Of Things Unseen

by L. Jaye Morgan

  “What I do to you? Val, I’m sincerely trying to help you. I never thought you had a problem with any of it.” And why would I? I didn’t hear her complaining when I paid her car note, or when I cosigned on the apartment she was forced to get after Andre got locked up for the third time, and especially not after I got into an argument with Tony about supporting her long-term and then went against his wishes to do so.

  She wiped her tears with her cloth napkin. “I didn’t know I did. It’s just lately...sometimes you just make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

  “Are you serious? How many times have I told you you’re too good for my brother?”

  “I don’t mean for him. I mean for you.”

  “For me?” That caught me off guard.

  “Yeah. You make me feel like I’m not good enough for you and it’s hurtful. I know you think you’re helping but sometimes it’s like you see me as a pathetic person. I’m not, okay? I don’t have to be like you to be happy.”

  My good sense was telling me to keep my mouth shut but my hurt feelings nudged me on, practically goading me to defend myself. “So are you telling me you no longer want my help? Like, you don’t want any more of my help? Because I can make that happen.”

  Val’s eyes narrowed and her usually sunny face clouded over. “I can’t believe you would bring that up.”

  I smiled, or maybe I smirked. Either way, it must have looked devious to my sister-in-law. “Bring what up? I’m just trying to understand what our boundaries are. If you don’t want my help anymore, just say the word.”

  Val reached down and grabbed something from her purse, which was sitting on the floor next to her. She might not have been so hard on me if she knew how much restraint I showed when I saw her put it there. A few seconds later, she shoved a check in my face.

  “What is this?” I asked.

  “That’s all the money I owe you.”

  And just like that, I was chastened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to throw that in your face.”

  “But that’s exactly what you did.”

  “I did. I’m sorry. Here, take this back,” I said, handing the check to Val. She took it and wiped tears from her cheeks and I remembered what a terrible person I was.

  “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Tam. I guess I’ve been feeling this way for a while now and it just all...came out.”

  “I get it. I’m really sorry, Val. I wasn’t trying to make you feel like you aren’t good enough. I promise I don’t think I’m better than you. Honestly, this has more to do with my brother than it has to do with you.”

  Val smiled. “You might be surprised by this but he always tells me to listen to you.”

  I made a face. I had no interest in Andre’s opinion about anything, especially me. “Yeah, that does surprise me.”

  “I think deep down, he wishes I was more like you.”

  I put a scallop in my mouth but tasted nothing. My appetite was gone and my search for the right words to say yielded nothing fitting.

  “Tam, I say this out of love. I think you feel like your job is to fix other people but sometimes...” she hesitated and I raised my eyebrows to nudge her to continue. “...sometimes people do that because they don’t wanna accept that they have their own stuff to fix.”

  It was the most honest she had ever been with me and I didn’t like it. I respected that she was showing some spine but I wish she could have done the same with her husband.

  I didn’t respond. There was no need. Instead, I watched Val dig into her salmon and wondered what else she and Andre talked about. If they had ever talked about what happened. “Is everything okay with you and him?” I finally asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “He’s treating you right?” I should have been more specific. All women have opinions on what constitutes being treated right but it’s all relative. There was no guarantee Val and I had the same standards. In fact, I knew we didn’t. I wouldn’t have married an Andre, not in a million years. Bad boys have never been my thing. They aren’t practical.

  “Oh. Yes, of course.”

  “And he doesn’t...he’s never...like he’s never put his hands on you, right?”

  Her eyes widened. “No, never. Why would you ask me that?”

  I had my reasons. “No reason.”

  Chapter 6

  “Amber Lashaun Hayes was 23 years old when she disappeared, seemingly right at the moment when her life was going exactly her way. She had just been accepted into a graduate program at Clark Atlanta University in the department of psychology, the first step in achieving her goal of becoming a counselor who served the needs of the black community. Her senior thesis on the underutilization of mental health services among black patients won the Outstanding Undergraduate Paper Award, and she had been invited to present her paper at the Society for Black Psychologists annual conference.

  Raised in a close-knit family, Amber was the second of four siblings. Her parents were devout Baptists, and church was a regular social and religious event for the Hayes family.

  Her friends described her as popular, a good dancer, smart, and ambitious, while her family described her as goofy, responsible, and hardworking. Everyone also agreed that she loved animals, dogs in particular. Mrs. Hayes never allowed pets in the home because she thought animals were nasty, so the first thing Amber did when she moved out of the Hayes home was buy a dog, a little Yorkie which she gave the ironic name of Bear.

  Bear was the love of Amber’s life. Her friends and family joked that he was her firstborn child. Her social media accounts were filled with pictures of the two of them, sometimes wearing the same silly outfit or accessory. They were inseparable.

  Amber lived alone in a one-bedroom townhouse not too far from her mother. Her parents had divorced but Amber was still very close to both of them. At her father’s insistence, Amber had moved into a nice, safe neighborhood. They had scouted many locations together, even going as far north as Alpharetta, but since Amber was splitting the rent with her parents, she preferred to keep costs down. They settled on a place in Decatur, about a ten-minute drive from both of her parents.

  By all accounts, Amber was excited to be on her own and looking forward to starting school in a few weeks. Her friends would later tell police she didn’t have a boyfriend but she was dating casually. There were two men whom she had taken a particular liking to—Devon Patrick and Michael Campbell—and close friends said the men knew about each other.

  On the evening of her disappearance, Amber called Mike to come over and watch a movie. According to him, he arrived at her residence at approximately 5:50 pm. Amber was popping popcorn and pouring their drinks. Shortly after they began watching the movie, Amber noticed Bear acting strangely. He was sniffing around the baseboards near the living room window and barking at something outside. Bear’s continued barking irritated Amber until she finally put the dog in her bedroom and closed the door.

  The two continued their movie as planned but Amber seemed distracted. According to Mike, Bear continued to bark intermittently throughout the remainder of the movie. At one point, Amber paused the movie to look out the living room window. She did not see anything.

  Once the movie ended, Amber let Bear out of her room and once again, he ran straight to the living room windows and barked. Amber asked Mike to look out the window and see if he saw anything. He looked and there was nothing there. Sensing Amber’s nervousness, he offered to go outside and look around.

  Since the townhouses were connected, Mike had to walk about 500 feet to the end of the row in order to circle around to the back. The row of townhouses backed up to a two-lane street, and a row of tall hedges was sandwiched between the street and the townhouses. There was a worn trail that ran between the townhouses and hedges, likely from kids walking back and forth. Mike noticed footprints near Amber’s back door, but they didn’t seem out of place given the footprints on the trail. Nothing set off any alarm bells for him.

  When he went back in th
e house, he turned on the back porch light and assured Amber that nothing was out there. She seemed satisfied and the two had a late dinner at approximately 8:30 pm. After dinner, the two had a couple of drinks and talked until about 10:00. Mike, who was working a third shift job at the time, reminded Amber that he needed to leave soon to get to work by 11:00.

  Amber asked him if he could call out from work that night. When he asked why, she told him she felt uneasy. Mike told her he wished he could but he couldn’t afford to miss any more days of work. Every moment that passed, Amber got more agitated and anxious. Mike was confused by her demeanor and thought she was overreacting. Still, he offered to drive her to her mother’s house on his way to work. She declined because she would have had to leave Bear behind overnight. According to family, she never left her dog alone for more than a workday.

  Mike promised Amber he would drive around back on his way out, and she agreed. The two talked on the phone until he reached work, at approximately 10:55 pm. She was reluctant to get off the phone but he had no choice.

  He would never talk to her again.

  Mike called Amber on his break, at approximately 3 am. He wouldn’t normally call in the middle of the night but he knew she was on edge and he wanted to make sure she was okay. When she didn’t answer, he assumed she was asleep.

  Mike got off work at 7:30 that morning. He thought about stopping by Amber’s place but it was out of his way and he was exhausted. He called again and left a voicemail letting her know he was headed home and would call her later.

  Amber’s next-door neighbor saw Bear outside when he left for work at 7:00 that morning. He thought it was unusual that the dog was out alone because Amber never let him roam off-leash. He returned home at 5 and saw Bear sitting in a neighbor’s yard down the street. He knocked on Amber’s door and got no answer.

  Later that evening he saw Bear again and mentioned it to his live-in girlfriend who then brought Bear inside and gave him water. She convinced the neighbor to call the landlord, who then called Amber’s parents.

  Amber was reported missing by her parents that night. The following morning, the parents gathered a group of friends and family, including Mike, who searched the area on foot. They handed out flyers while police searched Amber’s residence.

  Mike confirmed that the house had not been ransacked or burglarized. Everything seemed to be the way it was when he left the home that fateful night. Her phone sat neatly on her nightstand. The only things missing were her purse and keys.

  The absence of these two essential items led police to believe Amber left the house on her own at some point, but her family and Mike agreed that she would not have left Bear out to roam around alone, nor would she have left her phone.

  Based on this information, the police theorized that she had to have left her home, most likely against her will, sometime before 7 am when the dog was first spotted. Whoever took her must have let the dog out, or perhaps the dog had run out to get away from whatever had happened.

  The family grew suspicious of Mike once they learned he never tried to contact Amber again after he got off work. Police quickly cleared him after phone and cell tower records confirmed both his call history with Amber and his movements on that night.

  The police have not yet developed any leads, and the case remains open.

  Amber is described as a medium-brown skinned black female with close-cropped curly hair. She is approximately 5 feet 3 inches tall and 134 pounds.”

  I DON’T KNOW WHY, BUT all I could think about was the dog. Little Bear. The thought of him running around outside, alone and afraid, broke my heart. That my second thought was of Amber surprised and worried me because people who love animals more than humans repulse me and I certainly did not want to be one of them.

  Unlike Renee and Tiffany, it didn’t appear that Amber was acting any different before her disappearance. She did seem spooked on that night, however, and so was Bear. As far as I know, dogs can hear and smell a lot better than humans which begged the question: was the person lurking outside of Amber’s townhouse? Maybe he watched her and Mike through the window all night and then made his move once Mike left.

  Someone was watching.

  Before Tony and I got married, I had my own apartment. Living alone was cool, but there were times, frequent times, when I felt someone was watching me. I wasn’t one of those get-undressed-with-the-blinds-open types, nor did I keep my blinds open at night. My rational mind knew nobody could see into my apartment but my spirit felt it. A presence. Something lurking, waiting, watching. And I never slept well on those nights, if at all. I would doze only to be startled awake by some creak in the floor or a bug hitting the window or any of the other normal home noises that last all night and seem to disappear when the sun rises.

  I would lie there, sweaty and shaken, watching the ceiling, too afraid to move, wondering how my killer would enter. Through the front door? In through one of the windows? Down through the ceiling or up from underneath the floor? And then at some point during the long night, just before the day began to break, I would finally fall into a real sleep only to wake up an hour or so later, clammy and spent, but relieved to be alive while the sunlight judged me for having been so silly.

  Was poor Amber lying in bed when her monster came calling? Did she scream and fight, or did she acquiesce on a whispered promise that she wouldn’t be hurt if she did what he said?

  Leah.

  I brought the tide in quickly and aggressively but it didn’t help. I could still see her face and hear her voice. I smelled the blood and felt the humidity from that sticky summer day. Shaking my head back and forth as hard as I could didn’t clear it any of it from my mind.

  It had been a long time since I admitted to myself that I was a bad person. Part of it was Leah and the summer and everything that had happened, but the other part was that I had worked so hard to forget, to pretend that it didn’t matter. But it mattered. Leah mattered. The missing girls mattered.

  “DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE you married a lemon?”

  It was one of those random questions that come out of nowhere and everywhere. Dinner was on—baked chicken, dirty rice, asparagus—and I was watching over it like a mother watches her babies. Tony was a few feet away engrossed in the news. He muted the television and turned around to face me. “Do I think I married a lemon. Is that what you just asked me?”

  “Yeah.”

  He stared at me, a puzzled look on his face. “Why would you ask me that?” And just like that, I knew his real feelings. I had my answer. If it was no, he would have said no.

  “Can you just answer the question, please? Be honest.”

  “I can’t say I’ve felt that way specifically.”

  Interesting choice of words. “So...what...you’ve felt that way vaguely?”

  He walked toward me, concern blanketing his handsome face. “That’s not what I meant. If you’re asking me if I’m disappointed about something, the answer is no.”

  I didn’t believe him. “Then why did you tell me I should have come with instructions?”

  He sat on one of the barstools at the counter, close enough to touch me. But he didn’t. “I don’t remember saying that.”

  “I do. We were sitting in there on the couch,” I said, gesturing toward the living room.”

  “Okay, but if I said it, it was obviously a joke, T.” Maybe, but all jokes are rooted in truth. Especially in a marriage. Some people say it’s love, some say it’s trust, but passive aggression is actually the foundation upon which long-lasting marriages are built.

  “So you don’t think I’m high maintenance? You’ve never felt like I hold you back from certain things? When we met, you liked being outdoors and being adventurous.”

  “Right. And I’m still that person.”

  “Exactly. That’s my point. I’m kind of...limited in what I can do now. Remember Puerto Rico?” A debacle. I had tried my best but I just couldn’t hang with Tony. He had wanted to sail and fish and tour Old San Juan a
nd El Yunque and I couldn’t do any of it. I finally convinced him to go out alone and spent the last few days of vacation crying in our room.

  “I remember. What about it?”

  “If I’m disappointed then I know you’re disappointed. Just admit it!”

  He shook his head. “Look. This is the new normal for us. It is what it is. I wouldn’t say I’m disappointed. Do I wish we could do more things together? Yes. Does that mean I wish I had married somebody else? Of course not.” He ducked his head and looked directly into my eyes. “Are you hearing me?”

  “I hear you.”

  “Do you believe me?”

  I smiled through my tears. They were threatening to spill over. “I’m trying to.”

  He sighed. “What do I have to do to make you believe me?”

  “I don’t know. Nothing. I guess it’s something I need to figure out for myself.”

  He leaned in and kissed me. His lips were soft, his kiss gentle, and I briefly wondered if he was trying not to hurt me. I mashed my lips into his just to feel the pressure. To prove I wasn’t fragile. He pulled away and I dropped my head into his chest. My body went limp as he wrapped his arms around me.

  “Where is this coming from?” he asked. It was my turn to pull away, embarrassed by the wet spot I left on his shirt. “I don’t know.”

  “Tam?” He was the person I would say knows me better than anyone in the world, but there were plenty of things he didn’t know about me. My brother. Leah. My fears. He was in the dark and I preferred it that way.

  I sat on the bar stool next to him and stared at the counter. “I’ve just been thinking about some things lately. My family, my dad, growing up. It has me a little down, I guess.”

  “What about it?”

  “Just...Why am I here? Like on this earth?”

  “I’m a historian, not a philosopher,” he said with a grin, but I wasn’t in the mood for jokes.

  “Think about it. My dad got my mom pregnant while they were getting divorced. Do you know what that means? They obviously didn’t want me. I came into this world a mistake.”