New Identity

by Tenaya MKD

  I got up to face her, unable to keep my breathing even anymore, leaning slightly to one side where my rib cage felt pinched.

  “You need me to back off, Nova? It looks a little like I’m kicking your ass.” Her condescending tone and matching smirk made me grind my teeth.

  “I think it’s my turn now,” I said.

  She laughed. “Fine.”

  I lunged at her, planning to slam her to the ground as hard as I could. But she grabbed my arm and sidestepped me, yanking it behind my back with my elbow locked straight. Pain shot down my arm into my fingers. I couldn’t help but wince. She pulled my arm back higher, forcing me to bow. Every muscle in my body tensed, urging me to act—to fight back. She laughed. And the infuriating cackle pushed me over the edge.

  My body took over. My leg shot back, kicking her in the knee. The impact unbalanced her enough that I was able to yank my arm free and take a few steps back, before facing her again.

  She smirked. Then her mouth opened, as if she planned to say something. But before she got the chance, I lunged at her again.

  I uppercut into her ribs. Her breath blew across my face as it rushed out of her lungs. Then, aiming for her nose, I threw my fist forward with all my strength. She tried to block my punch, but my fist knocked her arm away, as if it were no more than a feather in its path.

  When my knuckles connected, she flew back at least ten feet. She yelped as she landed off the sparring pad, and the back of her head smacked against the ground. Blood flowed freely from her nose, pooling on the floor.

  She didn’t move.

  “Fuck, Nova!” Eric yelled as he ran over to check on her.

  The cloud of rage I’d been in lifted, and it hit me what I’d just done. I had wanted to hurt her, but I hadn’t meant to do that. I had no idea how I’d done that…

  “Is she… okay?” I asked, frozen where I stood. The entire room was still. With each moment that passed between my question and his answer, the air seemed to get colder.

  He sat Harper up. Her head bobbed slightly, and her eyes fluttered, but she came to. She wiped her nose with the palm of her hand, smearing blood across her cheek.

  I didn’t know what to do or say. So, I just stood there, wishing I had Zane’s power so I could escape all of the eyes I could feel glued to me.

  “Eric, take her to see Sam,” Quinn said, from somewhere to my right.

  He tried to pick Harper up, but she pushed him away. “I can walk!”

  He rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’m walking with you though.”

  When she stepped toward me, I assumed she was heading for the door behind me. But as soon as she was within reach, she punched me in the jaw.

  My vision went black before I hit the ground.

  The exposed lightbulb above my head was blinding. I tried to blink away the spots it put in my vision, but each time I opened my eyes, it blinded me again. Something was holding me in place, stopping me from turning or lifting my head to escape it.

  My head throbbed. Like I’d been punched by a raging bitch.

  Oh, wait...

  “Hello?” I called.

  “Nova, I'm glad you're awake!” It was Sam's singsong voice, coming from somewhere around my feet.

  “This light really sucks. Can you please let me up?”

  “Oh goodness! Sorry!” She danced over and unclipped the strap that had been holding my head down.

  “What is that thing for?”

  “It’s just a precaution. Didn’t want you thrashing that concussed head around.” She smiled. No one could say she lacked bedside manner.

  “How long was I out?”

  “Not long enough,” Harper said. My chest tightened at the sound of her voice. I hadn’t noticed her lying in the bed next to mine. “Looks like I need to work on my right hook.”

  I glared at her while my fingers found the tender spot on my jaw. Then the memory of our fight flooded back to me. Particularly the image of Harper’s face, laying in a puddle of blood on the floor. My eyes dropped to my lap. “I didn't mean to hit you like that...”

  She laughed, but winced like it hurt to do so. “What bullshit! I have a broken nose and two broken ribs!”

  “You threw her back quite a distance with that punch,” Sam said. “It must have taken effort…”

  “It didn't though! I mean, of course I wanted to hit her, but I don’t know how hitting her that hard was even possible! I wouldn’t have done that on purpose—even if she did deserve it.”

  Harper scoffed. “Fuck you! How do we know what you would, or wouldn’t, do? We just met you! And you’ve told us nothing about yourself. You don’t even know who you are! No one trusts you eno—”

  “Alright, Harper! That’s enough,” Sam said. Harper growled, but obeyed. I brought my hands up to my temples to rub away the sharp ache that was building behind my eyes.

  “Nova, lie back down, please,” Sam asked. “I want to check something.” When I looked up, her eyes were narrowed, but she was smiling. It was an odd look—something between puzzled and ecstatic.

  She approached me with a handheld device that had a crystal wired into it. It reminded me of the GWNN crystal, but this one wasn't glowing in the magnificent way that GWNN did. I obeyed, being careful to close my eyes before the overhead light had the chance to blind me again.

  As she passed her device over my head, back and forth, its shadow danced over my eyelids. It was a full minute of scanning, and Sam murmuring to herself, before she stopped. “Nova! You are full of fun surprises!” Paired with my headache, her cheer was irritating.

  I was sure I didn't want to know what new surprise I had in store for me, but I asked anyway. “What do you mean?”

  “Have you ever done anything else that required more strength than you should have?”

  The bent table immediately came to mind. “Maybe. Why?”

  “You are still developing powers!” She was practically singing, she was so excited. “I've never seen someone with more than one power before, but you clearly have two separate wave signatures now. Another one has developed!”

  “You’re joking!” Harper tried to sit up, but she winced, clutching her side.

  I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared at Sam like she’d grown a second head.

  “Your readings are oscillating really erratically, similar to a child whose powers are just presenting. However, in your case, these are consistently much higher numbers. Your readings have always been unique, and I didn't know what they indicated, but I think this is the explanation. You’ve developed superstrength! I've never seen anything like this!”

  A wave of nausea crashed over me, followed by a familiar wave of panic. It was like I was standing in Ashley’s bathroom, losing grip on my identity, all over again.

  I have no control...

  As I sat up, Chief Markham, Cayde, and Eric all walked in together. Cayde was first at my side, to ask if I was okay.

  “I'm fine, I’m fine. Stop worrying.”

  “I have a concussion, a broken nose, and two broken ribs! Thanks for asking,” Harper said sharply.

  Eric sat on the foot of her bed, facing me. “That was one hell of a catfight! I didn’t realize you had that in you, Nova!”

  I didn’t either.

  Harper kicked him in the back. “She tried to kill me, and that’s what you have to say?”

  He chuckled. “Oh, come on, I don’t think she was trying to kill you.” He leaned closer to me. “Right?”

  “I wasn’t!”

  “You were pretty… intense,” Cayde said. His eyes shifted to the floor. My heart sank.

  No one will ever trust me now.

  I twisted my disappointment into irritation. “Well, she really pissed me off!”

  Harper growled. “I swear, as soon as I’m healed, I’m kicking your ass. Whether you have extra powers or not, you bi—”

  “Is Nova free to go, Sam?” Eric interrupted, putting his hand on Harper’s head, as if he was calming a yapping dog.

>   “Wait, what does she mean, ‘extra powers’?” Cayde asked.

  “Nova is fine to leave, but before she does, I think we should talk about what I just found.”

  “Must we?” I asked. But everyone ignored me.

  Markham’s face lit up. He stepped toward Sam. “Go on.”

  Harper huffed, which led into another wince.

  “Nova is developing more powers. She’s developed superstrength.”

  “I finally have a worthy sparring partner?” Eric asked, with hope in his voice.

  Cayde glared at him, before turning back to Sam. “How is that possible? Has anyone ever had more than one power before? And isn't this kicking in a bit late? People usually get their powers as kids.” His concern was creasing his face.

  It was a comfort to know someone else was as uneasy about this as I was. As cool as a “real” power might be, whatever was going on with me was weird. And it meant I knew even less about myself than I thought.

  “It's the only explanation,” Sam answered. “What is more interesting, is that her readings have not changed now that this power has presented. I would expect that, if she was done developing now, they would even out to something more regular. But her readings are still just as unstable as before.”

  “What are you thinking, Sam?” Chief Markham asked, seeming eager for her to get to the point. I thought I understood what she was implying, and I had to hold my tongue to keep from snapping at her to spit it out.

  “It's possible she is still in flux due to her strength not being fully developed. But based on what just happened in the training room, I think it is more likely that she is still developing powers. She may end up with more than two abilities!”

  “What?!” It was what I’d expected her to say, but that didn’t make it feel any less like she’d slapped me across the face.

  “That is my professional opinion. But, like I mentioned before, this is completely new territory. There is no way to know for sure, other than waiting to see.”

  Harper had turned away from everyone, presumably sick of this conversation. But the eyes of the other people in the room were burning holes through me. Cayde’s were worried, creasing at the corners. But Sam’s and Eric’s had an optimistic twinkle in them that made me uncomfortable.

  Chief Markham was standing farthest from me, in a cop stance with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were narrowed on me, his lips pursed. I could practically see the gears turning in his mind. My stomach was doing flips, pushing up the need to tell everyone in the room to “stop looking at me like that, damnit!” But then I saw Markham’s gears lock into place. His eyes lit up with an idea.

  “Do you know why this is happening to me?” I asked him.

  He shook himself out of his tense stance, erasing the idea from his features. “No. Sorry. I don’t.”

  Liar.

  19

  By dinnertime that night, everyone knew that I was different, and they were very interested in knowing why. I had no explanations for them. And no patience for their questions. The whole week following Sam's diagnosis, people stared when I entered a room. It seemed like whispers were following me everywhere I went. I’d become the village freak.

  Whether people were intrigued by my extra powers, or freaked out by the fact that I was something different, everyone was watching me; waiting to see if I’d have any more powerful outbursts. It was like I was an old grenade with the pin pulled. Laying there, dormant, but capable of going off at any time. I might not go off at all, but how much of a comfort is that when you’re talking about explosives?

  I didn’t blame them for being scared of me. Who in their right mind would want to keep a grenade in their house? I’d only hurt Harper this time; but what might I do the next time? I was scared too.

  My determination to find out what had happened to my body became stronger than ever. If someone could be blamed for making me go through all this shit, then I needed to make them pay. I had lost everything; and just when I was becoming content, building a new life, it all got ripped out from under me too… It wasn’t fair.

  I wouldn't say I had felt “at home” at the facility; I had found comfort in the routine though. As long as Cayde greeted me with coffee, I didn’t even mind getting up early anymore! There was no way to feel comfortable now though; not under everyone’s curious eyes. Not now that I was sure Markham was a liar.

  It was time to leave the facility. In fact, my instincts were telling me to run immediately, and never look back. But I was too afraid of losing my body the moment I went to sleep. In order to leave, I needed to control my powers. And I needed to be sure I could protect myself when Crowley inevitably tracked me down. I was getting closer, but neither of those boxes were checked.

  It felt like I’d been slapped awake from a really vivid dream I’d been having for a month. When Cayde brought me to the facility, I’d known better than to trust these people. Known that I needed to stay focused on getting my past back—that it should be all that mattered.

  But somehow, I’d let myself give up. I’d never have admitted that, even to myself, but it was true. And it had led to me dropping my guard. I’d let myself think I found something I could count on—people I could count on…

  The look on Markham’s face when he flat-out lied to me was the smack across the cheek I’d needed to remember my priorities. Getting strong enough to go find my identity needed to be all that mattered—and that meant not being attached to anyone. Nothing could make me hesitate when the time came to leave. There needed to be no one for me to miss.

  I isolated myself. Meals were eaten in my room, showers taken at night, and I generally kept my head down. If I didn’t have to leave my room, I didn’t.

  If I had been honest with myself, I’d have seen it was too late. I was already attached to certain people. It hurt to shut them out. And it would hurt even more to leave.

  I was rarely honest with myself though.

  There were two quick knocks on the door. “Nova? You’re scheduled to work in the garden this morning.”

  I’d expected him to come for me, like he had every day that week, so I was already dressed in my jumpsuit. But just in case today was the day he finally gave up on me after one knock, I didn’t move from my comfortable position in bed. It was the perfect position for pondering the things that pissed me off and scared me most.

  Why does life insist on fucking me over so frequently? And will I always be at the mercy of an uncontrollable body?

  Cayde knocked again, “Nova? I have your coffee.”

  I groaned, but coffee was the magic word and he knew it. I rolled off the bed and unlocked the deadbolt before plopping back onto the mattress. He let himself in, closing the door behind him.

  “You know I’m not going to let you hide in here all day.”

  “Well, it was worth a try.”

  He stared at me for a moment with a look of pity on his face. Which irritated me more than anything. I was sick of him pitying me. I took the hot mug from him, and held it between my hands, close to my nose. The aroma alone was comforting. Almost comforting enough for me to forget that he was still there, looking at me.

  “I wish I knew the right words to say to help you through what you’re feeling.” He sat on the bed next to me. “It’s so frustrating to be able to feel it and still not know what to do.”

  I kept my eyes on my mug, tapping my thumbs gently against it.

  “I mean, I could help you… but only temporarily.”

  I turned to him so quickly I nearly spilled. “Don’t you dare.”

  He chuckled. “Would you like to talk about it today?”

  I rolled my eyes. He’d asked me this question every day, and my answer had always been the same. “No.”

  He nodded. “I’m sure Eric is already waiting for you in the garden. You aren’t going to make him do all the work alone, are you?”

  “He doesn’t need my help.”

  “That’s not the point.”

  I sig
hed. “Can’t I just stay here until we meet with Quinn tonight? I think everyone would feel safer that way.”

  “I know you’re worried. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried for you too. But I won’t let anything happen to you. Simple as that.” He smiled sweetly. It pierced through me. Straight through the wall I was so carefully constructing around myself.

  It was so tempting to believe that I could let him make this go away for me. That I didn’t have to leave here as soon as possible and put him behind me.

  He pushed himself off the bed and extended his hand down to me. “I assure you; no one is as afraid of you as you are.”

  If only that were true.

  I groaned. But after another sip, I took his hand and let him help me up.

  Sam and Chief Markham were in the garden when I got there. They had no reason to be there, other than waiting for me.

  “Good morning, Nova!” Sam sang. Her face lit up, like it did every time we were in the same room.

  I nodded.

  “How are you feeling?” Markham asked.

  “Fine.”

  “Good. That’s good.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

  The way they were looking at me made my skin crawl. Like I was a shiny, new toy that they didn’t know how to use yet.

  How can I trust anyone who looks at me this way?

  “We just wanted to keep in touch. Monitor how things are progressing for you,” Sam said.

  “You mean, make sure I’m not showing any signs of lighting things on fire in the near future?”

  She laughed. “Something like that. It’s only a matter of time before a new power presents itself, and it would be good if we could have an idea of what to expect. There may be a test or two that I could run if—"

  “No. I will not allow myself to become a test subject. Never.”

  “We don’t want you to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. Just think about it. Okay?” Markham asked.

  I turned away and stalked off to find Eric. “I have work to do.”

  When I found Eric, he was sprawled out, bathing in the light of a sunlamp with his eyes closed. He seemed even taller lying down than he did standing up. Standing at his feet, it was a stretch to see his face.