Dubious Heroes: a novel

by Nicholas Blue

“Madam Director”, I said. “It is a pleasure to see you again. I’m sorry about the misunderstanding that resulted in my having to leave, last time.”

  “These things happen”, she said, apparently willing to play along, at least for now. “I trust you are doing well?”

  “Quite well, thank you”, I said. “I suppose you’re aware this isn’t a social visit.”

  “The ice freighter is a bit hard to miss”, she said. “The UP and TGS are rather upset with you, at the moment.”

  “Even more so, once they see that video”, I said. “I suppose it’s a good thing they aren’t here.”

  “True”, she said. “For the moment, at least. What is it you wish to propose, Captain? Perhaps a gift to the people of New London, for the substantial difficulty you’ve caused?”

  “It’s good to see you’ve managed to keep your sense of humor”, I said, smiling at her. “By my reckoning, your trouble existed well before our arrival, and it’ll likely still be there, long after we’re gone.”

  “You certainly haven’t helped our situation”, she said. “So, if you’ll pardon my bluntness, what is it you want?”

  “Simply put”, I said, “I want my First Officer back. Him, and six million for the ice.”

  “That’s quite a lot of money”, she said.

  “Yes, it is”, I said. “On the other hand, it is only a fraction of what that much ice is worth. Unless I’m mistaken, and your situation has changed, it’s still a seller’s market here. You need water, and I have lots of it. Cheap.”

  “That’s it?” She asked. “That’s all you want?”

  “Well, aside from freedom for everyone, peace among all people, and free beer on Fridays, none of which either of us can do, so yeah”, I said. “Eng and the six million will do.”

  “Very well”, she said. “Done. We’ll have your crewman, and six million in cash chips waiting for you when you dock.”

  “While I appreciate your hospitality”, I said, “I believe we’ll be staying in orbit. I had sort of a bad experience, last time. Maybe you heard about it.”

  “As you wish”, she said. “I’ll send up a shuttle. It may take a few hours to put everything together.”

  “That’s fine”, I said. “Oh yeah. Send a larger shuttle, if you would. It will have passengers, for the trip back down.”

  “Passengers?” She asked, frowning again.

  “The crew of the Montreal“, I said. “Or, at least what’s left of them.”

  “What are we supposed to do with them?”

  “Whatever you like”, I said. “I’m tired of them being on my ship, and I imagine they’re tired of being here. Anyway, I’m sending them down, so you might want to have security handy when they arrive.”

  “Very well, we’ll see to them”, she said. From the look on her face, I suspected I’d just ruined her day. “May we begin transfer of the ice cargo?”

  “I have your word on our deal?”

  “You do”, she said.

  “Then the ice is yours”, I said. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

  This earned me another scowl, and the screen went black.

  Some people just have no sense of humor.

  Shuttles are spacecraft which are designed to easily dock with other things in space, like orbital stations and other ships, and still maintain the ability to fly around in atmosphere like an airplane. They also don’t usually need magnetic grapplers or space walkways to dock. They just cozy up to a ship, clamp onto the hull at the appropriate hatch, and call it done.

  The shuttle from New London was no exception. They matched our orbit, closed in, and docked in less time than we normally spent firing our grapplers. I’d expected the operation to take longer than it had, so I was still on the Bridge, when the intercom clicked on.

  “Doon”, Kyra said.

  “Yes?”

  “Would you come down here, please”, she said.

  “I’m on my way”, I said. “Why? Is there a problem?”

  “Just come down”, she said.

  I took one final look at the tri-d, just in case, but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Kyra didn’t like Angie being the only one watching the radar, even though I thought she was at least as good at it as any of the rest of us, if not better. A common criticism of AIs is that sometimes they’re actually too smart, or too logical. They have the ability to calculate almost an infinity of possibilities for any given situation, and then base their actions on those they think have the highest probability of happening.

  The problem with that is this: humans have the capacity to do things which AIs would classify as low probability. We do these things for a variety of reasons, although the primary factors are often either a lack of forethought, or insufficient intelligence on someone’s part. Or, as AIs would put it, who would be stupid enough to do that? Humans, that’s who. It is this proclivity which makes it pretty easy to pull a fast one on a lot of AIs, which is why humans still like to have other humans keeping an eye on things.

  AIs do learn, but seldom can they match the sheer deviousness (or stupidity) we humans seem to be born with. Angie was coming along quite nicely in that regard, though. She’d already done a number of things other AIs would consider, at first blush, to be rash, or even stupid. And her level of sneakiness was approaching that of anyone I’d ever known, human or AI. She was certainly proving rather adept at keeping me in the dark.

  The first clue I had that something might be amiss was the sight of an unknown person of male gender, pressed up against the bulkhead. His feet weren’t touching the floor, and he might have floated away in the zero gee, if Kyra hadn’t been holding him, one-handed, by his neck. I gathered he’d been that way for a while, since his face was turning a nice shade of purple.

  “Is this the problem?” I asked. “What’d he do?”

  “He showed up without Eng”, Kyra said.

  “No shit”, I said.

  “Urp”, the guy said, wiggling his feet a bit.

  “There’s another one on the shuttle”, Kyra said. “If you’ll hold this one, I’ll go get him.”

  The airlock door irised open, revealing Lola.

  “I tried”, Lola said, entering the Habitat. “He wouldn’t come out.”

  “Bet you he will”, Kyra said.

  I was about to say something, when Big Mike walked around the curve of the corridor, with Cozi close behind. The latter was still pissed off at me for blowing up the Montreal; engineers have no appreciation for the value of public relations. As far as I was concerned, you couldn’t very well cultivate a reputation as a ruthless pirate without occasionally blowing up something, could you?

  “Put him down”, Mike said, bringing me back to the moment. Kyra lowered him to the deck. His sticky shoes stuck, and he stayed put, albeit, still a bit on the wobbly side. “No offense, but if you break him, I’m just going to have to fix him.”

  “Watch him”, I said, to the assembled crowd, as I entered the airlock. “Try not to hurt him unless you have to. Kyra made a move to join me, and I held up a hand. She stopped.

  “Let me give it a shot”, I said. “If I can’t get him out, then you can tear the place apart.”

  The airlock door closed behind me, before she could reply.

  After two more hatches, I was in the shuttle. I wound my way forward through the passenger compartment to what was nominally called the Bridge, but was really just a glorified cockpit. Shuttles were laid out more like airplanes than spacecraft. As expected, the door into the cockpit was closed. I knocked on it.

  “This is Captain Doon”, I said. “Come on out, and you have my word that you won’t be harmed.”

  “The word of a scoundrel and pirate”, a male voice said, from the other side of the door. Well, given recent events, I could hardly fault him for his logic. And the accent seemed to make me all the more dastardly.

  “I see you’ve heard of me”, I said. “All the more reason to quit screwing around and come on out.”

 
“It’s against regulations”, he said.

  “Maybe so”, I said. “But you are coming out, voluntarily or otherwise. We’ve blocked your outer airlock door open, so the ship is not going to let you undock from us. I don’t want to blow this door, but in about five seconds, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”

  “We’re representatives of the New London Directorate”, he said. “You do that, and it is an act of war, Sir.”

  “As you already noted”, I said, “We’re pirates. I’m not all that concerned about pissing off your Directorate. If you’re wondering whether I’ll do this or not, I’ve got a ship full of UP troopers who’ll tell you I will. Now, come on out.”

  I was beginning to think I’d have to act on my threat, when the cockpit door slid open. A lanky spacer, nearly my height and dressed in the gray of New London, stood in the opening, eying me warily.

  “This is going to cost me my bloody job”, he said.

  “We’ll see”, I said, and stuck out my hand. “Captain Orel Doon.”

  We shook, then he saluted sharply.

  “Leftenant Adam Greeley”, he said. To the best of my knowledge, it was the first time anyone had ever saluted me. I kinda liked it.

  “Let’s go aboard the Enigma”, I said. “We’re going to have a chat with your boss, and I’m certain you’re going to want to be there to hear it.”

  “Aye, Sir”, he said, sighing dramatically. The British seemed to do that a lot.

  He left the cockpit, and headed for the airlock. I took a quick look around the diminutive Bridge, and quickly determined I didn’t have a clue what any of it did. I took my Pod out, and slipped the earpiece in my ear.

  “Angie”, I said.

  “Here, Sir”, she said.

  “Patch me through to the Habitat intercom, Kyra’s location.”

  “Done”, she said.

  “Kyra”, I said.

  “Yes?”

  “There is a Leftenant Greeley on his way out”, I said. “When he gets there, take our guests to the rec lounge, and see that they get some refreshments. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  Silence. I wondered if I’d lost the connection.

  “Kyra?”

  “Copy that”, she said, after a moment. “We’ll be in the rec lounge. Enigma out.”

  “Doon out”, I said. “Still there, Angie?”

  “Still here”, she said.

  “Does this thing have an AI?”

  “I doubt it”, she said. “But it is possible. If it does, it isn’t talking. Why not ask the crew?”

  “They’d probably just lie about it”, I said. “Any way we can make sure this thing doesn’t leave when I get off? Jammed airlock or not, I’m afraid it will.”

  “Nothing I can do to stop it, Captain.”

  “Let’s do this, then”, I said. “If it tries to leave, give it a little space, then blast it.”

  “Disable or destroy it?” she asked, quickly picking up on what I was doing. If the shuttle did decide to leave, about all we could do was throw rocks at it, assuming we had any rocks, which we didn’t. However, if there was an AI aboard, it didn’t know that.

  “Destroy it”, I said, as I headed back toward the Enigma.

  “Aye, Captain”, she said. “Weapons armed and standing by.”

  I smiled at that, as she added her own little devious flourish. Seconds later, I was through the hatches, and back into the Habitat Module.

  “Has it moved?” I asked.

  “Not a twitch”, she said.

  “Didn’t think so”, I said, as I walked around to the rec lounge. Our two new captives sat at a small table, drinking from pouches, and trying not to look as nervous as they were. The entire crew was in the lounge, with the exception of the mercs, who were below, standing guard over our deck full of UP prisoners, making sure they weren’t up to anything.

  “Angie”, I said, removing my earpiece and stowing it.

  “Here, Captain”, she said.

  “Get me Director Hawkins, please.” I looked at the crewman I’d just coaxed from the shuttle. “You were supposed to be delivering to me my first officer, and a bunch of money. I don’t see either. Care to explain?”

  “Collins has the credit chips, Sir”, Greeley said, nodding to the crewman beside him. “We weren’t told about bringing anyone up, only that we would have passengers for the return trip.”

  “Cozi”, I said, “Can you verify that the chips are good?”

  “No problem”, Cozi said.

  He walked over to the shuttle crewman named Collins, who handed him a small flat package. It was a data chip container, large enough to hold quite a few of the thin, one inch square chips.

  “Sixty cash chips”, Collins said. “One hundred thousand each, six million total.”

  “Count em and check em”, I told Cozi. “If we’re missing any, or the total isn’t right, Mister Collins gets to walk home.”

  “Back in a minute”, Cozi said.

  “I have Director Hawkins”, Angie said. “Audio only.”

  “Director”, I said. “You gave me your word.”

  “There’s a bit of a complication with our deal”, she said.

  “Yeah, I get that”, I said. “Where’s Eng?”

  “He’s on Tzing Ma Chu”, she said. “About a month ago, we attempted to negotiate a trade deal with the Council of Mao. If we delivered Mister Eng to them, they would resume water deliveries to us. We delivered him as agreed, and then they reneged on the deal.”

  “So”, I said, trying not to lose my temper, “You traded Eng to Tzing for water, which they didn’t give you. Then you traded him to us, even though you don’t even have him, for a cargo of ice.”

  “It’s a little more complicated than that”, she said.

  “Really?”, I said. “Seems pretty simple to me, Director.”

  “Well”, she said, “We look at this as just another part of the same deal. We brought another party, you, into it. The end result will essentially be the same, though. We get the water we need, and we no longer have your officer. Instead of getting him from us, you can get him from the Council of Mao.”

  “The bitch“, someone said, either Lola or Kyra. Whichever, I was in complete agreement with them.

  “Has it occurred to you that the Council of Mao might not be interested in turning Mister Eng over to us?”

  “That’s a possibility, I suppose”, she said. “I’d say that would be a matter to be worked out with them.”

  “Pardon the expression, but this is bullshit”, I said.

  “Bear in mind”, she said, “We had no idea you were coming back.”

  “Again, more bullshit”, I said. “Everyone in this system knew we were headed here with an ice freighter. My first inclination is to leave here, with the ice. I’m sure I can find a buyer somewhere.”

  “Look”, she said. “We gave you the six million credits. With what you brought us, we can hold off the Council of Mao for over a year, possibly two, with rationing. This buys us time to make other arrangements. I hated turning over your crewman, but I had to do what I thought was best for the colony. Granted, it didn’t help, but we couldn’t have known that in advance.”

  “Where are they holding Eng?” I asked.

  “He was probably taken planetside”, she said. “I’d guess to their capital city, Huang Chi Ho.”

  “Wonderful”, I said. The rest of the crew didn’t look thrilled, either.

  “I’m not happy about this, either”, the Director said. “But, you did help create this situation, and while I take no satisfaction in having deceived you, the welfare of New London and her people must always be my first priority.”

  “Fine”, I said. “Have your people continue offloading ice. I don’t care where you have to put it, but I want those containers emptied, and reattached to the Princess of Arabia.”

  “Thank you”, she said. “We can do that. It may take a few days, though.”

  “That’s fine”, I said. “Right now, howe
ver, I need you to send up another shuttle, and get your people and the UP crew off of my ship.”

  “You’re taking our shuttle?”

  “I’m borrowing your shuttle”, I said. “It looks like we’re going to be making an unscheduled trip to Tzing Ma Chu.”

  No one seemed surprised at the news.

  I managed to contact someone the Council of Mao, but as I’d suspected, it didn’t prove particularly productive. The person I spoke to admitted that yes, they did have Eng, and that he was being held in the Tzing Ma Chu prison. We’d figured that was where he’d be, anyway.

  I politely asked that they release him, and as expected, they politely declined. They did note that I was welcome to come on down and join him. I let them know that I would indeed be coming down, and that if they had anything in the area they didn’t want broken, then they should consider moving it now.

  We spent several hours working out a plan, until I was pretty sure we had something viable. No one liked it, but everyone thought it at least had a pretty good chance of working. After nearly a full day, we’d assembled all of our gear, gone over the intel New London had provided us, and otherwise prepared in every way we could think of.

  It was time to go.

  The shuttle did have an AI aboard, and Director Hawkins had placed him under my command. His name was Eric, and like most other AIs on New London, he mimicked the local British accent. An AI could speak in whatever language and accent they chose, and I could see how their desire to fit in with the locals would color their choice. Still, it sounded peculiar. Then again, so do the British.

  The shuttle itself was named the Lancelot, doubtless after some famous British hero whom Eric could have told us all about, assuming we were the least bit interested, which we weren’t. We were a lot more interested in getting everyone and everything secured for what we expected to be a very bumpy ride down to the planet. We seemed to be carrying enough weaponry to invade a small country, which was appropriate, since that’s exactly what we were going to do.

  One area of contention had been the subject of who would or would not be in the landing party. No one particularly wanted me along, and they first tried to have me stay aboard the Enigma, and when I overruled that, they argued that I should stay aboard the shuttle during the raid. Being the Captain, I had the only vote they couldn’t say no to, so I pulled rank and put myself on the raiding party.