On 8 January, the party went its separate ways. Anne’s farewell from Mary Vallance was not very tender. Indeed, I get lukewarm about her.48 That was the end of the affair for Anne. I care not about my connection with Miss V. She gave me licence enough.49 Mary married soon afterwards and disappeared from Anne’s life. Harriet, Nantz and Anne went to York together, where Anne stayed with the Belcombes – in Nantz’s room, whom I easily persuaded to sleep with me.50 They resumed their affair for a week and then Anne returned home. I shall not think much about her but get out of the scrape as well as I can, sorry & remorseful to have been in it at all. Heaven forgive me, & may M– never know it.51
To keep Mariana from suspecting, Anne spent four hours writing a letter to her, very affectionately, more so than I remember to have done for long. Shortly after flirting with four women at the same time and sleeping with three of them, she assured Mariana she loved her as warmly as ever. Yes, Mary, you cannot doubt the love of one who has waited for you so long & patiently. You can give me all of happiness I care for &, prest to the heart which I believe my own, caressed & treasured here, I will indeed be constant & never, from that moment, feel a wish or thought for any other than my wife. Anne craftily dated her oath of loyalty to the future, restricting it to the moments in which she lay in Mariana’s arms. Every wish that love inspires & every kiss & every feeling of delight shall only make me more securely & entirely yours.52
Mariana read Anne’s letter as the promise she had not got out of her at their last assignation. I have not exactly given her a promise in a set form of words but I have done nearly, in fact, the same thing, so that I cannot now retract with honour.53 Mariana sought a renewal of the vow between them because Charles was refusing to provide for her financially after his death if she did not give him a son. She had no legal claim to an inheritance from him and had relinquished her father’s inheritance in favour of her unmarried sisters when she married. As Charles’ first marriage had produced no children either, Mariana was seriously desirous of executing the prostitution of herself in disguise to any man who could make up the deficiencies & get her with child for the sake of fixing her importance by being the mother of an heir to Lawton. Nothing came of this idea, however. I know the scheme was originally my own proposing but she persisted in it till I utterly disclaimed it, shocked, as I said, at the serious idea of such a thing. Wherewith her morality?54 In fact, Anne may have been more repelled by the thought of Mariana having sex with yet another man. With Charles just as unhappy with Mariana as she with him, he informed her she could not expect him to be quite correct during so long an absence.55 That meant she had even fewer inhibitions about living out her desire for Anne, especially as her lover might inherit Shibden Hall. Well, I am satisfied to have done. I love her & her heart is mine in return. Liberty & wavering made us both wretched & why throw away our happiness so foolishly? She is my wife in honour & in love & why not acknowledge her such openly & at once? [...] The chain is golden & shared with M–. I love it better than any liberty.56
At the end of July 1821, Mariana and Anne met in Newcastle-under-Lyme in Staffordshire, to become godmothers to the first daughter of Stephen Belcombe and his wife Harriet. They were both nervous, having not seen each other for over a year. Anne needed two glasses of wine to prepare herself for the sight of her lover, who was looking well, much improved in appearance since I saw her last. As they did everywhere, the two women shared a room at Stephen and Harriet’s house. They did not get a wink of sleep the first night; Mariana wanted Anne to repeat her promise before they made love. Somehow did not manage a good kiss. Refused to promise till I had really felt that she was my wife. Went to her a second time. Succeeded better and then bound ourselves to each other by an irrevocable promise for ever, in pledge of which, turned on her finger the gold ring I gave her several years ago & also her wedding ring which had not been moved off her finger since her marriage – this ring was not the one from Charles, but the ring Anne had given her. She seems devoted to me & I can & shall trust her now. They planned to solemnize our promise of mutual faith by taking the sacrament together when next we meet at Shibden.57 The day after this ‘wedding’ their godchild, at Anne’s request, was baptised in the name of her ‘mother’, Mariana Percy. The child behaved remarkably well and received from her godparents a set of silver cutlery and a silver cup, altogether, five pounds.58 Anne and Mariana enjoyed their ‘honeymoon’ for a week and then the carriage came to collect Mariana from Lawton Hall. She and Anne agreed every morning at 10 ¾, to read a chapter in the new testament,59 so as to be doing the same thing and thinking of one another once a day, despite the distance between them.
Anne stayed a few more days with Stephen, Harriet and her godchild. At night she felt a queer, hottish, itching sensation […] about the pudendum.60 She remembered Charles’ admission of infidelity and the initial problems in bed with Mariana and wondered, can C– have given her a venereal disease? 61 The next morning, she talked to Stephen, a doctor like his father. Mention M– & my suspicion of venereal. He said he was treating her as for this & suspected it, tho’ there were certainly some symptoms against it. As Stephen admitted he scarce knows what to think of M–, Anne shifted his suspicion to Charles. Stephen thought C– looked so innocent the other day, he hardly thinks him guilty. However, he has met with men in his practice, & who bear very good characters, who have played their wives this trick. Anne could hardly admit she was suffering the same symptoms but she did want his medical advice, so she claimed to know someone in the same situation. A young married woman, poor, who had tried much advice without relief & therefore asked Steph for the prescription he gave M–.62
With Stephen’s prescription, she hurried to the apothecary in Halifax to have Piper cubeba made up for her – a slightly antiseptic pepper solution. Just after tea, poured a tablespoonful of this lotion into a cup & used it with a bit of sponge. It did not feel sharp & I think will do me good.63 She also found an old prescription from Mr Duffin, using ground calomel mixed with oil for vaginal injections. The active ingredient was a mercury-based mineral prescribed for hundreds of ailments. As her discharge was increasing, trying to use my two ivory syringes that were Eliza Raine’s. Let the common one fall & broke off the top of the piston but afterwards got to manage very well with the uterine syringe.64 Calomel is not soluble, so fortunately Anne Lister’s body would not have absorbed the toxic mercury she inserted into her vagina. On the way to the apothecary, she bought the first volume of Rousseau’s Confessions from Whiteley’s Bookshop.
Uncle James and Aunt Anne were very surprised. Aunt Anne asked so many questions she almost posed me. I said it was to soften my hands. Anne could not possibly express her anxieties. Even her well-meaning aunt would have assumed Anne had had premarital sex with a man, losing her virginity and her reputation. Infection from one woman to another was beyond the realm of what could be said. I believe she suspects something, for she said, ‘Well, you’re a queer one & I’ll ask no more.’ 65
Anne’s fidelity to Mariana was soon to be put to the test. That autumn, Nantz Belcombe started making eyes at her again in York. I did feel slightly, but am really much altered in these matters since my more thorough engagement to M–. Three days later, though, Isabella arrived in town as well. She appeared at nine in the evening at the Duffins’ house, where Anne was staying, although she could not feel comfortable because far from independent. Anne therefore walked Isabella back to her accommodation, the Black Swan, & slept with her. […] A kiss of Tib, both last night & this morning. Anne noted soberly: but she cannot give me much pleasure & I think we are both equally calm in our feelings on these occasions. She felt she had not really cheated on Mariana. For my own part, my heart is M–’s & I can only feel real pleasure with her. I hope Tib will not have caught any infection from me. At the moment of my offering to sleep with her, I forgot this, & afterwards there was no retracting.66
In York, Anne bought a gig for Shibden Hall, a half-covered two-wheeled carriage pulled by o
ne horse, which cost £65, including a harness and lamps. She drove it to Market Weighton, where she was to prepare the sale of Skelfler House because her father could find no way out of his debts. The mare a little awkward at 1st, & I had not driven over a hundred yards before I ran against the wheel of a cart. However, we came along very well afterwards.67 She covered the nineteen miles in three and a quarter hours. The estate where she had spent part of her childhood was in a shocking state. Such a wreck of property I never beheld.68 She arranged with a London agent for the entire property to be auctioned in March. Her excursion to Selby was more pleasant, with Jeremy teaching Anne to drive the gig. She made a proud note in her journal that the return trip had taken only a quarter of an hour longer than the first leg. Alone on the box again on the way to York, however, she was forced to whip the horse and bribe it with warm beer.
Meanwhile, Mariana had also arrived in York, but as her mother was there too, and mistrusted Anne as much as ever, the two of them retired to Shibden Hall for a week after Christmas, living almost the way they intended to in the future. They had previously agreed we would have things nice sometime, our tastes suit.69 Now they were very fond of each other & perfectly happy together. Otherwise stubborn and sensitive when it came to clothing and style, Anne even let Mariana teach her to do my front hair & we laughed heartily at my awkwardness. On the eve of Mariana’s departure they were consoling each other & latterly in playful dalliance & gentle excitement. Our hearts are mutually & entirely attached. We never loved & trusted each other so well.70
Two weeks after Mariana left, Isabella came to visit. She seems to have turned a blind eye to Anne’s affair with Mary Vallance. She stayed a whole two months and was on her best behaviour. She imitated famous actors and Catholic priests at mass, making everyone laugh. Tib is affectionate, seems happy here & is quieter than she used to be. They entered into a not entirely playful competition as to who could drive Anne’s gig better. Although Anne had had another collision with a cart and almost tipped over, she thought herself as good, tho’ not quite so stylish a driver as she. The only problem was: melancholy enough at the thought of going to bed with Tib. I cannot even affect any warmth towards her.71 But Anne knew where her duties lay.
Isabella, on the other hand, knew Anne, and she wanted to find out who she currently had an eye on and whether she didn’t want to sleep with Eliza Belcombe. Said I should not like it, & that I was much altered of late in all these matters. Tib laughed, looked incredulous, bade me not say so, & added, ‘It would be unnatural in you not to like sleeping with a pretty girl.’ Anne did not tell Isabella about renewing her vows with Mariana. She appears to have no suspicion of my living [with] & loving seriously, any other than herself. Poor soul, I know how she will take it when the truth comes out.72 But Isabella knew precisely where the greatest threat lay. Three weeks after her arrival at Shibden Hall, they ended up in a heated argument over Mariana. After dinner, long & rather sparring conversation with Tib about M–, of whom she is perpetually jealous. She says I am not to think she has ever been gulled. She thinks M– is almost tired of C– & wants to have me. I fought off, saying I should not like another man’s leavings. Though Anne still did not tell Isabella about her vows to Mariana, she talked as in the past of the impossibility of Tib & I living together because she must be with Charlotte. She did, however, give a vague hint for the first time that I should get someone & hoped Tib would come and see me. She would if she might sleep but never otherwise, but I might go & see her if I did not take my companion with me.73
During Isabella’s stay at Shibden Hall, Anne’s aunt by marriage, Mary Lister, passed away. Northgate House fell to Uncle James, who soon received enquiries as to whether he intended to rent out the elegant townhouse. James could have used the income, but Skelfler House was about to be sold and his brother Jeremy and niece Marian would have nowhere to live. Uncertain as to whether he had to let his brother have Northgate House cheaply, James asked the worldly-wise Isabella if she did not think the whole town would be up if my father did not live at Northgate, to which she replied ‘Yes!’, she thought it would. I unluckily & thoughtlessly said, ‘How different M– would have judged.’ Tib took this in desperate dudgeon. Nothing I could say would appease her. She saw through me – she saw what I was – I had been guilty of the utmost grossness – she wished I had M– with me &, for her own part, it was well she was going so soon & she would never trouble me anymore – she had come for the last time. I did all I could to pacify & asked her to give me a kiss. She said she did not want one. I then said, ‘Ask for one when you do,’ & then went downstairs. She was out of sorts all the afternoon & evening, tho’ downstairs almost all the time. She said nothing when we came to bed. I waited a minute or two to give her an opportunity & then went to undress.74
The row was rekindled the next morning. First she wished I had M–, then she was sorry for what she had done, would not do so any more, etc. Could not bear to think she did not suit me. Loved me better than anything in the world. It would be my fault if we did not live together. I quietly told her we never should & persisted that she did not suit & it was best to be candid at once. She cried a little & said she was unhappy. I bade her cheer up & said there was no reason why we should not always be very good friends. She could not bear me to talk so. However, I gave her a kiss or two & we got the time over till twelve. Isabella left the next day. She said she would come again next year. I hope not. I am much happier not to have her & am glad enough that she is gone.75
The Ladies of Llangollen
1822
For James Lister, the death of his sister-in-law Mary was a good reason to write his will. Anne had repeatedly reminded her uncle that she had been considered as heir in 1815–16. I said I should wish to have all the estate here, ultimately. ‘What, all?’ said my uncle, smiling. ‘Yes, all.’ 1 Anne knew her uncle had no high opinion of ladies – was not fond of leaving estates to females. Were I other than I am, would not leave his to me.2 She therefore assured him she would never marry and Shibden Hall would not end up in the wrong hands, even hinting at her hope that Mariana would one day be in the Blue Room, that is, live with me. While she was at it, she confided in her uncle and aunt that Mariana would not have married if she or I had had good independent fortunes. [...] My uncle, as usual, said little or nothing but seemed well enough satisfied. My aunt talked, appearing not at all surprised, saying she always thought it a match of convenience.3
By her uncle’s side, Anne had not only learned the practical side of running the estate but was also now dealing with the business correspondence, sometimes even writing two versions of letters to help her hesitant uncle make decisions. She had proved herself such a good estate manager that her uncle made her his heir in his will of June 1822. However, she was to share the income from the estate with his remaining siblings, Anne senior and Jeremy, until the end of their lives. Uncle James also undertook to pay Anne £25 twice a year from then on – the first sum of money that Anne could ever count on, at the age of thirty-one. Aunt Anne would give her any sum she required on top of this. In the previous year she had spent some £70; her savings amounted to £113 at the beginning of the year. All in all, she could keep herself above water, but compared to the way she saw herself and the things she wanted in life, it was a modest standard.
Travel was one of the things that had been far too rare in Anne’s life for her taste. The moment she had regulated her future finances, she and her aunt set out on a tour of Wales in July 1822. They were an experienced team since their trip to Paris, and the gig granted them new-found independence, especially as the Listers had also bought another horse to pull it, which Anne named Percy after Mariana’s middle name. They reached Chester in pouring rain on the second day, having arranged to meet Mariana there, who intended to come over from nearby Lawton Hall. They missed one another, however, just as they had in Manchester. By the time they had finally both arrived that evening, Anne had got into a sad agitation and fidgettiness. Although they were d
elighted to see each other, yet somehow I felt very low. Anne’s mood was not improved by their two kisses last night, one almost immediately after the other, before we went to sleep.4 She asked Mariana how long she thought it might be before we got together, & she seemed to fight off answering, on pressing further she said she felt some delicacy on this subject & did not like to talk openly of it even to ourselves, for, tho’ she did not love him, yet kindness & obligation made her feel a wish to avoid calculating the time or thinking of it except in general terms. Aside from that, Mariana told Anne about a Mr Powis, whom she liked a great deal. All this has made a great impression on me &, I know not how it is, I cannot shake it off. [...] She seemed as fond of me as ever, yet all the night when I was almost convulsed with smothering my sobs, she took no notice, nor was affected at all apparently. [...] I know not how it is but she, as it were, deceived me once. The fact that Anne always had one to three lovers alongside Mariana did not make her doubt her own constancy. Somehow or other, seeing M– has been no comfort to me.5
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