Darkness in Green & Gold: A contemporary fantasy adventure (Green & Gold, book 3)

by Jo Holloway

  “I’m sorry.” The voice in her mind ached with her.

  Cara fell out of bed with a crash, and the cry from her lips fell silent. Swearing, she scrambled to her feet.

  “Sorry, Delaney.”

  Her roommate reeled back at the sudden motion. Delaney had been leaning over her, probably trying to shake her awake. Again.

  Cara stumbled to the window and sagged against the windowsill, pushing the glass open wider. The start of April had brought nice weather, but for some stupid reason, the heaters in the dorms kept pushing out hot air. If only she could blame the heat for the sheen of sweat on her skin.

  “Do you want me to get Liv?” Delaney whispered with a note of panic. “Talking to her always makes you feel better after one of your . . .”

  Don’t say episodes.

  “Nightmares,” Cara filled in. She checked the dial of her dad’s watch by the moonlight and wished for the thousandth time he was around to talk to about this. Three o’clock in the morning. “No. I’ll be fine. Don’t wake her. I’m sorry I woke you up, D.”

  “Don’t be. Do you want to tell me about it?” Delaney sat on the edge of her bed.

  She shook her head at her friend’s offer. How could she explain a nightmare where she hadn’t been herself? Hadn’t even been human? Especially when it felt so real.

  Especially when they kept happening when she was awake too.

  That first night after the disastrous encounter with the Pyx at Whalton manor, and after the first waking nightmare of the blizzard, she’d woken to the sound of Amy returning well past midnight. While the quiet murmurs of Amy talking to Dr. Flanagan had trickled out of the office, Cara had checked her phone.

  The message from Rhys said the ambulance had taken Lydia away and the police had arrived. At the time, they had been waiting for their dad to drive up from the city so he could be there while Rhys and Liv were interviewed, and then they would all stay at the manor that night. Her surprise that he’d been the one to message her instead of Liv had been quickly overwhelmed by concern for them both being forced to lie to the police about how they’d found Lydia. Liv hadn’t even been there. Fortunately, they had so few details to offer that their story didn’t really matter.

  Naturally, like any secret around here, the whole school had buzzed with rumors about it within the day. The upside of this was that rumors about the photo from the gala, or whatever the girl had told Emma at the dance, never really materialized. Cara had hidden out with Wes and Jory, and Wes had recounted the full story so Jenyx, Tomyx, and Jory were all caught up. Cara’s mom had also phoned to share the “news” about Lydia. Apparently she was still listed as the woman’s emergency contact and had been called to the hospital where Lydia was being treated.

  When Liv had returned late that afternoon and marched into the boys’ room, she’d ignored Jory entirely for once and pulled Cara into her arms. Then she’d kicked the boys out of their own room and made them take the animals with them, leaving her and Cara completely alone.

  “Rhys told me everything. I’ve never seen him so freaked out,” she’d said.

  “I know. I hate that he’s reliving what he went through with you, and it’s all my fault.”

  “No, listen. What I’m trying to say is, he’s freaked, but he doesn’t really know what it’s like. I mean, I know what happened to me was different, but I’m the only other person you know who’s had one of them in her head, unless you go talk to Lydia. But I think she’ll be out of commission for a while.”

  “No, Liv. You’re right. It’s totally different. It was a year and a half for you, and you almost died. Actually, you did die. That’s a million times worse. No comparison. Don’t feel bad for me.”

  “Cara. Of course I do. I wouldn’t want this for anyone, least of all my best friend.” Liv had held her while she fought off tears. “Promise me you’ll talk to me. Having you guys around helped me so much when I first came back. Don’t shut down, okay?”

  It was fine for Liv to say. And Cara had tried. She’d really tried at first.

  The next vision, or whatever they were, had hit her while she and Liv walked through the lounge of the Cedars on their way back to their rooms. When she had come back to herself, slumped over the back of one of the couches, Liv had explained to the girls in the room that Cara’s injured knees had caused her to cry out and gasp. That didn’t stop them all from looking at her as if she’d grown three heads and it might be contagious.

  So she’d tried. She’d explained it to Liv in the privacy of her room.

  “It’s like I went somewhere else. And I was someone else. Actually, I’m pretty sure I was an animal. It happened so fast. I saw the hunter’s orange vest. Then I was dying and thinking how beautiful the sun was in the sky above me. I didn’t feel anything. Not physically. But now, inside, I feel like I actually died. Does that make any sense at all? Did you get these weird vision things after you came back? How long did it take for them to stop?”

  “I—no. I sort of have some vague memories I know aren’t mine. They’re like stories I heard or something. Sometimes I think I can picture places I’ve never seen before. But nothing like actually being in the memory. And not feeling like it was happening to me.”

  “Oh.”

  After the first few, she had learned to control her physical response. She stopped gasping or shrieking or crying. These things weren’t actually happening to her. But she had to live with the emotions afterward. Those were one hundred percent real, even if they weren’t hers.

  She almost wished for the days when all she’d felt was angry and bitter all the time when the Pyx had been stalking her. But those feelings hadn’t come back since that night. The Pyx had left the area for now.

  After six weeks of this, the worst that happened during the day now was she tripped or spaced out for a while. Her classmates noticed occasionally, and most of them were giving her a wide berth these days. It was an unwelcome reminder of her old life, when it had been a choice between mockery or isolation, and she’d done her best to be invisible. Now here she was again. Even Mike stopped finding reasons to talk to her. She avoided being around people whenever she could.

  The difference now was she had real friends, and somehow that was making the loneliness worse. Her friends kept a close eye on her, but that only made her feel like a live grenade. Like they were all holding their breath, waiting for her to explode.

  She stopped telling them about all the visions. Only Jenyx knew the full breadth of what she saw.

  But hiding her reactions during the day was one thing. Nights were another.

  She stepped away from the window, skin prickling with drying sweat.

  “Go back to bed, D. I’m gonna go take a shower.”

  “At 3 a.m.?” Delaney asked.

  “Yeah. And tomorrow I’m going to complain about this ridiculous heat situation again. Honestly, if people are cold, they can put on a sweater.” She gathered her things and stumbled out the door, with Jenner following.

  “Which one was it this time?” Jenyx asked once they were alone.

  “New one. Some sort of bear, I think. It felt like a long time ago. Maybe a cave bear from prehistoric times or something.” She turned on the faucet and splashed some water on her face.

  “Not prehistoric to us. The lives of all our past pyxides live on in us. That is our history.”

  “I know. Believe me. How do you live with all these memories? And why are they all focused on death and loss?”

  “They are not normally so centered on negative events the way these memories are for you. My guess is this Pyx has been focusing on death and destruction, and likely whatever has driven him to the mindset he finds himself in now.”

  “I’ve got you using ‘him’ now too. He saved us in this memory. He got me out of the cave even though I didn’t want to leave them. Or she did. Oh, I don’t even know anymore. It’s so confusing. In the memories, he still identifies with his hosts, but that night at the manor—when he was in my mi
nd—I got the sense he’s taken his own identity now, not honoring his pyxis anymore. Which I guess makes sense if he’s using humans and he hates us so much. Why would he honor a pyxis he hates?”

  “I am terribly sorry these are the only memories being presented to you. Most of mine are full of joy and love from the pyxides who have shared their minds with me. I wish I could share those with you instead.”

  “Well, I don’t. Sorry, Jenyx. Those do sound nicer than what I’ve got going on up here”—she tapped her temple—“but there’s already too much swirling around. It’s hard enough to figure out how to suppress the emotions I’m left with after these visions, and I’m getting sort of used to all the misery.”

  An ache in her heart told her Jenyx was feeling bad for her.

  “Not helping,” she said. “Turn that off by the time I’m done.”

  She stepped into one of the shower stalls and closed the door on Jenner’s brown eyes and sweet furry face. Setting down her towel and clothes, she stripped off her sweaty pajamas and turned on the water. Closing her eyes, she worked to clear her head and push away the last of the grief from the vision. Learning to turn off her emotions was a slow process. Now she had a little ritual that was half meditation and half pure stubborn will. She’d even let Cassidy teach her a bit of yoga one day, and she focused on breathing from her core while she stood in the hot water.

  The shower was fast. She was really quick lately, as if the Pyx was shaming her from inside her own mind not to waste water, but she stayed in the lingering steam after she turned off the taps. Droplets fell from her body, and she tried to release as much of her tension with them as she could. The refreshing citrus smell from her shampoo carried to her on the steam, and she inhaled deeply.

  Dry and dressed, she emerged to find Jenyx exuding a much happier vibe for her to pick up on.

  “I see you found a happy memory to draw on?”

  “Yes. One of Jenner’s, in fact. It’s from the day he met you on that park bench.”

  “Aw. Thanks, buddy.” She ruffled the top of her dog’s head. “I needed that.” Maybe she had a tiny chance of falling back asleep for a few hours.

  SHE WOKE UP BY ALMOST rolling out of bed again. Instead of falling, her hip ran into something solid.

  “Morning.”

  Cara opened her eyes to find Liv sitting on her bed. The dip in the mattress had made her roll into Liv’s back.

  “Is it?”

  “I just said morning. Not good.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “Here.” Liv held out a blueberry muffin.

  Cara sat up and rubbed her sleepy face instead of taking the muffin. “What time is it?”

  “You have half an hour until your biology midterm. Jory’s waiting for you in our lounge.”

  “Crap. Where’s my phone? Why didn’t my alarm go off?”

  Liv handed her the phone with a smug smile before she turned serious. “Delaney came in this morning and said you were up half the night. You needed as much sleep as you could get, and when I came to check on you, you were snoring away. So I snagged your phone and then brought breakfast back with me. I figured you might not want to face the dining hall.”

  The irritation with her friend faded. “Thanks.” She pulled her pillow out from behind her and used it to thump Liv across the back. “And I was not snoring.”

  “Oh, but how would you know?” Liv jumped up with a laugh. “Now get dressed. You do still have to pass these last few exams before the break.”

  Cara threw off her covers and went to her closet. Good thing they were about to have a break, because she desperately needed to do some laundry. At least she could take her clothes home with her instead of dealing with the laundry room here.

  “So, do you want to talk about it?” Liv prompted.

  Cara found a clean T-shirt to pull on and crossed the room for her jeans, which she’d left hanging over her desk chair. “Not much to tell. It was like all the rest. I didn’t die in this one, but my family did.”

  Liv sucked in a breath, and Cara turned away to grab her backpack. Ignoring the look of pity on Liv’s face, she reached for the muffin. Liv handed it over, and Cara started to pick at it as they left the room.

  “And Jenyx still doesn’t know why you’re seeing these things?” Liv glanced down at the dog following at their heels.

  “No. It’s not like we have any other empath Pyxsees who’ve had their minds taken over by a Pyx to ask. We don’t even know any others alive right now with eyes like mine, let alone with the same ability. I hope the visions stay away through these exams. I can’t afford to lose even a few minutes.”

  Her studying had been far below her usual standard this time. Partly she’d been avoiding people, so she hadn’t spent as much time with Wes in the library, or in study parties with the girls in Liv and Kaylee’s room. Also, she simply couldn’t focus. Six weeks should have been enough time for the shock to wear off and for her to stop seeing things that had nothing to do with her, but it was only getting worse. The biggest part, though, was it felt like nothing mattered anymore. Not when everything in life was death and loss, over and over, day and night. Who cared about school? Her head still told her she had to care. But her heart? Not so much.

  Jory greeted them in the lounge. Even though they’d obviously just been to breakfast together, his eyes lit up when they landed on Liv coming back toward him. Cara’s heavy heart lightened for a few beats. Every once in a while, there was more than the doom and gloom in her mind. What would it be like to have someone look at her that way? The moment passed, and her heart hardened again. It didn’t matter. At this rate, she’d never find out.

  Liv stood on her tiptoes to kiss Jory and then skipped out the door with a wave to head to her own exams.

  “Hey, Cares. Rough night?” Jory turned to her.

  “Apparently. We’d better hurry. I can’t believe you guys let me sleep in so late.”

  “You needed it. Should we jog?” Jory had a twinkle in his eye that said it would turn into a race.

  They settled for a brisk walk down to the stables to leave Jenner at the kennels for the day, and then raced up the hill. The burn in her thighs felt good enough to take her mind off the dream and put it back on their biology exam where it belonged. Jory’s infectious grin didn’t hurt either.

  After their two morning exams, which she made it through without interruption from her malfunctioning brain, her stomach growled when they entered the dining hall. She’d have to remember to tell Liv, for future reference, that a single muffin wasn’t exactly enough food for a whole morning. She loaded up a tray and headed for their usual table. The sight of a familiar figure sitting with Wes and Liv stopped her in her tracks. Even sitting down, and with his back to her, Rhys’s long, lean shape was unmistakable.

  She’d been right about him not being able to look her in the eye after that night. In the first few days, they’d had a couple short conversations. He’d asked her how she was feeling, staring at his feet the whole time, and she’d kept it to a few simple words about her sore knees and bruised ribs. Those injuries had long since healed, but the awkward exchanges with him were worse than not talking to him at all, so she’d avoided him along with everyone else. Well, maybe she’d avoided him a little more than everyone else.

  She turned away from the table, scooped her sandwich and drink from her tray, and dropped it off. The desire for time alone rose from a place deep in her past and drove her outside. The grey sky matched her feelings—flat, heavy, featureless. After all the time she’d spent pushing down her emotions so she could sense the Pyx, it was like those had left the area too. She’d gone numb.

  That old life she’d thought she’d left behind, all that time spent hiding what made her different, was still closer than she’d like. With her emotions dulled now, this new life felt like a ghost of those dark memories.

  Only the emotions after the visions were vivid. The pain, the grief, the misery—those were real.

  Her ey
es scanned the area outside for somewhere to eat alone. A few other students had ventured out to enjoy the scattered picnic tables, so she quickly dismissed those. Maybe she should head toward the science building where her math exam would be taking place after lunch. Her feet moved without direction until she found herself at the path leading into the forest. It had been so long since she’d run those trails alone, or sat by herself in the shady silence. If the Pyx had left the area, then why shouldn’t she? She’d had enough of the constant chaperones and avoiding any possibility of danger. Besides, it was safe if they were gone.

  The first steps into the woods made her close her eyes and breathe in the forest smell. Spring growth gave the whole place a fresh scent, overpowering the winter decomposition as last year’s dead things brought forward new life. The grey sky vanished behind a canopy of green, and the only sounds were the chirping birds and a faint breeze rustling the new leaves on the branches. And footsteps.

  CHAPTER 14

  HER EYES SPRANG OPEN as Cara whipped around on the trail. A slice of tomato flew out of the sandwich flopping open in her hand and torpedoed through the trees.

  Harrison held up his hands. “Easy, love. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  Her pulse skipped a few beats before leveling out. “You scared the crap out of me. And I’m not your love.”

  “Right.” Harrison forced his voice into an American accent. “Sorry . . . Cara . . . Didn’t mean to scare the crap out of you.”

  She squinted at him and then snorted. She kicked at a pinecone on the path, sending it skittering into the bushes. “It’s not your fault. I didn’t know I was so jumpy. Sorry. I was just trying to be alone for a bit.”