And a pleasant shiver ran up my spine.
* * *
‘The estate agent has had four viewings this week,’ Mum said on the phone to me the night before Caroline and John’s wedding. My stay in Glendale was almost up, and I had to admit being here had helped. Aunt Sally had been feeding me nutritious home-cooked meals, of course, and I had rested a lot too. Strolling through the garden in the sunshine, and helping out with wedding preparations had filled my mind, and jotting ideas down in my notebook about the bakery was exciting too. Things felt a lot brighter in my world than they had when I left London.
‘Maybe someone will make an offer then,’ I said, sitting on my bed as the sun started to dip in the sky outside my bedroom window. I hadn’t seen much of Brodie since our chat though, with everything going on at the Hall and him in full-on wedding season, but perhaps that was for the best. Somehow looking into his eyes made everything feel both more confusing and clearer all at the same time, it was quite disconcerting. ‘It’s so strange imagining strangers walking through my house deciding whether or not they want it.’ I was relieved I wasn’t there, actually. It was better out of sight, out of mind. I needed the house to sell but I didn’t want it to at the same time.
‘Fingers crossed someone will want it soon. Is bump doing okay?’
I smiled. ‘Bump is fine, yes. I’ve had my next scan scheduled – the one when they can tell you the sex if you want. I have no idea if I want to know or not.’
‘It helps with buying things but I kept it a surprise. I think because I really wanted a girl so didn’t want to feel disappointed by knowing in advance,’ Mum replied with a chuckle.
‘I don’t think I mind, really.’ I wondered if it would look like me or Greg. ‘It’s strange not being able to talk to Greg about all of it.’
‘Of course it is. Have you heard anything?’
‘His mum texted to say the centre had rung them as planned to say he was doing okay. We just have to hope he’s getting the help he needs. I want him to be a father to this baby even if we’re not together.’ I sighed. ‘I hate that we failed, you know?’
‘I wouldn’t think of it as a failure. You loved one another, you’ve made a baby together, and that will always be special. Sometimes things don’t work out but that doesn’t mean there was no point, you know? You’ll look back on it and realise that it all happened for a reason, I think.’
‘Maybe.’ I sighed.
‘Have you thought any more about the bakery idea?’
I had told her about the empty unit in Glendale. ‘I sent photos of it to Molly and she said it was perfect, but it would be such a large undertaking, and I’d be so far away from you guys.’ I knew I had Aunt Sally up here and all my friends but my parents and Greg – once he finished rehab – were in London. It was so hard to know what to do. ‘What would Greg say about it?’
Mum was silent for a moment. ‘You’ve always been excellent at thinking about other people’s feelings, Emily. But, first, you should think about what you want. If this is something you want then you can worry about everyone else later.’
‘That sounds a little selfish.’
‘Sometimes in life you have to be a little bit selfish. Don’t you think you deserve it after everything that’s happened?’
This time, I was quiet, letting her question sink in. ‘I really don’t know what to do,’ I admitted then.
‘You will,’ she promised. ‘You will.’
After we hung up, I gazed out at the garden. I thought about how different life could be if you just made one or two different choices. If I hadn’t agreed to that first date with Greg or if I hadn’t walked into Molly’s bakery that day, and asked for a job. Small choices at the time that led to big life changes for me. And were still affecting my life now.
Perhaps if we did realise what a big impact some choices would have, we’d never be able to make them in the first place. Maybe it was better not knowing. The problem was, I knew the choices I needed to make now were big ones, that would impact not only my life but my baby’s too, and that was what was so hard. If only you could take a quick peek into the future so you knew where the choice would lead you to a few years down the line… but then again, if you knew the outcome, would it even be a choice in the first place?
I yawned – over-thinking really made me sleepy. It was too early to go to bed but I laid down on the pillow anyway, letting my eyes fall shut. It would be a long day tomorrow with my second Glendale Hall wedding to attend and I hoped that a good night’s sleep might make everything seem just a little bit clearer in the morning.
Chapter Forty-Four
Caroline and John’s wedding dawned cloudy but muggy. After lunch, I put on a long floral dress which skimmed my bump perfectly, left my hair loose, and added a pink cardigan, clutch bag and sandals to complete the outfit. My week in Glendale, spent so much outside, had deepened my summer tan, and lightened my hair further.
Once I was ready, I joined the others in the driveway where three cars were waiting to drive the short distance to the church. Beth and Izzy, bridesmaids of a fashion, both wore cream dresses, and then Caroline swept downstairs in her elegant cream skirt suit, her hair pinned back, a small hat completing the chic look. She looked a little nervous, which was unlike her, and I noticed Beth chatting away trying to help. John had stayed over with a friend in the village so we would see him at the church.
We set off, everyone in good spirits, to Glendale. Brodie was outside the church waiting for us, looking smart and smiling at everyone. I gave him a little wave as I went inside with Aunt Sally and Drew and we slid into one of the pews close to the front. John nodded at us, looking smart in his kilt, his best friend beside him in his. Looking around, I recognised a lot of faces from the village, people I had known growing up and seen around the village during my trips here this summer. Heather and Rory waved from the pew opposite. Brodie walked in then, standing at the front, gesturing for us all to stand up. A bag-pipe player started up from the back, and I turned to see Caroline walking up the aisle, flanked by Beth and Izzy, all holding hands.
For some reason, the sight of grandmother, mother and daughter made me feel more emotional than the wedding itself. Perhaps because of my own impending motherhood. I hoped that my own bond with my child would be as strong as the one that the three of them had. I knew they had had their ups and downs but they were a tight unit and I wanted to have exactly that relationship. Wiping away a tear, pleased I’d worn waterproof mascara, I sat back in the pew as Brodie began the ceremony. Caroline and John took each other’s hand, smiling, and I knew that theirs was a strong union, created over time, growing from friendship into something more, and that they would be companions for the rest of their days. It hadn’t been easy, Caroline had, after all, been a married woman when they met, but they had come through it all still side-by-side.
If only we could all be as lucky as they were.
* * *
Glendale Hall really was made for weddings. The sun came out and shone down on the garden as the guests arrived, filing into the marquee on the lawn. Caroline and John’s marquee was smaller than Beth and Drew’s had been – inside there was just the top table and three smaller, round ones. Each had a large bouquet of lilies in the centre, and a wooden floor covered the grass. A harpist provided the music as we sat down for the meal. Beth pointed to my table and I joined Heather, Rory and Heather’s father, Ron. Then Brodie came over, walking with a woman clutching his arm, smiling from ear-to-ear.
‘This is Jen,’ he said, pulling out the chair for her. She was pretty with layered fair hair, and was wearing a bright blue dress.
‘You run the nursery, don’t you, Jen?’ Heather asked her, pouring herself a glass of wine. ‘How do you two know each other then?’
‘That’s right. I brought the kids to the church so Brodie could talk to them,’ Jen replied, smiling a little shyly at him. ‘He was so great with them.’
‘They’re a cute bunch,’ Brodie replied. ‘I�
�ve been thinking of starting up a Sunday school that Jen might help out with,’ he added, glancing across the table at me.
I suddenly wished I could have a glass of wine myself. It was so silly but I didn’t like the idea that he had brought a date to this wedding at all.
‘Beth tells me you’re considering taking the empty shop on the High Street,’ Heather said to me then, perhaps sensing the need for a change of subject. ‘We’ve loved opening up the farm shop,’ she added, with a warm smile.
‘I’ve always wanted to open up a bakery of my own so Beth suggested I use that unit,’ I replied, trying not to look at Brodie and Jen again. ‘I’m not sure, though… it would be a lot of work, and would mean moving up here too. Well, it’s a big decision, you know? There’s a lot to think about – especially with the baby,’ I said, gesturing to my stomach.
‘Oh, you’re pregnant?’ Jen said, her eyes widening. ‘Congratulations! I can’t wait to have children. Is your husband here?’
I felt a little sick all of a sudden. ‘Um, well, no…’
A tapping of a glass saved me from struggling to form a response, and I turned gratefully to see John standing up at the top table.
Next to me, Heather gave my knee a quick squeeze in solidarity, and I shot her a grateful smile.
As John began his speech, I found myself looking back at Brodie and Jen. She had leaned close to him to say something soft in his ear, and he smiled at her, and I felt my heart break just a little bit.
Chapter Forty-Five
I awoke the morning after the wedding having slept restlessly, to bright sunshine streaming into my room. I had retired to bed before the others in the end. I hadn’t been drinking like them, and wasn’t in the mood for dancing – especially as Brodie and Jen seemed to be on the dance floor most of the night, twirling in each other’s arms to every slow song played by the band. I had felt like a party pooper but I was sure that no one really noticed as they had all been having such a lovely time. Caroline and John had left at midnight in a limo for the hotel they were staying at before their honeymoon trip to Paris. It was clear they had had a lovely day, and it was wonderful to see the pure joy on their faces as they danced as a married couple for the first time. But annoyingly, it had served to make my heart ache just a little bit more.
I climbed out of bed, having to remind myself that I really wasn’t alone; that romance should be the last thing on my mind as I prepared to bring my baby in the world… but I couldn’t shake the image of Brodie and Jen from my mind. Just why had I had to meet him at such a crazy point in my life? I let myself imagine for a moment what things might have been like if, instead of Greg, I had met Brodie but I quickly dismissed it. I would not be having this baby if that had been the case.
After a quick shower, I pulled on shorts and a t-shirt and my Converse, tied my hair in a ponytail and put on sunglasses to hide the dark circles under my eyes. I didn’t want to mope around the house all morning on my last day at Glendale Hall, and I knew that no one else would be rushing to get up so instead, I padded softly downstairs and left the house, stepping out into the warm morning.
Walking towards the village, I enjoyed the feel of the sunshine on my arms and slowly started to wake up. It really was a beautiful morning and that did help my mood but I still felt unsettled.
The High Street came into view, and I realised I was walking automatically to the empty shop. Peering inside, I pictured what it could be like again if it was mine, and I felt another thrill run through me. Finally, it felt like my long-held dream was attainable. Still, though, something held me back from going for it.
It wasn’t only my life in London or how Greg would feel about me taking our child to Scotland to live, but also the fact that if I did move here, I would be living around the corner from Brodie. It was fine to say that we were friends but the way I felt when I saw him with Jen proved that we were far more complicated than that. Did I really want to make it even more complicated by becoming his neighbour too?
‘Penny for your thoughts.’
I jumped to see Brodie behind me. ‘Stop sneaking up on me!’ I said, clutching my chest, thanking my lucky stars that he wasn’t able to read my mind.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, holding his hands up, his eyes crinkling at the corners with his easy smile. ‘I was just getting breakfast supplies,’ he said, holding up a bag as evidence. ‘You’re up early too?’
‘I couldn’t sleep. And I wanted to see the shop again, I suppose,’ I explained.
‘Can I tempt you to breakfast? I promise that Gloria will make it, not me, if that helps.’
I was surprised that he was alone for breakfast but my stomach rumbled and at the moment there was nowhere on the High Street to help, so I found myself nodding. ‘Okay, then.’
He grinned. ‘Great.’ We set off towards the vicarage together. ‘I think a bakery would do really well here,’ he said then. ‘And I’ve tasted your cakes so I know you’d do a great job. What’s holding you back?’
I frowned a little. ‘I’ve always wanted to do it but I never really pushed myself, I suppose. It’s like I know in theory that I can do it but it’s still terrifying, the thought of all the work and putting myself out there. But more than that, I want to be a good mother and I’m not sure if I can really do both.’
‘You don’t think you can work and be a mother at the same time?’
‘God, my mum would kill me for even questioning that. She thinks women can do it all and I agree in principle, but I don’t know how much Greg will be around. It might all come down to me, and I worry I’m not good enough, I suppose, to handle it. To do it all… well.’
Brodie shook his head. ‘I think that if you’re the kind of person who worries about not being good enough then you have nothing to worry about. The people who think they can do anything and everything are not always the people you want to be around, are they?’
Once again, he made an excellent point. I began to feel some more of my worries slide away.
We arrived at the vicarage and I followed Brodie into the kitchen where a tall, grey-haired woman was making tea. ‘This is Gloria. I couldn’t function without her,’ he said, handing her the bag. ‘This is Emily.’
She smiled. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you, dear. Now, then, you both look in need of a good breakfast.’
‘Are you sure you have time before you go to Inverness?’ Brodie asked.
‘Of course! Sit down, you’ll only get in my way otherwise.’ She gave him a fond look. ‘My sons are both married,’ she said to me as she poured out the tea. ‘And they really don’t need me any more so I’m happy to fuss over this one.’
‘Thanks for once again reminding me I’m a confirmed bachelor,’ Brodie said.
‘Jen might have something to say about that,’ I couldn’t help but say.
He looked at me. ‘I think Gloria would say that a woman would have to put up with too much to be my wife,’ he said, breaking into a grin. I was relieved that he took what I said to be a joke. For now, at least. ‘But enough about me… we were talking about you,’ he said, pointedly. ‘What would you do with the bakery, if it was yours?’
I found myself telling him about the sign above the door, the tables and chairs I would have, the cakes I would bake, and the lavender I would place in pots to bring colour and fragrance inside. I could picture it all and I could feel myself smiling as I talked about it. ‘I suppose I could even offer breakfast too if people wanted it. Although I’m not sure I could top this,’ I finished with a smile as Gloria handed us both plates piled with scrambled eggs, bacon and toast.
‘I think your bakery sounds wonderful,’ Gloria said. ‘You could offer some traditional Sottish cakes as well like dreaming bread.’
‘What’s dreaming bread?’ Brodie asked as I felt my cheeks flush annoyingly.
‘It’s sweet shortbread with almonds and herbs in it. It used to be broken over a bride’s head to bring dreams of love to come, and to provide good luck for all,’ she explai
ned. ‘Right, I’m off to get ready, eat that up, you two!’ She swept out with a smile.
‘You looked so animated when you talked about the bakery,’ Brodie continued, perhaps wisely choosing not to focus on her dreaming bread idea. ‘That passion shouldn’t go to waste.’
‘I don’t want it to,’ I said. I did feel excited about it, he was right. ‘Moving to Glendale would be a big step though,’ I said, glancing at him to see how he would react to that.
‘It would,’ he agreed with a nod. ‘But you’d really be moving back, wouldn’t you? You grew up here, right? I suppose you need to think about where you want your baby to grow up.’
I stared at him. I hadn’t really thought about that. My childhood in Glendale had indeed been idyllic. Where would my baby be most happy? Here, or back in London? ‘My parents though, and Greg, are in London…’
‘That’s true. You have family here too, though. And nowadays, it’s not difficult for them to come here or for you to go down there really, is it?’
I thought about Beth, who had left city life to return home and had thrived as a result, but it wasn’t quite the same for me. I didn’t have a home here anymore; I’d have to make a new one. But then again, I no longer had one in London, really, either. Soon it would be sold and I’d need a new home for me and my baby there as well. ‘And you’d be okay with me being here?’ I asked him then, finally. It was the question that had been on the tip of my tongue since he had found me in the High Street. I couldn’t look at him; instead I stared at my eggs, my breath hitching in my throat as I waited for him to answer me.
New Beginnings At Glendale Hall Page 22