by H. M. Ward
I pull my phone out from Pete’s leather jacket and start to key in a message to Charlotte.
Running an important errand. I’ll be late coming back from lunch. Hold all my calls plz.
As I type, I’m distracted by the glittering diamond on my left hand. It shines brightly despite the lack of sunlight. It’s not real. That’s what I keep telling myself even though my loser list is getting bigger by the second.
I’m still debating how I should tell my dad that this wedding will never happen. Anthony and I haven’t seen each other since last Saturday at my parents’ house and I have no intention whatsoever of seeing him again—at least not until our engagement party. Until then, I’m just waiting to see how the next couple of days will unfold.
A bird screeches as it streaks overhead. The air is damp this afternoon, like it might rain. My feet sink into the grass as I cross the cemetery, trying to hang back from the group. The truth is, that it didn’t take long for the young man, the last witness, to pass away once life support had been turned off. According to what I overheard between my father and the detective, his body went straight to autopsy to confirm cause of death and now the police have all the evidence they need to make their arrests.
They have some names, one of them being the deceased, but he’s gone now. As for me, so far, all has been surprisingly quiet. No one has come knocking on my door with handcuffs. No one blames me, even though I feel guilty.
My phone vibrates in my hand. Charlotte is quick to reply, confirming that she got my message and to take my time. I tuck my cell back safely in an inside pocket.
The atmosphere is quiet and somber and the sky is appropriately gray, threatening to open up at any moment. I stand there, hiding behind a massive, century old oak tree hoping that no one will see me. I can hear the sounds of people sobbing in the distance and see them hugging each other, all dressed in black. They toss flowers on a slowly descending casket.
A chill goes up my spine and I wrap the black leather jacket around me tighter, taking in its comforting smell and warmth. It’s as if Mother Nature knows when life takes a bad turn. It’s not supposed to be chilly this time of year. Fall is still a couple of weeks away and the leaves in the trees are still very green, but I feel so cold, right down to the bone. To think that could have been me. If it wasn’t for Pete’s heroic gesture, I’d be dead. A cold, lifeless corpse being lowered into the ground. Pete could have saved him that night but instead, he chose to save me. I got a second chance at life and I’m no better off today than I was before any of this ever happened. In fact, it seems like my life is less and less my own with every passing day.
My fingers flick at the engagement ring around my finger, not used to its presence. Dad insists that I wear it all the time as a reminder of where my loyalties lie. I think he’s hoping that it’ll be a man repellant. See a girl with an engagement ring and walk the other way. To me, the ring feels more like a concrete weight, pulling me down.
And to think, if I had decided to not go through with this stupid party in the first place, these people wouldn’t be grieving his loss. That’s the cruelest part of death. It’s those who are left behind that will ache forever because I made that one decision.
One soul has been taken away and many more have been shattered by grief.
My legs can’t stand the weight of the world anymore. That could have been me. It could have been Erin—or Pete.
Pete.
He ran in to save me. God! I grip my face and want to scream, but can’t. I’m trapped all the time, everywhere. I fall to my knees and lean against the tree, hoping that it will be strong enough to keep me up.
Resting my head against the rough bark and wiping the tears from my eyes with the backs of my hands. “I’m sorry.” I whisper, hoping that he can somehow hear me.
People start to leave, entering nearby cars or walking away through the cemetery gates with their heads down and shoulders slumped. I watch until there are only two people left standing next to the hole in the ground.
A young woman with bright red hair is crying uncontrollably, her face in her hands, and a man, tall with dark hair and built. The man is standing behind the woman and looks defeated.
Peter.
My heart aches, because I want to go to him. I want to ease whatever that look is and make it never come back. I wonder if he had to choose between me and his friend. OMG! What if that’s his best friend?
The woman is also familiar. I also recognize her after a few moments. She’s the one Pete was with that night at the warehouse. I have caused so much damage already, I should leave them in peace and get back to work. The thing is, I can’t look away. It’s like watching two cars collide and waiting for the sound of broken glass and screeching tires.
Pete walks closer to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. When she turns around, it looks like he’s trying to say something. She shakes her head and pushes him roughly. He tries to say something else, putting his hands on her shoulders, but she shakes him off.
The conversation seems to be getting heated but I can’t quite hear what they are saying; only that she is screaming and he is trying to calm her down.
I stand up and get closer, trying not to be seen, making my way behind trees, bushes, and tall headstones. Stealth-mode Jenny. She shoves him with both hands on his chest but he doesn’t budge.
As I get closer, her words are clearer. “This is all your fault! If it wasn’t for you, he’d still be alive.”
Pete is restraining her, holding her by the wrists, preventing her from hitting him again. He doesn’t say anything and his eyes are cold, almost unfeeling. The longer he holds her, the more livid she gets. Her hair is flying in every direction like wild fire, caught in the wind.
I can’t let Pete take the blame for this. This is my fault. I’m the reason he died, not Pete. He didn’t get to him on time because he saved me instead. My life was spared at the expense of his. “Stop! It’s not his fault!” Before I realize what I’m doing, I step out from where I’m hiding and walk closer to them.
Pete’s eyes cut to mine in disbelief and lets the girl’s wrists go.
The woman looks at me with a vile sneer and bloodshot eyes. She steps closer to me and looks back and forth between Pete and I as she does. “Who’s this, Pete? Your new little toy?” She looks me up and down in disgust, like she can’t comprehend why I’m even allowed to breathe the same air as her.
I walk closer toward Pete but he puts his hand out to stop me. “No. She’s nobody. Just an insignificant nuisance that won’t go away.” He says it with hatred in his voice, looking straight at me. If he’d reached into my chest and pulled out my heart, it would have been less painful.
I know we’re not anything to each other, we can’t be, not in any romantic way. I’m engaged now and he’s not that kind of man, but to say that I’m nobody, a nuisance? I would have liked to think that we were, at the very least, friends. Why is he doing this? I’m trying to help him and he’s hurting me.
The redhead keeps on staring at us as if she’s listening in on a private conversation and her sneer gets wider. She walks up to Pete and rakes her nails across his chest. He just stands there, seething, his fists clenched, his gaze never leaving mine.
“Right. Well, just so you know, this isn’t over. I am going to make you pay for this, Ferro. You can count on it.” She looks me up and down one last time and turns on her heels before she storms off, leaving Pete and I alone in the cemetery.
IN THE SHADOWS
August 13th, 1:03pm
My fingers nervously play with the zipper at the bottom of his jacket. When I finally decide to say something, he doesn’t let me. As soon as I open my mouth to speak, Pete grabs me by the hand and leads me towards the far end of the cemetery. I’m not what you would call tall, so for every step Pete takes, I have to take three. He’s walking while I’m practically running just to keep up.
We end up behind a mausoleum that is partly hidden by trees and bushes. He pushes me up a
gainst the stone wall and cages me in by placing a hand on either side of me. His temper has not died down. If he was a cartoon character, steam would be coming out of his ears accompanied by the sound of a steam train whistle.
“What are you doing here, Gina? I thought I asked you to keep a low profile. You shouldn’t be here.” It comes out like a yell, but I don’t flinch. I just look into those heated blue eyes and try to see the calm beyond the storm that is raging inside. I know it’s there, I’ve seen it.
“A better question is, what are you doing here, little brother?” A deep voice cuts through the air and makes me jump. When I whirl around, Sean Ferro is standing there in a dark coat, his lips pressed into a thin line. “You can’t keep yourself out of trouble, can you?”
Pete looks him over in an adversarial way. It’s the dumb ass guy posturing thing. Pete puffs up and I know he wants to hit something. Red pissed him off and he’s mad that I’m here, now his brother shows up. Pete flexes his hand and then growls at Sean, “I’m not you. I won’t end up dragging this family’s name through the mud the way you did either.”
“Of course. It was all intentional.” Sean’s voice is cold, callus.
Pete laughs bitterly. “The Ferro mantra—there are no mistakes. Is that what you’re saying Sean? Because I thought there was no way you’d be walking away from that trial and yet here you are.”
They stare at each other for a moment. I can’t stand the silence, so I speak. “I can leave you guys alone. I’m supposed to be somewhere else, anyway.”
“Gina, wait.” Pete’s tone is sharp, like he’s not done scolding me.
“I’m the one who’s departing, I’m afraid. I thought I’d tell Peter—”
“Don’t call me that. We’re not kids anymore. I’m not Peter and you’re not Seanie. If you’d stop being so damn cryptic your counsel could have ended the trial before it began.” Pete is in a standoff pose, mirroring his brother.
“Thanks for that. I hadn’t known.” Sean’s voice is tense. He glances side to side and takes a step closer. “I came here for a reason. I’m leaving. Jon was—”
Pete smirks and looks at me. “He’s running. I can’t believe it—the great Sean Ferro has fallen. You were supposed to run before the trial, dumbass.”
Sean remains rigid. “Jon has something going on. Talk to him and keep him out of trouble. I’ll be back when I can. Oh, and here—give this to Mom. The legal team has copies that will be delivered tomorrow. I thought you’d want to know now.” Sean reaches out with an envelope in his hand. Pete doesn’t move to accept it. Sean tosses it at Pete’s feet and hisses, “It changes nothing. You’re still the heir whether you take the paper or not. Have a nice life, Peter.”
“I will if I avoid you.”
Sean stiffens. I think he’s going to be angry, but he just nods, turns on his heel, and leaves. In a matter of seconds he disappears into the back of a black car and bolts.
“Pete, he sounded like he was leaving and you told him to screw off? Did you mean to do that?” Bending down, I pick up the letter. I mock his voice, “You should open that, Gina.” I make my voice higher, “Okay, Pete. I bet there’s a dollar in here! Dibs!”
Pete snort-laughs and swipes the paper out of my hands. “You’re an ass.”
“So are you, but we both know that. Open the letter. Did he seriously just walk away from the family? Did your mom disown him?” As I ask, Pete opens the seal and scans the contents.
After a moment, he swallows hard, and looks up. “No, he’s walking away from us.”
“Which means you’re the new Ferro heir. Can he do that?” I grab the letter and look at the lawyers names on the bottom, wondering if he can really do that. No one walks away from wealth and power. And why now? “It’s weird.”
Pete snatches it back. “Yes, it is, and it looks like he can leave whenever he wants. I just didn’t expect him to do it.”
“Looks like you were wrong about that.”
We both stare at where the car used to be, as if a shadow of it were still there. “He’ll be back. Family is everything. There’s no way he’s gone.”
“Pete, he lost his family—his wife is gone. I don’t think he was messing with you. I think he really left.”
“No way. He’ll be back.” Pete glares at me. “Why did you come? This was stupid.”
“You sound like Sean.”
“You didn’t answer the question.” He’s not amused with my answer.
“Fine. I needed closure. I needed to be here today. I would have left, but I saw you and then that woman started yelling.” I glance up at him and look back at the grave. “And she was wrong. This isn’t your fault, it’s mine.” I place a hand on his cheek and his eyelids lower. His body relaxes and I can see the tension start to melt away.
He places his hand over mine and gives it a gentle squeeze. Just when I think I’ve been able to help him get through this fit of rage, his body tenses once more. His eyes spring open and he removes my hand from his cheek and studies it, his gaze getting cold and menacing again.
“What’s this?” His thumb brushes over the diamond on my left ring finger.
I shrug. “Cruel and unusual punishment for showing up that morning with you. It’s man repellant.” I remove my hand from his and hide it my pocket.
“He proposed and you accepted? After what he did to you? Why would you do something like that?” He’s back to yelling at me, this time, pacing back and forth in front of me and pulling at his hair with his hands.
I’m too tired to get angry. “He didn’t propose. My father slapped the ring on my finger and told us point blank that Anthony and I were engaged.” I kick a small stone and it hits one of his black leather biker boots. “And to think some people say that romance is dead. What do they know? By the way, the party is in two weeks. Invitations are in the mail. It’s black tie and try not to screw any of the guests this time. Hey! Want to be my date at my engagement party? We could shock the knickers off of my mother.”
Pete stops his pacing and looks up at me, his lips curling up on one side, making his dimple reappear. “Wiseass. So, let me get this straight. Your father forces you into an engagement and you simply did as you were told? You didn’t argue with him? That doesn’t seem like you at all, Jenny.” He tsks with his tongue and shakes in head in mock disapproval. “I’m disappointed in you. You’re losing your touch.” A hint of mirth glints in his eyes as he says it.
Pete rests his back on the wall next to me, letting out a rush of air and looking up toward the canopy of trees above our head. “You shouldn’t be here, Gina. It was reckless. In fact, you shouldn’t be seen with me either. It’s better if we don’t see each other again.”
“Is it because I’m engaged or because I’m an insignificant nuisance that won’t go away?”
He doesn’t answer me, probably meaning that it’s a little bit of both. His head drops and I start to take off the leather jacket, letting it slip from my shoulders. “Here, this is yours. Thank you for letting me borrow it.”
Pete puts a hand on my arm, stopping me from removing the jacket. With a sad smile he says, “Keep it. I kinda like it on you. It makes you look like the tough little chick I know you really are.” Pete pushes himself off of the wall and slips the coat back over my shoulders. He drops a kiss on the top of my head and gives my chin a small pinch in between his thumb and finger and says, “Goodbye, Gina.”
LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE
August 17th, 2:11pm
"Regina, sweetie, may I come in?" Mom opens the door to my room just a crack and pokes her head in. I’m sitting on my bed, crossed-legged with my laptop glowing in front of me.
It’s been four days since the funeral and everything has been eerily quiet. It’s funny how slowly time goes by when you’re waiting for impending doom to come crashing down. Even so, I turned in my final reports for my internship. Daddy has kept me on staff full time until the Fall semester starts. I’m still debating if this is due to my exceptional number cr
unching skills or if it’s to babysit me. Going into the last year of my BBA should sound exciting but right now I can’t seem to grasp the notion. In nine months I’ll be graduating and most likely heading to graduate school. That seems so far away right now, like a lifetime away. Based on the way my parents reacted the other night, I don’t know if it’s even worth it.
Periodically I catch a reflection of myself in my parent’s eyes and it makes me cringe. They see a weak, giddy, little girl who can’t take care of herself. Well, maybe not Mother, but Daddy sees nothing more. It felt like a sucker punch to the stomach when he didn’t believe me, side with me, or offer anything in the way of support regarding Anthony. Meanwhile, I’m the deranged one because I still want to see that beaming face that he wears when he’s happy with me. Is it bad to want their affirmation? Because I do. It’s not that I’m weak, but there are so many choices and a million more variables that accompany each decision. Sometimes I just want to know that I’m on the right track.
This isn’t my path, but I can’t stop wondering about him. I take one last look at the picture of those beautiful, bitter blue eyes staring at me from the computer screen, and shut the lid.
Pete’s been in the news a lot over the past forty-eight hours. What Sean said in the cemetery was true—he left the family fortune behind and Pete is the new heir. No one has seen Sean since the night he took off. That means me and Pete were the last people to see him before he vanished. Maybe I’m a nutjob for thinking it, but I feel bad for Sean. I never really thought he did anything they accused him of, but seeing him in person made me more certain. He has that same look in his eye that Pete’s had lately. It’s not their normal arrogance, it’s more like the panicked eyes of a lost child.
No one was kind to Sean, not even his brother.
And again, I did nothing. I’m not kinder or any different than I was before the fire. I want to change. I want it so bad, but when it comes to following through, I suck at it. How hard would it have been to smile at the guy? Or say something assuring or sweet?