‘But never for you?’ I said, glancing at her. She had never even thought about finding love after my uncle died.
‘I count myself lucky to have had true love once, and that was all I needed.’ She nodded. ‘You haven’t found your true love though, I promise you.’
I hoped she was right. ‘Will I know it when I see it?’
She thought for a moment. ‘We don’t always know it as soon as we see it but that just makes it all the more worthwhile once we finally do realise it.’
‘That’s cryptic,’ I laughed.
‘Is it?’ She left the question hanging and we lapsed into silence as we walked back to the Hall, both thinking of true love perhaps, and how some people find it, and others just think they have.
When we got back, the Hall was indeed bustling with life. Izzy was home again and Drew had returned from his night shift at the hospital. Rory, Heather and baby Harry were there too, setting up the picnic tables on the patio for dinner.
‘Do you want to join us, Emily?’ Caroline asked when she saw me, carrying a jug of homemade lemonade over.
‘Join you?’ I asked, unsure what she was talking about. Aunt Sally slipped past me into the kitchen.
‘We’re attending the church service tomorrow and then having a quick wedding rehearsal afterwards,’ she explained, putting the jug down on the table. ‘It’s the last service before the wedding.’
I was curious to attend one of Brodie’s services, I couldn’t deny it. Ever since we met, I had found it hard to picture him as a minister.
‘We’re all going,’ Beth added with a roll of her eyes. I knew she found church boring, a reminder of her youth when her family used to make her go when she wanted to be anywhere else.
‘I’d better come too then,’ I replied, telling myself she had made the decision for me.
‘Emily, you’re back, yay!’ Izzy said, rushing over to give me a squeeze. ‘I knew you couldn’t stay away for long.’
‘What did you think of the empty unit by the way?’ Beth asked, putting down a large bowl of salad. She tilted her head at me. I felt a few pairs of eyes on us then.
‘It’s a good space,’ I replied, casually. ‘It was the café years ago, wasn’t it?’
‘It was. Jean, who ran it, has long since gone, bless her,’ Beth said.
‘Sit down everyone,’ Aunt Sally said then, cutting into the conversation, bringing over a tray of salmon fillets drizzled with lemon.
I climbed onto the bench and poured myself a glass of lemonade. Everyone was smiling and chatting as we handed each other the salmon, new potatoes and salad, and broke into the warm, crusty bread. I tucked in, as hungry as ever, looking at everyone, and Aunt Sally was right; it did feel as if I was part of the family. I knew then that I’d never be alone with this baby, no matter what happened with Greg. I had my parents, and I had everyone at Glendale Hall, and that was so much more than so many people had. I had to start counting my blessings because really, I did have a lot of them.
‘This time next week we’ll be man and wife,’ John said quietly to Caroline beside me.
She picked up her wine glass and clinked it against his beer. ‘The best things in life are worth waiting for,’ she said.
I saw Beth exchange a smile with Drew and knew she felt exactly as her mother did.
After dinner, Sally dished out strawberries and cream to everyone. I started to think then about Greg, wondering how he was getting on at the treatment centre. Cut off from the world, it must be strange and scary but I hoped the help there would be worth it. I thought of our baby fast growing inside me and how much I wanted Greg to be okay for him or her. I looked at Drew pouring more lemonade for Izzy, and Rory who had Harry on his lap, and hoped my baby would get to experience a father like both those men were, and like my own father was.
‘How did you manage, really?’ I asked Beth later as we made everyone coffees and teas, insisting Aunt Sally relax with the others. The sun was just starting to dip outside, promising a pretty sunset ‘Raising Izzy alone. I mean, I know I was there at the start, but really it was just the two of you. When I came to see you and left you in that tiny bedsit holding the baby, I really didn’t know how you were doing it. I was sure I’d never be able to do it on my own like you were. But I think I might have to now.’
Beth leaned against the kitchen counter. ‘I guess it wasn’t ever a choice, really. I mean, once I was in London away from my family, without Drew, I just had to suck it up and do it. But it was when I held her for the first time that I really knew that I could. She needed me. And I’d never felt love like that before or how badly I wanted to protect her – those two feelings got me through it. It was bloody hard, though. But it’s different for you, Em. You’re older, wiser, and you have so many people who love you, that will help you. I really don’t think you’ll be doing it alone. And even if you are, you can do it. Because that baby needs you to do it.’ She picked up the tray of drinks. ‘You’ll think about it, won’t you? The shop in Glendale, I mean?’ she asked, finally admitting why she’d told me to look at it.
I nodded. It was appealing. Molly wanted to give me the money, and there was a property ready and waiting for me. But it really wasn’t going to be that easy, I knew. There was so much to think about. Not only the baby but Greg too. Coming up here would mean taking it away from its father. In the short term anyway. But it would also be offering a lot of opportunities for both me and the baby. I just had to decide what the best thing to do really was.
‘You believe me, don’t you? That you’re not alone, and that you can do it?’ Beth prodded as she walked to the door to rejoin the others.
‘I’m getting there,’ I replied with a smile.
Chapter Forty-Two
Glendale church was almost full. The congregation in Glendale was as healthy as I’d been told it was thanks to Reverend Brodie. With the whole of the Glendale Hall extended family there too, there was barely any pew space free this Sunday morning. A guitar band played as we walked in, very different to services I had attended as a child there, and Brodie was at the front, smiling and waving at people. He nodded at us filing in, and I couldn’t tell for sure if he had realised I was there or not as his gaze had quickly moved on to another family walking in, whom he went to greet.
Once everyone was seated, Brodie began. ‘Today I wanted to talk about second chances. Next week, I’m conducting a wedding, which I suspect most of Glendale knows about, between two people who have known each other for a long time. People often say that you only get one life, and therefore, only one chance to live it the way you want to, and if you happen to make a mistake during this one, short, life, then it’s all over,’ Brodie said from the front of the church, his voice clear and loud in the hush. ‘But we know that there isn’t only one chance. We know that through the resurrection, you can have a second chance. That you can be forgiven; that you can be given the chance to make things right. And if that is the case then think of all the possibilities, all the opportunities that are ours for the taking. We don’t need to live with what was, we can instead live with what can be. If you only focused on what you wanted, instead of worrying about what you deserve or what went wrong last time you tried or that it’s too hard, then what could you really achieve in this life? What could you do, really do, with this gift of life we’ve been given? If you took the second chance you’ve been given, just what would you do with it?’
The band started playing a song then and everyone rose to their feet to join in. It was a newer song, not a traditional hymn and I had no idea what it was but the words appeared up on a screen and I managed to soon join in too. Brodie’s sermon rang through my mind. I still didn’t think I'd ever have his kind of faith in things like resurrection but it was interesting to think of life as offering you more than one chance to get it right; that there was always hope, always a possibility of doing better, of making your dreams come true, of being the person that you wanted to be.
I really hoped that was true for
all of us.
And as the song died down, I wiped away a tear that had rolled down my cheek.
* * *
After the service, the congregation filed out and our Glendale group remained at the front where Brodie gave us a quick run-through of the wedding service. Caroline said she had only invited family and close friends on Saturday, a contrast I knew to her first large white wedding to Beth’s father David, and after the service, there would be food and dancing back at the Hall.
The rehearsal over, I hung back to speak to Brodie, nodding at Beth to go ahead without me, trying to ignore the knowing smile on her face. That woman was impossible sometimes.
‘Emily,’ Brodie said, turning around and looking surprised when he realised I was still there.
I stepped forward. ‘Do you have a few minutes? Can we talk?’
He looked at me for a moment then nodded. ‘Of course. Why don’t you come to the vicarage?’
‘Okay,’ I said, wondering if there was any etiquette about going around to a minister’s house I should know about.
‘You don’t need to look quite so worried. I’m offering tea and a chair, that’s all,’ Brodie said, smiling at the look on my face. ‘I don’t do human sacrifices until the evening.’
I laughed. ‘That’s a relief then.’ We walked around the church and down a short path to the small, pretty vicarage building behind. Brodie let me in and showed me through the narrow hallway into the kitchen, which had a small round table in it.
‘I can’t take any credit for how clean and tidy my house is, I’m ashamed to say,’ Brodie said, going over to the kettle. He gestured for me to sit at the table, which I did. ‘Gloria, my housekeeper, is out for lunch with a friend. She’ll be upset to have missed you, she’s heard so much about you.’
‘She has?’ I asked, looking around, curiously. It was kept very clean and neat and not at all bachelor-like.
‘Of course. So, how are you really? How is the baby? And everything in London?’ he asked, lightly, as he poured out our teas. ‘Milk, no sugar, isn’t it?’
I smiled, pleased that he remembered how I liked my tea. He brought our drinks over to the table. ‘I had my first scan, and everything is going well,’ I told him.
‘That’s great.’
‘London isn’t going quite as well… We’ve had to put our house up for sale and Greg… well, Greg is at a treatment centre. He’s working hard to get the help he needs.’
‘Well, I’m glad of that. And how do you feel about selling the house?’
‘Honestly, I’m more upset about it than I think I should be – I mean, it’s just a pile of bricks at the end of the day.’
Brodie shook his head. ‘Of course you’re upset; it’s your home.’
‘Your sermon today…’
He smiled. ‘I can’t quite believe you were in my church.’
‘Don’t expect it to become a regular thing,’ I replied, but I smiled back because I didn’t think I would actually mind all that much if it did. ‘But I found it interesting. There’s been a lot of change that I’ve had to deal with and some of it has made me feel like I’ve failed in some way, I suppose. And that I don’t deserve things to turn around. Does that make sense?’
Brodie stirred the sugar into his tea and took a sip. ‘It absolutely makes sense but it couldn’t be further from the case. You haven’t failed at all – none of this is your fault, after all – but even if you had failed, then I would still say the same thing: there is always a way to turn things around. And they will turn around.’ He looked up at me. ‘Remember what I told you about my past? My dad said that I’d end up in prison the way I was going. I made so many mistakes. I mean, I turned my back on God! But after my sister got better, I changed. I tried to make things right. And I’m still working on that. I really do believe that we can always make things right.’ His voice turned softer. ‘But I really don’t understand why you think you don’t deserve that chance?’
I sighed. ‘You say that it’s not my fault but how can it not be? I lived with a man that I was meant to love but I had no clue what he was doing. All these things were happening right in front of me but I didn’t see it or want to see it. I didn’t help him. Before it got so bad. I failed at saving him.’
‘Was it really your job to save him? And don’t forget that when he finally did ask you for help, then that’s exactly what you did. You could have walked away, left him to deal with everything but you didn’t. You’re helping him now. When he really needs you. That counts for a lot. And if you didn’t see it, isn’t that because he didn’t want you to see it?’
I nodded slowly. Why did everything make so much more sense when Brodie said it? ‘I know that he hid things, yes, but I worry that I just had this idea of who he was, and that’s who I loved, and he actually wasn’t anything like that.’
‘Doesn’t love blind us all?’ Brodie gave a wry smile. ‘But also people often let us see only what they want us to see. I had no idea the woman I loved had fallen in love with someone else. I could take the blame for that, and I did for a long time, but I realised that it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Some things just aren’t meant to be. We don’t always understand why at the time but hopefully one day, we will. I understand now that I wasn’t meant to be with her.’
I swallowed hard, wondering just who he was meant to be with. Who I was meant to be with. We lapsed into a short silence. Then I decided to tell him about Molly’s offer.
‘But am I being selfish in even thinking of taking her up on it? I mean, with my baby on the way, I feel like I should be focusing on just that but I keep thinking… I’ve been offered something I’ve always wanted but I’m worried that I shouldn’t take it now, that it’s the wrong time, that I should only be thinking about my baby. That maybe it’s greedy to want more than that,’ I admitted.
‘Who says you’re only allowed one good thing in your life at a time?’ Brodie arched an eyebrow. ‘I think going after your dream is scary, and hard work, and it’s probably easier not to do it but wouldn’t your baby be proud if they found out one day that their mother made her dream come true, and then maybe they would think that they could do the exactly the same thing.’
‘I think what you did was amazing,’ I told him then. ‘Turning your life around like you did. It’s inspiring.’ He really was someone to admire. I wondered if I could be someone like that too one day.
‘Sometimes I think about what might have happened if I hadn’t. If my sister hadn’t pulled through that day…’ He shuddered. ‘But I try not to dwell on it. And you shouldn’t either. You should focus on what’s ahead – for you, and your baby. And go after what will make you happy.’
I nodded. ‘I’m scared. And if I’m honest, I’ve been wondering if it’s easier not to try than to try and fail at something else in my life. What if I just keep on failing? What kind of example would that be for this baby?’ I touched my stomach then, wondering how something so small could be causing such chaos in my life already. God only knew what would happen once they actually arrived.
‘A brilliant example,’ Brodie replied, firmly. He looked across at me, holding my gaze with his own, steady one. ‘Who can be proud of someone who never tries? You only really fail when you don’t try. Don’t you think?’
Chapter Forty-Three
The following day, Beth, Aunt Sally and I stood in the empty shop on Glendale’s High Street. Beth had hooked Aunt Sally in to help her mission to try to convince me that it could become my own bakery one day. ‘Look how perfect it is,’ Beth said as she flung open the door. ‘I mean, it used to be a café, so most of what you need is in place already,’ she added, walking inside, followed by Aunt Sally and me.
‘It’s a good unit,’ Aunt Sally agreed with a nod. ‘There’s enough space that if you wanted to have tables for people to eat inside, you could.’
‘Definitely. There’s plenty of room for a big counter and tables,’ Beth agreed, throwing Sally a grateful smile. ‘And the kitchen is huge.�
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‘If anything it’s a little large for just a bakery,’ I said, looking around again. ‘You would need tables but obviously that would be more work serving everyone; you’d need two people working in here every day, I would think.’ Molly had always wished that she had enough space so people could have tea and cake inside. I knew her eyes would light up if she could see this place. But I couldn’t help feeling daunted by it. I chewed on my lip. ‘I just don’t know, Beth.’
‘You could use Molly’s money to set this place up. We would offer you the same structure as the other shops – you only pay rent once you start making money. I mean, you’re family, so you don’t need to worry about money; we’d just love to see this shop open and we’d love it even more if you were the one running it.’
I smiled. ‘I really appreciate that, you know I do. But there’s a lot to think about. Not only whether I could make this place successful but it would mean moving up here again, and there’s Greg to think about… Plus, soon I’ll be really pregnant. Maybe this isn’t the best time to set up a business.’
‘There’s a lot to think about, I know,’ Beth said. ‘But this could be brilliant, I just know it.’
‘I really think you could make it work,’ Aunt Sally said, thoughtfully. ‘We’d all be here to help you get set up, and find you great staff, and I know the whole community would be excited.’
‘What about when the baby comes though? I’d need time off…’
‘You’d have us to keep it all going,’ she replied. ‘I’ll have a lot of time on my hands, after all.’
‘I don’t think you realise how much work it would be.’
‘Just don’t say no yet,’ Beth said. ‘Think it over. Talk to your parents, and Molly. And Greg too. It’s a big decision, we know that.’
I nodded. ‘Okay.’ It was tempting but I just really didn’t know if I could do it. Or should do it, right now. I took out my phone and snapped a few photos though so I could show it to Molly. As I followed Beth and Aunt Sally out, I couldn’t help but glance back and for a moment, I let myself picture what it could look like. The long counter filled with cakes and pastries, a coffee machine, round tables and chairs in pretty colours, a vase of wild flowers on each, and then as I walked away, I looked up and imagined a large sign across the front of the shop: ‘Emily’s Bakery’.
New Beginnings At Glendale Hall Page 21