Sins of the Immortal

by Jamie McGuire

  I turned onto my stomach as the demon shrieked and then ran to my mother, pouncing and taking her to the ground.

  “Mamá!” I cried.

  She wrestled for just a few seconds before the demon grabbed her neck and pulled. Her body went limp the same time Eden sailed through the air, sinking the blade into the tag’s back before it had a chance to reattach.

  The monster shrieked, and a slosh of dark liquid splashed at Eden’s feet before its entire body turned to ash.

  I stared at Mamá’s lifeless body on the ground, most of her throat gone, her eyes staring above, vacant. “Mamá?” I called.

  Eden checked Mamá, kissed her forehead, and then rushed to me.

  “We have to go,” she said softly. “Your father’s coming.”

  We phased back to Earth’s plane, where Claire, Jared, and Nina had stopped chanting. Jared was tending to his exhausted wife, Agatha was detaching tubes and monitors from my mother, and Cynthia was covering her with cheese cloth.

  “Wait,” I said, limping to Mamá’s side.

  I was unable to take my eyes off my mother, knowing it would be the last time in this life. “Eden?”

  “She’s conflicted,” Eden said, her eyes closed. “She’s right outside the Eighth Gate. This is her chance at a sacrifice, at seeing you in eternity outside of Hell. But she doesn’t want to leave you.”

  “Go, Mamá,” I said, kissing her cheek. “You can go now,” I said, attempting a reassuring smile. I put my palm on her forehead. “I’ll see you soon.”

  “He knows,” Bex said. “This is war, you know.”

  I held Mamá’s hand in both of mine. A tear fell from the outside corner of her eye and across her temple to her dark hairline. She had always been beautiful, and even after fighting for her life, she was beautiful still. I had been afraid of her death since I was a boy, knowing her fate, but now that she had the possibility of something different…

  “Mamá,” I began. I brushed back her hair with my fingers. “You leave me now, but we’ll be together again.” My face crumbled.

  “She’s in,” Eden said with a relieved sigh. “She’s safe.”

  My head fell forward, and my shoulders trembled with my silent sobs. I sucked in a breath, trying to steady my voice.

  Eden’s hand squeezed my shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I…”

  “My father was coming. She had to get beyond the safety of the gates before he could get to her.” I reached up to place my hand over Mamá’s eyes, closing them completely. “It was quick. For that I’m grateful.”

  “You gave her eternity in Heaven, Levi. You know as well as anyone that was the most selfless thing you could do,” Cynthia said, twisting off the knob of the oxygen tank next to the bed. “Your father never would have allowed it. She had to die during a sacrifice.”

  I lifted my mother in my arms, her blouse still sticky and wet with her blood, and then lay her back gently, covering her with the thin white cloth Cynthia had provided.

  Jared began a beautiful prayer in Hebrew. She was God’s now.

  “Levi?” Eden said, calling after me as I passed her.

  “I need to bury her,” I replied, heading for the garden to retrieve a shovel.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Eden

  For a being who’d existed with him for eons, I didn’t know how to behave around Levi. He’d been quiet, but not brooding. Mourning, but not sad. It was difficult to know what to say, if I should apologize again, even though I’d done it at least a dozen times. He didn’t want or need to hear it, and although I knew how he felt and what words made his heart speed up with anxiety or slow as my words or presence calmed him, guilt clouded everything.

  At the same time, I longed to be there for him, to help him, save him, to take away his pain, but then the guilt and the awkwardness of my human side would take over, and I’d let him walk the halls of my grandmother’s house alone.

  The unique sound of glass hitting Grandmother’s marble countertop echoed, pulling me from my self-loathing. Agatha lightly kicked the wooden leg of my stool, and I sat up taller, watching from the kitchen as my grandmother clicked across the dining room in six-inch snakeskin Louboutin’s.

  Agatha began filling the goblet in front of me with dark red wine.

  “I’m eighteen,” I said. “Does that not count since I’m immortal?”

  “No one is too young for the blood of Christ,” she said in her thick Scottish accent, pouring her own. “Pretend it’s communion and drink up.”

  “So you’ve known this whole time? About all of us?” I asked before holding the glass to my nose and smelling the rancid grape concoction.

  “I know what I need to know. It’s dangerous to know too much here.”

  I took a sip, then a gulp.

  Agatha clinked her glass to mine before I placed it on the counter. “May the power of Christ compel ya.”

  I breathed out a laugh, then took another drink.

  Agatha pulled my hair from the tie that held it back and ran her fingers through the light blonde strands like she did when I was a girl. I closed my eyes and inhaled, letting the memory take over. Agatha had always had a calming aura about her. She had always been neutral, the perfect middle ground of my mother and grandmother. Not too sweet, not too tough. Never judging or taking a side. Agatha was the unsung hero of my story and my mother’s, too.

  “You’re being too hard on yourself. It was Petra’s choice, maybe her only choice not to spend eternity in darkness.”

  “Anyone who’s been there wouldn’t want to return.

  “Levi understands that.”

  “That doesn’t make me feel better.”

  “What is it like?” she asked, but then shivered.

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “No … yes. Yes, I want to know.”

  “It’s grotesque. Worse than a nightmare. Every breath you take burns. Sulphur fills your nose, your lungs. The heat sizzles your skin, like standing too close to a fire and not being able to step away. The landscape is barren. Everything is red, or orange … or black. But the things there, not everything is human. It’s a place where evil from everywhere goes. And, whatever they were, you’d never recognize it on its plane because they’re all misshapen. Hate, bitterness, regret, and pain change you from the inside out. Humans are in the millions, and they’re piled on top of one another, consumed and manufactured and tortured and writhing in misery. They reach to the dark sky, to the speck of light above.”

  “Is it Heaven? The light?”

  “It is. Just visible enough to torture the damned even more.”

  She shifted in her seat, disturbed by my description. “It’s nearly what I’d imagined. I’d have never thought there’d be more creatures than humans and demons.”

  “We aren’t alone in the universe. No one is immune from death or the afterlife. I keep telling myself that I didn’t contribute to her death but helped her get a ticket out of Hell, but it doesn’t help. There’s something there, now, between Levi and me, and I … I can’t fix it.”

  She leaned forward and met my gaze. “You aren’t supposed to fix it, dear.”

  “Aren’t I? Isn’t that what I was sent here to do? Fixing things is literally my purpose, and I can’t help the man I love.”

  Agatha sighed. “How frustrating that must be, if that’s how you see it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She tapped the counter with the tips of her fingers. “Your father’s due home any minute. You best be finishing that before he’s home. Immortal or not, he clings to decorum.”

  I downed the rest of my glass and sat it in the sink. “How else is there to see it?”

  “Restoring The Balance. That’s your purpose. You can’t restore something unless it’s broken, old, neglected. You need to let go of that nagging feeling you can change things before. Your job is in the after.”

  I nodded.

  Agatha winked a
nd nudged me. “Even the Almighty allows free will. Petra made a choice. And, it was a smart one if you ask me.”

  “She did. You’re right. I know you’re right.” I exhaled. “So why do I still feel like this?”

  “Because your heart is talking, and you’re not listening.”

  I winced. “I’m a powerful being. I should know what you mean.”

  “Talk to him, ya daft cow.”

  I laughed out loud, and then it faded. “I can barely look at him. It’s times like these I wish my human side would have just died with me.”

  “And then what? How could you fight for humanity if you can’t understand us? Levi doesn’t blame you. He understands her choice to leave him now to spend eternity with him later.”

  “Why would Levi blame her?” Dad said, walking into the front door.

  Agatha stood up straight, her expression abruptly professional. “I’ll just be tidying the upstairs.”

  “Dad,” I said. I felt that he was on his way, and that he’d arrived, but I was too focused on my conscience to take time to prepare.

  He took one whiff and knew what I’d been up to. He hesitated, and I rolled my eyes. “Yes. I had a glass of wine. Proceed with the lecture.”

  He sat next to me, crossing his arms over the counter. “I’m not happy about it. I’m also aware you’re technically older than me.”

  I smiled.

  “I was actually going to ask for a glass,” he said.

  I stopped smiling. “You don’t drink.”

  “Your mother is with Bex and Allison, and if you’ve been driven to drink, it’s likely a good idea for me.”

  “Well then,” I said, standing to find a glass in the cabinet. A discreet popping noise interrupted his next question as I pulled the cork. He waited for the crackling to pass as the effervescence whooshed into the perfect curves of his crystal stemware.

  He breathed in the Malbec and then took a sip, silently approving of what he likely thought was my choice. I’d never let him know otherwise. Heavenly being or not, I would always be his little girl.

  “I know it’s difficult.”

  I stared at my empty glass in the sink, tears streaming down my cheeks. “She arrived to warn Levi. His brothers are still plotting to attack him. Something feels wrong.”

  Dad hugged me to him, kissing my hair. “Shhh. You did the right thing. This life is a blip compared to eternity. You saved her from Hell.”

  “I could’ve saved her. I should’ve figured out how to do both.”

  “Eden,” Dad began. “You’re powerful, but there are rules.”

  “I went to see Morgan. I took away his memory of killing me. I healed him from his possession. I’m phasing.”

  He let me go. “You’re … phasing.”

  I could feel him trying to remain calm, at least on the outside. He was choosing his words carefully, but not as much as his delivery.

  “It’s okay, Dad. I know it’s alarming. And you’re also listening and immediately trying to figure out how to explain this to Mom … or not. She’s stronger than you think, you know. And it’s no secret that she won’t stand for you keeping anything from her when it comes to me.”

  He squirmed in his seat, knowing I was right. “Hybrids can’t phase.”

  “I’m different. I’m—”

  “An immortal. Something like Eli?”

  I nodded.

  He itched his nose and then gulped his wine, pushing his empty glass toward me so I’d fill it again. After downing half his glass, he braced himself. “And how is Levi?”

  “He buried Petra in the backyard, under the shade tree. He said she would’ve loved to have sat on the bench and watched the wind slide through the leaves. She liked the simple things.”

  “That’s nice,” Dad said with a far-off look.

  “I don’t … I don’t know how to comfort him.” My voice broke.

  Dad took me in his arms and squeezed. “Eden, comfort is simpler than most people think.”

  “I know, but there’s so much guilt. I can feel his anger. The blame. It’s eating me alive from the inside out. I want nothing more than to help him through this, but I can’t go anywhere near him.”

  Dad put his thumb under my chin and lifted my face until my gaze met his. “You had to free her from the tag so she could get into Heaven after her sacrifice. It’s a process Levi is familiar with.”

  My bottom lip trembled. “Why doesn’t that make me feel better?”

  “Why use the blade?”

  “I couldn’t send it back to Hell. It might have reported something it heard to Lucifer.”

  “You’ll be reprimanded.”

  “I’m aware.”

  He smiled. “What you did, Eden? It’s the most important gift you could’ve ever given them, do you know that?”

  “I should’ve given him more time with her. We should’ve waited. I should’ve tried to think of another way. I don’t know why we rushed it.”

  He turned to his drink and took another sip, nodding. “What’s important is being there for him now. I’m thankful I don’t know what it’s like to lose my mother. Levi must feel like an orphan. He feels lost, but you’re his beacon, Eden. It will be difficult, but you’re going to have to go to him. If he needs anyone right now, it’s you. More importantly, you’ve taken Levi from Lucifer and then allowed his wife to go to a place he’ll never be able to touch her again. We all need to be at our strongest right now.”

  I nodded, wiping my eyes. “Okay.”

  “I know you loved him once. Do you love him now?”

  “I always have, and I always, always will,” I whispered.

  He pushed the glass of wine away. “I’m going to pick up your mother and drive her to work. Take it from me, my love. Your world will be right again when you’re right with Levi. That’s how soul mates work.”

  Dad kissed my temple and then pulled his phone from his jacket pocket, immediately dialing and then walking out of the dining room. The news of Petra’s death would spread fast in both Heaven and Hell, and it would cause questions, panic, rumors, and all of those things led to unpredictable scenarios.

  “Levi?” I said, knocking on my bedroom door.

  The knob turned, and Levi held the door open, bare skinned from the waist up. Confusion never looked so beautiful. His blue eyes scanned me from waist to hairline. “You’re knocking on your own door?”

  “Yes. I was trying to be respectful.” The immortal part of me recognized him, longed for him. The human side was shaking in her leather boots.

  He opened it further and gestured for me to come in.

  I slipped past him, fidgeting as I turned. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been ignoring you. I’ve been ashamed.”

  He crossed his arms over his middle and shrugged. He was the son of Satan, one of the most powerful beings in existence, and he struggled to be in my presence. Not because of what I was, but because of the silly emotions between us.

  “Did you forget?” Levi asked, shifting his weight.

  “Forget what?” I asked.

  His brows furrowed. “Our love has spanned lifetimes. We were sentenced to eternal separation, but I found you. I watched you die, and you came back to me. Now, here we stand, terrified of hurting each other.”

  I shrugged one shoulder. “It’s that human side of us, I guess. A weakness.”

  He shook his head, reaching for me. “It’s the best part of us. Vulnerability allows us to feel more deeply, to love each other on a deeper level.”

  “I hate it,” I said, fighting tears.

  He grinned as he finally caught my elbow and pulled me into his chest. My head fit perfectly in the gentle curve between his chest and chin, and I let myself melt into his embrace as he wrapped his warm arms around me. We didn’t speak or move; we existed as one, letting the moment take as long as it needed. Time passed as tiny, beautiful chimes, from one comforting note to another, stringing together in perfect s
equences. I closed my eyes, feeling a warm light surround us, like mid-day on the beach, the breeze from the ocean cooling the parts of my skin hit directly by the sun to form just the right temperature.

  Levi was the sunlight warming my skin, the breeze running through my hair, the soft sand beneath my feet, the refreshing saltwater washing over my toes. He was a perfect day, a strong hug, a deep breath, a sigh of relief. Levi was with me in my beginning, and he was my happy ending. I ran my fingers over his smooth skin. As many times as he’d gone to battle for us, no scars marred his body. He was perfect, like me, yet filled with so much pain.

  I touched my lips to his neck, feeling his warmth against my tender skin.

  He sighed.

  “I wish it couldn’t been different somehow,” I said, keeping my eyes closed.

  “I know.”

  He was quiet, and the natural urge to blame warred with the overwhelming love he felt for me. “We can discuss it with her after this life.” He lifted my chin. “Until then, we have to let her go. We have to let go of the guilt. I buried mine with her.”

  One corner of my mouth turned up. “You can’t lie to me.”

  His eyes glossed over. “I just miss her, Eden. I’m going to miss her. I’m processing, grieving; there’s really no way around that. A distraction might be our best bet, but we have to feel this. We have no other choice.”

  My eyes fell to his lips. “A distraction?”

  Every nerve in his body blazed, and that enhanced what I was already feeling by a thousand. My fingertips dug into his skin, and he leaned down to press his lips against mine. The warmth from his mouth spread throughout my body, all the way to my fingers and toes, surrounding me in that light I’d just envisioned. The heat, the sunlight, the waves, love, happiness, comfort—everything that felt good hit me at once like electricity bursting deep inside of me.

  Levi reached back, and the door’s locking mechanism clicked. I could see the gears, the metal merging, working together to engage without looking. I could feel it, just the way I could already feel what Levi was about to do to me. The first time I saw him, the moment I recognized him, the first time I fell in love with him and the second time here on Earth; time was merged into that one moment in my bedroom as he held me tight in his arms, sliding his tongue into my mouth. The dance was both soft and strong, and each time he kissed me he pulled at me tighter.