Mr. Smith opened up the folder to reveal the sepia toned photo inside. Cassie gasped.
She looked at Ethan. The color on his face had changed and his lower lip had dropped slightly. He likes it, Cassie thought.
Mr. Smith smiled warmly. "Don't you all look like a handsome couple."
Cassie had to agree.
She saw herself there in the photo, standing with visible pride next to her new husband. She was surprised by just how happy she looked in the photo. They did say that photos didn't lie. This likeness showed a happy, proud couple on their wedding day.
She was struck by how handsome Ethan was in the image. Although the colors were sepia and shades of brown, there was no escaping how elegant and dignified he looked. His gaze at the camera was direct and penetrating.
Cassie picked up the photo and examined it closely. Ethan moved to her side and held it with her. They glanced at each other. The photo was fascinating. Although their poses were stiff and self conscious there was a certain charm to the image. Cassie thought how strange it was that this image would forever capture how she looked on one of the biggest days of her life.
She heard Ethan sigh almost imperceptibly.
"What do you think," she asked him
"It's amazing," he said, after a moment of reflection. "I didn't realize it would be so...beautiful."
Mr. Smith looked pleased with his work. "Told you, didn't I?"
Cassie and Ethan enjoyed the image together for a quiet moment that seemed to last for minutes.
Mr. Smith coughed, interrupting them with an abruptness that took Cassie by surprise.
"When I was developing this photograph there was something niggling me at the back of my mind. I travel around these parts all the time. I like to take images of everything that takes my fancy; been around this place quite a while. As I was finishing off this picture I suddenly remembered. I believe you and I have met before Mr. Macleod." Mr. Smith fixed Ethan with a firm look.
Ethan removed his hand and from the photo and Cassie sensed him become instantly tense.
"Really? I can't say I recall Mr. Smith. I'm sure I would have remembered having met you before." Ethan said, a slight crack in his voice. "Did I have my likeness taken by you before?
"Not just you. It wasn't a portrait of yourself Mr Macleod. It was a group image. Of you and the men you were riding with."
Cassie saw Ethan step to the side. He tapped the side of his thigh nervously with his hand.
"When was that?"
"About three years ago. It was just after I arrived in these parts. I was looking for anything interesting I could find. I took images of landscapes, people, towns, and then I heard about the posse that hunted down criminals. I thought that would be something really special to take pictures of. So I did," he said, reaching under the counter and pulling out a large photo.
Cassie heard Ethan take a deep breath and shift from side to side. Mr. Smith laid the photo on the counter, wiping some dust away from the surface.
"Are you sure you've got the right person?" Ethan asked. Cassie was increasingly puzzled by his reaction. He looked nervous.
"I think so. I'm sure it's you. Don't you remember me visiting with you. Some of your friends thought it was real hoot having their likeness taken."
"Can't say I do recall," Ethan said.
Mr. Smith turned the photo around. "Take a look."
Cassie leaned closer. It was a photo of a group of men huddled together in a friendly pose. Three men sat on the ground in front of a group of five men linking arms across shoulders. They all looked dust covered and serious, gazing intently straight into the camera. They had on cowboy hats and they all held rifles. They looked like a determined bunch.
Cassie was aware that Ethan was still hanging back, seemingly not interested. But she found it fascinating. Perhaps she could see what he looked like when he was younger.
"That's you there Mr. Macleod. Isn't it?" Mr. Smith said, pointing at a figure seated on the ground.
Ethan leaned closer. "I believe you might be right there Mr. Smith."
"See I told you." The photographer seemed delighted. "What do you think Mrs Macleod. How does your husband look?"
Cassie squinted. The faces were dirty, but there was no mistaking Ethan's shining eyes, and that penetrating stare. He looked serious and focused.
"Indeed it does look like Ethan. My Ethan. You were as handsome then as you are now," Cassie said, looking at Ethan. She was surprised to see his brows furrow and his lips tighten. He reached over to the photo and started to slide it back towards Mr. Smith.
"Very interesting Mr. Smith. Quite a curiosity I would think. Our posse was made up of a singular bunch of men."
"And you were one of the most singular." Cassie put a hand on the photo. "Let me see the others," she said leaning closer and tracing a finger around the faces in the image.
Ethan took Cassie's elbow. "We should be going. It's getting late." There was a sudden note of urgency in his voice.
Cassie was taken aback slightly by the forcefulness of his touch. He was holding her elbow very tightly.
"I'll just have a look and then we'll go," she told him.
Cassie turned and looked at the photograph again scanning the faces of the other men. Her eyes stopped when she saw the face of one of the other men.
It couldn't be!
Her heart froze, and she felt the ground sway under her feet.
Joshua.
It was Joshua.
And he was seated on the ground right next to Ethan.
"Joshua," Cassie said quietly, disbelieving what she was seeing. "Joshua," she whispered, the word easing out of her mouth in a gasp of air.
Cassie felt light headed. The blood rushed to her head and she felt her breath stop in her lungs. Eventually she let out an astonished sigh.
"What is this?" she breathed. She was aware that her finger was pointing directly at the image of Joshua's face in the picture.
Mr. Smith looked concerned. "Are you feeling well Mrs. Macleod?" he asked.
"How can that be?" Cassie said, her voice seeming to come from a very long way off.
"What is it Cassie," Ethan asked, but his voice sounded hesitant, almost fearful.
Cassie looked at Ethan, whose face had now turned white.
"How can Joshua be in that picture with you Ethan?"
Ethan stared deep into her eyes. His gaze did not shift for a moment and in that instant Cassie knew that Ethan had been a friend of Joshua's. She knew that they had worked together on the posse all those years before.
She knew also that he could not lie to her. Not here in this moment because the truth was staring at them.
"How can that be Ethan?" Cassie asked.
"Cassie please. I can explain." Ethan reached a hand toward her. Cassie pulled back and waved his hand away.
"Explain what? That you once rode in a posse with my deceased husband, and you never thought to tell me. How can that be Ethan?" Cassie said, her voice rising.
Mr. Smith reached for the photo as if to take it away, but Ethan placed a hand over it. "No Mr. Smith. Don't put it away. I have to see it for myself and explain to my wife. If I can,"
Mr Smith nodded, but he looked like he wanted to be a million miles away.
"How much for this picture?" Ethan asked.
Mr Smith looked down at the photo and sighed. "Under the circumstances, I'd like you and Mrs Macleod to have it to keep. Call it a gesture of thanks for giving me the privilege of taking your wedding photo," he said.
Ethan nodded."That's mighty kind of you."
Cassie held onto the side of the table, fearing that if she didn't do so she would certainly fall to the floor. This was all beyond belief. The men's voices seemed to come from someplace else. She was only vaguely aware of them.
How could it be that Ethan and Joshua had known each other? They had worked on the same posse together, and now she was the wife of one man and the widow of another man in the same picture. Ethan had k
nown Joshua all along and had not told her. When had he been planning to tell her? Ever? Had he thought to just marry her and never mention that he had obviously been friends with her deceased husband?
Mr. Smith wrapped up the wedding photo and the group photo together.
Cassie watched Ethan as he took the package with both photos from Mr. Smith. The room was revolving.
"I think your wife could benefit from some fresh air," suggested Mr. Smith.
Ethan took Cassie gently by the elbow. "I think you might be right there. I am much obliged to you sir for your kindness, and I would appreciate your discretion, if that would be possible?"
Mr. Smith smiled kindly. "You can count on that Mr Macleod."
"Thank you. And good day." Ethan guided Cassie out into the fresh air and sunshine. Cassie's footsteps felt heavy. It was as if she were stepping onto sodden, wet soil. She thought she would just sink into the dirt.
It was going to be a long ride home.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The ride back to the farm was conducted in silence. Cassie just didn't want to speak to Ethan. She didn't even know where she could start. She felt she needed so much time to carefully consider what she had just found out.
Ethan kept his own counsel too. He gripped the reins hard and tight, his knuckles white, as he guided the buckboard back across the trail to the farm.
By the time they reached home it was early evening. It had been a trip she would rather forget. Cassie went immediately to the bedroom, telling Ethan that she needed to lie down since she had a headache. He nodded in quiet understanding and stepped out. He headed out over the field inspecting the planting he had been doing but Cassie guessed it wouldn't have been the real thing on his mind.
Cassie took the package of photos and Martha's letter and placed them in a drawer. She lay down on the bed and tried to understand what had happened.
It was clear that Ethan and Joshua had been on the same law enforcement team. But why hadn't Ethan told her that when they first met? Why hadn't Hettie told her? Did Hettie even know?
There were so many questions running around in her head that Cassie felt the room spin.
Cassie remembered the times when Joshua had told her about his work as an assistant to a deputy. But she realized now that he had never really gone into much detail about it. He had never mentioned anyone like Ethan. He had only briefly talked about how much fun they'd had at times when they were out in the wild. It had sounded like a bunch of guys just out making the most of their time away from town, although she knew there had been a serious side to it as well.
What was behind Joshua's reluctance to discuss the details of that part of his past?
Cassie didn't know.
All she knew was that her new husband had married her without any kind of admission that he had been acquainted with her deceased husband. Cassie didn't know what to make of it.
Had Ethan just been plain dishonest or had he not known who she was? Hettie had given so much information about Cassie to Ethan that it was unthinkable that he couldn't have made the connection, if he had really wanted to.
He must have known who she was. If that was the case then, what was he doing marrying her? What was the real reason behind his decision to become her husband.
Could she trust him now? It seemed to Cassie that he had married her under some kind of false pretences. Cassie groaned and shifted in her bed as she thought about how many times Ethan had reassured her that she could trust him. She recalled all the tender attentions and the warm voice that had been so calming after such a difficult period in her life.
Trust. Could she trust Ethan Macleod anymore? Not only with her life, the shared life they had embarked upon. Could she also trust him with her heart? If love was coming into their lives could she have faith in him? He had kept his word so far in everything he had promised to do. He had said he would do whatever it would take to keep her safe and happy. Things had been good. Up to now.
Cassie sighed. Today the rug had been pulled out from under her. She knew that the man who was out in the fields of their farm at that moment was someone who had not been straight with her. She wasn't sure if she would ever get over that.
She needed answers and there was only one way that she knew how to get them. She had never been one to take anything lying down. And she wasn't going to take this. If it was the last thing she would do, she would get some answers from him.
She got up from the bed, went out front and strode across the field. The sun was setting behind the hills and the air was getting cooler.
Ethan looked up and saw Cassie heading towards him. Something about her demeanour must have struck him, because he immediately straightened up and seemed to steel himself in readiness for her words.
Cassie was walking so fast that she slipped, and her ankle went out from under her.
Ethan saw her stumble and he came rushing across to her side. Cassie was breathing heavily as she tried to stand up straight. She pushed away Ethan's outstretched hand.
"Cassie are you okay?" he asked, trying to raise her up.
"I'm fine. I just slipped," she said, pulling herself upright.
She brushed the dirt off her dress and took a deep breath. Ethan looked at her, waiting for her to start speaking. It was clear he wasn't going to be the one to say anything first.
"I need to ask you a question, Ethan."
Ethan ran a hand through his damp hair. "Go ahead. You got the right to ask me. So ask away."
"Did you know Joshua before he married me?" Cassie wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.
There was a long pause and Cassie wondered if he was going to answer her at all.
"I did," Ethan admitted, finally.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Cassie asked.
"It's complicated Cassie. Things aren't as simple as you think."
"How? Tell me how, Ethan," she demanded.
"Joshua and I were friends. I admit that."
"Why did you not tell me," Cassie insisted, her voice rising
Ethan took a step back. "I couldn't. It was just not possible to tell you. You know I am a man of my word."
"What's that got to do with it?"
"Everything. If I give my word to someone I keep it, no matter what. Just like I told you."
"Are you telling me you gave your word about something to Joshua?"
Ethan twisted his body and looked up at the distant hills. It looked like he was churning up inside. Cassie could see the tension in his body. His shoulders were raised, his lips tight, his breathing hard.
"I just don't know what to say Cassie. You have to trust me on this."
"Trust you? How can I trust you after this Ethan? You knew my husband and you lied to me."
"I didn't lie to you Cassie. There would have come a time when I would have told you. Just not right now. Besides, looks to me like your sisters had something to do with your decision to become my wife. Isn't that so?" he asked sharply.
Cassie lowered her head. There was no getting away from it. Neither of them were coming out well in this whole affair.
Ethan stepped forward and reached out to Cassie. "Look I know this has been hard, but I promise you there will come a time when it is right for you to know the truth."
Cassie stiffened. "The truth? What truth?"
"Please. Cassie don't be like this. I am sorry if I have offended you. Truly I am."
Cassie's heart sank at his apology. She knew she should forgive him. If he had been a friend to Joshua, there must have been something between them; a connection. Cassie didn't want to ruin that. He had been a friend to Joshua and that should count for something. She really wanted to know more.
"How can I make it up to you? How can I get you to trust me Cassie?"
Suddenly Cassie felt a wave of sadness wash over her. All the worries and stress of the past recent times rose up and engulfed her. For a moment she felt as bad as she had felt in town at the photographer's. Everything around her suddenly felt distant, a
s if something didn't really belong here; as if Ethan didn't belong with her. She had given her trust to this man, and he had broken it in the most profound way by not revealing his true relationship to her, the real connection they already shared.
And that was not something she was going to forgive right now.
Not yet. She had to make a stand and let Ethan know how much he'd hurt her.
"Trust? Ethan. How can you gain my trust? You see that's the problem," she stated, her voice sounding calm. Ethan frowned seeing her so calm, so sure of herself. "Right now I don't think I can trust you Ethan." Cassie shook her head slowly and Ethan reached out. Cassie waved his hand away.
"No. Right now I can't see anything you could do that would show me that you cared. You've said so many good things to me. And you know what? I really was starting to believe you. But now. After this? I don't know. At this moment there is nothing you can do. Nothing."
Ethan tried to take her by the shoulders but Cassie stepped back. "I'm really tired Ethan. I'm going to rest."
"But Cassie. We need to talk. You don't understand." Ethan had real desperation in his voice.
"But I do Ethan. That's the thing. I do understand."
Cassie turned and walked away from Ethan. In her mind she saw his face as it had looked seconds before. She saw the desperation, the pain, the hurt. Cassie knew she was hurting the man who was her new husband, but she knew she had no choice. Trust was too important a thing in a marriage to sacrifice it. If only he had been honest with her from the start; if only he'd told her about his friendship with Joshua, instead of having her discover it the way she had.
Then things would have been better.
But not this way. Not like this.
From behind her she heard his voice. "I will make it up to you Cassie. I promise."
Cassie didn't respond. She kept on walking.
Ethan didn't pursue her. He didn't chase her across the field and try to reason with her. A little voice inside her hoped he might but the closer she came to the house, the quieter that voice became until, by the time she closed the door behind her and lay down on the bed, the voice had faded into silence.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Mail Order Vows (Sweet Mail Order Bride Historical Romance Novel) Page 13