by Jessa York
They were still embracing, so I decided it would be best if I left before I did something stupid. I should never have come in here. Quickly turning around, I slunk away, careful not to let my heels click on the floor.
I had no idea how I got back to my car, but that was where I was right now—sitting in the stifling heat. If I could recall how to put the AC on, I would. My mind was swimming with a thousand images of Jason and the perky teacher. God, that sounded like a bad porno.
Was he playing me? Me? After everything we discussed about lies and making a baby, was he really seeing a slutty teacher behind my back? I couldn’t think of any other reason for them to be groping each other in the hallway. What if someone walked by?
My chest tightened, bile rising in my throat. Finally, my brain kicked in long enough to help me turn on the AC because oxygen was fairly important. The cool air did nothing to help my breathing, though. The heat didn’t cause the tightness in my chest.
I sat there for a while, unable to think, let alone drive. My legs were numb. It required extreme effort to place my shaking hands on the wheel. Eventually, the happy couple wandered out of the school with her shamelessly attached to his arm, bouncing beside him, giggling up at him like he was some kind of rock star. He did nothing to stop her attentions whatsoever.
Once they got to his car, she handed him a small package, hugging him again, which he not only allowed, but joined in on. If I could have gotten up to stand on my trembling legs, I would have walked up to them—and what? What was the proper protocol for watching your boyfriend hug a perky teacher? How did you react? Hair pulling and bitch-slapping came to mind.
The hug lasted too long to be just a simple thank you hug. My stomach churned. If they started kissing right here, out in the open, I didn’t know what I’d do. Luckily, Perky Teacher finally let go of my man. He jumped into his car, waving to her as he drove away.
At this point, I was driven by pure instinct. Before I knew it, my car was in drive, following him at a distance. Stalking him. We drove to a main drag where there were plenty of shops. I lagged back, scared he would see me. He pulled into a parking lot of a strip mall, but instead of going into the restaurant that he parked in front of, he went into the liquor store right beside it.
The entire time I’d known him, he barely had a sip of alcohol. Why was he going in there? I watched as a family of four marched into the eatery. A surge of jealousy ran through me like never before. The little boy must be close to Audrey’s twins’ age, the girl quite a bit younger. Her teeny pigtails bounced as her daddy carried her. That was what I wanted. A family. How come I’d tried so hard to achieve it, only to continue dating idiots who didn’t want what I did?
Current idiot came walking out of the liquor store carrying a bottle of something, then dashed straight into the restaurant. I had half a mind to burst in there. Problem was, I’d need my whole mind when I dealt with him, so I decided to wait on my ambush.
Five minutes later, he emerged carrying two huge bags of food, the liquor bottle under his arm. He hopped into his car, then backed out. At this point, I didn’t even question whether or not to follow him. I just did it. I tried my best to quell the anger that bubbled up by concentrating on driving.
We drove out of the shops, back into a residential area. It took some time, but eventually we ended up near the outskirts of town close to the trailer park. Damn, he was leaving town. Just as I decided to turn around, he signaled like he was going to turn into the trailer park. Huh? Why in the world would he be going there? With food and wine?
Oh shit. It couldn’t be. Another perky teacher perhaps?
He turned first onto the gravel road, huge dust clouds following him. I held back because it wasn’t exactly a high traffic area. I didn’t want him to notice me. Second street in, he hung a left. Spotting his car from where I pulled over on the side of the gravel road, I waited.
This was beyond stalking. I knew it. I crossed all kinds of lines here. Hell if I could control myself.
30
Vivienne
Jason hauled his loot to the front door of a beaten-up old trailer that had seen better days—like forty years ago. The outside displayed a variety of dents that I could make out even from this distance. The yellowed stripes on the outside were faded, and the formerly white metal appeared more gray than white now.
There were a few rainbow-colored pinwheels by the stairs that leaned half over. Flowerpots growing nothing but weeds greeted all who entered. Whoever lived here didn’t give a rat’s ass about their yard.
The tiny door swung open. An equally diminutive woman stood in the doorway. She moved over so Jason could walk in. He still found it difficult to maneuver through the doorway with all his bags and booze.
I couldn’t see much of the woman, other than she was much shorter than him. Just like Perky Teacher.
Determined to see this through, I shut off my car and opened the windows. The bright sunlight calmed my nerves. It warmed my arm and face as I sat there staring at the dump Jason had wandered into. My brain fired in all directions, attempting to make sense of the events that transpired in the last hour. I kept coming up empty. Nothing made sense, except that he was two-timing or perhaps three-timing me.
The thought he was currently sleeping with one of his love interests in that trailer right now while I observed from a distance caused the acid in my stomach to rise. What an ass. My poor heart still beat double time and beads of sweat dripped down my forehead. I couldn’t bring myself to leave.
One couldn’t say the air out here was exactly fresh. The suffocating mixture of weeds, oil, and waste made breathing difficult and unsavory. But that bitter, noxious odor was still preferable to being cooped up with the windows up while inside my vehicle. A light breeze would be nice, but the air hung heavy around me, holding me in place.
After about an hour, the door once again swung open. Jason tromped out, turning to his lady friend. I still couldn’t get a good look at her, but he reached over, pulling her in for a huge hug. My stomach fell, and my lungs stopped working. He bent down, and I was almost positive he kissed her. The angle was bad so I couldn’t say for sure. Why else would he lean over to her in the doorway?
He spun around, jogging down the steps. That was when I realized I’d better get my ass out of here before he saw me. Fast as I could, I started the car, taking the closest street to get out of view.
As I cruised around, I took in the rest of the trailers in the park. They all strongly resembled the one Jason went into. There were a few that looked a bit newer, but in general, this place was for very low to no income people. A few kids hung out here and there, throwing stones on the gravel roads, chatting. There were no parks or green spaces for them to play in. That thought made me sad for them.
My childhood was filled with parks and play structures, kite flying, picnics, and roughhousing. These kids would never experience the joys of growing up like I did.
Crossing my fingers that Jason had already taken off, I found the main road and zoomed out of there, leaving the kids and their rocks behind.
I didn’t drive back to my house. A discussion needed to occur, and it needed to happen now. He had some explaining to do. I couldn’t stand to wait, so I sped straight to his place.
It was about two hours later that I spotted him park his car and get out. By that time, I had worked myself into such a tizzy I barely knew which way was up anymore. I stepped out of my vehicle. He spotted me right away. “Vivienne?” he said, not quite believing I was there. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
He was a man of many questions. However, I wanted answers. I strode up to him. “Not here, Jason.” Then I strode to the front door of his apartment block. Once inside, I led us up to his place. The heat hadn’t helped the awful combination of smells in here. My head throbbed in pain.
When we got to his door, I stepped aside while he fished for his keys, opening the door. I strode in and was immediately attacked. Jinxy had jumped right f
rom the counter onto my chest. “Cat, be careful. Shit, sorry,” he said as he tried to rescue me from his cat. Jinxy only startled me. Even though the heat was already intolerable in here, it was nice to feel the warmth of her body.
“She’s fine,” I told him, strutting farther into the apartment. The kitty purred loudly as I petted her sweet, soft body, rewarding me by pushing her insistent head into my neck.
“But you’re obviously not. What the hell happened between the time I left your bed this morning to now?” Like he didn’t know.
“Well, first, a perky teacher tried to have her way with you in the school hallway and again in the parking lot. Then you took a full meal deal—plus wine to some chick outside of town,” I said to him accusingly, holding the cat even closer.
His look instantly changed from inquiring to raging mad. “You fucking followed me? Are you insane?” he barked at me, making me jump.
Not one to back down from a challenge, I shot right back, “Who’s the teacher? Are you fucking her?” I think I scared Jinxy, because she jumped out of my arms to safer ground. Too bad, she made a heck of a security blanket.
“I volunteer once a week to read to the kids in her at-risk class. They’re all experiencing challenges in learning to read for one reason or another. Having someone read to them regularly helps raise their chances of successful literacy down the road. Reading was always my way out, Vivienne. My only hope of getting out of a shitty childhood. I knew if I was literate, I could do anything. I want to give that same hope to other kids. Make a real difference in their lives.”
Now I felt like crap. But that still didn’t explain the teacher humping him in the hall.
“And the teacher? What the hell was up with her?” I tossed my hair back, ready for a fight.
“I pour my heart out to you and all you give a shit about is whether I’m fucking Chelsea?” Ah, Perky Teacher now had a name. He stared daggers through me. It scared the shit out of me, but I wasn’t giving up.
“Yes, you left out a very important part, Jason. Are you fucking her? Because if not, she sure wishes you were, trust me. That woman was all over you.”
“Chelsea is the librarian. She’s very affectionate. That’s what makes her so effective with the kids there. They respond to her kindness and feel comfortable enough to leave their baggage at the door. Some of those kids are carrying a lot of shit they shouldn’t be. And no, I’m not fucking her, have never fucked her, and never will fuck her. Jesus, I can’t even believe you would say that. If you only knew—forget it.” He cast his head down, rubbing the back of his head.
“And the woman outside of town?” I asked, not letting go of my mad.
“The woman in the trailer park is my mother,” he answered. Oh shit.
“Your mother?” was all I could say. I’d been rendered speechless. I was a total bitch. Even though I was still suspicious of Perky Teacher—correction, librarian, the trailer park momma suddenly made me regret this confrontation.
“That’s my childhood home, Vivienne. You should have knocked instead of lurking outside like some kind of psycho stalker. I could’ve made you some lemonade and had you join us on the veranda to play canasta,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and malice. The look on his face meant to kill or at least to maim.
I shouldn’t have followed him. Now he thought I was a psycho stalker and a huge bitch to boot. Infringing into his private life without waiting to be invited pissed him off more than words could say.
“Dammit, I shouldn’t have followed you. I’m sorry,” I told him. My apology sounded weak and meaningless, even to my ears.
Raising his head to the ceiling, he chose his words slowly. “You obviously don’t trust me.” He looked down at me. “This was a mistake. We can’t make a baby when you’re stalking me around town. Fuck, that’s crazy.”
His words slayed me. I couldn’t find breath to say anything, so I just stood there, staring at him in disbelief. “You should go.” He nodded toward the door, arms crossed over his hard chest.
He was telling me to go? He was breaking up with me? “Are you kidding me? You can’t break up with me now. We’ve got plans,” I said, unable to comprehend what he was saying and doing.
“Better we know now than in six months or a year down the road. Always best to make a clean break sooner than later. You sneaking around proves that this,” he pointed back and forth between us, “won’t work.”
“A clean break? What the hell are you talking about? I wasn’t sneaking around. Well, not exactly. I saw you, and my latent stalker tendencies took over. It wasn’t my fault. I tried to get your attention, but—”
He interrupted me, “Look, I have too much going on right now, and I don’t have time to deal with crazy women chasing me around town. I took this time off from real life to finally get shit accomplished, and that’s not happening with all of these distractions.”
“So, I’m a distraction?” I asked, hands on my hips, shifting my weight.
He snorted, narrowing his eyes at me, “You are the biggest, most dangerous kind of distraction, Vivienne. Dealing with your fabricated bullshit is creating all kinds of delays to me reaching my goals. So, yeah, I’m breaking up with you. After all I’ve gone through in my life, I’m not sitting back, watching my dreams go down the drain because of some woman.” Some woman. I was just “some woman” to him.
“You said you loved me and wanted to make a baby with me,” I whispered to him, barely able to form words.
“Ha, you saw where I come from, Vivienne. Want to have a baby with me now?” he shouted at me. I was shocked at his mean words. “Yeah, I didn’t think so. I’m fucking trailer trash.”
“I never…”
“Leave, Vivienne. We’re done.”
That hurt. My knees shook so hard I had no idea how I remained standing. A wave of dizziness crashed over me, and my stomach was ready to hurl. I had to get out of there before I made a bigger fool of myself. “This is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made. Someday you’ll realize it.”
That was my parting goodbye to the bright future that just turned black.
31
Vivienne
Oh dear God, someone please make the incessant pounding stop. At first, I figured it was just the noise inside my head trying to get out. I swore the house shook with the pounding on the doors.
Yes, doors. Whoever was out there walked around to the backyard and pounded on the patio doors as well. I hoped they didn’t scare my birds.
More pounding. But I just lay alone in my big bed with the sun shining its ironic self on my face. Feeling the warmth unsuccessfully attempting to give me the solace I so needed was too little too late. Just another few minutes, then I’d get up.
Or maybe not.
I’d been playing that game all morning. Now it’s—I had no clue what time it actually was. If there was some way to lift my head off my pillow to take a look at my clock, I would. However, my head, like every other part of my body, felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. That was pretty heavy, therefore, impossible to lift. The same with my arms and legs. So I’d just been lying here, with my face pointed toward the window, searching for light in the sudden cloak of darkness Jason surrounded me in.
Yes, I knew it was all my fault for acting like a psychopath stalker, following him all around without him knowing. But still, I apologized. He should have accepted it, no matter how weak it was.
Instead, his words just ran on a constant loop inside my brain. “You are the biggest, most dangerous kind of distraction, Vivienne.” I wished someone could make my brain stop its continual rehashing of our last moments together.
“I’m not sitting back, watching my dreams go down the drain because of some woman.”
“Leave, Vivienne. We’re done.”
Over and over and over again, that was all I heard going through my mind, driving me crazy.
“I’m fucking trailer trash.”
The banging ceased. Now I heard yelling from a familiar voice
coming from downstairs. It might be my name that the noisy person called, but I was too tired to get up or to even call out. I’d get up soon.
“What the fuck?” I heard coming from my bedroom door. I didn’t turn or acknowledge the intruder.
The bed depressed in front of me. My body did a slight roll into Dean. “I thought something terrible happened. Jesus, what the...” He checked me over as he gently put my hair behind my ear. “Something bad did happen. What’s going on?”
Yeah, something bad happened, and now I’d live the rest of my meaningless life in this huge house that I built for no reason. I didn’t answer—I couldn’t physically answer, so I just moaned when he moved my chin over so he could look me in the eye. “What’s going on? You and Jason break up again?”
I made a barely noticeable nod, tears flowing out of my eyes all on their own. “Fuck, honey. I’m sorry,” he said to me, pulling my boneless body up onto his lap where he hugged me, rocking slowly. “It’ll be all right. I know it hurts, but I promise you, it’ll be okay.” I guess he knew enough about pain to speak the truth, but Dean had never been okay since Betsy died, and that thought just made me cry even harder.
My arms moved around his neck. I sobbed into his chest for what felt like an eternity. His arms held me tight, like he was somehow able to hold all my broken pieces together with his big, strong arms. If anyone was strong enough to do that, it was Dean, so I continued crying, letting him take over the job of keeping me together.
“Shhh, what happened?” he asked, moving my tear-stained face away from his now wet white T-shirt. I immediately felt the loss of his body and tried to dig back into him. He wouldn’t allow it. The dude wanted answers.
“I acted like a stupid moron and he b-b...b-b-b...broke up with me.” I closed my eyes tight, hoping to stop the tears.