Following My Heart

by Delia Petrano

  "Nick."

  "Don't worry I won't say a word." I grab his hand to stop him from leaving.

  "That's not it." Nick moves closer to me and I got all nervous.

  "What is it then?" He asks.

  "Have him leave."

  "Look at me when you say that." Nick says with irritation. I turn around and our eyes locked together.

  "Have him leave."

  "Why?" My eye twitch.

  "Because I don't like him."

  "Why is that Tristan?"

  "For fuck sakes Nick why are you being so thick headed." Nick smirks.

  "Because I love messing with you in every way. Plus I need to know where your head is at. I don't plan on making the same mistake twice." I glared at him. I understand where he's coming from but putting me in that category just pisses me off.

  "Mistake huh." I walk pass Nick but I didn't get far Nick grabs me and pushes me to a wall.

  "Hold up that's not what I meant Tristan. You remember the last time I fell for a straight guy it didn't end well at all that's all I’m saying and with you it would be more complicated."

  "Why’s that?" I say angrily.

  "For starters your my best friend."

  "And that's why this can work." I lean in and kiss him I was scared shitless, but I man up and finally kiss him. I slide my tongue in his mouth and he moans he grabs my waist and pulls me closer to him. We broke the kiss and our eyes met and all I felt was there was hope for us.

  "Fuck me. You had to be irresistible today didn't you?" Nick says and I smirk.

  "What are you talking about?" I asked curiously.

  "For years I've been keeping myself in control not to do anything stupid with you until today." My eyes widen in shock I wasn’t expecting that. Nick ran his fingers through his hair I pulled him to me.

  "Why?"

  "Really Tristan? Gay best friend falls in love with straight best friend, that shit never works plus I been fucked over by a straight guy before remember plus you always had a girlfriend."

  "Nick I'm not him I would never hurt you like that or at all."

  "I know I know." I grab his face with both my hands and pulled him closer.

  "You do trust me right Nick?"

  "Of course I trust you. I trust you with my life." I smile at him.

  "Good. We can take it slow I promise." Nick bites his lip and looks away from me. I grab his chin and turn his head to face me.

  "I don't know Tristan."

  "Just think about it, but please get rid of Josh." Nick leans in and kisses me.

  "Okay I'll tell him to leave."

  "Thank you." Nick grabs my face and looked into my eyes.

  "You really want to do this don't you?" He asked and I smiled.

  "I do. I have for awhile now." He nods his head then kisses me before he walks away from me.

  "Where are you going?" I ask nervously.

  "To get rid of my date." He winks at me. Once he left the room I sink to the floor holly fuck that just happened. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

  “Thanks Dad.” Viewing dad’s talking to him asking him what I should do and him giving me a sign made me stronger to finally do this I just wasn’t going to do anything today. Honestly I was chickening out until this moment. I walk out of the room and walked over to my sister.

  “So did something magical happen because Nick just sent Josh home, you wouldn’t know the reason for that would you?” She asked with a smirk and I couldn’t help the smirk I gave her and she giggled.

  “So what exactly happened in the room?”

  “My lips are sealed.”

  “Oh come on, Nick will tell me so why don’t you tell me first. Was it a blowjob?”

  “No Ana.”

  “Handjob? Kiss?” I looked away and she got all giggly.

  “Which one handjob or both?”

  “Ana!”

  “It was both.” She squeals. And I covered her mouth.

  “This is good Tristan really good.”

  “I don’t know Ana. I think Justin fucked him up to much. I think he’s scared to let me in fully to love him completely.” Ana grabs my face with both her hands.

  “That doesn’t mean you give up on him. Love him like he’s never been loved before he will come to you all in, I promise you.” Ana says with a bright smile and it’s contagious. Nick walks over and kisses Ana’s cheek.

  “What are you two talking about?” He asks with a smile.

  “Nothing.” Ana says and Nick raised both his eyebrows and looked at me.

  “What?” I ask in an innocent voice.

  “She knows doesn’t she?” Damn he’s good.

  “When have we ever been able to hide anything from her?” I ask.

  “Never.”

  “It took you guys long enough, dad would be over the moon.”

  “Slow down Ana, Nothing has been said or anything like that.” How am I going to convince him. Wait a minute.

  “Did you say dad would be over the moon?”

  “Yeah I did, took you long enough.” She laughs.

  “Your saying somehow he knew.”

  “Yeah he did.” Nick says as he tilts his head.

  “I didn’t know you knew about it.” Ana says with a smirk.

  “How?” I ask.

  “He didn’t say it but he implied it in a conversation we had a while back.”

  “Tell me what exactly did he say.”

  “It was the same conversation we had about following your heart, he just added more than what I told you.” Nick says how did he know this when I didn’t even know until a few months again?

  “Always follow your heart even if you think it’s taking you down the wrong path follow it no matter what Nick, he will come to his senses eventually. I didn’t understand what he meant so I told him that. He told me that you love me and I knew that already because we are best friends, but Pops says that you love me more than either one of us realize, to trust him that one day you will come to me and to be smart and take you when you do come to me.” I was in complete shock how in the world did he know I don’t get it what did he see? I look at Ana and she smiles I need answers.

  “Ana how did you and dad know? I don’t understand I only figured that out months ago.”

  “Wait months ago?” Nick says in shock.

  “You know how mom and dad says it’s not about the big things it’s always the small things that count?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well that’s how we figured it out. It was the small things between the both of you that we knew that you both love each other we just nevered pushed it. It was the way you looked at him and they way you both smile whenever the two of you are around each other. We thought it was best to stay out of it until you figured it and when you did is when I started pushing you to tell him that and for him to tell you but you boys are so damn stubborn. My plan worked.”

  “Your plan?” We said in unison.

  “Yeah I knew Nick wasn’t going to ask you to be his date like a shithead so I went with plan B. Have him bring a date to get you jealous you would leave for a bit and I knew Nick would have to check up on you the rest was on the both of you to get you to where you're at now.”

  “So Justin is not here?” Nick asks trying not to sound irritated even though he tried, I can hear it in his voice that he was.

  “Of course not, I don’t need someone being murdered at my wedding.”

  “That was a brilliant plan it worked I was jealous.”

  “You were?” Nick asked surprise.

  “Of course I was what did you think I was mad for? Every time someone told me to let you go and let someone else give you what I couldn’t only pissed me off I don’t like to think of you with someone that’s not me. And yes everyone fucking knows.”

  “You guys can talk about this later let's dance and have fun please.”

  “Of course.” I tell her. Nick reaches out his hand and I grab it he pulls me close to his body when a slow song came
on. We look into each other’s eyes for the first time I don’t know what he’s thinking and that bothers me I always know what he’s thinking. I spin him around and then pull him closer to me not wanting him to leave.

  “Don’t worry I’m not going anywhere.” Nick says I guess he sensed that I was worried. He leans in and kisses my check.

  “We will talk about this in the morning I promise.” He whispers in my ear and that’s when my body relaxes. I love Nick losing him is not a fucking option.

  Chapter Four

  Nick

  Feeling body heat on me I slowly opened my eyes to see Tristan laying on me. It wasn’t a dream that actually happened last night. I never thought this would happen and that everyone knows about my feelings for him I thought I hid it well, I guess I was wrong. Tristan shifts a little as his eyes open and he smiles at me.

  “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.”

  “Can we talk about it now?” Tristan asked softly.

  “Yeah we can.”

  “I understand why you think this is a bad idea with everything that happened with Micheal and that fact that you don’t want anything to mess up our friendship, but us being best friends is the reason why this will work if you give it a chance. I didn’t realize how much I love you until you kissed me when you were completely wasted. I haven’t been able to forget that night and it only drove me crazy, but I understand why. I love you Nick there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, you are everything to me and I know you love me just as much as I love you. We can make each other happy if you let it.” My chest squeezed I love him so much, I’m terrified of losing him in any type of way.

  “I love you Tristan so fucking much, but I’m terrified.” Tristan lifts my chin making me look him in his eyes.

  “You will never lose me Nick. We have been together since the day we were born and we will stay together to the very end. I will wait as long as I have to for you, just think about it and don’t over think things.” He knows me so damn well I do tend to overthink things. Tristan places his forehead on mine and leans in.

  “No matter what you decide I will always have your back.” Tristan leans in and brushes his lips onto mine. Soft delicious lips that I want to keep on kissing.

  “There’s a meeting today so I have to go I will see you later tonight. Oh have you decided on joining officially yet?”

  “Not yet. Be careful and keep me updated if you don’t mind.”

  “I will.” Tristan leans in and kisses me then leaves the room. I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. I really don’t know what to do. I have been wanting this for so long and now that it’s in front of me I have no idea what to do. Pops always said follow your heart it will never steer you wrong, but I’m scared if I do follow my heart something will go wrong and everything will change that’s something I don’t want. And now I’m over thinking things. I grab my shirt and put it on. I grab my car keys than got into my car and drove to the cemetery.

  “Hey Pops I know what your thinking right now. Boy why the hell are you being so damn stubborn don’t be stupid. I’m scared if I do this something will go wrong.” I can hear Pops voice now. Nothing will go wrong the love you have for each other is stronger than you think.

  “What if I mess things up between us and everything goes to hell because I’m way to fucked up because of what happened last time.” Wind blows and I hear him loud and clear.

  “Once you let go of the past everything will fall into place.”

  “I hear you Pops.” I sit in front of our parents graves and close my eyes clearing my head from all the negative thoughts that’s running through my head. I need to stop overthinking things this it’s Tristan we are talking about we have an unbreakable bond. I stand up and kiss each grave before leaving. As I’m about to pull in the driveway I see Hayden’s car parked on the street I got out of the car and panic was written all over his face.

  “Hayden what’s wrong?” I don’t have a good feeling about this.

  “There’s been an accident.”

  “Hayden who was in the accident?” Please don’t say his name.

  “Tristan he’s in surgery now.” No no this can’t be happening this can’t be fucking happening again. Hayden grabs my face with both his hands.

  “Don’t go there Nick he’s going to be fine.” tears start streaming down my face and he starts wiping them away.

  “Look at me Nick.” I look up at him he’s worried but he’s also is trying to keep me calm.

  “He is going to be just fine do you hear me they are taking good care of him.” I nod my head slowly. I got into Hayden’s car and he drove us to the hospital. When we got there Ms. Smith walks up to me.

  “He doing okay Nick he just got out of surgery he lost a lot of blood and he has a concussion it might take some time for him to wake up.” She walked me to Tristan's room. I walk in and froze I can’t lose him this can’t be happening not again not like this. I started pacing the room he cannot die I can’t do this again. I took a deep breath, nurse Smith said he will be fine he will wake up everything is going to be just fine. I pull a chair next to his bed and sit down trying to stay calm. It’s been three hours and he still has not woken up yet and it’s making me uneasy. Tears stream down my face again and I can’t stop it. I grab his hand and kiss it.

  “Tristan I can’t lose you like we lost our parents wake up I can’t go through this again.” I hung my head low as I continue crying.

  “You can’t tell me that you love me and want to be with me than leave me you asshole, wake up please I don’t need time I just need you.”

  “It’s about damn time.” My head shot up when I heard his voice. He gives me a smile and I wrap my arms around his neck.

  “It’s okay Nick I’m not going anywhere.” I look at his face and he looks a bit pale.

  “Your eyes are red.”

  “Of course they are dumbass I haven’t been able to stop crying.”

  “I’m sorry for making you worry Nick.”

  “Don’t do it again.” The door opens and the doctor walks in with Ana. Ana wraps her arms around Tristan as the doctor looks at his vitals.

  “Everything looks good I want to keep you here for a few days to make sure everything is good. You lost a lot of blood, you need to take it easy.”

  “He will doctor.” I say before Tristan could say anything.

  “I guess I have no choice but to stay.”

  “No you don’t, your staying until he gives you the okay to go home no ifs or buts about it.” Tritsan grabs my hand and pulls me to his body.

  “I got it Nick, what happened anyway?”

  “You don’t remember?” Ana ask.

  “No, all I remember is that I was driving home everything else is blank.”

  “You were in a car accident you had surgery and you was out for a few hours.” Tristan pulls me and Ana into his arms.

  “No wonder you couldn't stop crying I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault Tristan it was a hit and run.” Ana says with tears running down her face.

  “But still this wasn’t easy for you both. I love you both and I don’t plan on leaving you both anytime soon.”

  “Good, I’m going to let the boys know you are doing okay, we will visit you tomorrow. Nick watch over him.”

  “Of course.” Ana gives us a kiss than leaves the room. Seeing him awake and alert makes me feel at ease.

  “Come here.” Tristan pats the bed and I climb on. Tristan grabbed my hand and places it on his chest feeling his heartbeat my whole body relaxes knowing that he’s a live.

  “You feel that right? There’s nothing for you to worry about.” He grabs my face and pulls me into a kiss. His tongue slides into my mouth he places his hand on the back of my neck deepening the kiss and I feel like I'm in heaven with a major hard on. I pulled away and Tristan frowns.

  “Why did you pull away?”

  “Because if we kept on going I would’ve lost control.”

 
“I’m okay with that very okay with that.” I couldn’t help but smile knowing he wants this as much as I do.