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Basketball (And Other Things)

Page 33

by Shea Serrano


  Thank you to Basketball-Reference for existing. I love you so, so much. I hope that you are around forever because life without you would be awful.

  Thank you to James Naismith for inventing basketball, and thank you to Barry Tuttle’s dad for installing the first basketball goal on our street when we were in middle school and letting us all play on it, and thank you to Tim Duncan for the championships you brought to San Antonio and also for wearing a leg brace that had The Punisher on it.

  Thank you to my sisters, Yasminda and Nastasja and Marie. I have enjoyed watching all three grow up into women and two of you grow into loving, caring mothers. (Marie, don’t have a baby with that idiot.)

  Thank you to my dog. You know all of my secrets and will never tell anyone. I respect you so much.

  Thank you to my mom for being my mom and to my dad for taking me to so many Spurs games growing up. It always meant a lot to me that that was our thing we did together, and I am very excited and happy to be doing the same thing with my sons now. I’ll make sure they see and pay attention to all the things you would make sure I saw and paid attention to when we’d go.

  Thank you to my sons, Caleb and Braxton and Parker. You three are the biggest dorks of all and I just love you so much for it. The only thing I care about is hugging you and kissing you and talking to you and going into your bedrooms while you’re sleeping and looking at your perfect, perfect, dorky faces. Please never grow up.

  And thank you to my wife, Larami. As I write this, you are lying in the bed next to me asleep, looking perfect and being perfect. It’s 1 A.M. and you just went to bed about 20 minutes ago. You were up for 19 hours today, and you were taking care of either me or the boys or the dog for about 18 of those hours. I don’t know how you do it. I honestly don’t. Everything would be a disaster without you. You’re the center of it all—of my life, of my love, of my happiness, of the family. Thank you. I love you. I don’t deserve you, but I am glad that I have you.

  INDEX OF SEARCHABLE TERMS

  A

  Abdul-Jabbar, Kareem

  Johnson, M., and

  Abdur-Rahim, Shareef

  Above the Rim

  Abrams, Jonathan

  Action Bronson

  Ainge, Danny

  Air Bud

  The Air Up There

  Albert, Marv

  Alcindor, Lew. See Abdul-Jabbar, Kareem

  Aldridge, David

  Allen, Ray

  Alston, Rafer

  American History X

  Amundson, Lou

  Andersen, Chris

  Anderson, Kenny

  Anderson, Nick

  Anderson, Shandon

  André 3000

  Antetokounmpo, Giannis

  Anthony, Carmelo

  Anthony, Greg

  Archibald, Tiny

  Arenas, Gilbert

  Arli$$

  arm musculature

  Artest, Ron. See World Peace, Metta

  Auerbach, Red

  B

  Bacon, Kevin

  Bannister, Anthony

  “Barbershop” (Ghostface Killah)

  Barbosa, Leandro

  Barea, J. J.

  Barkley, Charles

  Barnes, Matt

  Barry, Jon

  Barry, Rick

  “Basketball” (Blow)

  Basketball Diaries

  basketball versions

  Batman & Robin

  Battier, Shane

  Batum, Nicolas

  Baylor, Elgin

  bears

  The Beastie Boys

  Bedazzled

  Bell, Raja

  Belushi, Jim

  Beverley, Pat

  Bias, Len

  Bibby, Mike

  Biedrins, Andris

  Big

  Billups, Chauncey

  Bird, Larry

  Blab, Uwe

  Blake, Steve

  Blind Dating

  Bloodsport

  Blow, Kurtis

  Blue Chips

  bodies

  Bogues, Muggsy

  Bohr, Niels

  Bol, Manute

  The Book of Basketball (Simmons, B.)

  Booth, John Wilkes

  Boozer, Carlos

  Bosh, Chris

  Boudeaux, Neon (fictional character)

  Bowen, Bruce

  Bowie, Sam

  Bow Wow

  Box Plus/Minus (BPM)

  box score stats

  Boykins, Earl

  Bradley, Shawn

  Brady, Tom

  Brandy

  Brickowski, Frank

  Brown, Dee

  Brown, Devin

  Brown, Kwame

  Browne, Rembert

  Bryant, Kobe

  best seasons of

  number change of

  O’Neal, S., and

  Buckner, Candace

  Buddy (fictional character)

  Bullard, Matt

  Bunny, Lola (fictional character)

  Burke, Doris

  Burke, Trey

  buzzer beaters

  Bynum, Andrew

  C

  Cambridge, Calvin (fictional character)

  Camby, Marcus

  “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” (West, K.)

  Captain America: The First Avenger

  Carey, Mariah

  Carlesimo, P. J.

  Carroll, Jim

  Carter, Vince

  Cartwright, Bill

  Cassell, Sam

  Cato, Kelvin

  CB4

  Celtic Pride

  centers, greatest

  Chalmers, Mario

  Chamberlain, Wilt

  Chambers, Mario

  Chandler, Tyson

  Chaney, John

  charging

  Cheeks, Maurice

  Chicago Bulls

  Chigurh, Anton (fictional character)

  Childs, Chris

  chins

  Chitwood, Jimmy (fictional character)

  Christie, Doug

  “Clash of the Legends,”

  Cole, Norris

  Coleman, Derrick

  Coles, Bimbo

  Collins, Jason

  Concepcion, Jason

  Conley, Mike

  conspiracy theories

  Continental Basketball Association

  Cooper, Michael

  corneal erosion syndrome

  Cousins, DeMarcus

  Crittenton, Javaris

  Cunningham, Billy

  Curie, Marie

  Curry, Steph

  D

  Dantley, Adrian

  D’Antoni, Mike

  Daredevil

  Darwin, Charles

  Daugherty, Brad

  David 8 (fictional character)

  Davis, Anthony

  Davis, Antonio

  Davis, Baron

  Davis, Ben

  Davis, Dale

  Davis, Ricky

  Dawkins, Darryl

  Deane, Sidney (fictional character)

  Dellavedova, Matthew

  Del Negro, Vinny

  Dembo, Fennis

  Deng, Luol

  Devine, Dan

  Diaw, Boris

  Divac, Vlade

  Douglas, Sherman

  Douglas, Toney

  draft picks, bad,

  Dragic, Goran

  Drexler, Clyde

  Duckworth, Kevin

  Dudley, Chris

  Duhon, Chris

  Dumars, Joe

  Duncan, Tim

  dunks

  disrespectful

  rules

  duos

  Durant, Kevin

  E

  Eaton, Mark

  Edison

  Ehlo, Craig

  Eisley, Howard

  Elie, Mario

  Elliott, Sean

  Ellis, LaPhonso

  “Empire State of Mind” (Jay Z)

  end-to-end speed

  English, Alex

  Eric B. & Rakim


  Erving, Julius “Dr. J,”

  Escape from L.A.

  E. S. G.

  Evans, Reggie

  Ewing, Patrick

  F

  Fabolous

  Family Matters

  Farrell, Colin

  Fennessey, Sean

  Ferry, Danny

  Fictional Basketball Player Draft

  50 Cent

  finishing in the lane ability

  Finley, Michael

  first-step speed

  Fisher, Derek

  The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh

  Fitch, Bill

  Floyd, Sleepy

  “Follow Me Gangster” (50 Cent)

  foreheads

  Fortenberry, Joe

  Foster, Jeff

  fouls

  Fox, Rick

  Frankenhooker

  Frazier, Walt

  free throw rituals

  The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

  G

  games under duress

  Gang Related

  Garnett, Kevin

  Gasol, Pau

  Gatling, Chris

  Geiger, Matt

  George, Paul

  Gervin, George

  “Get It Together” (Beastie Boys)

  Ghostface Killah

  Gilliam, Armen

  Gilmore, Artis

  “Gimme the Loot” (Notorious B.I.G.)

  Ginobili, Manu

  goggles

  Gooden, Drew

  Grant, Brian

  Grant, Horace

  Gray, Jim

  Green, A. C.

  Green, Draymond

  Green, Gerald

  Green, Sidney

  Griffin, Blake

  Griffin, Eddie

  Griffith, Darrell

  Grover, Tim

  Guthrie, Moses (fictional character)

  H

  hair

  half-court shots

  Halpert, Jim (fictional character)

  Hamilton, Richard

  Hamilton, Rip

  hands

  Hangtime

  Hardaway, Anfernee

  Hardaway, Penny

  Hardaway, Tim

  Harden, James

  Harlan, Kevin

  Haslem, Udonis

  Havlicek, John

  Hawkins, Connie

  Hayes, Elvin

  Heard, Gar

  Hearn, Chick

  heat check shots

  He Got Game

  height

  Hill, Grant

  Hinrich, Kirk

  Hodges, Craig

  Hoiberg, Fred

  Hollinger, John

  Hoosiers

  Hornacek, Jeff

  Horry, Robert

  Howard, Dwight

  Howard, Scott (fictional character)

  Hoyle, Billy (fictional character)

  Hughes, Larry

  Humphries, Kris

  Hurley, Elizabeth

  I

  Ibaka, Serge

  Iguodala, Andre

  “I’m the Man” (Fabolous)

  in-arena entertainment

  Inglis, Jack

  Inside Stuff

  In the House

  Irving, Kyrie

  Iverson, Allen

  J

  Jackson, Bo

  Jackson, Bobby

  Jackson, Mark

  Jackson, Phil

  Jackson, Stephen

  James, LeBron

  departure from Cleveland of

  Wade and

  Jaws

  Jay Z

  Jeffries, Jamal (fictional character)

  Jennings, Brandon

  Jesus Christ

  Johnson, Dennis

  Johnson, Eddie

  Johnson, Kevin

  Johnson, Larry

  Johnson, Magic

  Abdul-Jabar and

  John Tucker Must Die

  Jones, Bobby

  Jones, Popeye

  Jordan, DeAndre

  Jordan, Michael

  best years of

  greatest version of

  last Chicago Bulls game of

  Pippen and

  retirement of

  Jordan Shrug

  Juwanna Mann

  K

  Kaman, Chris

  Kapono, Jason

  Kazaam

  Kazaam

  Kemp, Shawn

  Kerr, Steve

  Kersey, Jess

  Kidd, Jason

  Kimble, Bo

  King, Bernard

  King, Martin Luther, Jr.

  Kirilenko, Andrei

  Kiss Cam

  Kittles, Kerry

  Kleine, Joe

  Klosterman, Chuck

  Knight, Brandon

  Korver, Kyle

  Krzyzewski, Mike

  Kukoc, Toni

  Kupchak, Mitch

  L

  Laettner, Christian

  Laimbeer, Bill

  Lantz, Stu

  LaVine, Zach

  Leahy, Michael

  Ledlow, Kristen

  Lee, Spike

  Legler, Tim

  Leonard, Kawhi

  Lever, Fat

  Lewis, Rashard

  Lewis, Reggie

  Like Mike

  Lillard, Damian

  Lincoln, Abraham

  Lister, Alton

  Livingston, Shaun

  Living the Dream (Olajuwon)

  Long, Art

  Long, John

  Loose Balls (Williams, Jayson)

  Lopatova, Masha

  Love, Kevin

  Love & Basketball

  Lowe, Zach

  Lucas, John

  Lue, Tyronn

  lying

  Lynch, Mike

  M

  MacCulloch, Todd

  Macon, Mark

  Madsen, Mark

  The Magic Moment

  Magloire, Jamaal

  Mahorn, Rick

  Majerle, Dan

  Malone, Karl

  Stockton and

  Malone, Moses

  Maloney, Matt

  Maravich, Pete

  Marbury, Stephon

  Martin, Kenyon

  mascots

  Mason, Anthony

  Maxwell, Cedric

  Maxwell, Vernon

  McCall, Quincy (fictional character)

  McCloud, George

  McCray, Rodney

  McDaniel, Xavier

  McDyess, Antonio

  McGee, JaVale

  McGrady, Tracy

  McHale, Kevin

  McMillen, Tom

  McRae, Butch (fictional character)

  McRoberts, Josh

  memory heroes

  Mifundo (fictional character)

  Mikan, George

  Mike D

  Miller, Brad

  Miller, Oliver

  Miller, Reggie

  Ming, Yao

  Mobley, Cuttino

  Moesha

  Morrison, Adam

  Mortal Kombat II

  Mourning, Alonzo

  Mozgov, Timofey

  Mullin, Chris

  Mutombo, Dikembe

  Mutombo, Ilo

  Myers, Pete

  N

  Naked and Afraid

  names

  “NaNa” (Action Bronson)

  Nance, Larry

  Nash, Steve

  National Basketball Association (NBA)

  1978 Finals

  1980 Finals

  1981 Finals

  1982 Finals

  1983 Finals

  1984 Finals

  1985 Finals

  1986 Finals

  1986 Western Conference finals

  1987 Finals

  1987 Western Conference finals

  1988 Finals

  1989 Eastern Conference first round

  1989 Finals

  1990 Finals

  1991 Eastern Conference first round

  1991 Finals

  1992 Finals

 
1993 Finals

  1993 First Round

  1993 Western Conference Semifinals

  1994 Finals

  1995 Eastern Conference Semifinals

  1995 Finals

  1995 Western Conference Finals

  1995 Western Conference Semifinals

  1996 Finals

  1997 Finals

  1997 Western Conference Finals

  1998 Eastern Conference Finals

  1998 Finals

  1999 Finals

  2000 Finals

  2000 Western Conference Finals

  2001 Finals

  2002 Finals

  2002 Western Conference Finals

  2003 Finals

  2004 Finals

  2004 Western Conference Semifinals

  2005 Finals

  2006 Finals

  2006 First Round

  2007 All-Star Team

  2007 Finals

  2008 All-Star Team

  2008 Finals

  2008 First Round

  2009 All-Star Team

  2009 Eastern Conference Finals

  2009 Finals

  2010 All-Star Team

  2010 Finals

  2011 Finals

  2012 Finals

  2013 Finals

  2014 Finals

  2015 Finals

  2016 Finals

  birth of modern

  Dunk Contest

  Nelson, Don

  Nelson, Jameer

  Newton, Isaac

  nicknames

  Noah, Joakim

  Notorious B.I.G.

  Nowitzki, Dirk

  O

  Oakley, Charles

  Oden, Greg

  The Office

  Okafor, Emeka

  Olajuwon, Hakeem

  O’Neal, S., and

  Olowokandi, Michael

  O’Neal, Jermaine

  O’Neal, Shaquille

  acting of

  Bryant and

  Olajuwon and

  trading of

  One Tree Hill

  P

  Paid in Full (Eric B. & Rakim)

  paint

  Parish, Robert

  Parker, Smush

  Parker, Tony

  Parsons, Chandler

  Pasteur, Louis

  Paul, Chris

  Pavlovic, Sasha

  Paxson, John

  Payton, Gary

  penises

  Perkins, Kendrick

  Person, Chuck

  Peterson, Mo

  Petrovic´, Dražen

  Phife Dawg

  pickup basketball

  Pierce, Paul

  Pierce, Ricky

  Pippen, Scottie

  Pitch Perfect

  Player Efficiency Rating (PER)

  playoffs performance

  Plissken, Snake (fictional character)

  Plump, Bobby (fictional character)

  point guards, greatest

 

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