chose to risk dipping a toe back in the dating pond it didn’t change the fact Fee was in a bad place emotionally. Their timing was lousy.

  ‘You’re thinkin’ too much.’

  ‘How would you know? Not something you ever do, is it?’ Tom tossed right back. ‘Fee’s … complicated.’

  Mikey’s coarse laughter filled the room. ‘Show me a damn woman who isn’t. They’re all a goddamn mystery, you idiot.’

  ‘But I might be the worst person for her.’

  ‘Am I suggesting you marry the woman tomorrow?’ Mikey jibed. ‘Have you ever heard of dating and getting to know someone? It’s what normal people do. Try it and see what happens.’

  Tom took a large bite of toast. After eighteen years alone he wasn’t sure he had the guts to put himself out there again. He’d never done casual where women were concerned and was pretty sure he couldn’t start now. He respected Fee too much and knew enough of her past to be aware it wouldn’t take much to hurt her.