Christmas at Black Cherry Retreat

by Angela Britnell

  ‘What still needs to be done?’ Fee gestured towards the dolls’ house.

  ‘The outside’s finished and inside I’ve got some painting to finish up. Then it’s a question of getting the furniture and fixtures in place. Mary-Jo’s got most of it bought but I told her I’ve made a few pieces.’

  ‘You can start back on it tomorrow.’

  ‘Yeah.’ He pulled her into his arms. ‘Right now I’m ready to celebrate being home and then sleep until I’m forced to wake up either by you or starvation.’

  ‘Jet lag will have you awake early. Trust me.’

  ‘Come on. Let’s get out of here.’ He grabbed her hand and they left, locking the door behind him. ‘Tomorrow we’ll see about gettin’ a wedding license then buy you a dress and buy somethin’ girly and fussy for Lulu.’

  ‘Uh, we’re not hanging around then I take it?’

  ‘Did you want to?’ he asked, frowning. ‘Sorry. I should’ve asked.’

  ‘It’s okay apart from the fact I really want Mum and Will here.’ She still found the idea of calling Will her father strange. One day when she’d tried to explain her reticence Will had told her he loved her regardless. She’d offered to do a DNA test but he’d insisted it wasn’t necessary for his sake. After discussing things with Tom she’d made the decision to leave well alone.

  Tom smacked his head. ‘Sorry. I’m runnin’ away with myself. We’ll call tomorrow and see what suits them. Of course they must be here.’

  ‘Stop fretting. I don’t know about you but I could do with a good cup of tea.’

  He screwed up his face. ‘Not for me. I’ve drunk enough gallons of the stuff to float a ship. Between that and the thick espresso sludge in Italy I’m ready for a decent mug of coffee. I need to have a quick skim through the mail Billy said he’d left on the desk.’

  ‘How about you start on the post and I’ll make our drinks.’

  ‘I knew I was marrying you for a good reason.’

  Fee stuck out her tongue and flounced off towards the kitchen. With their two mugs ready she carried them into the office and discovered Tom sitting at his desk and staring at a thick blue envelope.

  ‘This one’s for you. From France.’

  Fee’s heart thumped as she reached out her hand to take it from him.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  The blood drained from Fee’s face and Tom yearned to snatch the envelope back.

  ‘Do you want to sit down?’

  Silently she pulled the other chair closer and perched on the edge. With great care she eased open the flap and removed a sheet of paper and another smaller envelope. Fee finished reading the loose page and passed it across to him without saying a word. Tom slipped on his glasses and checked the signature first. Helene Marchand. Pierre’s wife.

  ‘How did she know where to contact you?’

  ‘It’s been forwarded from my London flat. You can see it’s dated several weeks ago.’

  He scanned over the brief, stilted lines, written in very precise English. Helene explained that the enclosed letter addressed to Fee was found among Pierre’s possessions. Because it was without a stamp the authorities included the letter with the box of effects sent to his widow. In the last sentence she asked Fee not to reply or get in touch with her again.

  ‘I’m guessin’ she knows about the two of you,’ he ventured.

  ‘I’d say so.’ Her fingers shook as she opened the other letter and started to read. Tom ached to do something, anything to make this easier for Fee.

  ‘This was written the night before … he died.’ Fee’s voice splintered into shards of pain and Tom crushed down a surge of jealousy. ‘He begins by telling me he loves me because I’m a beautiful, intelligent, fearless woman.’ Tom heard the catch in her breath. ‘He goes on to say he wishes he could spend the rest of his life with me but then admits he’s been lying and explains about his wife and son. He doesn’t offer any explanation for our affair apart from wanting me too much.’ Fee sighed and pushed the letter across the desk.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes. Please.’

  Tom fingered the thin sheets of airmail paper. He disliked the idea of reading another man’s love letter but she needed him to. By the time he reached the second paragraph he pitied and detested the Frenchman in equal measure. Pierre’s love for Fee shone through but near the end of the letter he admitted that he couldn’t justify breaking up his family.

  ‘He loved you.’ He forced the words out knowing she needed to hear them.

  ‘But he didn’t love me enough. This is very … freeing.’

  For you and me both.

  ‘When you’re finished working I’m ready for bed.’

  ‘There’s nothing that can’t wait.’ He pushed the pile of bills off to one side. Fee was his priority. Tom didn’t intend to live with any more regrets. He put away his glasses and closed down his computer for the night. ‘Come on let’s go and work on our jet lag.’

  Fee scribbled a short note on a piece of scrap paper and placed it on her pillow. Tugging on last night’s clothes she snatched her camera from the bedside table and crept out of the room. This was her go-to method when she needed time alone to think. From the time she was an unsettled teenager Fee used photography to work through whatever was happening in her life.

  With the sun inching up over the lake the sky flooded a glorious shade of purplish-gold, dappling the still, dark water and for a second she fought to catch her breath. Being present for the start of a new day always affected her because her experiences had shown her what a fragile gift that was. She concentrated on the views around her and with each frame she shot, the tension loosened inside her head. Taking her time she made her way around the lake and as she emerged from the trees Fee spotted Tom sitting on the bench.

  ‘Working with wood has the same effect on me. Gets it out of my system and sorts out a lot of crap,’ he commented.

  She nodded, warmed by his gentle smile and grateful beyond words to have found such an understanding man.

  ‘I appreciated you leaving the note. I know you’re an independent person and we don’t own each other, but …’

  ‘I didn’t want you to worry.’ Fee sat down by him, settling into his warmth as he draped his arm around her shoulders.

  ‘You good now?’

  ‘Yes. I need time alone sometimes to stay sane.’ Fee smiled. ‘Well. As sane as I’m ever likely to be.’ She sensed him smile. ‘I’m starving. Would you mind doing your chef bit again? Only I’m not up to facing the cafe yet.’

  ‘Can’t imagine why,’ Tom joked. ‘You mean eating while being interrogated by my family and any of the other customers who want to stick their oar in isn’t your idea of easing back into the week?’

  ‘Not exactly.’

  They stood up and wandered off back along the path towards the cabins. ‘Are you going to call home to let them know we’re back safely?’

  She stopped walking. ‘Why do you call it home? I only lived there briefly and it was years ago.’

  ‘Home to me is family, my people, not a building.’ He shrugged and gestured around. ‘In one way this land means a lot to me but deep down it’s not the physical ground – it’s the Chambers from generations ago who struggled over the mountains and found a refuge here. Your folks are home for you and where they are on the map is pretty much irrelevant.’

  Fee slid her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. ‘You’re a very perceptive man.’

  ‘I haven’t always been. It’s been a hard road. Still is some days.’

  The past never left a person alone but wound around them and became part of the fabric of who they were. They were both long past the stage of being a clean slate where loving another person was concerned but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

  ‘No one else would tolerate us, sweetheart,’ he murmured. ‘Good thing we found each other.’

  Fee wasn’t going to argue with that statement.

  ‘Let’s go eat bef
ore we both fade away,’ he said.

  ‘Good idea. I’ll ring … home before doing anything else.’ The word didn’t sound as odd now. ‘You can put me to work once I’m off the phone. I know Billy and Rayna took care of things but there must still be a lot to do.’ Tom’s approving nod lightened Fee’s heart. He needed to realise she was happy with Black Cherry being a large part of their future.

  ‘There sure is. We’ve got several folks comin’ in for the Thanksgiving holiday so two of the empty cabins need a freshen up. You could do that while I cut a stack of wood and do a few minor repairs Billy didn’t get around to. We’ll need to go into town for supplies before supper or else the stores will be shut.’ Tom gave a quick grin. ‘No rest for the jet-lagged here.’

  ‘Obviously not.’ Fee let go of his hand and ran up the cabin steps. ‘Come on, lazybones.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’ Tom came to unlock the door and stood aside to let her go in first. As she stepped into his office Fee spotted the red light flashing on his phone.

  ‘You’ve got a message.’ It was stupid to assume something was wrong but she still crossed her fingers while he pressed the button to listen. Within seconds a satisfied smile crept across his face.

  ‘We’re off the hook for providing today’s family entertainment. Rayna went into labour in the middle of the night and an hour ago provided my dear parents with their ninth grandchild – Billy Junior. Mother and baby are both doing well. Family supper is still on the agenda but we’ll visit the hospital first.’ Tom rang his mother back and Fee’s stomach worked into a tight knot listening to the happiness in his voice. After several minutes he hung up and turned back around to face her. ‘Great isn’t it?’

  ‘Wonderful.’

  ‘But?’

  ‘Surely poor Rayna won’t want us all visiting today? The poor girl will be shattered.’

  Tom’s gaze narrowed. ‘If we don’t turn up she’ll think it odd. It’s a family tradition to welcome every new baby the day they’re born.’ He scrutinised her closely. ‘If you don’t want to go I’ll make your excuses.’ Fee couldn’t explain her reluctance without sounding a monster. ‘I know you haven’t been around babies much but you won’t have to hold him just make a few admiring noises. Nobody stays long.’

  Fee touched her engagement ring for reassurance. ‘Of course. I was only thinking of Rayna.’ They both knew she wasn’t being completely truthful. A shiver of unease trickled down Fee’s spine. Would this tiny baby shine a light on the delicate subject they’d only tiptoed around until now?

  For now she’d continue to hope that Tom didn’t see past her fake smile.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  All day Tom sensed Fee’s disquiet but something about the way she held herself apart warned him not to ask questions.

  ‘Does four o’clock still suit you to leave?’ he asked, resting his hands on the pile of paperwork he was dealing with.

  ‘Yes. I’m going to get changed.’ Fee hesitated. ‘Don’t we need a present or something?’

  ‘We’ll pick up some flowers and a stuffed animal on the way.’

  A faint hint of a smile lightened her serious expression. ‘Is that the standard offering?’ He yearned to urge her not to overthink it all but instead nodded and let it go. ‘I won’t be long.’ Fee dashed off to the bedroom.

  No woman likes a dishonest man. Tell her where you stand and how you feel. After that it’s up to her.

  His grandmother’s advice ran around his head, beating on his useless brain and ordering him to grab the bull by the horns and sort this out right now. Tom pushed the chair back and headed down the hall to his bedroom.

  Fee turned around from fixing her hair in the mirror.

  ‘Sit with me.’ Tom dropped onto the bed. ‘I won’t bite.’ With a caution he hadn’t seen since their earliest days together she joined him, perching on the opposite corner and not quite meeting his gaze. ‘Correct me if I’m barking up the wrong tree but you’re frettin’ about goin’ to see the baby aren’t you?’ She shrugged but didn’t answer. ‘You think I’m gonna be bowled over by the sight of little Billy and start pressuring you to have kids when we get married. Did I nail it?’

  ‘I suppose,’ she murmured, staring down at her lap.

  ‘Yeah, I love kids. Always have done. I practically raised the twins and hoped to have a whole brood of my own with Gina. But life happened and everything changed. I never thought I’d give my heart away again until you appeared.’ He risked touching Fee’s arm and she finally looked right at him, her sky-blue eyes swimming with tears. ‘I’m so damn lucky. We’re lucky. End of story.’

  ‘But it’s not, is it?’ Her anguished voice tore him up and Fee pressed her hand against his racing heart. ‘In here you’ll always resent me for depriving you of a family and I wouldn’t be able to bear it.’

  Tom’s frustration ripped through him and he wanted to scream – not at her but his own ineptness at putting his feelings into words. ‘Depriving me of a family? I’ve got a million of them if you hadn’t noticed. Family is one thing I’m definitely not short of.’

  ‘I’m selfish, Tom. I grew up selfish in order to survive my mother’s haphazard parenting. In my job I’ve documented so much pain over the years – parents who’ve lost children or watched them suffer – often in horrific circumstances. I can’t open myself up to that,’ she whispered.

  ‘But what about the joy?’ he challenged. ‘I’ve seen amazing pictures you’ve taken of newborn babies and toddlers taking their first steps. What about your prize-winning one of the Afghan father reunited with the son he’d thought was killed in a terrorist attack?’ If he couldn’t get through to her this way he’d no clue what to say next. ‘Pain comes along with joy and love. It’s how the world works. Swings and roundabouts, honey. Life’s short and you gotta take the good with the bad.’ The clichés rolled out one after another but by the way her face softened he guessed they might be hitting the bull’s eye. ‘Sure I’ll cry when I hold little Billy because of the wonder of him. Doesn’t matter if he’s the ugliest kid ever. And yeah, I’ll think his parents are lucky. But does it mean I love you any less? Course it doesn’t.’ He brushed a strand of hair away from her face and kissed her.

  With a hitching sob Fee seized Tom, gripping his shirtsleeves and kissing him right back. ‘I lost perspective today.’ She laughed through her tears. ‘Idiotic thing for a photographer to say but it’s true.’

  ‘I did the same over Gina. I forgot to appreciate the good stuff and there’s always been plenty.’ He stroked his hand down over her hair and a trickle of desire stirred in her core. ‘We’re a good pair.’

  ‘We certainly are. Nothing’s written in stone. Remember women are notorious for changing their minds.’ Before she could take back the words that’d popped out before she had time to consider them Tom drew her to him.

  ‘Shush. That’s enough for now,’ Tom whispered.

  This special man had already broken down so many of her barriers the possibility that he’d crumble the one she’d thought would never fall wasn’t out of the question now.

  ‘Good. Let’s get ready to go.’

  Seeing the whole family gathered around Rayna’s hospital bed awed her because from this fortunate child’s first breath he was clearly loved. All the designer baby clothes, expensive toys and fancy cribs were worthless in comparison. Of course little Billy wasn’t ugly. Naturally he had inherited his gorgeous brown eyes from his mother’s side of the family and his adorable tufts of thick, black hair came courtesy of his besotted new father. Tom had already shed more than a couple of tears and it surprised Fee how moved she was by the classic, heart-tugging sight of her big, loving man cradling the tiny baby.

  She kept waiting for someone to make the obvious comment that it would be their turn next but no one put their foot in it making her wonder if Tom had warned his family off. Fee tried to stifle a yawn but Sarah caught her with her mouth gaping open.

  ‘Thomas Michael, you need to take that poo
r girl home. She’s worn out.’

  ‘Yes, Mama.’ He gave a sly wink behind his mother’s back. ‘Come on, sleepyhead. Y’all should leave Rayna to get some rest. It’s the last she’ll manage for eighteen years.’ His joke earned him a swat around the head from his father.

  Before Fee knew it they were settled on Tom’s porch and snuggled together in a warm blanket to keep out the chill November air.

  ‘Do you fancy a Christmas wedding?’ Tom mused. ‘We might have snow on the ground if we’re lucky. Think twinkling fairy lights, lots of candles and green stuff.’

  ‘Green stuff?’ Eloquence wasn’t Tom’s way but his heart was in the right place. ‘I think it’d be perfect.’

  ‘What about your folks?

  ‘We talked about them possibly coming out for Christmas and I can’t see any reason why killing two birds with one stone wouldn’t work.’ Fee hadn’t been like so many women who spent years picturing their perfect wedding. All she really wanted was to click her fingers and be Tom’s wife.

  ‘Eloping is fine with me if that’s the way you want to go.’ Tom’s casual comment took her by surprise. ‘We could have a family party after. Whatever makes you happy.’

  For a second she was tempted to take him up on the offer but refused to be selfish. ‘No, thanks. Snow, candles, lights, Lulu and green stuff works for me,’ she said.

  ‘That’s a deal. I promise to shower you with green stuff. Now and for the rest of your life.’ Tom chuckled and swooped in for a sizzling kiss. ‘As soon as Thanksgiving’s over we’ll set Mama loose.’

  ‘Perfect.’ And so are you.

  Where the last couple of days disappeared Tom wasn’t sure but somehow they made it to Thanksgiving Day and the Chambers’ house was bursting at the seams. For the kids’ sake they kept up the pretence of enjoying the holiday as much as usual but the gaping hole left behind by his Mee Maw was wider than the Grand Canyon. Chloe’s cornbread dressing was good but didn’t taste quite right. His mother reckoned there wasn’t enough sage while Rayna insisted there was too much. No one had the heart to attempt his grandmother’s caramel cake and Mee Maw’s holiday fruit tea was replaced by a store-bought version because she’d never been persuaded to write the recipe down.