Home Tears

by Tijan

  She grinned as she stood up, taking a walkie-talkie with her. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” A pair of glass doors opened behind her. “I’ll be right back.”

  It wasn’t long before she came back. “Kathryn said you could go in, but she’s not sure if she’ll talk to you.”

  Classic Kathryn. “It’s better than what I thought.”

  “My mom had my grandma barred from her room when she was in the hospital a while back. Every family’s got their own ways. You’d be surprised at the families that come through the doors. Yours isn’t that bad.” She pushed a button, and the doors slid open. “I’m sure you’ll have a lovely visit.”

  Dani wasn’t, but then she was heading inside and down the hallway. Call lights were beeping in the background, along with other alarms.

  She stopped in her aunt’s doorway.

  Kathryn lay with her hands propped over the folded-back sheet, dead center over her body. Her rich chestnut curls were brushed, with the curl lying over her shoulders. Kathryn was dressed in a pink silk nightie.

  “Hello, Aunt Kathryn.”

  The eyes stayed closed, but the chest paused on a suspended breath.

  There were metal chairs folded up, leaning against the wall. A regular lounger that Dani glimpsed in other rooms was pushed into a far corner. Right alongside the bed was a large white leather chair. It was hard imagining her aunt relaxing in there, but she must’ve. It was there for a reason.

  “I was in a hospital not too long ago, but it wasn’t this nice. Then again, this is a nursing home. It’s supposed to be like home, right?”

  Dani’s room had more flowers, a lot more. Kathryn’s bedside table was clear except for a notepad, a couple of pens, and an iPad. Her window frames were empty, too. The only flower that decorated the room was a solitary sunflower, put in her bathroom. It was drooping over. A few pictures of Julia, Kathryn, and Jake were put up.

  She turned back to her aunt. Still nothing, but she was listening. Kathryn always listened. She had to, in order to judge.

  Dani cut to the chase. She wasn’t there for the silent treatment. “I know why you loved Julia and Erica more than me. You loved the same man my mom loved, and I’m thinking that I’m a bit too like my mom for you. You couldn’t pretend I was yours. Am I right?”

  No reaction. She didn’t expect any.

  “I don’t look like him, do I? And that’s what you kept in that head of yours. It’s why you didn’t fight Mae at all, when she wanted to adopt me.”

  A shallow, ragged breath escaped her aunt’s parched lips.

  “I’ve been thinking about it. You and Mom had the same taste in men. My mom wasn’t ‘right’ in the head, as some people said, and you’ve never married. Those are the types who hold on the longest and you held on, didn’t you?”

  She remembered Sandra’s words.

  “You can always ask Kathy. She knows who your daddy is, too.”

  “Kathryn doesn’t like me much.”

  “That’s not surprising. You look like your momma. She didn’t like your momma either.”

  Dani said, “You loved him, too. Didn’t you?”

  A single tear escaped her aunt’s eyelid, but Dani was unmoved. A part of her stopped caring.

  “Julia told me I was the one who pulled away, but that’s not true. You pushed me away, and a nine year old feels that. A nine year old starts to think something’s wrong with her. There wasn’t anything wrong with me, was there? It was you. Something was wrong with you.”

  “You ungrateful—” the corpse hissed.

  “I’m not ungrateful, and I’m not grateful either. I’m figuring it all out. That’s what I’m doing. That’s how everything went down, isn’t it?”

  “Leave, you ungrateful slut.” She muttered as an afterthought, “Just like your mother, you are.”

  The order was expected. The rest was icing on Dani’s cake. It confirmed everything she suspected.

  Dani wasn’t going to fight the command to leave. Maybe this should’ve been a longer and bigger ordeal, but there really wasn’t much to say. Dani said what she wanted to say. She came. She spoke. It was up to her aunt, and nothing was happening there. No wall was lowered.

  She rested a hand on the doorframe. “I’m still your niece, and Julia is not your birth daughter. She’s my mom’s. You can’t erase her DNA, no matter how much you wish you could. I’d like to know who my father is, but I know you won’t tell me—not even on your deathbed when you kept it secret for thirty years.”

  She sighed. “Julia didn’t want you to die thinking you only had one niece left in this world, but I think she got it wrong. You wanted to forget I ever existed. Julia’s wish did the opposite of what she wanted. You would’ve been happier if I never came.”

  “You should respect the dying.”

  “I know.” Dani nodded. “I know I should, but I respect the truth more.”

  There wasn’t much else to say, so she left.

  And as the doors opened for her and she stepped outside, the sun winked at her. She had a bigger bounce in her step.

  Jonah picked her up and said the town council changed plans. Everyone was supposed to go to the town’s community center, and when she walked inside later that evening, it was filled to the brim. She was amazed at how many people just kept coming. The boats left and came back with a new family each time.

  Kate found her in the crowd, nudging her and yawning at the same time. “Where’dyoudisappearto?”

  “Disperieto?”

  “No.” Kate raked a hand over her face. “No. Sorry. Where’d you disappear to this morning? I know you slept in the office because I woke up at four and you were curled all cute-like in Jonah’s blanket.”

  “I went to see my aunt.”

  “Whoa.” She leaned back. “For real?” She whistled under her breath. “To be a fly on the wall with that meeting.”

  “She kicked me out. Nothing much happened.”

  Kate wrinkled her nose up. “That was anti-climactic then, huh? And speaking of your aunt, because she’s kind of connected to my partner, where is Jake?” She looked around. “Everyone’s supposed to round up for emergencies. It’s typical protocol, and I’m supposed to report to duty.”

  She wandered off, and it wasn’t long before Aiden took Kate’s spot. She leaned close, dropping her voice. “So, mi hermano called and said that we have to sit tight before saving my home. You know how long? Do you know what’s going on?”

  Dani wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. “Maybe through the evening? That’s a guess. I don’t know anything either.”

  “I can do an evening. Bryant and Amalia are still with Bubba’s parents. Thank goodness they live a half hour away. I called to check in this morning. I think I’ll have them stay another night, at least. Oh!” Her gaze zeroed in on Dani. “Jonah let it slip you were heading to the nursing home this morning. Was Kathryn in a good mood?”

  Dani repeated the same response Kate got, but Bubba came over with a donut in hand. She was saved. Nothing bested the taste of the fried pastry.

  Aiden cried out. “They have donuts! I’m over thirty, and my metabolism can’t take that, and I really hate this flood even more.”

  Bubba wrapped an arm around his wife, but Aiden shoved him off. “Oh, no. You’re a man. You can eat that donut and not have to spend an hour in the gym. I’m not feeling the warm fuzzies for you right now.”

  “Chimp Two has been rejected from his first mate. Chimp Two shall maybe look elsewhere for another chimp.”

  “Chimp Two is welcome to do just that.” They were passing the box of donuts at that moment. Aiden moved her head closer, inhaling the greasy smell of them. “Their aroma is just heavenly.” Her face tightened up, and she pressed a hand over her stomach. “And I am ridiculously hungry right now.” She frowned at her husband. “Chimps probably have great metabolism.”

  He winked back, popping the last of his donut into his mouth. “I bet chimps could eat an entire box of donu
ts.”

  “Maybe donuts are for chimps how chocolate is for dogs.”

  Bubba shrugged. “You can dream, honey.” He smacked her on the butt and motioned behind them. “Come on. I’m sure we can find a weight loss donut somewhere. They’re magical donuts. The calories disappear during natural disasters.”

  They moved off, and Aiden groaned. “Now, I’m the one dreaming.”

  Dani felt like she was standing at the head of some line. First Kate. Aiden was second. Then Bubba, and they were gone now. She was laughing at her own joke when she looked up, wondering who would be next. The joke faded fast.

  Mae came inside the room, the two saw each other.

  “Oh.” Dani straightened, pressing a hand to her forehead. It was ridiculous, but she had this instant urge to make sure her hair looked okay. That was done before dates, or job interviews, not a talk with the aunt who secretly adopted you years ago. She knew Mae loved her, yet she still felt nervous flutters inside. They increased when Mae walked over, a guarded expression on her face.

  Dani murmured, “Hey.”

  Mae nodded. “Jonah said you slept at the water station?” Bags were under her eyes, and her face looked void of make-up. Her wrinkles showed more, but Mae still looked flawless to Dani.

  “Yeah.”

  Mae watched her.

  Dani watched her back.

  There was a big topic that needed to be discussed, and Dani was ready to hear the answers, but for the life of her, she was racking her brain how to bring it up. Finally, she blurted out, “I saw Kathryn today.”

  Mae’s eyes rounded. “Really? How’d that go?” She ran an appraising eye up and down Dani. “You still look in one piece. She must not have filleted you alive.”

  Dani hid a smile. “No, but she told me to respect the dying.”

  Mae snorted, shoving a hand through her hair. “Please. I don’t like to speak ill of the sick or those passed, but Kathryn and loving are two words that don’t mix.”

  There it was. Her opening.

  Dani took it. She almost rushed the words out. “Is that why you adopted me?”

  Mae’s slight smirk fell away. A sudden seriousness replaced it, and her hand slowly lowered from her hair. It went back to her side. “Your mother came to me when I wasn’t doing too good.” Her jaw clenched, and she looked away. “I… I can’t have children, and I wasn’t handling it the best way. Then your momma comes along, and here she is. She handed me what I couldn’t do myself. She said to get my life right, and I could have you.” A tear formed on the underside of her right eyelid. “I never thought I was right enough. That’s why I never said anything to you. The adoption was legal on February 26, 2002. I just never felt like I was ready for you, like I was good enough for you to come live with me and then…”

  Dani had left Craigstown on February 25, 2002.

  She was adopted one day later. One day.

  “I was already an adult.”

  “Like I said, I never thought it was enough. I was enough, but it still meant something to me. Kathryn told me long ago that she’d take care of you until I was ready. I think that’s why she was mean to you, because she knew I wanted you.”

  “Kathryn loved Julia and Erica because she understood them. She didn’t understand me. I was different because I kept to myself and I stayed in the background. Erica and Julia demanded her attention, but—” She was repeating what Julia said. It got in her head.

  “It shouldn’t have mattered,” Mae interrupted her. “Kathryn should’ve loved you equally.”

  “Like you do?” Dani met her aunt’s gaze head-on. “You hardly talk to Julia, but you dote on me. You and Kathryn are both aunts to us and yet, you both take favorites.”

  Mae paled, but looked away. “I’d like to know Julia. And it ain’t right, that I didn’t love her. I do love her. We, just, we just stayed apart out of respect to you and Kathryn.”

  Dani shook her head. Her hands formed into fists at her side. “I’ve been through a lot. I’ve held a dying child in my arms—more than one. I’ve watched someone I loved walk out my door.”

  She looked at her aunt, and she saw the years of age. She saw the wrinkles, but she saw them in a different way now. This was someone who’d seen her side of ditches, greed, and rejection standing in front of her. Dani knew this about Mae, but it never sunk in. Mae was the one who loved her. Mae was the one who showed her kindness growing up.

  But this was different. It was that moment when a person ceased being someone idealized. Dani saw another human who did the impossible, and yet she was still human.

  Dani whispered, “You’re meant for more. I’m meant for more. Our family—God—we’re just wrong. We’ve been split down the middle, and no one has questioned it. No one’s tried to close the gap.”

  She remembered the delusional whisperings of her grandmother. Sandra O’Hara told her daughter to separate her babies to the remaining sisters.

  Mae frowned and searched her niece’s face. “I’m—I did what I could. I don’t…”

  “No,” Dani murmured. “You were given an olive branch.”

  “I was given a life,” Mae spoke. “You were my reason I got right, Dani.”

  Dani felt haunted again. It was the feeling she never was able to get rid of. It went away, for moments, but it always came back. It returned once again. There were too many who had passed away. She needed to hold on to those who were living. “When I left, I forgot you were here. You were there, but we were distant too at times. It was in one of those times. Jake became my life preserver. When he pulled away, I sank. I had to learn how to swim by myself, but I couldn’t do it here. That’s the real reason I left. I wasn’t leaving you. I wasn’t leaving Jake or Erica or anyone. I left to find myself.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m not going to apologize for leaving,” Dani stated. “I don’t think I can. I had to go.”

  “You left a girl and came back a woman.” Mae stepped close and tucked a strand of hair behind Dani’s ear. Her touch was that of a mother’s. “You left hurting, but you came back stronger than ever.” Her hand lingered there. “Some day, I’d really love for you to tell me what happened to you.”

  Dani smiled, and it felt right this time. She rested her forehead against Mae’s. “Some day, I will.”

  The room was becoming packed.

  Dani and Mae moved to the side as more people just kept coming. Mae was watching all the people pass by, heading to find their loved ones. A new tension settled over the room. “We haven’t flooded since ‘62. That flood wiped everyone out, but they built the dam since then. Folks are upset. A lot of homes weren’t touched by the flash floods. They’re coming to hear whatever reason why they have to uproot from their dry homes.”

  “Because it’s still raining, and there are still flash floods going on. The water’s rising, Mae.”

  “It’s farther north. It ain’t that bad around here anymore.”

  “It’s flooding up north?”

  “Round about near the dam, but I don’t think those folk are being forced out of their homes.”

  Dani frowned.

  Mae gripped the back of her neck, rubbing her lips tight together. “I just don’t like being forced from my home. I gotta think a lot of folk feel the same. I don’t think they’ll sit tight and wait for any announcement saying it’s okay to go home. They’ll come in, hear any reason that Jonah might have, and probably head back home.”

  “Whatever reason Jonah has for this, it’s not some government controversy. Is that what people are thinking?”

  “Folk don’t trust the government that well around here.”

  “Why?”

  Mae quieted.

  “I want to know why.”

  “I know that Jonah’s got reason, but a while back before Tenderfoot Rush brought a lot of tourists to this region, people were hurting for money. Craigstown was dying, and a lot of resorts tried coming in to help out the revenue. The government said no because of the land. It set
a lot of seeds inside people and some of those seeds are still in bloom. Jonah was nearly crucified his first year here when he wouldn’t let a big company into town.”

  “I thought that was actually good.”