Conversations With the Crow

by Gregory Douglas

  GD: That’s the usual way. And we will see objective biographies of Hitler start to appear.

  RTC: The Jews would never allow it. Why Adolf personally gassed twenty million Jews, didn’t you know? Between running the war from the German side, he flew back and forth to thousands of enormous death camps, personally shoving thousands of screaming Jews into gas chambers the size of telephone booths and gassing them. What a busy man.

  GD: Well, perhaps not objective books about Hitler, or Stalin, but we can surely expect a new Holocaust book each and every year. The touching memoirs in thirteen volumes of a ghetto resident, filled with touching memories and designed to make lots of money for the Chosen People. An Army colonel once asked me what God chose them for and I told him to wait in line for the showers. He laughed for about five minutes. But we should back off in the Middle East. No good will come of sucking up to Israel unconditionally and that’s the only way they will allow us to suck up. Oh, they might throw a few Jaffa oranges at us from time to time but obedience is required.

  RTC: Well, the Clintons toe the line, believe me, and so will their replacement and on and on.

  GD: Oh, Robert, the wheel turns and what is at the top today will be at the bottom tomorrow Mark me, this always happens.

  RTC: It would be nice if it happened in my lifetime, Gregory, but I am afraid not. Maybe in yours.

  GD: There is always that hope.

  (Concluded at 11:45 AM CST)

  Conversation No. 75

  Date: Tuesday, April 1, 1997

  Commenced: 2:05 PM CST

  Concluded: 2:25 PM CST

  GD: I was having a nice talk with Bill yesterday evening. You now, his wife is a very nice person but he’s getting to be a bore. I mean he has all kinds of lies he keeps trying to shove off on me and it’s all I can do to keep from tossing them back in his face. Carter was going to make him head of the CIA for instance. Winning the French Legion of Honor for another fib. Didn’t. But, I must say he is a sharp person. But Bill makes a very important statement today and tomorrow, forgets about it. How much does he know about the Kennedy business?

  RTC: Not as much as he would like to. I’ve told you more than I ever told him. Why? Because Bill would take that football and try to make a goal with it. You know how to keep your mouth shut.

  GD: A compliment. Everyone else says I can’t keep quiet.

  RTC: Oh, that’s true too but I have noticed that you seem to know just what you’re saying even though it sounds like chatter.

  GD: You think I might be devious?

  RTC: Christ yes. I know you’re devious, Gregory. And I am happy I am your friend. I seem to have heard rumors that your enemies have terrible problems.

  GD: Nonsense. I am a true Christian, Robert. I do unto others before they do unto me.

  RTC: Your friend Atwood hates you.

  GD: I know. He tried to blind side me but I beat him to the punch. People like Jimmy think they can walk on water until they try it and then they drown. Well, I got the gold and he didn’t.

  RTC: And his friends?

  GD: Probably swimming around the Caribbean fornicating with mermaids.

  RTC: More likely as crab bait.

  GD: Such pessimism. Mueller was a pessimist, Robert. He was the same way. Always misinterpreting my pure Christian motivations.

  RTC: I recall the loaded soup.

  GD: Well, they had it coming.

  RTC: Oh, I agree with that. Why didn’t you put something a little stronger into the pot?

  GD: Like roach or rat poison?

  RTC: Well, something like that.

  GD: Mueller asked me the same thing. I have an answer for you, Robert. The same one I gave to Mueller. I only found the detergent. If there were other additives, I never found any. Would I have stuck them into the pot? Well, probably but then we’ll never know, will we? If I had, and if I got away with it, the conspiracy loonies would still be writing books about how the Illuminati were behind it.

  RTC: Oh my God, don’t knock those idiots. They put up such a smokescreen over the Kennedy hit that the truth will never be seen, let alone published. Everyone has their uses, Gregory.

  GD: What about Mongoloids?

  RTC: Entertainment?

  GD: Why not? Hire the handicapped because they’re so much fun to watch.

  RTC: We used to hire the most stupid people in the Company because we could always set them up.

  GD: Sounds like Oswald.

  RTC: Yes, doesn’t it.

  GD: Except Oswald worked for the FBI and ONI instead of you.

  RTC: Notice how quickly they abandoned him.

  GD: Certainly.

  RTC: And then there was Jack Rubenstein.

  GD: Comic relief. I wonder what happened to his dog?

  RTC: The Dallas cops ate her at a barbecue.

  GD: And they killed her afterwards?

  RTC: We are veering into the lewd, Gregory.

  GD: Sheba. A dachshund. They don’t make good eating.

  RTC: You speak from experience?

  GD: Ah, but with a really good sauce and a first class Burgundy, even a dog tastes pretty good.

  RTC: Have you….

  GD: No. I remember one time, I had a friend who worked in the city morgue in San Francisco and someone stuck a dead baby in a box and left it there. It was winter so it was pretty fresh. He was on the night shift and was drunk so he called me up and said he had a present. Not a nice person.

  RTC: He gave you the poor baby? What did you do with it?

  GD: Put on the back seat of someone’s car and called the police. Such excitement.

  RTC: Who was the fortunate recipient?

  GD: I don’t know. It was an expensive car parked near a fancy restaurant. Stirred things up a bit. The dead baby probably went back to the morgue, a bit shopworn, and the car owner and the police had a stimulating and unforgettable evening.

  RTC: A monster.

  GD: Oh, I know and I sleep upside down like a big bat. I wonder, speaking of dead babies, how much longer Jimmy Atwood will last? We do have a bet.

  RTC: As I recall. Jim called me a week or so ago but he never said a word. Remind me to send you a thick stack of his reports from Pullach. He and the Gehlen people. My God, they hired half the Gestapo there.

  GD: I knew a number of them. I would love to stick him with that. Papers might help a bit.

  RTC: Now Jim is furious so perhaps it might not be a good idea for you to poke sticks at him. He has wiped out a number of people in his life so watch him.

  GD: He’d better watch me, Robert. I’ll bet he told others to do the dirty deeds. I take care of my own problems. Sure he didn’t talk about me?

  RTC: Positive. He’s working on a book that will sell all of ten copies. He read your books and I know from his reports that he can’t hold a candle to you as far as literary style is concerned. I did needle him a bit when I said how well you wrote.

  GD: Did you mean it?

  RTC: Yes. His book will be an exercise in mendacity and self-adulation.

  GD: You took the words right out of my mouth. I’ve been eating some Limburger cheese, Robert, so don’t inhale.

  (Concluded at 2:25 PM CST)

  Conversation No. 76

  Date: Friday, April 11, 1997

  Commenced: 7:15 PM CST

  Concluded: 7:50 PM CST

  GD: Good evening, Robert. Too late for you?

  RTC: No, finished eating a bit ago and was just about to start a book on the Afghanistan business the Russians had. Not a problem.

  GD: Your people armed the natives there.

  RTC: Oh, yes, and the Russian helicopters fell from the heavens like leaves from trees in the fall.

  GD: You created a Frankenstein’s monster there, Robert. Those tribesmen are deadly guerrilla fighters and when they’re not fighting invaders like Alexander the Great and the British, who knows who they might go after next? Well, history counts for nothing with those who do not understand it. I had some utterly mindless tw
it talking to me the other day and somehow they got off on out-of-body experiences. They were telling me about this Remote Viewing business and said the CIA had invented it.

  RTC: My God, not that crap again, Gregory. Yes, we started it. You see, we got news that the Russians were working on psychic phenomena called psychotronics. The theory, and it was never more than that in my mind, was that an agent who was trained could give information about something hidden from physical observation while the so-called viewer was at a distance from the sought-after object. This was on my watch and was gathering steam about ’69 and into the ‘70’s. Let me see if I can…Gregory, give me a minutes of so and let me get into my files…

  GD: Of course

  (Pause)

  RTC: Here we are. The first program was named SCANATE which, according to this, means scanning by coordinates and we started funding this utter idiocy in ’70. We got a hold of SRI….

  GD: Stanford Research Institute. It’s in Menlo Park, right up the road from me. It was built on Dibble Hospital of the Army. I remember Dibble from the wartime. We used to call it Dribble because they let the nuts out to walk around Menlo Park and piss on parked cars. Dribble. Charlie Burdick used to live in one of the reclaimed Army barracks when he was going to Stanford back in ’52. Sorry to digress, Robert. Please go on.

  RTC: No problem, Gregory. We also used the services of Science Applications International Corporation in the same town. What do you know about SRI? As a local?

  GD: I met some of their people when I worked at Stanford in the hospital. A bunch of drooling nuts if you asked me. Two of their top people ended up in the hospital’s psych ward. One kept hiding in the toilet, claiming someone was trying to get into his mind and the other just sat around talking to himself and wetting his pants. I remember the CIA’s taking over the hospital basement with that Filipino sailor with the plague…

  RTC: Jesus Christ, Gregory, how did you find out about that? That’s a cosmic situation right there.

  GD: Everyone on the pathology staff knew it. When the guy died, they came for the body in a special ambulance and there were armed guards all over the cellar and the loading ramp.

  RTC: You ought not to talk about that.

  GD: What were they doing? Developing something nasty for the Russians?

  RTC: No, in this case, for the Red Chinese.

  GD: Lovely. Never mind that. Go on about the nut fringe.

  RTC: Gregory, I consider myself to be an intelligence agent with an Army background. I consider myself to be innovative enough but not interested in crazy stories about psychic powers. There are no psychic powers, Gregory, only psychos babbling away to themselves. Jesus, some of our people believed all of this. It started out costing about fifty thousand and went upwards from there. A number of us spent some time trying to persuade people like Dulles and Helms to abandon this nonsense, as well as the completely useless MK-Ultra programs that were draining our available funds and spending valuable time on things that did not work and could not work because they were based either on wishful thinking or downright fraud. They had all kinds of con men running around claiming that they were psychic and could see into KGB headquarters. SRI and the morons in the upper levels actually hired the American Institutes for Research crooks to work on some Stargate project in conjunction with the Army and in spite of a total absence of any kind of proof, they only discontinued their crap as late as ’95. I have boxes of gibberish on this. By God, Gregory, we spent twenty million on this fantasy crap before it stopped. McMahon was fascinated with this. He became Deputy Director before he fouled up and got the sack in’82.

  GD: What happened to him?

  RTC: Went to work for Lockheed Martin as a lobbyist. Poor John was another strange one. And Drs Gottleib and Cameron were two more crazies we paid millions to for the purpose of creating controlled agents…mind controlled that is…that we could use as assassins.

  GD: Like the movie.

  RTC: Exactly. They killed people by microwaving them, tossing them out of windows, giving them heart attacks and killing off all kind of failed experiments. Gottleib poisoned them and Cameron lured them out into the Canadian wilds and shot them in the head. My God, what raging idiots and not even the slightest successes. Millions wasted. Joe Trento lusts after these files, which I slipped out when I left, but I really don’t think Joe is capable of doing anything with them. If you want them, I’ll get my son to box them up and ship them to you. Could you use this?

  GD: Love it.

  RTC: Same address in Freeport?

  GD: Absolutely. Many thanks in advance, Robert. I might have some trouble getting a publisher but I can work on it.

  RTC: Well, we control most of the major publishers or if we don’t, they would never dare to put out anything that would get us upset. Hell, we have our man right there in the New York Times and they jump through the hoops, believe me. The Times is in our pocket absolutely. Of course for silence, we give them inside stories. Sometimes, Gregory, the stories are actually true. Can you believe that?

  GD: Why not? I never believe anything I see in the press anyway. But what if the pin heads at Langley…no offense since you’ve left….if the pin heads get wind of this? Don’t tell Trento.

  RTC: No. He’s like the rest of them. If he finds out I gave these to you, he’ll run to Langley and squeal like a pig. And do not, I repeat, do not tell either Kimmel or Bill. Kimmel would run to his bosses and Bill would hire a sound truck. Kimmel doesn’t like you at all but Bill has mixed feelings. No man can serve two masters, let alone nine or ten and poor Bill runs around, filled with self-importance and looking for a pat on the head.

  GD: If he tries anything on me, I’ll give him something very hard on the head. Or through it.

  RTC: Now, now, Gregory, violence is not the solution. If you want to get at either of them, feed them some disinformation and then when they run around chattering about it, in the end, they’ll make fools of themselves. Then, no one will believe them and you will have made your point.

  GD: Poor Irving is hysterical about the Mueller book. Such a bad writer and a worse ideologue. That one has about run his course and one of these days, the loud-mouthed Jew will go too far and get nailed.

  RTC: Is Irving a Jew?

  GD: His mother was, so according to Jewish practice, David must be one as well. Well, I know some rabid Nazis, Robert and at least two of them are self-hating Jews. Well, they’re making money with it so God bless them. Yes, I can use anything you send me. That file on Critchfield is pure gold. If I ever published it, he would probably shoot at me but in Washington, people would point at him in the streets and laugh.

  RTC: I wouldn’t weep over that but be careful with him. He has friends.

  GD: Amazing. I take your point. Maybe he can catch a heart attack or get cancer. Look at what happened to Ruby. Got cancer right in the jail. That can be done, you know, by an injection. The heart attack we both know about. No trace at the post and off to the maggot buffet in a tin box. Better than shooting them at a play or tossing out the window like they did in the ‘40s, right?

  RTC: Yes, a little subtlety is not a bad idea at times. Well, it will mean more room here for other things so I’ll see what else I have on these idiot games and see you get it.

  GD: Oh, psychics are wonderful, Robert. If you pay them enough, they’ll see all kinds of brilliance in you. People are such idiots. But still, when I want to really laugh, I read some of the material on the Kennedy business. Umbrellas, men in sewers and everything else. How much of that garbage did your people make up?

  RTC: We have people still cranking it out but there are so many nuts out there that we really needn’t bother.

  GD: Well, from what I read about the fantasy world of Dallas in ’63, most of the brilliant ones could get their haircuts in a pencil sharpener.

  (Concluded at 7:50 PM CST)

  Conversation No. 77

  Date: Tuesday, March 4, 1997

  Commenced: 2:30 PM CST

  Conclud
ed: 3:10 PM CST

  GD: It’s a little late in the day., Robert. Am I OK on my timing?

  RTC: Not a problem, Gregory. Lunch is over long ago. I did hear from Bill last night about that material on Hillary.

  GD: What about it?

  RTC: Oh, it’s all true but it will never get into the papers. Those things never do.

  GD: Some of it, the stuff about Bob Treuhaft[59] in Oakland, did. In the Chronicle.

  RTC: A fluke. What was your source?

  GD: Military collector who was also in the California State Police office in Sacramento. He copied the file and sent it to me.

  RTC: Well, they aren’t up for reelection so there’s no point in beating a dead horse. But not a surprise.

  GD: I suppose with her background, when they get out of office, the pair of them, she can become the mayor of Skokie or if we have another Democrat president, the ambassador to Israel.

  RTC: Sad to say but they’re everywhere you look these days. Back in the reign of Franklin I, they filled the ranks of State and stood right next to the Oval Office. Of course, they pilfered all our secrets and sent them off to Russia. That was their new homeland, after all, and Stalin loved them. Or so they thought. When Bill and I were working on our KGB book, I discovered that Joe hated them and when they managed to kill him with rat poison, was planning a super pogrom in Moscow. No, the regular Russians loathe and fear them and now that Putin is coming up, they are fleeing to Israel like fleas leaving a dead dog. The problem with this, as we know, is that the ranks of Israeli intelligence are now full of fresh blood what with the refuseniks pouring into the country and believe me, Gregory, any scrap of secret information, every secret code, that we mistakenly give to the Israeli government will end up in Moscow about ten seconds after they get it. Multiply Pollard about a hundred times and you’ll see the real picture. I told Jim dozens of times to keep away from the Hebrews but Jim never listened. He was hip deep with the mob but they weren’t trying to sell the dreaded white man down the river like the Jews do. My God, I wouldn’t let them into my department because I know what they’re like but they’ve gotten in the door elsewhere. Pollard was only the tip of a huge iceberg.