Under The Magnolia

by Kelsey Soliz

  excited about stuff.

  “So, you’re where that painting went to.”

  “Yeah, man. That painting…Alex said your roommate made it?”

  “Yeah, amazing artist. Doesn’t think she is, but you can see she’s

  incredible.”

  “Oh, she? For some reason I just assumed it was a guy. What’s it like

  living with a girl?”

  I have to laugh a little at this. Everyone at the station knew how obsessed

  Theo was with his mysterious roommate, how over-the-top in love with her

  he was, but it was also general knowledge that he was too fucking scared to

  tell her.

  “You wanna take that one, man? Make sure you tell them all the sordid

  details.” I take a sip of beer as he eyes me, cheeks flushing a bit. Yeah, guy

  had it bad.

  “What are we missing?” Cameron was always the most sensitive out of

  us so of course he’d be the one to call Theo out.

  “Nothing. She’s…awesome. She’s been through it, but we just get a long

  really well, so the living situation works.”

  “How long you been living together?”

  “About two years now.”

  “You guys ever…”

  I can’t hold back the laugh this time. “He wishes.”

  Theo shocks the shit out of me by admitting it. “Yeah, well, we can’t

  always get what we want. Isn’t that the line?”

  “So, what’s stopping you?” At least it was Cameron hounding him for

  answers. Theo was always so protective about his thoughts on this girl at

  work, but maybe he just didn’t want to share her with the masses.

  He starts peeling the label off his bottle while he figures out what excuse

  to provide.

  “I don’t think she’s really over her ex. She…was hurt pretty good and I

  just don’t think she’s ready. As bad as I want to make my move, I just don’t

  think my timing is right yet. I don’t think she could really move on until she

  had some sort of closure. Look at us gossiping like old women. This

  seriously what y’all like to talk about when you go out on a Friday night?”

  Constantine just shrugs. “We don’t do this much. We tend to keep to

  ourselves.”

  “So? Come on, man. Only drama we have in our life is Alex’s crazy ex

  girlfriend. And her mother who may or may or may not have been

  responsible for-”

  “That’s enough, Cam.”

  Sophie was a bitch, but Amelia’s memory deserved better than to be

  gossiped over at a bar table.

  “Now that sounds like a story.”

  “What’s wrong, Alex? You wanna sit here and tell us that you think

  Sophie is actually worth something? She was never anything but awful

  when it came to Amelia, and you know it.”

  “Which is why I never took my relationship with her seriously.”

  Theo is choking all of a sudden, so I clap him on the back, an attempt to

  help him sort out his lungs even though I’m sure that it does absolutely

  nothing to help get the liquid out of the wrong tube. Why did people always

  do that? Hit somebody on the back when they swallow wrong?

  “I’m sorry. Can we back up for a minute? Sophie. Amelia. You guys have

  lived here all your lives, right? It’s not that big of a town. Can’t be that

  popular of names around here.”

  “Nah, only our girl and her cunt-cousin as far as I know.”

  Theo pales further. “Fuck.”

  “What’s up man?”

  “Your ex…why aren’t you with her anymore? You all seem…”

  “Tense as hell? Still in love? Angry? Take your pick. Her dad died, and

  then her fucking Aunt took custody because she was underage, shipped her

  off and cut off all communication between us. Her cousin Sophie moved in,

  tried to steal us from Amelia by badmouthing her left and right, running all

  kinds of manipulations, and then…the fire. She fucking died and we never

  even got to tell her goodbye. It’s been hell, man.”

  Theo is scrolling through his phone.

  “You started hanging around the station…two years ago?”

  I nod. He figured it out. “Yeah, because of her. Maybe it’s stupid, but I

  wanted to feel like I could help somebody when no one could get to her.

  Fire took her from us, so I made it my life.”

  Theo plops his phone down onto the center of the table, and we all about

  shit ourselves when we see the face smiling up on it. Big, beautiful brown

  eyes, though they looked a little…off. Her face had some scars that weren’t

  there before, but she was just as gorgeous as I remembered, and it hit hard.

  “Where the fuck did you get that?”

  “That’s my roommate.”

  Amelia

  I hear Theo stumbling through the house as he makes his way to the

  kitchen. He got in pretty late last night, sounded pretty drunk, so I’m sure

  he’s not feeling great this morning. Which I took into account when I put on

  the extra strong coffee for him, making sure it’d be ready when he woke up.

  I was terrible at trying to cook much, but at least I had figured out the

  coffee thing.

  He comes straight to me and wraps me up, well as much as he’s able

  when I’m in my wheelchair. He holds on tighter than normal before

  dropping a kiss on my forehead. That was kinda new. Why did I like it so

  much?

  “Amelia…”

  I instantly tense up. Did he finally realize what a burden I was? Was he

  about to tell me he finally met someone and needed me to move out?

  “What’s wrong?”

  He scoops me out of my chair, easily carrying me across the room and

  sitting down on the couch. I try to claim my own spot on it, but whatever is

  going through his mind, he’s feeling awfully possessive.

  “I’m an idiot. I should have been telling you every single day what you

  mean to me, and now it’s probably too late. I don’t think that me pulling

  you from that fire saved you as much as it saved me.”

  “What are you saying, Theo?”

  “Look, I know you have some history you still need to resolve, and I’m

  not asking anything of you, but I need you to know that I’m in love with

  you.”

  I freeze, sure I misheard him. “Theo?”

  “And my timing is shit, but I’m terrified I’m going to lose you to them.

  Please, don’t forget about me? I know you probably need time to get used

  to them again-”

  “Theo, slow down. What’s happening?” I’ll just ignore the part where he

  said he-

  “I love you.” Damnit. Wait. He couldn’t mean that, could he?

  “I don’t understand.”

  “For starters, we need to get you ready. I’m not sure how you will feel

  about it, but your Aunt passed away. Her funeral is today.”

  What? “How did you…”

  “I’m sure your cousin was hoping you wouldn’t find out, but I really

  think you should go to the funeral. Might help you let go of some of your

  past.”

  I sink into him, burying my face into that soft skin at his neck that’s

  warm and smells like comfort. “How did you find out?”

  “I uh, met some guys for a beer last night. I work with one of them, he’s

  friends with your cousin.”

  “Hm.”

&nbs
p; “I know you weren’t close with her, but I think it’d be good for you to

  go.”

  “Yeah, she kind of ruined my life. Tried to brainwash me; almost worked,

  too.”

  “Amelia, look at me.”

  I try, bringing our faces closer so I can see those eyes of his and the

  outline of his face better. It’s all blurry still but it’s real. Tangible.

  “Love isn’t wrong. You’re not wicked, you’re damn near perfect, okay?

  If it’s going to mess you up too much to go, then we don’t have to. You

  don’t owe it to her or anybody else. But I think it could help you heal.”

  I swallowed thickly, suddenly too aware of how close our lips were. In

  the years since I’d been torn from my boys, I hadn’t ever wanted someone

  else. Why now? Was it just because Theo had told me he had feelings for

  me? Or was it because I had feelings for him, as well?

  Whatever it was, my lips were twitching. Could he tell?

  “Amelia. Do you believe me?”

  “Which part?”

  He gives me a slight laugh as he holds my face captive, his breath

  fanning against me and his whole body encompassing me as we just sit here

  and stare at each other. Was this weird? This was weird. I try to pull away

  and he flinches a bit, before letting go of my face and sinking back a few

  inches. Out of the danger zone. So why was I disappointed?

  “All of it. But mainly that you did nothing wrong. What they taught you

  at that boarding school, what your fanatical aunt preached to you- love isn’t

  wrong. You’re not wrong. No one you loved could be wrong. Maybe it’s

  wrong that I’m in love with you-”

  “Why would that be wrong? Because I’m…disfigured?”

  “Fuck no. You’re gorgeous. Like I said. Damn near perfect. The way

  your eyes give away everything you’re feeling, even if you can’t tell

  yourself. The way you always have paint in your hair somewhere, even

  after a shower. The way you make the whole house smell good when you

  come out of the shower. The way you lean on me. No, it’s wrong because I

  could never deserve you.”

  Too much. I’ve spent the past few years trying to numb myself from

  wanting too much, convincing myself I was just going to be alone forever

  because I’m ruined. Who would want a ruined partner? A ruined wife?

  Thing is, I believed that he believed what he was saying.

  “I can see you already putting more doubt in your mind. We’ve worked

  too hard to move past your ghosts. Don’t set yourself back. Don’t overthink

  it. I didn’t tell you because I wanted something from you. About the guys I

  met last night…”

  “What about them?”

  Suddenly there’s an insistent knocking on the door and for some reason, I

  just know that whatever is behind that door is about to change my life. For

  better or for worse, I’m not sure. But an icy chill of apprehension runs

  through me as I continue to watch Theo, who makes no move to open the

  door.

  “Just remember what I said. Love isn’t wrong. Please though, don’t

  forget me.”

  Constantine

  I’m about to grab Cameron by the collar and yank him off that poor door

  he’s abusing, until it opens. A rumpled Theo stands there in his sleep

  clothes, shadows behind his eyes and regret hanging around him like a bad

  odor.

  “I haven’t told her yet…she’s, well, she’s different.”

  “Who’s there, Theo?”

  That fucking voice. My knees buckle as our shared past washes over me.

  The summer we turned 14 and she came back looking more like a girl than

  she had before the summer. Our first kiss sitting on the heavy branches of

  the magnolia, blocking out the summer sun and the realization dawning on

  me that she wasn’t just a friend.

  Alex just storms past Theo as Cam looks white as a ghost. Or like he’d

  seen one. Or heard one, more like it.

  “Who-” There’s sharp inhalation and then just dead quiet. I find my

  equilibrium and brush past Theo as well, almost feeling guilty for barging

  into his home so rudely. Never mind. He’s got my girl.

  Alex is just standing there staring when Cameron and I catch up, all of us

  just staring at her together, then as watching she moves her head back and

  forth, trying to make sense of what she’s seeing. Theo gets behind her,

  resting a familiar hand on her shoulder. Her hair is as gorgeous as I

  remember, thick and dark and long. That was always my favorite part about

  her.

  She looks sleep rumpled too, but her eyes…they’re not tracking us

  properly. And she looks…small. Smaller than she did before. She begins to

  cry in big, heaving sobs as Cam rushes forward and picks her up, me and

  Alex joining in on either side. Touching her wherever we can, comforting

  her, finding ourselves.

  “I’m…so…sorry. I…”

  She can barely talk. I can barely understand her with how hard she’s

  crying.

  “Shh. It’s okay baby, we’re here. We’ve got you.”

  Eventually she finds some deep breaths, pulling them through her system

  and flushing out some of her turmoil. She lines her face up with Cameron’s

  and that smile that’s haunted me for years makes an appearance. She’s

  running her fingers all over Cam’s face, feeling his hair, as if…

  Cold splashes over me. When we had realized last night that Amelia was

  Theo’s roommate, there hadn’t been a whole lot of time for explanations.

  We heard the general story, that she was injured and had nowhere else to go,

  which is total shit by the way, and we would talk about that later, how her

  and Theo had become friends. Then we got drunk, because as adult men,

  that’s the only way we know to process anything real.

  He mentioned she was injured in the fire, but I didn’t realize until now

  what that fire cost her. I pull her off of Cameron and line our faces up as

  well, putting her hands on my face for her.

  “Can you see me, Mils? I’m right here. I’m right here and I’m never

  leaving again.”

  More tears slip out of her pretty eyes, joining their brethren on her t-shirt.

  “Tina.”

  Never liked that nickname, but I’d take anything right now.

  I don’t hesitate anymore; I claim the kiss that has been eluding the both

  of us while the world kept turning. It only takes a heartbeat for her to

  respond, kissing me back and clasping my face to hers. It’s like no time has

  passed at all, the way our bodies still remember how to connect.

  She’s the first to pull away, labored breaths and wide eyes as panic starts

  to take over her features. Theo is there to calm her though, rubbing her back

  and speaking calmly.

  “Do you want them to leave, Amelia?”

  Fuck that.

  “No, I just…how? Why? Why now?”

  Alex’s turn. His eyes are burning as he watches her, and I pass Amelia to

  him, not missing the awkward way her legs trail behind her.

  “Butterfly.”

  He chooses to simply bury his face in her neck, assuring himself that he’s

  holding who he thinks he is.

  “You guys want some coffee?” We all ignore Theo, but he
walks off to

  get some anyway.

  “Why now? What changed?”

  “Why now? Why fucking now? Amelia, we thought…we thought you

  were dead.”

  She stills in Alex’s arms and her slightly glazed eyes search for me.

  “What?”

  “We knew about the fire, but no one would give us details. Sophie…”

  Amelia scoffs. “Of course. Sophie.”

  She tries to get off Alex, but he just twines his arms around her tighter.

  “So, she knew you weren’t…” I can’t say the word again. It’s too final.

  Not a word I ever want to associate with Amelia Poppy again.

  “She visited me in the hospital before I was discharged.”

  We all glare at Alex. Who starts cussing and I’m sure if he wasn’t

  holding our girl, he’d be throwing shit and making a big damn mess. Our

  house or no.

  “Look, everything has changed. I don’t…I don’t know how to do this. I

  don’t know what to do. What do I do?”

  “Baby, nothing has changed. Do you still love us?”

  She blinks and looks at him like he’s crazy.

  “I’m…”

  “We don’t care what you are.”

  “Everything has changed.” I can’t accept that.

  “Why didn’t you call us, Mils? Why didn’t you let us take care of you?

  Why haven’t we heard a damn word from you in two fucking years?” I’m

  shaking with anger, shaking at all the time that has been robbed from us.

  The past two years were completely pointless- all the ways we’d tried to

  bury the pain, to somehow stumble along in spite of it, none of it was real.

  “Theo, can you get-”

  He cuts her off, scooping her up and carrying her to a…wheelchair. None

  of us really know what to say. We had seen her at her worst, been there

  when she was hospitalized, when she was rescued from her sick son of a

  bitch father, but this…

  Once she’s seated and facing towards us, we all just kind of sit there,

  enthralled by the silence around us and the easy way she maneuvers the

  chair to get into position.

  “This is why. I’m broken, okay? A lot happened after I left for that

  boarding school, a lot of stuff that I can’t really get into right now because

  this is all…a lot. I don’t want your pity. I didn’t want you to look at me as

  someone who needs help. I wanted to hold fast to the memories of how you

  all looked at me when I wasn’t broken and you thought you loved me. That