Joshua was in Cassie's dreams that night. He was always there in her dreams; tonight was no exception. The difference this time was that Ethan was there too. Even in her dreams the two men were friends. She couldn't shake the fact that they had known each other. Even in her dreams.
She woke to find it was the middle of the night. Ethan was not in the bed with her. She ran a hand across the part of the bed where he should have been lying asleep.
Cassie got out of bed and wrapped herself in a gown. The night air was chilly even in the bedroom. Cassie went out to the living room expecting to see Ethan there, perhaps asleep on the sofa. But he wasn't there.
She frowned. She opened the front door and peered out into the darkness. There was a full moon but the only thing she saw was the barn and the field, lit in the silvery light.
She took a drink of water and went back to bed. Cassie could not think where Ethan had gone. She found herself worrying. That surprised her considering the argument they had had.
She realized that it mattered very much to her that she knew he was okay. It would be terrible if he did something foolish, although she thought he wasn't the type to go and do anything that would put himself in danger. She fell asleep with her mind in a whirl, voices and images crowding her awareness. Sleep was a blessing.
Cassie awoke with the light streaming in through the window. Had getting up last night been a dream? It seemed like it with the fog of waking up engulfing her mind.
Then she reached across and felt the expanse if the empty bed. She ran her hand across the sheet that had not been disturbed by Ethan's body. He had not slept there. She knew that.
She put her gown on, as she had done only hours before. This time she knew what to expect when she left the bedroom. The cabin would be empty. She went to the kitchen and made her coffee. She took it to the table. As she was about to sit down she stopped still.
There was a note on the table. A small piece of paper was laid in the centre.
Cassie swallowed. It could only be a note that Ethan had written. It couldn't be anything but bad news. She sat down and laid the coffee cup down and took the note in her hand. Cassie saw that her hand was trembling.
She unfolded the slip of paper recognising Ethan's neat handwriting. She felt a sinking sensation as she glanced at the words. She didn't want to read this. Not now. But she knew she had to. Best to know, than to leave it unread.
She forced herself to look at the words on the paper.
My dearest Cassie,
I don't know where to start so I'll get straight to it. I know that I have hurt you and that I have probably lost your trust by behaving in a way that is less than the standards I hold myself to. For the hurt I have caused you to feel, I can only say that I am truly sorry.
It falls to me to do what is right in the circumstances.
I intend to put things right between us by doing the only thing which I can think of which will convince you that my intention in our life together is only to make you happy. I may be gone for a week or two but I can assure you that when I return you will know that you can have faith in me, that I will always move heaven and earth for you, and that we will have a real chance at love.
Please wait, and believe me to be, your truly loving husband.
Ethan
Cassie felt her mouth drop open as she read those last words. "Truly loving husband". What was she to make of that? Ethan thought he had been a loving husband to her. He really believed that. He even thought they had a future together. Cassie wasn't sure that would be possible after his deception. Sure, he hadn't outright lied to her. But neither had he been totally honest with her about a really important fact.
And now it looked like he was determined to put it all right. She had no idea what he intended to do. Whatever it was, he seemed to have more faith in it than Cassie could have.
He was gone. For now. There was no avoiding that stark reality. She was alone again. He said he would be back and he wanted her to wait. Should she wait? Would it even be possible?
There was only one person who could give her that advice and that was Julia. Cassie got ready quickly, and headed out to the buckboard. Julia would help Cassie make sense of this and help her decide if she should wait for Ethan.
Cassie arrived at Julia's house a short time later. As she drew the buckboard to a halt Julia came out of the farmhouse, a welcoming smile on her face. Cassie saw Julia's expression change as she saw the worry on Cassie's face.
Julia strode quickly up to Cassie.
"You look pale. What's wrong Cassie? Has something happened?" she asked.
Cassie stepped down from the seat and accepted the supporting arm offered by her friend.
"Come on inside," Julia said. "I'll get you some water to drink."
Julia led Cassie indoors and helped her sit at the kitchen table. Julia handed Cassie a glass of water and Cassie drank it savoring the cool relief. Cassie shook her head and breathed deeply. She said nothing for a minute.
Julia looked towards the open door. "Everyone is out in the field. We're alone. You can talk."
Cassie didn't know where to start.
She told Julia of the letter from her sister and Ethan's reaction to finding out about the difficulties her sisters were having. She told her about finding the photograph, and how she'd learned that Ethan and Joshua had known each other and the argument her and Ethan had had afterwards.
Julia reached over and placed a comforting hand over Cassie's.
"Oh my dearest. That is so upsetting. You poor dear. You must be so worried," Julia said. "I'm sure you two can work it out. You're both reasonable people. You'll sort it all out. Just talk to him."
"But that's the thing Julia. I can't."
"Of course you can Cassie. Ethan will see your point of view."
"How can he, if he is gone?" Cassie blurted out.
Julia sat bolt upright. "Gone? What do you mean?"
"Exactly that. He has left."
Julia frowned. Cassie couldn't decide whether Julia looked worried or furious.
Cassie knew she could trust her friend. There had been so many times, especially recent ones, where Julia had supported Cassie with advice and emotional support. But she just had to ask one question. She paused a moment before asking it.
"Julia. I have to ask you something. It's very important that I know this." Cassie peered directly into Julia's eyes.
"Of course dearest. You know you can ask me anything."
Cassie paused again, then spoke.
"Did you know that Ethan was a friend of Joshua's?" Cassie asked, her voice shaking slightly
Julia's lips pursed and her brow furrowed. Cassie couldn't recall seeing her friend look this serious before.
"Of course I didn't. If I'd have known that, I would have told you. I wouldn't have kept something like that from you Cassie. You can trust me on that."
Cassie nodded and felt her nerves settle. "It's just that I was getting to think that everyone but me knew about Ethan. I felt like such a fool."
"Don't go being hard on yourself. You weren't to know. How could you? If anything, Ethan is the one to blame. He should have told you."
"I suppose you're right. He should have. Maybe he had a reason. Something I don't know about."
"Didn't you ask him?"
"I tried to get an answer out of him but I couldn't," Cassie admitted. "He just wouldn't talk about it."
Julia shook her head. "Men can be real stubborn. Sometimes you just don't know what's going on inside their heads."
"I guess he must have had his reasons. But then to just up and go like that. I don't understand any of it."
"If he says he'll be back, then he'll be back."
"What makes you say that?" Cassie asked.
"If I am anything, then I am a good judge of character. He might have kept one thing to himself for whatever reason, but I believe he is a good man. I can tell. With men it's always in their eyes, and the way they look at a woman. With Ethan I see nothing b
ut respect for you. I haven't changed my mind since I met him, and nothing you've told me today changes that."
Cassie felt her heart warm as she listened to her friend's words. It was true. There was something in Ethan's look that told her he was a man who could be trusted. It was hard to put into words.
Cassie knew she would just have to wait and see what Ethan had in mind. She hoped it would be good; that it would restore her trust in him; that it would bring some hope back into their developing relationship. She knew she couldn't be married to Ethan without trust or hope.
"What are you going to do?" Julia asked.
"I'm going to do what I did before Ethan came along," Cassie said. "I'm going to carry on. There's work to be done at the farm. I'm sure as heck not going to sit at home wringing my hands waiting for the front door to open."
Julia smiled. "That's my girl." She got up and walked around the table. Cassie stood up and welcomed the warm hug Julia gave her. It felt so reassuring to be with Julia at a time like this. Friends were so important.
Julia held Cassie by the shoulders and looked at her. Cassie was surprised to see tears welling up in Julia's eyes.
"I'm so proud of you," Julia said.
"Julia! There's no need to be upset," Cassie said. "I'll be fine. I've dealt with worse than this before."
Julia brushed a tear away. "I know you have. If there is anyone who will get through this, it is you. Of that I have no doubt."
They spent some more time together, chatting and Cassie helped Julia in the kitchen. When Julia's husband and the children came back, both women made sure there was no hint of sadness or trouble. They cooked up a fine lunch which everyone enjoyed.
After lunch Cassie and Julia went for a walk and talked some more. By the time Cassie was ready to leave she felt a whole lot better. It seemed that just talking to Julia had helped her put things in perspective. Ethan had decided to take a course of action which he felt would restore trust in their relationship. Cassie just had to wait and see what that would be. She knew Ethan was a man who was used to taking action to solve problems. His past with the law enforcement team had proven that.
She didn't know what to expect. The only thing she did know was that she had to get on with her life. She wasn't going to lie down and quit now.
After a lunch, which made her stomach swell with the quantity of it, Cassie made her way home. As she steered the buckboard along the narrow trail, Julia's reassuring words rang in her ears. She had made the right decision in coming to talk to her friend. She felt more certain now that she should wait and see what Ethan was doing. It was going to be worth it. Despite their differences and the obstacles they had to overcome, Cassie felt that she had a connection with Ethan. He had gone to such lengths to convince her that he was the right man for her, given her circumstances. She thought of their first night together.
The barriers between them hadn't been completely torn down on that night, but they had been weakened. She felt close enough to Ethan after that night to be affected by his leaving. More affected than she wanted to admit. The thought of his absence made her feel a chill. The loss of Joshua had made her want to appreciate the value of people. People could just disappear in an instant without warning. She didn't want anything to come between her and Ethan.
The prospect of nights alone again produced an ache in her, and she realized in a curious way she had adjusted to having Ethan with her at night.
So she would miss him and that thought surprised her. It would be difficult being alone without him, but she had to have faith in him.
But what if he didn't come back? That thought made her shiver. It was unthinkable. She was sure he wasn't the kind of man to abandon a recently married bride. Although she had to admit they hardly, truly, knew each other, there was sufficient between them that she would be amazed if he didn't return.
Whatever task he had set himself to win her trust, would be completed with determination; she was convinced of that. In a curious way she was excited to see what he would do. It would be revealing to see to what lengths he would go to win her over. Just how far would he go to win her back? She'd have to wait and see.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The days passed quickly and, as before, Cassie busied herself with the affairs of the farm. There was plenty of work to be done. In many ways it was like the time before Ethan, when she would rise early and drag herself out to the fields and till the soil.
But this time it was different. Every day she worked she thought about Ethan. She tried to speculate where he could be, and what he could be doing. She found herself remembering with true fondness the times they had already spent together. Ethan seemed to have made some inroads into her heart, and she was surprised at that, since she had thought her heart was still filled with Joshua.
The first few days were the hardest. Cassie kept on expecting to see Ethan come down the trail, and she knew that if he did she would welcome him. She'd had time to think about all that had happened, and her feelings had softened. No longer did she feel any anger or frustration towards Ethan for leaving without explanation. The words of his note had sunk into her mind, and she knew, deep down, that things would be fine.
So every day she spent out in the fields she would look up hoping to see him come back to her.
It was still hard to do the work that was needed, and she sometimes found herself wanting Ethan to be there by her side, supporting her and taking some of the burden from her. But Cassie was still independent deep inside herself. She knew that she was strong enough to continue and wait.
It was the waiting that was the most difficult though. Especially at night. Cassie found that she could be strong in the day with the sun and hard labor to distract herself with, but the nights were a different thing entirely.
As she lay in bed, alone, turning and waking through the night, she felt a deep need for him to be next to her. It amazed her how he had managed to find a way into her soul. But somehow he had done that.
The bed seemed so empty and it matched the ache inside her that she wanted so badly to be filled. The nights seemed colder than before and at times she would wake suddenly, startled by a sound. Her heart would rise in hope that it would be Ethan, but it never was.
After those first few nights Cassie settled down to a routine. The certainty that he would return helped her sleep better as each night passed.
One day she looked at the calendar and realized that a whole week had passed since he had left. It had seemed like an eternity to Cassie.
For the first time doubt started to creep into her mind. Perhaps he wouldn't come back. Maybe she had been a fool, a naive young woman taken in by a handsome, deceiving stranger. But then she recalled that it had been Hettie who had found Ethan and Cassie couldn't believe that Hettie would make a mistake in any of that. She also remembered Ethan's sweet words to her, and how he had struggled to keep something to himself when Cassie had pressed him for the truth. It was a truth she knew would be revealed to her when he returned.
Some of the days Julia came to visit just to check that Cassie was well. Cassie was grateful for the visits; they broke up the monotony of the work, and brightened her days with cheerful conversation. Julia knew just what to do to lighten Cassie's spirits.
Cassie had been counting the days. She wanted to know just how long he had been away. Knowing the exact number of days had a curious settling effect on her.
Twelve days after Ethan had left Cassie awoke feeling energetic as usual, but with a hint of sadness. She'd had an unusually intense dream and she felt the need to look at the photos of the men who had become so important to her. She also wanted to reread her sister's letters. They had both been in her dream as well, and she needed to read their words, to somehow reconnect with them.
She went to the drawer and slid it open and pulled out the slim folder that contained the photos and the letter.
She opened up the flap and tugged out the large, heavy photo that showed Ethan in his days with Joshua on the law e
nforcement team. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked at both men. They seemed so vital, so alive, their gaze at the camera so direct, almost challenging. Cassie felt they were looking straight at her. Both of them at the same time. It was a curious sensation. She swallowed and reached in to draw out the wedding photo.
But there was nothing there.
She forced the folder open wider and peered inside.
The wedding photo showing Cassie and Ethan was not there, where she had last left it. She was sure she'd put it there on the day she'd returned with Ethan. She hadn't looked at it since.
So where had it gone?
She thrust her hand into the folder, searching for her sister's letter. But it too had gone. The only thing in the folder was the photo showing Ethan and Joshua.
But her wedding photo and the letter from her sister were both gone.
Cassie couldn't figure it out. There was only one person who could have taken them.
Ethan.
Why would Ethan have done that? Why would he take their wedding photo and her sister's letter? What possible use could those things be to him?
Cassie went to the kitchen and made herself a coffee. She needed to think.
Once she sat down and took the time it all seemed clear to her and she wondered how she couldn't have seen it before.
Surely he couldn't be thinking of doing such a crazy thing. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind. It was inconceivable. The distance alone would make it impossible. But it would explain why he had been gone for so long. Also it might explain why he wouldn't want to tell her what he planned to do. There was a risk that he would fail and surely he wouldn't want to put them in jeopardy.
But no! The more she thought about it the more it seemed just plain crazy. Nevertheless Ethan had a history of being out on the plains, tracking down folks in danger. Even rescuing them.
Cassie took a deep swallow of her coffee and felt her head spin.
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