Gates of Paradise

by V. C. Andrews

  Drake wore a double-breasted, light blue silk suit, a suit identical to the suits Tony wore. His hair was cut shorter and brushed back and down on the top like Tony's hair. If I had come upon him on a city street, I thought, I might not have recognized him.

  "I'm okay. Drake, you look like a. . a banker." He laughed.

  "Just a businessman. You've got to look the part, Annie. People respect that. It's something I've quickly learned. So, tell me all about your arrival here, as you eat, of course." He pushed the table over the bed and helped adjust my pillows so I could sit up.

  I glanced at the doorway and he caught my look. "Oh, I gave your nurse time off, told her I would give you lunch."

  "Where's Tony?"

  "He's in his office, trying to straighten out the mountains of papers strewn about. Says he's got to get it looking decent enough for you to visit someday, so you can watch him work. He says that was something your grandmother used to do."

  "Drake," I whispered, pausing between spoonfuls of hot soup, "it's exactly as you described in your letter and phone call . . all of it looks like it hasn't been touched for years and years."

  "It hasn't been."

  "But Drake, Tony doesn't seem to see it that way. Haven't you noticed?"

  He swung his eyes away and thought for a moment. "He can't get himself to see it as it really is right now. I suppose it's too painful for him. He remembers it the way it was . . a magnificent estate."

  "But--"

  "Give him time, Annie. He's like a man who has been in a coma for years and is just coming out of it."

  "He's nice, very considerate and all . . but sometimes he scares me." There, I'd said it out loud.

  "Oh, why, Annie? He's a harmless, elderly man who lost everything that had any real meaning in his life: family. If anything, you should pity him."

  "I do. It's just . . ."

  "What? You'll get whatever you want. The doctors will be coming to you, instead of you going to them. Tony's asked the doctors to order any machine, any therapeutic device, that would speed up your recuperation, no matter what the cost. You'll be attended by a professional nurse and waited on hand and foot by an army of servants. Tony has already hired an additional maid and two more

  groundskeepers. He's doing so much for you."

  "I know." I gazed at the photographs in the silver frames. "I guess it's just that I miss Mommy and Daddy so much."

  "Oh, of course." He sat down beside me and took my hand into his. "Poor Annie. I miss them, too. Sometimes, when I get a break for an hour or so, I think maybe I should call Heaven, and then I remember all that's happened."

  "I keep hoping this is all just a dream, Drake; and I'll wake up and you'll be coming home from college to see me."

  He nodded. Then he leaned over and kissed me warmly on the cheek, but so close to my lips that the corners of our mouths touched. He seemed embarrassed. I noticed that he was wearing a different cologne, a scent I had recognized as Tony's cologne.

  "Hey," he said quickly, "if you don't eat, they'll blame me and never let me bring you a meal again."

  I spooned some more soup and took a bite of the sandwich.

  "Have you seen or spoken to Luke? You heard about his wonderful graduation speech, didn't you?"

  "Yes. Mark Downing told me. He was in Boston and caste by to see me. He said everyone was shocked when Luke referred to Logan as his father, even though they all knew it to be true."

  "I'm so proud of him. Aren't you?" He nodded. "But Drake, haven't you spoken with him since? You called him to congratulate him, didn't you?"

  "Frankly, Annie, I wasn't in the mood to congratulate anyone for anything. I've been keeping myself as busy as I can just so I don't think about things."

  I nodded softly, understanding what he meant.

  "So you haven't spoken to him at all?"

  "I spoke with him briefly yesterday, after he arrived at Harvard."

  "He arrived at Harvard! Oh, then he's nearby and he'll come to visit or he'll call Tony. Maybe he's called already."

  Drake's eyes darkened and the lines in his mouth tightened.

  "You have to give him time to get settled in. It's quite a thing to arrive at college. There's mountains of this to do, forms to fill out, arrangements to make. He was so excited about it all, and he's making so many new friends at his dorm. Dorms are coed now, you know. Some of his new friends will be girls. You should expect that he will find a real girlfriend someday."

  My heart sank. A real girlfriend? Someone who would replace me as the person to whom he trusted his most intimate and secret thoughts, someone with whom he would share dreams--and that someone wouldn't be me. In my secret heart I knew this would happen someday, but I wouldn't listen to the voices whispering the warnings, and now Drake was telling me in his usual nonchalant manner that Luke would fall in love with someone else and go on to live happily ever after somewhere else. What's more, perhaps my condition would speed it all since I wouldn't be there for him. I'd be stuck here, crippled and alone.

  I shifted my eyes quickly so Drake couldn't read my thoughts.

  "Oh, of course, but I'm sure as soon as he gets free . . ."

  "You know," Drake said. He was so eager to change the subject, it made me nervous. "Now that you're not going to be able to travel through Europe, you should think about your education, too. I think we should arrange for you to have a tutor so that you could pick up a college credit or two while you're recuperating. As long as the doctors approve, of course." He looked about the room. "You might just be terribly bored otherwise."

  "That's a good idea."

  "I'll speak to Tony about it."

  "Why don't you just take care of it for me, Drake. Talk to people at Harvard. Have me tutored in one of the courses Luke's going to take. That way, when he comes by, we can go over the work together." It would make it less boring for Luke to come here, too, I thought.

  "I'll see what I can do. You must not

  underestimate the power and influence of a man like Tony. True, he's kept himself out of things for quite a while, permitting managers to run his toy empire, but everywhere I go in Boston," he added, smiling and straightening his back and shoulders with pride, "they have heard of the Tattertons. Just the mention of the name opens doors and sets people scurrying about, treating me as if I were a millionaire myself.

  "And there is so much a man like Tony can teach me," he continued, going on like a runaway car downhill. "His wisdom comes from experience and not just books. He knows whom to see, how to handle people, what to say, especially when it comes to negotiations." He laughed. "I bet he's a great poker player."

  "That's wonderful, Drake. I'm glad you're happy with him. Tell me, though," I said, putting the remainder of my sandwich aside, "does he ever talk about my mother and about the things that happened between them?"

  "Oh no. And I don't ask. If Heaven's name comes up, his face brightens and he mentions only happy, wonderful things. Maybe it's best we just let sleeping dogs lie. Why bring about any more unpleasantness? Think of it this way, Annie," he added quickly, "what good will it do anyone now?"

  "I'm not insisting on anything like that right now, Drake; but I can't stay here without knowing these things. Sometimes," I said, shifting my eyes to the bed, "I feel as if I've betrayed Mommy by letting Tony do all that he has done for me."

  "Oh, Annie, that's nonsense. If anything, Heaven would have wanted you to have the best possible recovery. She would never resent anything that was good for you. She loved you too much."

  "I hope you're right, Drake."

  "I know I'm right. Do you think if it had been the other way around, if Tony would have needed Heaven's help, that she would have turned him out?"

  "I don't know. She turned him out of her heart for so long. I've got to know why. Don't you see, Mommy--"

  "Well now," Tony's voice boomed, "how's the patient doing?"

  He came in so quickly, I wondered if he hadn't been standing just outside the room listening to
our conversation. Drake didn't seem to be concerned. He stood up immediately and beamed. It was clear how much he truly respected and admired Tony.

  "She's doing fine, Tony," he replied quickly. "There couldn't be a better place for her to recuperate."

  "That's wonderful. Did you have a good nap, Annie?"

  "Yes. Thank you, Tony."

  "Please, don't thank me. It is I who should be thanking you. You don't know what your presence at Farthy, even for only a short time, has already done. There's a new brightness about the place. Everything feels fresh and exciting again. Even my old servants-- Curtis, the butler; Ryse Williams, the cook--are moving around as if they were years and years younger, just because they know you're here."

  "I'd like to meet Rye Whiskey." I remembered he was one of the few people at Farthy Mommy liked to talk about.

  "I'll send him up as soon as I can."

  "And I'd like to explore the house. Maybe Drake will wheel me about."

  "Oh, I'd like to, Annie, but I have to get back to Boston before the stock market closes today."

  "Today's a little soon for explorations anyway," Tony said. "Give yourself a day or two to get strong and then I'll take you around myself and tell you all the history and romance associated with each and every nook and cranny."

  "But I'm tired of just sitting in bed," I moaned. "Mrs. Broadfield has things planned out for you, Annie. You have physical therapy to do and a hot bath and--"

  I pouted.

  "If Tony promised he'll take you around, he'll take you," Drake muttered. I kept my head lowered but raised my eyes at him. I saw the smile ripple through his lips just the way it used to when I caught him watching me across a room back in Winnerow. That familiar look warmed my heart.

  "I'm behaving badly, I know. Everyone's trying to help me and I'm just being a brat."

  "But a beautiful brat," Tony said. "So you're forgiven."

  "See what a charming man he is," Drake said.

  "I see. Oh, Tony, did Luke call yet? Drake tells me he's been at Harvard since yesterday."

  "Not yet. The moment he does, I'll have the message delivered to you."

  "Just tell him to come whenever he can."

  "Fine." Tony clapped his hands to end that topic of conversation. "Well, we'd better let Mrs. Broadfield get started. Don't want to stand in the way of your progress."

  "Excuse me, sir," Millie Thomas said. She stood timidly in the doorway. "But I came to see if Miss Annie was finished with her tray."

  "I'm finished." She came in quickly to take it. "Thank you, Millie." She smiled. "Whenever you're free, come up to see me."

  "Oh." Her frown came fast but slight, as if such an easygoing and friendly mistress unsettled her, but our servants at Hasbrouck House were always treated like part of the family. Millie looked up at Tony quickly. "Yes, Miss Annie."

  "And please, Millie, just call me Annie."

  She scurried out of the room with mousy steps.

  "I hope she will work out," Tony muttered after her. "Got her on rather quick notice from a new agency."

  "She seems very nice, Tony."

  "We'll see."

  "I'd better be going," Drake said. "I'll come by again in a day or so, Annie. Is there anything I can bring you?"

  "There are things back at Winnerow that I want,

  Drake. When are you going to make a trip there?"

  "Not for a while, Annie, but I suppose we could send for them." He looked to Tony for confirmation.

  "Of course."

  "I can just call Aunt Fanny, too. I'm sure she's going to want to come out to see me."

  "I'm sure Drake can get away for a day," Tony decided. "It's important enough."

  "Make a list, Annie, and Ill pick it up when I return."

  "Thank you; Drake."

  "See you soon." He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and hurried out of the room.

  Tony stood there gazing down at me. Suddenly the expression on his face changed. His blue eyes brightened and his face lifted as though he had just come upon something he thought he had lost. There was a strange look in his eyes as he turned toward the windows.

  "Well now, we can open these curtains. The sky has cleared and it's a magnificent day." He pulled open the curtains at d looked down. "Flowers are in bloom everywhere. I'm going to have that pool filled tomorrow. I know how you like to swim."

  "Swim?" Who told him I liked to swim, I wondered, and how could he fill that pool tomorrow? It looked like it needed a lot of repair work.

  "I'll have to see about Scuttles, too. I know as the days get warmer you're going to want to ride that pony."

  "Scuttles? What a funny name for a horse. You really think the doctors will let me get on a horse, Tony?" He didn't reply. He continued to stare down. "Tony?"

  He turned around as if he had just realized I was there.

  "Oh. Lost myself in a daydream. So, I'll tell Mrs. Broadfield to get started," he said. He slapped his hands together and then started out of the room.

  Shortly after, Mrs. Broadfield came in and took me through some therapeutic exercises and gave me a leg massage. Even though my legs were lifted and turned this way and that, I felt nothing, no pain, no aches, just as Dr. Malisoff had predicted. There was only a slight sensation over my toes, but perhaps even that was in my imagination.

  "I see your fingers there, but I don't feel them, Mrs. Broadfield." She nodded and worked on as though I were a piece of clay she was molding.

  After that she helped me into the wheelchair so I could sit up and wheel about while she prepared a hot bath. When she went into the bathroom, I wheeled myself to the window and looked down as Tony had.

  Flowers in bloom? The flower beds were so overrun with weeds and grass, nothing dainty could compete. Maybe he meant he would do something about them now so there would be flowers in bloom. Just as he said, he must have been daydreaming, I thought. Scuttles . . . horseback riding. I shook my head. It was strange, almost as if Tony were living in another time and thought me to be someone else.

  "Let me prepare you for your bath now, Annie," Mrs. Broadfield said, coming up behind me. I was in such deep thought, her voice made me jump. She put her hand so softly on my shoulder, I quickly relaxed. She could be gentle when she wanted to be. "Are you all right?"

  "Yes, yes, I was just thinking. Mrs. Broadfield, do you think I could go horseback riding in the near future?"

  "Horseback riding." She laughed. I think it was the first time I had heard her do so. "I'm just hoping you'll be able to get yourself in and out of this chair in the near future. Whoever put such a thought in your head?"

  I stared up at her.

  "No one," I said.

  "Well, I'm glad you're thinking positively. It helps." She wheeled me into the bathroom and helped me strip off my nightgown. Then she guided me into the hot tub. At the hospital, doctors, nurses and Mrs. Toadfield poked and explored my body and I had no selfsconsciousness about it. Modesty seemed ridiculous and out of place. Who cared who saw me naked? I was more like a dead person.

  But now, stronger, more aware of myself, I did blush. Not since I was a very little girl had anyone helped me bathe. Mrs. Broadfield held me under my arms as I lowered myself into the hot water.

  "It's so hot."

  "It has to be that way, Annie."

  When I was settled securely, she released her grip but kept her hands on my shoulders. Under the hot, bubbling water, my legs looked leaden. I still couldn't feel them at all. Her strong fingers, made muscular by hours and hours of massaging and lifting patients, kneaded my small shoulders and the back of my neck.

  "Just relax," she said. "Close your eyes and relax."

  I did what she said and leaned back. Steamy vapor filled my lungs, misted the air so Mrs. Broadfield and I seemed miles and miles away. I drifted into a dreamy land where soft music played. I felt drunk from lack of energy. I heard her dip a washcloth into the bubbling water and then felt her bring it to my arms.

  "I can do that."
<
br />   "Just relax. It's what Mr. Tatterton has hired me to do."

  It was difficult for me to relax while someone else scrubbed my body. She moved the soft cloth slowly over and under my arms. She washed my neck and shoulders and had me lean forward so she could wash most of my back.

  "Doesn't this feel good, Annie?"

  I simply nodded, keeping my eyes closed. It was easier for me that way. Whenever I opened them, I saw Mrs. Broadfield bent over the hot tub, her face tight and intense, like a skilled technician worried about detail.

  "You have a nice, firm young body, Annie. Strong. You're going to recuperate, if you cooperate and follow the therapy."

  The hot steam drew beads of water in lines across her forehead and over her puffy cheeks. They looked like tiny pearls. Her face was very flushed, almost as red as someone who had fallen asleep in the hot sunlight.

  She dipped her arms as deeply into the water as she could to reach my legs and thighs, washing and massaging. Finally she sat back, looking short of breath. She saw how I gazed quizzically at her and she quickly rose to her feet to wipe her forearms.

  "Just sit there and soak for a while longer," she said, and went into the bedroom.

  I did all that I could to help assist her in lifting me out of the tub. I wiped down my upper body while she wiped my feet and legs. Then she helped me into a new nightgown and brought me back to the bed. I wanted to remain in the wheelchair, even though the hot bath had tired me out.

  "Just for a short while," she said. "I'll be back and help you into bed so you can take a brief nap before dinner."

  I waited until she left the room and then I wheeled myself to the window. The afternoon sun had fallen far enough below the great house so that the building now cast a long, dark shadow over the grounds and the maze. Still, it looked warm outside.

  I had come to the window because I wanted to look again at the Tatterton family cemetery. I hadn't been there yet, but just seeing my parents' monument would make me feel closer to them, I thought.