by C L Walker
My mother’s door burst open, and she clicked her tongue when she saw me lying on the floor. “Maybe you should get up on time instead of running out of the house causing a racket at seven-thirty in the morning!”
Maybe you should shut the hell up.
I pulled myself up and covered my chin as I felt the blood slowly trailing down.
I was in physical pain but all I could think about was how nice it would have been if she had run out of her room to scoop me up into her arms to make sure that I was okay.
But I wasn’t a little girl any longer, and I didn’t need her.
She twisted her mouth into something ugly. “I’m not paying for stitches, so you better go bandage that up yourself.”
She passed me on her way to the kitchen and offered nothing else as expected.
She had been even more cruel since she hadn’t heard from Jack and all I could do is hope that she didn’t realize he wasn’t coming back before I could get out.
“Would it kill you to ask if I’m okay?” I asked, nearly choking on my emotions.
I’m so sick of her and I’m so sick of me!
I didn’t know why I even bothered, maybe because my birthday was a little over a week away and I was about to be gone anyway. Or maybe because she had been planning to leave me after taking her shit out on me for years and it infuriated me.
She dropped the cup she was washing in the sink and slammed down the lever on the faucet. “You’re alive, aren’t you? Any idiot can see that.” She took a step towards me and I took one back. “Grow the fuck up, Skylar.”
“Fuck you,” I said between clenched teeth.
“What?” She paused as a mixture of shock and rage painted her face.
“Fuck you!” I screamed as loudly as I could.
When she grabbed the frying pan off the stove, I knew that I had better run before I received a pan to the face.
I ran to the door and straight out it without looking behind me.
After a few minutes I stopped to wipe my chin on the inside of my sweater because I had nothing else to stop it from dripping before I took off again.
I was walking to my classroom when I saw Micah in the hallway as he walked towards me, so I immediately turned around and went the other direction. There was no way I was going to face him first thing in the morning, because having all day Sunday to ponder what had happened between us simply wasn’t enough time.
I had to go the long way to my class, but it was worth every step, every bead of sweat that was trickling down my spine just to avoid him.
But then when I rounded the final corner I had to come to a sudden stop because he was leaning against the wall next to my class waiting for me.
“I’ve been looking for you,” he said, “so it was a waste of both of our time for you to walk halfway around the school to try and avoid me.”
Perhaps. But I still felt good about my efforts, at least I could say that I tried.
“Now, I have to ask you something,” he said flatly, before he turned fully to meet my eyes. “What the hell happened to your face?”
I touched my chin hesitantly; the blood had dried but I hadn’t had time to slap a band aid over it.
So much for avoiding him and his inevitable questions.
I tried to walk past him, but he blocked my way, so I said, “I fell. It’s no big deal.”
“Why do you keep letting her do this to you?” He put his hands on my shoulders and I looked down at one of them nervously.
I felt myself blush as I recalled where his hands had been on Saturday, and that was all over my body.
“Sky?” His sincere tone caught my attention, he was worried but for once he had no reason to be.
“I really fell.”
“I’m supposed to believe that?”
I watched his bottom lip as he ran his tongue over it and my stomach flipped. He was concerned I was being beat to shit, and I was solely concerned with how it felt to have his mouth against mine as I recalled just how he tasted.
I was freaking myself out, how could I want him so badly when he annoyed me most of the time?
Not like this!
He rolled his eyes and dropped his hands from my shoulders. “Oh, for fucks sake can you focus on my words for two seconds?”
But I didn’t feel inclined to grant his wish, I either wanted him to use his body to make me forget again or I wanted him to get out of my face.
He smiled to himself, looked away and cleared his throat.
“I’m fine. I have to get to class.” I tried to take a step forward and he stopped me again. “Micah! Move!”
His voice softened as he said, “Tell me what happened.”
“I told you that I fell!”
When he still looked unsatisfied, I grabbed his sleeve and pulled him to the other side of the hall, so we weren’t by the door to my classroom.
“I’ve been having nightmares, and what I mean by that is I was dreaming about you ripping my heart from my chest after you pranced around a black flamed fire in very revealing clothing.”
I paused a moment when his eyebrows rose in surprise and I almost lost the confidence to continue, but when he didn’t speak, I figured it was safe to finish.
“Because of these dreams I’ve been sleeping even worse so I woke up late, I couldn’t even shower and I was sweating my ass off, not that you needed to know that,” I said. “Anyway, so I was running late, and I wasn’t watching what I was doing, so in my haste I tripped and fell face first onto the floor.”
“So, you did lie. You have been dreaming about me?” His eyes lit with mischief.
I pointed a finger at him. “Don’t even think about teasing me or asking for more information about them because I won’t share!”
“We will see about that.” His eyes dipped to my chin. “But for now, let’s get you to the nurse.”
That wasn’t exactly what I was hoping he would say, I thought maybe for once he would leave me be.
“No! It’s a small cut and I have band aids in my backpack.” I didn’t have any reason for not wanting to go to the nurse other than it was a hassle, but it probably didn’t help him to believe that I fell.
“That cut looks deep, at least have her take a look at it and clean it.” He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a look that told me he meant business.
“I will after class.” I pushed past him, ran to my classroom, grabbed the door, and swung it open.
Much to my surprise he walked in behind me, but I didn’t let it discourage me as I forged ahead.
“Hi Mrs. Jones,” he said. “Skylar fell on her way here and refuses to see the nurse so I’m going to just drop our bags here…” He pulled my bookbag out of my hand and set it by her desk. “…and I’m going to take her.” He stepped towards me with a charming smile on his face, but I knew better than to fall for it, so I took a step back.
I rolled my eyes at his prince charming antics, he saved me once and it clearly got to his head. The whole thing was laughable until he put his arms around my body and hoisted me up over his shoulder in front of everyone.
To my horror they broke out in murmurs and someone whistled, and Mrs. Jones simply said, “Watch her head on the way out.”
What kind of teacher lets a girl get hauled off to God knows where, by some random boy who could be anyone? In fact, he was a dangerous someone… a vampire someone. The education system is corrupt!
Halfway down the hallway he chuckled, no doubt at my expense when I hadn’t said a word as I hung over him as stiff as a board, as I was unwilling to make it any easier on him.
“I knew you were mad,” I said.
“I’m not mad at all.”
I snickered at his stupidity. “I meant mad as in insane, crazy, looney, bat shit crazy… you know that kind of mad.”
“Ouch.”
“Don’t even try to make me feel bad, you know you deserve everything I throw back at you.”
“Whatever you say.” He laughed.
&nb
sp; “I’m serious, I decided I’m going to be really mean to you.”
He opened a door and I noted that we were passing through the courtyard as he said, “It’s a little late for that but go ahead.”
“Damn it!” I Whisper yelled. “I’m serious, I’m going to take all my shit out on you.”
“I can handle it.”
A minute went by and even though we were almost to the nurse’s office I felt the need to fill the silence with more nonsense he didn’t care about.
“Thanks for drawing so much attention to us,” I said. “All I wanted to do was study for the test tomorrow. It’s kind of important.”
“So is your pretty face,” he said too loudly as we passed someone in the hallway.
It was Carrie who happened to be a gossip just like her mom. Great.
I couldn’t blame her when she turned around to look at who it was that he was carrying because if it were me, I would be curious as well.
Yep, that’s right, it’s me, the girl who never draws unnecessary attention to herself yet has her face in Micah’s ass.
I gave her a weak smile before I relaxed my head and continued to look at his ass, and it was a nice one to be honest so it could have been worse.
“A band aid would have been fine,” I mumbled.
When he ignored my comment, I started to wiggle to worm my way out of his arms, but he didn’t give an inch. Instead, he smacked my ass hard and said, “Behave yourself.”
I straightened out my body as I yelped and tried to cover my cheeks, but I couldn’t reach them. “Or what, you big jerk? That freaking hurt!”
He set me down outside of the nurse’s office, stepped into my space and forced me back into the wall.
Having intense conversations while my back was pressed firmly against something was a regular occurrence for us and it hit me for the first time that it wasn’t normal. His need to trap me, to be so close to me was strange, and he had been doing it since the beginning.
He put a hand against the wall above my head and leaned on it. “Or I’ll have to put you over my knee and give you a few more.”
The most astonishing part of the whole thing was that he had the audacity to give me a knowing look paired with a seductive smile as he threatened me.
When his fingers grazed my cheek softly, I almost lost it as a sigh was on the tip of my tongue before I finally pushed his hand away.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” I slipped out from between him and the wall. “Just because we… because we–” I recalled once again how good he made me feel, better than I had ever felt in my life as he had given me a moment of sheer bliss in which everything else was forgotten.
I felt equal parts ashamed, excited, sexually charged, and angry about what had happened between us. It was a drunken moment that served to remind me that I also wasn’t in control when I drank, no one was.
“Because we what now?” he asked as if he didn’t know exactly what I was trying to say.
I checked around us before I leaned in closer to him. “As I was saying, just because we did that thing on Saturday, it doesn’t mean you have permission to put your hands on me in any kind of way.”
“You mean just because we made out and you rubbed yourself against me until you fell apart so prettily as you said my name like it was a fucking prayer?” he asked with a look of complete seriousness on his face.
That was it. The last straw. I was going to have a meltdown.
I jumped up and covered his mouth with my hand. “Shut your mouth! This is bad enough without you thinking it meant something.”
I checked down both ends of the hallway again and once I was satisfied at their emptiness; I dropped my hand as he rolled his eyes at me.
“Oh, come on, you can at least admit it now, that no matter how much you hate me, you want me just as badly.”
“Ew!” I started laughing hysterically. I couldn’t even catch my breath, and I was pacing back and forth in front of him while he calmly watched it all unfold. I was losing it.
It wasn’t even funny because it was true, I did hate him so how in the hell could I possibly enjoy what we did. It was upsetting. I didn’t want it to be him even if he was sexy. He was the first guy to ever make me feel something, and I’d remember him forever for that and it pissed me off.
“You can stop laughing now. I hear you loud and clear, you don’t want me and what we did meant nothing to you.” He started to walk backwards away from me and just when I thought I was winning the battle he said, “But now I won’t touch you again until you beg for it.”
“I would never–”
He cut me off and said, “Oh, babe, that’s adorable but trust me you will, I’ll make sure of it.”
He obviously wanted something from me as well or else he wouldn’t even bother bringing it up or bluntly saying we would come together like he had at the party before I left. But we never talked about what he wanted, or about the lies he told because he was always focused on mine.
I stomped into the nurse’s office, got my chin cleaned up and got back to class with twenty-five minutes left to study.
When class was over, I went into covert mode as I roamed the hallways. I kept my head down and looked around every corner but unfortunately, there was someone that had been at the party that I didn’t want to talk to around each of them.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when someone said, “What’s up, drunky?”
“Hey, Jesse. How’s it going?”
Jesse eyed me with amusement in his hazel eyes. “Everyone was happy to see you getting a little crazy on Saturday.”
“What?” My mind went immediately to what I did with Micah.
“Come on, everyone knows why you hold back, and everyone also adores you, you’re probably the nicest one out of all of us, so it was nice to see you enjoying yourself.” He smiled and any residual shame I felt dried up as I allowed myself to feel like I was a part of something.
“You don’t think I was ...uhm... too wild?”
He laughed awkwardly. “Nah, I mean Micah’s the only guy you’ve done anything risqué with that anyone knows of, and I wouldn’t call a little aggressive making out shameful either way.”
‘Aggressive making out’ was putting it mildly so I gathered that people hadn’t guessed the extent of what we had done.
“Thank you, Jesse,” I said in a tone of voice that I hoped conveyed just how much his words meant to me.
“For what?”
“Being kind.”
He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in the direction I had been walking in before because we had second period together. “You don’t have to thank me and don’t worry about Saturday, no one cares and there are more scandalous things that took place that night that everyone is talking about today.”
I nodded my head as I eased myself out from under his arm.
“Sorry, I should have asked.”
I shook my head. “No worries.”
“Can I say we are sort of friends now?”
I considered his hesitation and how my personality played a role in making people approach me in such a way. Sai had been the only person I had let in and Micah was the first one to force his way in and they were rarities.
I felt disappointed in myself, but I had to remember that who I was in the past didn’t have to be who I was in that moment or moving forward.
“How about we say we are friends, not ‘sort of friends.’” I hoped that I was making the right choice.
He seemed to relax. “Sounds good.”
Once in the classroom we walked to our seats, his was right in front of mine so we continued to talk.
“Are you and Micah dating or what?” he asked without turning around, and he pulled his English book out of his backpack.
“No,” I said firmly, which caused him to turn around and give me a look. “Seriously, no. I actually have no clue why I did that, alcohol sure is a blinder.”
He continued to look at me funnily and
waited.
“What?”
“A drunken mind speaks a sober heart,” he said, and winked.
I laughed loudly. “But I didn’t say anything.”
A drunken mind supposedly acted on the heart, it acted on its true intentions and wants. But who knows? Sometimes people did weird things when they were drunk that they would never do sober. It’s not a one shoe fits all situation, as it depends on the person. As for me, I was sure that my heart wasn’t involved, it was just my body.
“You know it’s meant figuratively, not literally,” he said.
“I know, I just don’t think it applies to us.”
“Just because you don’t think it applies it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t.” He finally sat down but he still faced me. “And he’s a nice guy, I don’t know what he did to make you think he’s an asshole but you’re the only one who thinks that.”
“Nice guy…ha, so I have been told.”
“Maybe you are too hard on him,” he suggested.
I scrunched up my nose and shook my head.
He chuckled. “Well, it’s something to think about anyway.”
“Why does everyone want me to consider him?”
“Maybe we see something you don’t,” he offered thoughtfully.
And maybe they saw something I was pretending that I didn’t see.
Twenty
Skylar
I didn’t quite know why but on my way to school I began to feel overwhelmed with anxiousness, I felt as if I had reached the bottom and there was no crawling back out.
I knew it would pass because it always did but randomly, I would experience moments of such despair and helplessness that I almost thought life wasn’t worth living.
I was so scared for it to be my birthday, but why?
I was about to be free of her so why did I feel like my world was spinning even more out of control?
Please, go away. Everything is going to get better. There is nothing to fear.
I walked through the parking lot with my head down, as I hoped it would send a clear message to anyone who thought to speak to me that it was a bad time to do so.