New Beginnings At Glendale Hall

by Victoria Walters

  I nodded, unable to tell her more than that.

  ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

  ‘No, honestly, I just have to sort things out for myself.’ I leaned against the counter. I had no idea how I was going to do that, though.

  ‘You know that there are so many people you can ask for help. Remember that.’ She touched my arm as she passed by, carrying a saucepan to the sink to wash. ‘And you should look after yourself. Go up to bed, you look exhausted. I can do all this.’ She saw me about to argue. ‘Don’t make me put my foot down,’ she added, sternly. I instantly flashed back to being a kid and smiled, despite myself. There really was no point in arguing with her.

  ‘Okay, thank you.’ I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, to her surprise, and I hurried out, suddenly afraid I might start crying. I wanted to tell her everything, I really did, but I was scared. Scared to say the words out loud in case I was wrong. I had to know myself first. Before I could do as she suggested and ask for help.

  * * *

  Brodie picked me up the next day as promised, and I hurried out to his car, avoiding anyone at the Hall. I couldn’t take any of their teasing this morning. The sun was out at least, promising a warm day. I had flung on a long skirt and strappy top with my trusty flip-flops, and a large pair of sunglasses to hide the bags under my eyes after my restless, anxious night. Brodie gave me a wide smile when I climbed in beside him. He was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and jeans, one tanned arm leaning out of the open window. ‘Right, then, let’s go cake shopping,’ he said with a chuckle, pulling away and driving out through the gates.

  ‘We’re not actually shopping for cake,’ I replied. ‘Just things I can use to make the cake…’

  ‘I stand corrected,’ he replied, throwing me his trademark grin. We drove through winding lanes, the Scottish countryside either side of the car providing a stunning accompaniment to the journey. The radio was on softly, and Brodie hummed along. I envied how content with life he seemed.

  After a while, he glanced at me. ‘You’re quiet this morning. You didn’t even comment on whether my car is suitable for a minister or not.’

  Despite myself, I smiled and turned to him. ‘Doesn’t everyone in Glendale drive a Range Rover?’

  ‘I suppose so. What about my radio station choice, though?’ He asked.

  ‘Very middle of the road. Very minister-like.’

  ‘Hey! Middle of the road! Right…’ He pressed a button and a dance song filled the car. He turned it up loud, the bassline vibrating. ‘How about this?’ he half-shouted over it.

  I started to laugh. ‘I don’t believe you like this!’

  He pretended to nod along for a minute then winced and turned it down, and back to the previous station. ‘Fine. You got me but I have to conform in some areas, right? Otherwise you’d have me kicked out of the church.’

  Shaking my head, I smiled and turned back to the window. It was hard not to feel cheerful with Brodie, especially on a lovely day and on such a pretty drive but my thoughts couldn’t stay on trivial things for long. I found myself touching my stomach. If this had happened before, I would have been thrilled and so would Greg. Now, everything had turned grey and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about any of it. I felt like I was losing control of my life, and I didn’t like it one little bit.

  ‘How did you start baking?’ Brodie asked me then, drawing me back out of myself and back into the car with him.

  ‘It was all down to my Aunt Sally, really. She taught me, and I’ve loved it since I was little. I suppose I decided to go to college and actually make it my career when I was a teenager. One of my friends was really upset after her boyfriend dumped her so I baked her a cake, and it seemed to cheer her up, and I realised that I could make people just a little bit happier with my cakes and that seemed like a pretty good job to me.’ I shrugged. I still loved to see people’s little smiles when they bought themselves a sweet treat. I hoped the cake I was going to make Beth would put a smile on her and Drew’s faces, too. ‘I know it sounds a little silly,’ I added, feeling a little embarrassed at revealing my thoughts about cake.

  Brodie shook his head. ‘Not silly at all. When anyone is upset, you straight away think of sitting down with them and having a cup of tea and a slice of cake.’

  I smiled, pleased he hadn’t laughed at me. ‘What do you like about being a minster then?’

  ‘Much the same as you… I like helping people. My faith guides me, and I want to help guide others in the same way, I suppose. People say becoming a minster is a calling from God. But for me, it was also a calling to people as well.’ He glanced at me when I didn’t any anything. ‘No jokes about that?’

  ‘No, I think it’s a beautiful thought,’ I replied, swallowing the lump in my throat down as hard as I could. I turned back to the window, and we drove the rest of the way in companionable silence.

  Chapter Sixteen

  We parked the car and walked towards the shops, which were quite quiet, thanks to it being both a weekday and a sunny one. There was a craft shop that had been in Inverness ever since I was a kid that I wanted to go to. I suggested I meet Brodie in an hour or so for coffee so he wouldn’t need to come in with me, and so I could nip into Boots alone. He readily agreed, sloping off with his hands in his pockets to the supermarket as he needed a few bits, he said. I pulled out my list as I walked into the shop, its bell jangling merrily as I did so. With how full my mind was at the moment, I knew I would forget everything if I didn’t write it down.

  Picking up a basket, I slipped my sunglasses onto my head and strolled down the aisles, adding everything I needed. I paused in the cake-decorating space, getting as excited as I was able to in my current state about choosing things. Despite what was going on with me, I still wanted to make Beth the best cake that I could. I frowned as I concentrated, and let out a little gasp when I found the perfect things. Instead of putting a bride and groom on the top of the cake, I wanted something to symbolise them as a couple. Neither Beth nor Drew were traditional and I wanted the cake to showcase that. I leaned down to look at the plastic figurines they had, mostly men and women. Then I spotted a selection of Highland cows.

  I giggled as I remembered Beth telling me about how she and Drew were chased by a cow when they were teenagers. Apparently, they had been laying in the grass, kissing, in one of Rory’s fields, and the cow had suddenly appeared and made a very loud, disapproving noise. They had been so startled, they had jumped up, started to run, and the cow had followed them until they reached the gate, and managed to escape. I hadn’t been able to stop laughing, and I loved the idea of choosing something that would be significant for them. I picked up a brown and white one, and hoped it would make them smile too when they saw it.

  I added food colouring and plastic flowers to my basket, planning to mix them in with the other flowers I designed out of icing, and arrange them around the bottom of the cake too. Then I paused, my eyes falling on a bride and groom in front of me. The man was dressed as a fireman, holding hands with his bride-to-be. And it was stupid but immediately I pictured them as Greg and me. She even had long, blonde hair. I picked them up. I couldn’t help it – even after everything, I still fantasied about marrying Greg. And when I thought about the fact that I might be carrying his baby, that longing went deeper than ever. But even if he hadn’t cheated, even if I was pregnant, I knew that marriage wasn’t something he had ever wanted. A sob rose up in my throat.

  Stumbling to the till, I paid for everything in a daze, not understanding anything the shop assistant said to me. I mumbled a thank you and grabbed the shopping bag, rushing out of the shop. I gulped in the fresh air when it hit me and leaned against the wall outside, trying to breathe. I didn’t know if it was hormones or everything catching up with me but seeing that bride and groom figurine and knowing that it might never be me and Greg made me burst into tears.

  I put my head in my hands to try to hide my crying from passers-by.

  And that’s how
Brodie found me five minutes later.

  ‘Emily, what’s happened?’ he asked, gently. I just looked at him, and he pulled me into his arms. I was too upset to protest and I let him hold me tightly. ‘It’s going to be okay,’ he said, soothingly, rubbing my back. Some people are good huggers and Brodie was an excellent one.

  After a minute, I pulled back, sniffing and wiping at my eyes. Brodie wordlessly passed me a tissue and I dabbed my eyes and then blew my nose. I pulled my sunglasses back on and managed a small smile. ‘Thank you. I’m sorry.’

  ‘How about we get some tea and cake, huh?’

  I nodded. Brodie scooped up my bag and I followed him to a small café nearby where he found us a table in the corner and ordered a pot of tea and two slices of lemon drizzle cake, despite me telling him I wasn’t hungry. ‘You need the sugar,’ he told me, firmly.

  When the waitress left us, I found the courage to take my sunglasses off again. ‘How bad is it?’ I asked him, knowing my eyes would be as red as anything. I had never been one to cry pretty, that was for sure.

  ‘Oh my God,’ he replied, eyes wide. Then he touched my hand. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t help it. You can’t tell, I promise.’

  I smiled, feeling the loss of his hand when he took it away. ‘How did you get so good at dealing with crying women?’

  ‘My younger sister. I have made many a Ben & Jerry’s run when she had boy trouble.’ He stopped speaking as the waitress returned with our tea and cake. He poured me a cup and then one for himself, waiting for me to take a sip. ‘You don’t have to tell me anything, obviously we’ve only just met, but if there’s anything I can do to help, please ask,’ he said then, before tucking into his cake with gusto.

  I almost cried again because of how kind he was being to me. I took another sip of tea. Why was tea so soothing in times of trouble? ‘I really am embarrassed,’ I said. ‘Honestly, I don’t know why I broke down like that. It was so silly… I saw something in the shop that reminded me of Greg. And then I got to thinking about us, and what’s happened. And I didn’t sleep well last night…’ I trailed off, aware that I really wasn’t making much sense.

  ‘Have some cake, it’s really good,’ Brodie said, giving me a warm smile. He watched me try a bit of it. He was right – it was delicious. ‘You don’t need to worry. We all have moments like that. You’re only human. You don’t need to pretend everything is okay, especially with me.’

  Somehow, I knew he was right. There was something so honest and open about him, he made you feel like you could be like that too. Part of it might have been his job but mostly, I thought it was just Brodie. ‘I think it all just got on top of me a bit.’

  ‘Well, it can’t be easy. You may have come up here for a break to think about your boyfriend but you’re surrounded by people getting ready for a wedding.’

  I nodded. ‘Exactly. And I don’t know if I’ll ever have one of my own.’

  ‘Is that what you want?’ he asked, gently. ‘For you and your boyfriend? Greg, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, Greg.’ It felt strange to be talking about him with Brodie. ‘I honestly don’t know. It’s all so complicated. It was what I wanted, though. He was never keen on the idea. He never wanted to get married, to anyone. So he says.’

  ‘You’re not sure whether to believe him?’

  ‘Well, believe is a strong word – it’s more I’m not sure whether to trust it. What if he actually means he just doesn’t want to marry me? Maybe the next girl he meets will make him think completely differently.’ I sighed then. ‘God, I can actually hear myself and how pathetic I sound! He cheated on me but I’m worried about him not wanting to marry me. He should be the one begging me! It’s just that…’ I bit my lip, stopping myself from telling him that I thought I could be pregnant. It was one step too personal. Even if he was a minister. ‘I don’t know,’ I mumbled to try to cover up my sudden pause.

  ‘It’s hard but it sounds like you really need to talk to him. If getting married is what you want, you need to tell him that. You might think you already have but sometimes people don’t really hear what they don’t want to.’

  I nodded, chewing on the cake absently. I knew he was right. I had accepted what Greg wanted and hadn’t been clear that it was very different from what I wanted. If I was pregnant then I would want us to all have the same surname. It was old-fashioned maybe to think like that, but that was what I felt in my heart. And Greg would need to know that. I just had no idea what he would say. ‘Thanks, Brodie,’ I said.

  He smiled. ‘So, what set you off in that shop anyway? You said something reminded you of Greg?’

  I explained about the plastic bride and groom who I thought looked like me and Greg. Brodie watched me for a moment and then he suddenly started laughing. ‘I’m sorry… but a plastic bride and groom made you cry…’ he said, gasping between laughs.

  I chuckled. ‘You’re right, it’s crazy,’ I said, shaking my head that I let something so trivial set me off. ‘Seriously, it’s not that funny!’ I said as Brodie couldn’t stop laughing and then I gave in, and laughed along with him, and whether it was the laughter or the tea and cake or Brodie being kind and listening to me, or the fact that I had cried all my worries out, I felt a lot better by the time we left the café.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Glendale Hall was quiet when I returned after lunch. The house was shady and cool compared to outside and I slipped up to my room, clutching my bags to my chest, relieved that I didn’t have to make any excuses to anyone. After Brodie and I had left the café, I had sent him on ahead to the car and nipped into Boots to pick up my first pregnancy test.

  I put down my bag and the craft supplies and slipped off my shoes, sinking into the soft carpet. Padding through to the bathroom with the test, I glanced at my reflection. My eyes looked red and puffy despite Brodie’s assurances to the contrary so I splashed some cold water on my face. I was scared, I realised. More than the nervous excitement I had always imagined I would feel at this moment. I didn’t know what to root for, I supposed, which was beyond confusing. My much-longed-for baby was suddenly within real, attainable reach, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

  ‘Don’t be a chicken,’ I whispered sternly to myself. I couldn’t put it off. I had to know either way. Sucking in a deep breath, I ripped open the packet and read the instructions. I went to the loo, taking a bit of time to get the stick under me properly, but I got there, and then it was done. I carried it to the sink and laid it down, walking away to check the time on my phone. I set the timer and sat down on the edge of the bed, my leg bouncing with nerves.

  It was the longest two minutes of my life.

  Finally, my phone beeped and I got up, walking slowly towards the bathroom. ‘Please,’ I whispered aloud, not entirely sure what I was asking the universe for. The result that was best for me, perhaps?

  I tried to be sneaky and stood on my tiptoes from the doorway to try to see it but it was no use. I had to walk up to it and pick it up.

  And once I did, I gasped.

  There was no doubt with the expensive one I had bought. It spelled out simply and clearly. No line to try to see under the light. This one clearly said in bold, black letters, ‘pregnant’.

  ‘Emily!’

  I jumped out of my skin, and rushed out of the bathroom to see Izzy bouncing through the bedroom door followed by Beth.

  ‘Sorry, I told her to knock,’ Beth said, stopping short when she saw my face. She looked from me to the stick in my hand, which I left too late to move behind my back. ‘Um… Izzy, actually, I need to speak to Emily about something. Go on down to the kitchen and we’ll follow you in a minute.’

  ‘But, Mum…’

  ‘Now, please,’ Beth added, more sharply. Izzy went off in a sulk. Beth took my arm and gently led me to the bed. I let her pull me down next to her. She held out her hand and wordlessly, numbly, I passed the test to her. ‘Oh, Em, I know how much you wanted—’ she began when she saw it then she looked at me. ‘But it’
s complicated, huh?’ I nodded. ‘Come here.’ She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. I leaned against her, grateful to her for knowing what I needed. I suddenly felt terribly alone, which was crazy as I had just discovered I wasn’t alone at all.

  ‘I can’t believe it,’ I whispered when we finally leaned back from one another. She handed me back the test and I stared down at it, the word still not sinking in. I had no idea how to feel. Instead, I looked at Beth, hoping that she could tell me. ‘What am I going to do?’

  ‘What do you want to do?’

  ‘Speak to Greg,’ I replied, without thinking. My eyes widened in surprise at what I had said.

  She smiled. ‘Then do that. I’ll go down and have the kettle on ready. Listen, whatever happens, I’m here for whatever you need. You know that, right?’

  I nodded. ‘I do. Thank you.’

  ‘No thanks needed. It wasn’t that long ago you looked after me when I was the one who was pregnant,’ she reminded me as she left.

  That felt like a lifetime ago. I picked up my phone and called Greg, the only person who could help me make sense of this now.

  ‘Hey, babe.’

  ‘Hi, listen, can you talk for a minute? Where are you?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m at home. What’s up? You sound serious.’

  I could hear the worry in his voice. ‘I need to tell you something…’

  ‘What is it?’ He sounded as nervous as I felt.

  ‘I just took a pregnancy test.’ There was silence. ‘Greg?’

  He cleared his throat. ‘And?’

  ‘It’s positive.’

  The breath caught in his throat. ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yes.’ I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  ‘Put me on FaceTime!’

  I did as he asked and showed him the test.

  He beamed. ‘Em, I can’t believe it! After all this time!’