Pug Actually

by Matt Dunn

  “We’re...good,” says Julie.

  “You look better than good.” Sarah holds her at arm’s length. “In fact, you’re positively glowing!”

  “Oh.” Julie looks down at me, and then evidently decides not to share the fact we’ve both been for a makeover. “We’ve just been to an exercise class.”

  “We?” says Sarah.

  “Yeah. This guy I met. Tom... Well, long story short, he’s a V-E-T, and he felt Doug could do with losing a little weight, so...”

  “Tom, you say?” says Luke, though he immediately looks as if he could take it back, but if he’s worried that Sarah may pick up on his tinge of jealousy, she doesn’t seem to have noticed.

  “Doug’s not the only one!” she says, rubbing her stomach. “Seriously, though, you look amazing.”

  “I don’t know,” says Julie, awkwardly.

  “You do! Doesn’t she, Luke?”

  “S’pose,” says Luke, both awkwardly and begrudgingly. “Though she’s been off work for the last few days, so it’s good to see her looking, you know...surprisingly healthy.”

  “Don’t be so suspicious!” Sarah rests a hand on Julie’s arm. “Nothing serious, I hope?”

  “I thought it might be, but...” Julie stares at her feet, then up at Luke. “No. Turned out to be nothing serious at all, in the end.”

  “Good.” Sarah reaches across and squeezes her arm, then she smiles down at me. “Listen, it’s just occurred to me that it’s lunchtime, if you and Doug aren’t doing anything?”

  We’re not, and lunch sounds like an excellent idea, but judging by her body language, Julie doesn’t seem to agree. And neither does Luke.

  “Sweetie?” he says to his wife, and to her credit, Julie manages to stop herself from responding.

  “Uh-huh?” says Sarah.

  “I wanted to... I mean...” He checks his watch, though possibly more to give himself some time rather than to check what it is. “The footie’s on soon, so...”

  “And that would be of interest to me why, exactly?”

  “Just that I fancied, you know, watching it, so lunch perhaps isn’t...”

  Sarah sighs. “Well, I could do with a sit down and something to eat, so...” She narrows her eyes, then widens them again, as if something’s just occurred to her. “Here’s a thought. Why don’t you go off and watch your game, and Julie, Doug and I can go and grab a bite somewhere. Have a good old girly chat. That’s if you don’t mind?”

  “Well, actually...”

  “That last sentence was directed at Julie.”

  “Right.” Luke stares at her for a moment, then at Julie, then down at me, as if he’s hoping one of us will come up with an excuse as to why his wife and the woman he’s been having an affair with shouldn’t head off for a cozy lunch together. Not surprisingly, one is not forthcoming.

  “So?”

  Sarah regards us expectantly, and Julie’s grip on my leash tightens almost imperceptibly, then she fixes a smile on her face, and nods. “Why not?” she says.

  And as the three of us head off along the High Street, it occurs to me that Luke can probably think of at least one good reason. But judging from the way he’s standing stunned on the pavement, he doesn’t seem to want to share it.

  * * *

  We’re sitting in the park on a bench, finishing off the remnants of our McDonald’s lunch, when all of a sudden Sarah winces, passes Julie the fries they’ve been sharing, and clutches a hand to her stomach. Julie’s acting all concerned, but Sarah waves her away.

  “Not to worry. Just a kick. They do this from time to time. Just to remind me they’re there, I guess. Not that I need reminding!”

  Julie shakes her head slowly. “It’s amazing. Twins.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Aren’t you a bit...scared?”

  Sarah grins in that way that means she is. “Terrified! But also, I can’t wait, you know? Because apart from anything else, it’ll be such a relief to get them out.”

  “And how did Luke react?” says Julie after a moment when it’s clear to me she’s been racking her brain to come up with an appropriate question. “When he heard it was twins.”

  “Oh, you know him,” says Sarah. “He says all the right things, but...” She lowers her voice. “Between you and me, I think it’s knocked him for a bit of a loop.”

  “How so?”

  “He’s been a bit distant lately. Staying at work longer than usual. For a while, I thought he might even be having... No. Silly of me.” Her voice trails off, and she stares off into the distance.

  Then out of nowhere Julie bursts into tears.

  With difficulty, Sarah edges along the bench and puts an arm around her. “What’s wrong?”

  Julie drops the fries on the ground and covers her face with her hands. “I’m sorry,” she sobs.

  “Don’t worry. I shouldn’t be eating them anyway.”

  “No, it’s not that. It’s...” Julie looks up miserably, and Sarah rubs the small of Julie’s back.

  “Hey—it’s supposed to be me whose emotions are all over the place. Not you.”

  “You’re going to hate me.”

  “Hate you?”

  Julie dabs her eyes with a napkin. “I don’t know how to tell you. I mean, I didn’t want to, but then I got to know you, and you’re really nice, and I really liked you, and then I decided I couldn’t not, especially because...” Her eyes flick to Sarah’s stomach. “But then I decided I had to, because of...” She does the eyes-stomach thing again. “Because I’d want to know, if it was me.”

  “Know what?” Sarah’s tone is conciliatory, rather than angry, which seems to upset Julie even more.

  “About... What you just said. That Luke might be having...” She swallows hard. “An affair.”

  “Second thoughts, I was going to say.”

  “What?”

  Julie’s looking horrified, but Sarah just smiles—which seems a little against the run of the conversation.

  “But now you mention it. I know.”

  “About?”

  It’s a sensible approach, I think, to find out exactly what Sarah’s going to say before putting your foot in it. Again.

  “You and Luke.”

  I’ve seen Julie cry a lot, you understand, mainly (recently) because of Luke, but now, funnily enough, the mention of his name is the thing that makes her stop crying.

  “You...know?” Julie blows her nose loudly on the napkin. “When did you...?”

  Sarah shrugs. “Since the pub.”

  “The...pub?”

  Sarah nods. “I’ve known Luke a long time. Believe me, you weren’t the first. And you probably won’t be the last.”

  “But... How can you?” Julie eyes Sarah’s stomach for a third time. “Knowing he...”

  “You make an assessment, don’t you? Decide what you want. What you’re prepared to put up with. This is what I want.” Sarah rests a hand on her belly. “And Luke and me... We get on fine. He has his life, I have mine. Occasionally, and probably just about enough as far as each of us is concerned, they intersect...”

  Julie’s still staring, openmouthed, and—perhaps a little inappropriately—Sarah begins laughing. “I’m sorry,” she says. “It’s just... Your face!”

  There’s a pause, and then Julie realizes it’s her turn to speak. “But how can you stay married to someone who...” She swallows hard. “Doesn’t love you...”

  Sarah shakes her head slowly. “Oh, Luke loves me. In his own way. And I’m...fond of him. Really I am. And it’s quite sweet, really, the lengths he goes to in order to keep his...dalliances from me. No offense.”

  “None taken,” says Julie, though she looks like she still can’t believe the conversation’s taken such a surreal turn.

  “And to answer your question, I’ll stay marri
ed to Luke as long as I’m the one he comes home to. And he’d never leave me...” She rubs her belly again. “Especially now. So what if he has a little—and again, don’t take this personally—‘hobby.’ Other men his age waste a fortune on bicycles too advanced for them and spend every Sunday morning in the saddle. Luke... Well, I’m not going to make the obvious comparison. He was seeing someone else when I met him, and men generally don’t change, so why should I have expected things would be any different with him and me? And while obviously in an ideal world I’d prefer things to be different, this isn’t an ideal world. Far from it.”

  Sarah peers down at her feet, spots the dropped fries, and seems for a moment to be considering picking one up and eating it. “But somehow, this seems to work for us. Like I said, I’m getting what I want. I guess he is too. And in the long run, that’s all that matters. Don’t you think?”

  Julie’s got a funny expression on her face—somewhere between horror and admiration—and I’m not sure if that is what she thinks. I’m not sure she is either, given the fact that it takes a few moments before she can speak again.

  “But you and me... You encouraged me to be your friend.”

  Sarah shrugs again. “Why not? You seemed really nice—something you’ve proved by admitting everything to me just now. Plus, we had something in common, and I felt a bit sorry for you. Luke had obviously caused you some hurt. And in a perverse way, I thought I might be able to repair that.”

  “Right,” says Julie, though in a way that suggests things aren’t right at all.

  “And it’s been fun to see Luke squirm a bit.” Sarah lets out a short laugh, then her expression changes. “I’m sorry if I deceived you, Julie. I hope you can forgive me?”

  “You hope I can forgive you?” Julie’s eyes have widened so much her eyeballs are in danger of falling out. “What about what I...?”

  Sarah smiles as she shakes her head. “That was hardly your fault. I’m guessing Luke didn’t tell you he was married?”

  “Not in the early days, no.”

  “And by the time he did, you were too...involved to do anything about it?”

  Julie nods frantically. “I did try to end things. But Luke just kept reeling me back in.”

  “He’s good at that. Once a salesman...” Sarah blows air out of her cheeks. “He did a number on you, didn’t he?”

  “I’ll say.” Julie forces a smile. “And I thought I’d get some revenge, but then I met you and realized.”

  “What?”

  “That you probably didn’t deserve him. In a good way.”

  “Maybe not. But I’ve made my bed, and if he wants to tell lies in it...” Sarah laughs again. “I’m a big girl. Getting bigger by the day. I know what I’ve gotten myself into. And it’s fine. Honestly it is. I’ll shout at him later, kick him out for a few days, then he’ll practically come crawling back and I’ll forgive him, and he’ll be on his best behavior until...” She gives a flat-lipped smile. “Well, until the next time. And yes, one day, I might decide to put my foot down, but right now? This is kind of how it works.”

  She smiles again, though it still looks a little forced, then nods toward the ice cream stand opposite. “Fancy one?”

  And whether Julie’s genuinely hungry, or simply too shocked to argue, I can’t tell. Because she looks at Sarah for a moment, then down at her belly, then at me, and says, simply, “Why the hell not?”

  22

  I have trouble keeping up with Julie on the walk home—possibly because she’s trying to power-walk off the huge waffle cone she’s just wolfed down, but more likely, because she’s trying to get home before the tears start again. Though to be honest, if I was her, I wouldn’t know how to feel right now.

  On the one hand, Sarah’s admission is excellent, because it proves the “it’s not you, it’s me” thing in that it wasn’t Julie, it was Luke, which means Julie shouldn’t feel bad about herself at all. Though on the other hand, not only has Luke duped her, but so has his wife, and if that’s the case, how can she possibly be sure about anything ever again?

  Fortunately, Priya’s coming over tonight, so maybe she’ll be able to help. Though by the time she knocks on the door, Julie’s hardly moved from the sofa.

  “Jesus, Jules!” Priya follows Julie back down the hall and into the front room. “I’d say, cheer up, it might never happen, but by the looks of things, it already has!”

  Julie doesn’t say anything. Instead, she eyes the bottle of wine that Priya’s brought, so Priya hands it over.

  “Jesus, Jules!” Priya says again, when Julie unscrews the top and takes a swig directly from the bottle. “Why don’t I get a couple of glasses, and you can tell me all about it?”

  Julie gives her a suit-yourself look, and reluctantly allows Priya to take the bottle back like a toddler being forced to relinquish its favorite toy, then she follows her into the kitchen, with me trailing behind obediently. Priya retrieves the two wineglasses from where they’re still sitting on the draining board after her visit on Friday and pours a generous glug of Chardonnay into each of them. “So?” she says, both eyebrows raised.

  Julie sits down at the kitchen table, rips open the bag of Kettle Chips that Priya’s just produced, and stuffs a handful into her mouth. “Surumph numph,” she says.

  “What?”

  Julie makes the “hold on” sign with her hand, chews a few times, then swallows, wincing when she realizes she hasn’t quite chewed enough.

  “Sarah knew.”

  Priya lowers herself into the opposite chair, and hands Julie a glass of wine. “What about?”

  “Luke and me.”

  “Christ! That’s... I don’t know what that is.” Priya shakes her head as she helps herself to a chip, which she passes to me. “And she still wanted to be your friend?”

  I crunch the Kettle Chip as Julie relates this afternoon’s encounter to Priya, swallowing it in time to hear Julie’s final squirm.

  “Crikey.” Priya does a little shake of the head to show admiration. “She has just gone way up in my estimation.”

  Julie gives Priya a look, then takes a large gulp of wine. “I tried to tell her. But she said she already knew. Said she’s always known. And about the others.”

  “There have been others?” Priya stops herself. “Of course there have been. Are you going to tell Luke?”

  “Sarah asked me not to. Said it could be our little secret. Besides, what good would that do?”

  “Quite.”

  “Plus it’d mean I’d have to speak to him again. And it’s bad enough having to deal with him on a professional basis.”

  “And how do you feel about this particular bombshell?”

  “I don’t know. How should I feel about it?”

  Priya thinks for a moment. And then a moment longer. “Relieved?” she suggests, eventually.

  Julie stares at her for a second or two, raises her glass to her mouth, then puts it straight back down again, just at that point where she’d been about to take a sip, spilling some down the front of her T-shirt. “You’re right,” she says, frowning down at the stain. “I should. But instead, I feel so stupid. And used. And...”

  “Let me stop you there,” says Priya, firmly. “You weren’t stupid, or used. You were conned. And there’s a difference.”

  “And that difference is?”

  “You wanted to believe you and Luke had a future. He led you to believe that too. And now you know that was never a possibility.” Priya picks her glass up and holds it out toward Julie in the “cheers” position. “If you ask me, you should be celebrating.”

  “Celebrating?”

  “The end of Luke. Now you can finally stop wasting your time with him and find someone more...appropriate.”

  “I suppose.” Julie reaches out with her glass and halfheartedly chinks it against Priya’s. “But I don’t think I�
�ll ever be able to trust a man again.”

  “Yes, you will.”

  “And how do I do that, Miss Smartypants?”

  “By finding one you can trust,” says Priya, as if it’s as simple as that.

  And though Julie looks like she doesn’t agree, I’m pretty sure she does. Mainly because she already has.

  * * *

  It’s nearly bedtime, and Julie and Priya are flicking through Netflix and debating whether they’ve got the energy to start watching another episode of Suits when there’s a frantic knocking on the front door. From a standing start, I’m there, barking furiously, in approximately half a nanosecond, and when Julie eventually catches up, her tentative “Who is it?” gets the one answer we don’t want to hear.

  “It’s me.”

  Julie smiles archly, as if it’s something she’s been expecting. “I’m sorry. You’ll have to be a little bit more specific.”

  “Come on, Julie!”

  “I’m sorry, I still don’t...”

  “It’s Luke!”

  “Luke who?”

  “Julie, please!”

  “What do you want?”

  “I need to see you.”

  Julie glances down at me, and I do my best to put on an expression that says, “don’t open the door!” but it must only half get through, because she puts the chain on, then cracks it open. Almost immediately, a flustered-looking Luke jams his face in through the gap between the door and the frame. He’s obviously not realized the chain’s on, so he sort of gets himself wedged in by his ears, much like a child did in the metal fence surrounding the park’s playground the other week.

  “Do you know what the time is?”

  “It’s late, I know, but...”

  “I was just about to go to bed.”

  Luke can’t help himself. “Excellent timing, then,” he says, with a grin, but Julie gives him a withering look, then moves to close the door.

  “Julie, please. We need to talk.”

  He’s stuck a foot in the door too, doing his best to keep the pressure off his ears, and I’m willing Julie to slam it really hard. The gap’s certainly big enough for me to slip through and chase him down the garden path, and I’m seriously considering it, because that’s exactly where I’m worried he’s about to try to lead Julie.