Forward Me Back to You

by Mitali Perkins

  “Sure, Kat. I’m listening.”

  As she recounts the details of how she was attacked in the stairwell at her school and the aftermath of her suffering, he wants to reach over and take her hand. Her light touch on his shoulder outside the orphanage meant so much. But he doesn’t do it. Somehow he knows she isn’t ready for him to make that kind of move.

  The rickshaw hurtles along. Kat balls up a corner of the red scarf into a fist and releases it. And then, in a low voice, she says: “The worst part is that he changed everything for me. I’m sort of damaged now. With men, I mean. There’s no rewind button in real life. I wish I could go back to life before everything happened!”

  That’s when Ravi sees the tears streaking down her cheeks. Kat! Nefertiti! Months ago, he glimpsed her heart in the dimple, but he hadn’t known about the broken parts. Kat can’t say anything more, he realizes; she’s too choked up.

  “I know about wanting to rewind,” he tells her. “I’ve been wanting to go back my whole life. Back to the moment when she left me. Maybe … if she’d had enough money, or help, or care, she’d have decided to keep me instead of … throwing me away.”

  In spite of her tears, Kat looks at him with so much tenderness she reminds him eerily of a miniature Ms. Vee.

  And then, to his total amazement, tears of his own show up from somewhere deep, deep inside.

  He can’t remember the last time this happened.

  His eyes have gotten moist a time or two, even recently, in the orphanage and when he was in the Royal Diadem Hotel, but here in this musty-smelling rickshaw, he’s straight-up weeping. And he can’t stop. It’s like a subterranean pool of sorrow has built up for years.

  Tears, and more tears. Here they come, and here they keep coming.

  He lets them. A waterfall of sadness like this was made for remembering that your mother had to give you up. And that you can’t go back in time to make life easier for her, even if you long to.

  Kat’s still crying, too. The two of them, side by side under this canopy, not touching, are weeping like a couple of … What’s the antonym of “superheroes”? he thinks. Microwimps?

  After a while, she hands him a corner of her scarf. “Don’t blow your nose on it.”

  They smile at each other through the tears. He presses the soft chiffon against his cheeks. She’s using the other end to dab at her own eyes.

  “Look at us,” he says. “Boy Wonder and Kat Girl. I’d cut this scene right out if I were editing this film.”

  “Not if tears are our superpower,” she answers, and her voice is still shaky.

  They might be, Ravi thinks. Because now the bottom of his heart feels lighter, drier, easier to traverse, like Kolkata’s streets after a rare day of sunshine.

  KAT

  INT. BENGALI EMANCIPATION SOCIETY HEADQUARTERS—DAY

  Ravi shows up early for Bangla class and walks in on the girls practicing. He boggles at the sight of Kat straddling Gracie. “What are you two doing?”

  “Gracie’s learning jiu-jitsu,” Kat tells him, getting off her. “I’ve been teaching her for weeks. She’s pretty good. We were about to practice a mount escape.”

  He looks at Gracie. “You are? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Gracie doesn’t answer. She’s still on her back, and her face is blank.

  “We’re going to ask Bontu to do a demo for Miss Shireen,” Kat says. “I’m hoping she’ll offer BJJ training to the Asha House girls…” Her voice trails off.

  Ravi isn’t listening. His eyes are still on Gracie. “You kept this a secret, Gracie? From me?”

  Awww, Kat thinks. I knew we should have told him.

  But Gracie’s face isn’t blank anymore. She’s glaring at Ravi. “I’m not the only one keeping a secret. Where have you been going on Fridays?”

  Fogo, Kat thinks. Uh-oh.

  Ravi blinks. Averts his eyes. “Nowhere.”

  “Yeah, right,” Gracie says.

  There’s a silence. Kat looks from one of her friends to the other. Is their time in Kolkata driving them apart instead of bringing them together? Suddenly, she gets an idea. Mrs. Gupta won’t be here for another half an hour.

  “It’s good you showed up, actually, Ravi,” she says. “I was just thinking Gracie needs someone to spar with so I can guide her through this tricky move. Will you help us out?”

  He takes another look at Gracie’s angry expression. “Er … I can try.”

  “Okay with you, Gracie?” Kat asks.

  “Fine.” She says it without a glance in Ravi’s direction.

  “Okay, Ravi,” Kat says. “Sit on her like I was. Trap her legs.”

  Ravi looks flustered. “I can’t do that.”

  “Yes, you can,” Kat says. “Don’t worry, she’s going to escape. Go on.”

  He still doesn’t do it. “Are you sure? Is that okay with you, Gracie?”

  “Fine,” she says again, but she isn’t looking at him. “But you’re supposed to bow before you start.”

  “He doesn’t have to, Gracie. Okay, straddle her, Ravi. Just like I was.”

  So he does it. One knee on either side of her hips.

  “Geez, Ravi. You need to put some weight down on her for this to work.”

  But he’s not listening. He’s looking down, straight into Gracie’s eyes. Kat can almost hear the Bangla gaan playing in the background. She rolls her eyes. When are these two going to wake up and smell the night-blooming jasmine?

  “Okay,” she says. “Escape!”

  RAVI

  But Gracie doesn’t move.

  And Ravi’s feeling awkward. Very awkward. What’s going on? What’s happening? This feels like it could be … a romantic position, but his heart isn’t letting his body go there. He’s shocked—and crushed—that Gracie’s been keeping this a secret. If she loves him, she would have told him, right?

  “Okay, Gracie!” Kat says. “Do your thing. Go!”

  Gracie doesn’t budge. She’s looking up at Ravi, and her eyes look as sad as he’s feeling.

  Kat’s still in training mode. “Come on! Get up on your elbow. Do it, girl!”

  Underneath him, Gracie doesn’t move a muscle, and neither does Ravi. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks again, his voice low.

  For some reason, Gracie’s expression changes suddenly—is that FURY? With a loud grunt, she bridges her hips. He can feel himself shifting forward on top of her. Her knees are pressing up behind him, keeping him there. Her foot traps his. With a quick roll of her body, she flips Ravi over, flat on his back. WOW! Ravi thinks as he lands on the mat with a loud SMACK. When did she get so STRONG?

  “Great mount escape!” Kat says, clapping.

  “You know my secret now.” Gracie’s standing now, one foot on either side of his torso, arms crossed, glaring down at him. “Why don’t you tell me yours?”

  Oh, so that’s it. And she’s right. You don’t keep big secrets from a person you love. “Let me up and I will.”

  She arcs her left foot over his body and takes a step back to give him room to stand.

  Kat clears her throat. “Uh, I think I have to use the bathroom,” she says, and starts for the door.

  “Wait, Kat,” Ravi says. “Come back. I want to tell you both what I’ve been doing on Fridays.”

  “Okay,” Kat says. “But can we sit down first? I feel a little light-headed after watching you two in action.”

  They sit in their usual seats at the Bangla lesson table. Gracie’s staring at their textbooks. Kat’s body and face, though, are in full receptive mode, focused on Ravi. He can tell she really wants to hear what he’s about to say.

  He takes a deep breath and starts by describing his first Friday at the Royal Diadem Society Guesthouse. When he gets to the part about guessing why his first mother brought him there, Gracie’s posture changes. She leans forward, and Ravi can see the signature grace return to her eyes.

  He swallows and moves on quickly. This is no time for more tears. With Gracie nodding, and Kat s
till listening intently, he ends by describing his plan to catch Sarker. “… And now there are only two Fridays left. That evil man has probably shifted his trafficking to another hotel. I’m still planning to show up at the chai shop, just in case I get the chance to nail him, so please don’t tell PG or Arjun or anyone else.”

  KAT

  After a long pause, Kat clears her throat. “This ‘plan’ of yours sounds a little too much like a movie, Ravi,” she says doubtfully. “I’m hoping that criminal stays away so you don’t get yourself in trouble.”

  “Yeah, I guess part of me is, too. But I’ve been dreaming all summer long of punching that guy in the face. Or at least making sure he’s behind bars before we leave India. What do you think, Gracie?”

  Gracie looks him right in the eye. “You really care what I think?”

  Ravi takes another deep inhale. “More than anything in the world,” he says, and reaches across the textbooks to take her hand.

  “Sounds really risky to me, Robin,” she says, and Kat notices she’s slipped back into using his Boston name. “Your parents would be heartbroken if anything happened to you.”

  “Yeah. I know you’re right. But … I can’t seem to let this go, for some reason. Maybe it’s about more than taking this jerk down. Maybe it’s about rescuing that little girl he was dragging along. And others, too. Maybe … I want to save them all from abuse for … somebody else’s sake, too.”

  He doesn’t look directly at Kat, but she gets the message. “Golden-Ruling,” she says.

  “Yep,” he answers. “I’ve been trying to figure it out.”

  Gracie raises her eyebrows. “What are you two talking about?”

  “I told Ravi what happened in Oakland,” Kat says. “And how Grandma Vee helped me by sharing a survival strategy—she calls it ‘Golden-Ruling.’”

  “You told him and not me? We both know Rob—Ravi’s the kindest guy on the planet, but still, Kat.”

  The kindest guy on the planet. Sounds kind of hot the way Gracie says it, and Kat hopes Ravi hears the sizzle. Her matchmaking is looking more promising. “I’m sorry, Gracie,” she says. “Guess I thought it might help him. The weird thing is after I shared it, it ended up making me feel better, too. Maybe that’s how that whole ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ thing is supposed to work.”

  Ravi looks right into Gracie’s eyes. “I know I should have told you, Gracie. But … I was kind of traumatized after my visit to the orphanage.”

  “I’m so sad that didn’t lead to anything,” Gracie says. “I’m so, so sorry, Ravi.”

  She eases her hand out of his, stands up, and opens her arms.

  To Kat’s relief, Ravi takes the cue.

  RAVI

  INT. POLICE TRAINING CENTER LOCKER ROOM—DAY

  “Will you do Kat a favor?” Ravi asks Bontu. “She’s teaching Gracie self-defense and she wanted me to be a sparring partner for Gracie, but … well, I wasn’t a very good sparring partner. She wanted me to ask if you’d do it, and be part of a film. Of a Brazilian jiu-jitsu demonstration. It’s a martial art.”

  “I can try,” Bontu says. “But I am a man of peace, not violence.”

  “You’ll have to channel your inner Hulk instead of your inner guru.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mean ‘bulk’?” He grins and pats his belly, which hasn’t shrunk at all. “What is this fillum?”

  “Kat will explain. But if you agree, she needs you all this week for practice. She wants to do the actual demo on Friday. No pressure. You can say no, she said to tell you.”

  “And miss my chance to be a fillum star? Never. I’ll be there.”

  INT. BENGALI EMANCIPATION SOCIETY HEADQUARTERS—DAY

  Bontu and Ravi both arrive at the office the next morning at eight thirty on the nose for Kat’s practice session. Ravi wants to be there to … well, to make sure Gracie won’t get squashed.

  No more secrets between the two of them now, thankfully. Well, almost none. He still hasn’t had the chance to ask how she feels, or to tell her how he’s feeling. He knows she loves him—her hug told him that—but that could have been the old Gracie. Not Bonita Juarez.

  She greets him with a hug again today; nobody’s in the large prayer room except Kat and Bontu, who doesn’t seem to mind, judging by his smirk. Ravi holds Gracie close for as long as he can without it getting strange and then lets go.

  Kat’s smile is almost as welcoming as Gracie’s hug. “Bontu! Thank you so much for coming. Do you have any experience with jiu-jitsu?”

  “No. Absolutely none. But I watched a few videos last night. It’s about escaping holds, and forcing your opponent to surrender, right? Will I have to wear one of those kimono outfits? Because I think they will suit me quite well. Amira will—”

  “No gis,” Kat interrupts. “But if you dress the part of a bad guy for the demo, it would be great. And Gracie will be in a shalwar. I want our video to look as much like a scene from a movie as possible. The Asha House girls will respond to that. That’s our goal—real BJJ with a light Bollywood touch. So act it up, you two. Bontu: thug. Gracie: victim. Got it?”

  Bontu’s eyebrows are so high, they’re disappearing under his bangs. “But I have never hurt a girl in my life. I am not even sure I can play that role. Are you sure I’m the right man for this job?”

  “I’m not asking you to hurt her,” Kat says. “Just pretend you’re an attacker. But be tough and strong; don’t go easy on her. She’s been practicing with me. I think she can handle you. Right, Gracie?”

  Gracie nods. “I’ll try.”

  Now that it’s happening in front of his eyes, Ravi isn’t too sure about Kat’s idea to use Bontu. What if Gracie gets hurt? Their friend’s a big dude.

  “You always bow before taking the mat,” Kat says.

  Bontu imitates Gracie.

  Gracie lifts her palm. “And then we high-five, fist-bump, and kneel, face-to-face.”

  They do that, too.

  “Okay, girl on bottom, thug on top.”

  Ravi doesn’t like the sound of that. What if something goes wrong? Or she feels uncomfortable? “Wait!” he says.

  “What’s the problem?” Kat asks, frowning at him.

  “Maybe I should be the one to do this, Kat.”

  “No way,” Kat says. “The two of you ‘fighting’ looked more like a slow dance than jiu-jitsu. Listen, I get that this might be hard for you to watch, Ravi, but we’re running out of time.”

  “You can wait outside if you want,” Gracie adds.

  Ravi shakes his head. “No, I’m okay. Sorry.”

  Kat turns back to her students. “Bontu, I forgot to tell you to tap her twice quickly on the shoulder if you start to feel any pain.”

  Tap twice to ease the pain, Ravi thinks. Like Kat did for me outside the orphanage.

  “Pain?” Bontu asks, sounding doubtful.

  “Yes. Before you feel a lot of it. Ready?”

  Bontu nods.

  “Okay. Get on top of her, Mr. Thug. Get him in your guard, Fogo. That’s Gracie’s BJJ name,” she says to Ravi.

  “Fogo” raises her legs and wraps them around Bontu’s waist. Or almost around it—her ankles don’t lock at first, but she stretches, strains, and somehow manages it. Ravi can barely see her beneath Bontu’s body—all he can see are her legs.

  “Okay, Gracie,” says Kat. “Kimura!”

  Suddenly, to Ravi’s total amazement, Gracie does something he can’t see, gets up on one elbow, and in the next moment has Bontu’s arm trapped between her thigh and other elbow. She twists back, pulling his arm with her. Now her back’s on the mat again and he’s on top of her, but he’s in such an awkward position that it looks like his shoulder might pop out of its socket.

  “AAAAAHHHHH!” Bontu yells, tapping Gracie twice with his free hand. She lets go, and he sits up, rubbing his shoulder.

  “A perfect Kimura!” Kat says, applauding.

  “You okay, Bontu?” Gracie asks.

  “I’m fine, fine,”
he says. “Well, that was a surprise. You’re so … small. But so strong.”

  “What did you think, Ravi?” Gracie asks.

  “Wow!” That’s all he can say. And then: “Bap-re-BAP, Firebird!”

  Gracie flips her hand at him, but she looks pleased. “Oh, Bontu’s a good actor. But that felt GREAT, Kat!”

  “I didn’t act one bit,” Bontu says. “You kicked the cow dung out of me. I’m heading home now to put ice on my shoulder.”

  “You have to act for the demo,” Kat tells him. “You have to look mean, and evil. And you can’t leave now. We’ve got two more moves to practice. Can you come tomorrow and Thursday as well? I want to do the demo this Friday.”

  “I’ll be here,” Bontu says. “Ice packs and all. Will you be joining us, Ravi? You can cheer me on for once.”

  Ravi hesitates. “I have to be somewhere else. But I’m sure it’s going to be a success.”

  Kat throws him a look. “Oh, that’s right. Friday.”

  Gracie’s expression is worried, too. “Be careful, Ravi. I really wish you wouldn’t go—”

  “I’ll be fine,” Ravi says. “I think I’ll step outside and let you practice in peace. I’ll let you know when Mrs. Gupta’s on the way.”

  Bontu waves him off. “Fine, Mr. Biswas. Since you’re not in this scene, go back to your luxurious trailer.”

  KAT

  INT. BENGALI EMANCIPATION SOCIETY HEADQUARTERS—DAY

  On Friday morning for the filmed demo, Bontu shows up right on time, once the room has cleared out after prayer meeting. He looks nervous but ready. He’s dressed just right, Kat thinks—black pants, black, wide-collared shirt unbuttoned too low, and fancy fake watch.

  “Did you bring your phone?” she asks.

  He hands it over as Gracie starts her usual warm-up of somersaults and shrimping. She’s wearing her yellow shalwar, and her hair is in two braids. No makeup or jewelry. She looks exactly like an Indian schoolgirl to Kat—about twelve years old.