Wishing on a Dream

by Julie Cannon

  Kiersten stepped away from me. The cool air hit my damp skin, and my body immediately rebelled at missing Kiersten’s heat. I pulled up my jeans and snapped them. I thought about just tossing them to the side but didn’t want to embarrass Kiersten by running around with my bare ass hanging out. I watched as Kiersten’s thoughts were clearly visible on her face. She was in the process of making a decision.

  I hoped it was the right one. With firm determination she took my hand and led me down the hall.

  Chapter Forty-five

  I had no idea where my courage was coming from; all I knew was that I needed to feel Tobin’s hands on me, her mouth on my skin, the whispered sound of my name. I stopped just inside my bedroom and hesitated. What in the fuck was I doing? Had I lost my mind? I uncharacteristically pushed the questions out of my mind and turned to face her.

  She was holding her pants up, and heat flooded me remembering the sensation of her warm center in my hand. Desire and raw need were in her eyes. but I also saw patience and self-restraint. It was clearly my show. I was calling the plays and I was in charge. I felt something funny inside my stomach but couldn’t describe it. That she would turn over control to me was breathtakingly empowering and arousing. I admit I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, but when something feels right, do we really not know what to do? I don’t know if it was instinct or knowledge I gained from the hundreds of lesbian novels I read or my porno collection, but I knew exactly what to do.

  Tobin watched as I unbuttoned my shirt. As each button slid through the hole exposing more of the blue lace underneath, Tobin’s eyes darkened with hunger. When the last one was freed I slid my shirt off my shoulders and let it drop to the floor. Whether it was the cool air or Tobin licking her lips, my nipples hardened. My shallow breathing enhanced the pounding that started at my nipples and ended between my legs.

  Tobin’s obvious pleasure over my breasts gave me more courage, and I unbuckled my belt. The sound of the zipper sliding caught her attention, and I sucked in a breath as my pants fell soundlessly down my legs. I stepped out of them. Slowly I pulled the left, then right bra straps off my shoulder. Tobin’s eyes followed every move. Reaching behind me, I released the hooks and tossed the blue lace to the growing pile on the floor. I linked my thumbs under the slim waistband of my panties, and they too joined the pile.

  When I lost all my weight I treated myself to expensive panties and bras because I finally, finally felt sexy. Tobin was the first person to see me in them, and she was the first woman to see me out of them. I had worked hard to transform my body, and my efforts had changed me as well. I was confident, emotionally strong and self-assured. When I was a teenager I never thought I’d be in this position—open and exposed. Subject to complete and total scrutiny. A familiar stab of shame and humiliation threatened to knock me down. I could not let that happen. I would not let that happen. I had come too far and I was not going back. I pushed away years of habit and shame and stood in front of Tobin completely naked, physically and emotionally bare.

  The two steps I took toward Tobin pulled her out of her trance, and she looked at me. Fire burned in her eyes, frightening and empowering at the same time. Whatever I had unleashed, I was capable of handling. This was my moment, my life, and I was taking control.

  Tobin gasped when I skimmed my hands over her bare skin. It was soft and heated, and I knew she was as aroused as I was. Her breasts were small and firm, she was only twenty-five after all. I pushed back a negative thought about mine that were ten years of gravity and hundreds of miles of running older. Her arms were a darker shade than the skin I revealed, and I was tempted to make a teasing comment. Something about her needing to get some sun, but I couldn’t find the words to get past my very, very dry mouth. My hands were steady when I reached for her pants. Pushing her hand away, I took hold of the waist of her pants and tugged. I didn’t let them drop to the floor, instead kneeling and slowly pulling them down.

  Her legs were muscular and smooth, and I felt them tremble under my hands. I filled my lungs with the scent of her arousal, the knowledge that I was affecting a woman like Tobin Parks a powerful aphrodisiac.

  “Look at me, Kiersten.” Tobin’s voice broke the silence, thick with need.

  I leaned back on my heels, taking advantage of the glorious landscape as my eyes traveled up Tobin’s perfect body. Her stomach was flat and muscular, her breasts were full, nipples hard and begging for my attention. She was breathing rapidly and swallowed several times. Finally, our eyes met, and the pure, raw, hunger looking back at me took my breath away.

  “As erotic as this image is, I can’t stay standing much longer. Please let me take you to bed.”

  Her voice was soft, almost pleading its command, her need crystal clear. My knees were weak, and when I lifted my hand, Tobin took it and gently pulled me to my feet. It was my turn to gasp when our breasts touched, shooting flames of desire through me.

  Tobin released my hand and turned on the small light beside the bed, a warm glow flowing over the bed.

  “I want to see you.”

  Her voice was husky and dispelled any remaining nervousness I had. I reached out and pulled her lips to mine. The kiss started gently but quickly turned, Tobin eagerly exploring my mouth and tongue with a thoroughness that threatened to bring me to orgasm. Her lips were on my neck, sucking on a spot I had no idea was so sensitive. Her hot, wet mouth moved quickly down my chest, and she hesitated just above my right breast. Hot breath caressed my nipple an instant before she closed her mouth around it.

  My knees started to buckle, and Tobin slid her hard thigh between mine to keep me steady. She teased my nipple, sucking then biting it with just enough force to make me see stars behind my eyelids—very good stars. I pulled her head closer, wanting more, needing more. Her hands expertly traveled over my bare back and down to caress my ass. She lifted me slightly, giving my clit more direct contact with her strong thigh, and I exploded against her.

  We fell onto the bed and Tobin covered my mouth with hers and I breathed her air in as if it were my own. The feel of her body on mine was exquisite, nowhere near how I imagined it would be. We fit together perfectly, the combination of hard arousal and soft flesh merging together like notes in a song. Her long legs intertwined with mine. Skilled hands roamed, then were replaced with lips and teeth as she expertly navigated her way around my body.

  I was consumed by sensation. Every nerve was alive, every sense on high alert as my body responded like God had designed it to. I stiffened for an instant when Tobin’s wandering hand brushed against my clit. I hadn’t been able to keep track of where it was and it surprised me. Tobin lifted her head from my breast and looked at me, a question on her face. I couldn’t speak so, instead, willingly spread my legs, giving her the access we both desired.

  Tobin’s eyes burned hot as her fingers slowly explored virgin territory. I couldn’t look away, the connection between us so strong. I should have been shy or embarrassed or some other ridiculous virginal behavior, but I was frozen in this moment. Tobin slid a finger inside, then back out, then deeper, judging my response. I was wet beyond anything I had ever experienced, the smooth rhythmic action driving my passion higher and higher. Tobin flicked my clit with her thumb on each outward stroke, and I thought I was going to come out of my skin with pleasure. My legs moved over the bed, my hips lifting to meet each stroke.

  Tobin dipped her head and traced my bikini line with her tongue. Her hot breath on my wetness gave me an instant chill, and I shuddered. When her mouth finally settled on me, I grabbed the sheets to keep myself from flying off the bed as my orgasm ripped through me.

  *

  Wave after wave of pleasure rocked through Kiersten, and I felt every spasm. I wanted this woman like I had never wanted anyone before. I fought the urge to crawl up her body, take her in my arms, and never let her go. Kiersten was unlike any woman I had ever known. Suddenly she pulled away and rolled onto her side, effectively shutting me out. I moved up behind her, o
ur bodies close. She stiffened.

  “Hey,” I said gently, touching her arm. “Are you okay?” I didn’t really know what to say, and that certainly sounded lame. When she didn’t answer I tried again. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” She still wouldn’t acknowledge me.

  I put my hand on her shoulder and rolled her onto her back. I took it as a good sign that she didn’t fight me. With my finger under her chin I tipped her head up. “Kiersten, look at me. Kiersten, please,” I practically begged when she didn’t. Finally she looked at me, then glanced away.

  “You are so beautiful. It was everything it was supposed to be. Kiersten, please look at me.” Finally she did.

  Kiersten studied me for several moments. I don’t know what she was searching for, but I smiled and caressed her cheek. “Really, it was amazing. You are amazing.” It was the truth, not some made-up line to get me out of here or get me more.

  When was the last time I’d said something like that and really meant it? When was the last time I forgot who I was and completely lost control? Tenderness replaced calloused indifference. Warmth refilled areas that had always felt sterile. Wanting her to stay replaced the need to flee. The hunger for more replaced the usual sense of finality.

  “What are you thinking?” I asked. The longer Kiersten didn’t answer my question, the more nervous I grew. Should I say something else? If so, what? Jesus, I could make a song out of nothing but a word or two, but I had no idea what to say to this wonderful, beautiful woman.

  “I can’t believe I just did that.”

  “You say that like it’s not a good thing.”

  “It’s not.”

  That wasn’t the answer I expected, and it was like a blow to the stomach. Suddenly I was having a hard time catching my breath. My heart was pounding, but not for the reason it was a few minutes ago. Was it just a few minutes ago that I asked her, no, begged her to put her hand down my pants. FUCK!

  “I swore I wouldn’t do that. That I wouldn’t let myself fall under the Tobin Parks spell. Wouldn’t make a fool of myself over you.”

  My throat was so tight I wasn’t sure I could speak, and if I did, I didn’t want her to know how much her words had affected me. This was why I didn’t get involved. This was why I had nothing more than sex. This was why I didn’t get close to anyone. It hurts. It. Fucking. Hurts. And a long time ago I swore I’d never let myself get hurt again.

  “Well, we all do things we don’t mean to do now and then.” Somehow I managed to sound pretty normal, like she’d eaten a piece of pie that wasn’t on her diet, not had sex for the first time. “You’re not superwoman.” Obviously neither was I.

  “I’ve never—”

  “Well, you have now.” I think she flinched at my insensitive words.

  “I’ve never crossed the line,” she said. “The line between business and pleasure, right and wrong.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake, Kiersten,” I said angrily, getting up and reaching for my clothes, my shield. I pulled my pants on. I didn’t want to have this conversation buck naked. “It was just sex. I know it was a big deal for you, but it happened. Only two people in the entire world know, and I don’t kiss and tell. And I certainly don’t fuck and tell.”

  This time I did see her cringe, and I felt like a complete shit. I was angry and hurt, and lashing out was my go-to defense mechanism. It could have been worse. I could have been insultingly sarcastic.

  “How dare you,” Kiersten replied, rising from the bed and looking around frantically for her clothes. She pulled on a robe instead. She stopped so close to me I saw the sparks in her eyes. “Insult me like that. That,” she pointed to the bed where it had all occurred, “was not a fuck, and you know it. And if you think I’m going to fall apart because I lost my head or fall all over you because you were the first, you can think again. I said I’d give you one month, and in three days that time is up. I’ll be going home and back to work, and my original decision about sponsoring you stands. Not because of that,” again she pointed to the scene of the crime, “but because I don’t want to. Now get out of my room.”

  Chapter Forty-six

  I must have been out of my fucking mind. Jesus Christ, Kiersten. What were you thinking? I know what I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking of the public embarrassment and humiliation I would suffer if word got out. That I would never forget the feel of her skin, the taste of her mouth, the warmth and readiness of her sex. Never forget the tremor of desire or hear her gasp of pleasure. I wasn’t thinking that I would fall crazy, stupid, head-over-heels for a twenty-five-year-old singer.

  I slammed the door behind Tobin and eased myself down onto the floor, my back against the closed bedroom door. Dropping my forehead to my knees, I wrapped my arms around my legs. Flashes of Tobin filled my brain. The sound of her voice commanding me to kiss her, suck her nipples, and touch her filled my body with white-hot desire—again. The power she had over me was frightening. The complete breakdown of my defenses was terrifying. The sensation of Tobin losing control in my arms was beyond anything I ever could have imagined.

  Being with Tobin, those few hot minutes, released something inside me that I didn’t know I was capable of. I had the ability to experience complete, total abandonment of everything except of the sound of Tobin’s voice and the feel of her skin, the way she reacted to my touch, her surrender. I had absolutely lost my fucking mind. And once I got over how foreign, how alien that feeling was, I wanted to go there again. But I couldn’t. Not with her.

  I was zipping my suitcase when Tobin knocked on the bedroom door. It was just before eight, and since I hadn’t slept the night before, I was up, showered, dressed, and ready to go.

  “Kiersten, may I come in?”

  I opened the door and turned back to my suitcase without inviting her in.

  “Can we talk about—”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. It happened, it was nice, but it’s not going to happen again.”

  “Nice? It was nice?”

  “Okay, it was better than nice, but there will not be a repeat.”

  “Why not? And don’t give me that business-and-pleasure bullshit. I told you it had nothing to do with JOLT. What happened between us was between you and me, and it meant something to me. Something special. Not just because you gave me something beautiful and precious, but because you trusted me enough to give it to me. You are so very different from any other woman I’ve known. I want to—”

  “It’s not going to happen again,” I repeated.

  “Why?”

  “Because it just won’t.” If I couldn’t explain it to myself, I certainly couldn’t explain it to her.

  “That’s a chicken-shit excuse.”

  “Well, it’s the only one I have,” I said angrily. I was frustrated, tired, and completely confused. I wanted her again but this time to spend hours exploring every inch of her body. I wanted to find every freckle and childhood scar, discover her sensitive areas, the ones that made her tremble and took my breath away. I wanted to drive her crazy with desire for me and take her over the edge.

  “You’re a very smart woman, Kiersten. Think again.”

  I whirled to face her, and when I did she was closer than I thought. Heat radiated off her, and my mouth went dry remembering heat in other places. Her eyes burned, but this time with anger, not desire. She was tense from this confrontation, and not because she was moments away from orgasm. My eyes went to her mouth, and for a moment I thought I was actually going to kiss her. That would certainly send a mixed message.

  “Where are you going?” she asked, looking over my shoulder to where my suitcase lay on the bed ready to be snatched up as soon as we stopped for gas.

  “Home.”

  “Home? That’s it, you’re leaving?” When I didn’t reply she continued. “You’re not even going to give me the courtesy of talking about what happened between us.” It was a statement, not a question.

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” I replied stubbornly.
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  “Then I obviously taught you everything I know about sex because this is exactly what I’ve done for years. Suck ’em, fuck ’em, and duck ’em.” She practically snarled the words.

  The crack of my palm on her face reverberated in the small room. My hand stung, but probably not nearly as much as the red spot on Tobin’s cheek did. “How dare you imply I’m anything like you.”

  “Then stop acting like me,” she shot back. “Stay and talk to me.”

  I had to admit I was tempted, but I’d been over this entire conversation with myself all night. The honking of a car horn saved me from myself. My cab had arrived.

  *

  Three weeks later, Courtney was reading me the riot act—again. “You need to snap your ass out of it, Kiersten. I mean it. You need to get over her, get on with it, or go back and get her, because you’re making me and everyone around you fucking miserable.”

  “Jeez, Courtney, why don’t you tell me how you really feel? Go ahead, don’t beat around the bush. Don’t pull any punches. I’m a big girl. I can take it.” We were sitting in my living room with our feet up on the coffee table and seven empty beer cans between us. She’d given me so much shit since I returned from Tobin’s tour, I hadn’t even tried to find her favorite wine at the liquor store this afternoon.

  “Then pull up your big girl panties and get to it.” Her voice was a little louder than normal, signaling me she would either spend the night or need a ride home later.

  I admit I had been a bit of a workaholic bitch lately. The day after I got home I showed up in my office and started tackling the pile of work on my desk. My staff had done a good job of taking care of the day-to-day things, but I still had a shitload of things to do. Because I came home early, no one was expecting me, and they scampered around like ants when I stepped off the elevator.

  I’d been at the office by six thirty every morning at the latest and often didn’t leave until after nine or ten at night. The only thing that got me out before then was if I had a dinner meeting or some other obligatory business event to attend. Weekends were much the same. As a result I was churning out work faster than my staff could take it in. They were running on empty and tempers were short. Courtney had been in a few days working with our accountants, and she noticed the shift in the mood in the office as well. She’d called me on it twice before.