Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  He grinned. “Yes, I hope to fix that mistake one day.” He ran his finger down my cheek.

  I slapped his hand away. “Breakfast.”

  He followed me to grub, fruit and nuts today along with the porridge, a veritable feast for the new arrivals. Hana sat on my right, Finn on my left. Thorn walked over to join us while we scarfed down our meal.

  I spooned up some fruit. “Thorn, is there anywhere to bath?”

  “There is a lake nearby. You can go there. A group of women are going soon. Want me to have them wait?” Thorn said.

  “Yes, Hana, come with?” I nudged her.

  “Yes.” She smiled over at Jace who tugged her close for a quick kiss. That seemed to be going well.

  We grabbed our clothes and hiked to this pond with Kyna, who outright ignored us. And I didn’t care because for the first time in weeks, I would be clean. The water was warm and reminded me of home. Marin. I needed to stop thinking about him. He would be here soon enough. Then we would see where we stand.

  A moan escaped me when I relaxed in the water.

  “That reminds me of last night.” Hana giggled.

  “I know, I heard, and all the past nights,” I teased.

  She slapped me upside the head and I grinned at her. I bounced and tried to dunk her. She twisted and threw me off then stopped. “It has been going so well. I am afraid.”

  I took some of the soap Thorn had provided and lathered up. “Afraid? Why?”

  Hana did the same nearby. “Because it is going too well. Edd and Jace get along well, they are both fine with being together. They even—”

  I held my hand up;. “TMI.”

  Laughter filled her eyes. “You prude. It is wonderful.” She held her hand to her belly.

  I dropped my soap and stared at her poleaxed. “Oh, my God. You’re pregnant?”

  “What? No. Why would you…” She moved her hand. “No. It just makes me feel warm inside.”

  Aww. I hugged her. “That is good. I am glad someone’s relationship is going well.”

  Her head rested on my shoulder. “Yours will work out. I know it.”

  “Yeah, yeah. We should head back.” I waded out of the water and shrugged on a T-shirt and my leathers. “Go exploring with me today?”

  “Of course, I will not let you leave me this time.” Hana followed, water sluicing off her form.

  The town was bustling when we returned. A guard directed us to the meeting area. As soon as we entered the room, my heart stopped for a beat, then resumed at a gallop. Hana grabbed my hand. Speak of the devil.

  Marin stood in the center of the marketplace, Ute right behind him, as well as Borik and several others I didn’t know. The sight of him took my breath away. My gaze ate him up. He’d cut his hair. Uneven brown edges brushed his ears and lines bracketed his mouth. Dark brown leather clung to his legs, his vest half unlaced revealing his flat abs. A pack leaned at his feet. He appeared worse for wear, but intact, blessedly intact. My eyes burned.

  My chest heaved and this little voice inside me kept saying I knew Marin would come. I knew he would follow me. I didn’t think it would be so soon. Hell, he must have left Groos the very next day to make it here this quick.

  My lips curved in a smile. I moved closer. My breath stuttered when Marin turned and looked over at me. Zanth came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulders. Marin’s head tilted as he regarded me and Zanth, before he turned his back and gave instructions to Ute, then sat down to take off his shoes.

  Huh.

  So that was our great reunion. How nice. The smile slid off my face. What did I expect? That he missed me as much as I missed him? Yeah, right. My stomach rolled. Land knows I’d experienced his stubbornness first hand. He wouldn’t forgive me anytime soon, if at all. It still stung. I’d ached for him and he’d turned his back without acknowledging me. My hand grazed the band on my forearm.

  Ute rushed over and hugged me hard. “Are you all right?”

  My eyes closed and I pressed my head into his neck. “Yes, you?”

  Ute nodded. “Yes, Marin was beside himself. He rounded everybody up, tossed the supplies together and here we are. Stein stayed behind as acting Clan Chief so that Marin could lead the party.”

  “I’m glad you guys are here.” I leaned back and smiled at him, patting his cheek, basking in his twinkle. His hands tightened on my shoulder.

  Finn’s hand settled on Ute’s back. “Old man.”

  The love between them was obvious. I wanted that. My gaze was drawn to Marin again. But this time, he didn’t look back.

  I waited, but he pointedly ignored me for the next fifteen minutes while I stood there gazing at him like a love-struck idiot. And he cut his hair. He’d been growing it out for me because I liked it.

  Forget this, I left the room. I made it to my cabin before I started to cry. I curled on the cot with my back to the wall, my head in the pillow.

  What had I expected? Did I expect him to be happy to see me? I left him to come here with someone he hated. I knew he would be mad, just not this mad. It never even occurred to me he might not love me as much as I thought. How arrogant of me. A tear dripped off my nose. I put my hand on the floor and let the land’s anguish roll into my own.

  Then I let it all go. I knew this might happen. I knew I might lose him. I sat up and resolutely wiped away the moisture beneath my eyes. I couldn’t sit here and cry about it. If there was one thing my daddy taught me it was that crying about something didn’t make it better. My daddy who left my mother and me, moved on, like Marin appeared to have done. And I had thought they were so different.

  A tear leaked down my cheek.

  Damn it. My jaw gritted. Control.

  My hand spread across my Marin-shaped pillow.

  Control.

  Twenty Four

  That was enough of that. No more tears. I’d cried more in the past year than I ever had in my life. I scrubbed my cheeks, taking in the bare room with its single bed and dresser. I picked up my jacket and went back outside, knocking on Zanth’s door. No answer. From the noise, everyone remained in the square. I heard the distant sounds of voices raised in argument. I should check it out, but Marin was there.

  Screw that.

  I wanted to explore, and well, this was better. The heavy rock where my heart used to be gave me purpose. Plus I wasn’t fit company for anyone right now.

  I ran my hands down the sides of my pants and set off. The edge of the forest loomed in front of me and I followed my path from the day before. My feet took me to the first Y in the path. It didn’t seem as ominous to me now. I’d meant to come back with a group. But I didn’t want to return to town now. Yet my feet weren’t moving.

  Could I handle finding a lab and the memories that ensued alone? What if I found Xade and the others? What if, what if, I’d drown in what ifs, if I didn’t make myself do. It was useless to dawdle. My eyelid twitched, there was nothing back in Center I wanted right now, or more accurately, wanted me.

  The first step along the path was the hardest. I half-expected a monster to come roaring out of the darkness, but the left meandered along just as the right path did before the highway. The vegetation was thicker here, even denser and more ominous. Nothing appeared to have traveled this way in a long time. The silence pressed on me, but there was no cold. Brush slapped me as I walked, occasionally catching on my clothes.

  It got darker and cooler, the farther in I traveled. I couldn’t see the suns through the canopy anymore. I kept walking. I’d scrounged supplies enough to sleep out here if needed. With Marin in town, maybe I would sleep out here anyway. I wouldn’t be missed. Well, Finn might miss me. Marin wouldn’t. Zanth and Hana and the rest would understand.

  The trees rose stark ahead of me. The wood gray, a few buds sprouted along the limbs before me announcing the start of spring. A feather lay across the path in front of me, at least three feet long, green at the base shading to dark blue then black at the tip. I stooped to pick it up.

 
I peered above me. Nada. That would have to be one large bird to drop a feather this size. I shivered as I thought of the wings from my vision. My knife was sheathed, but I got it out. It felt better to hold it as I walked.

  A few feet farther and I noticed the stillness in the air. The area was quiet overall, but even the small background noises, the crunching of the brush underneath my feet, the crack of the branches, all of that faded.

  My steps faltered and stopped.

  “Elizabeth!” A furious bellow behind me.

  I twisted and watched Marin charge up the path. I huffed out a breath. The sight of him nearly took my breath away, hair mussed, boots back on, chest heaving. He’d followed me.

  His eyes burned when he reached me and he shook me like a rag doll. “What are you doing? You could not face me, could not bother talking to me, your mate. Just going to take off, run away again. You are good at that, are you not?”

  He snarled and kept shaking me. “Answer me.” He wasn’t silent now. This was so much better.

  I shoved him back hard and then threw myself into his arms.

  He staggered back and we were kissing. His taste flooded me, Male, Marin, mine. God, this was so much better. I ran my hands through his shorn hair, he grabbed my ass. I couldn’t believe how much I’d missed him, how incomplete I felt without him. When he didn’t seem to care, that broke me. Better he hate, better he scream, yell, and rage. I preferred that to indifference.

  We devoured each other with our mouths. His tongue caressed mine. He tasted like home, like mine, that quintessential flavor I associated with everything good. He pressed me into him, and even through the layers I could feel how hard he was for me.

  “I am so angry with you right now,” he whispered furiously at me.

  He released me and I staggered to my feet. He ripped my jacket off as I reciprocated with his, anxious to feel his skin against me. My hands tunneled under his shirt, pulling it up and off. The chill didn’t register.

  He leaned his forehead against mine as he pulled me close, his hand reaching down to unlace his pants.

  I cradled his face in my hands. “I missed you so much. I am so glad you are here with me.”

  He blew out his breath and kissed me, nose nudging mine. “Elizabeth.”

  Just one word, my name. I shivered at hearing his voice, nipping at his lower lip.

  He got his pants down and started on mine. He brushed my thighs and I shuddered. He pushed my leathers down. I stepped out of them. He lifted me up. My legs twined around his back, and he pumped inside me.

  We both groaned. Home. His tongue swept inside my mouth to the same rhythm as his hips. He cradled my ass in his hands. I arched back at a particularly deep thrust, moaning. He bit my neck with the next thrust, deeper and deeper. My thighs quivered, welcoming him, spiraling closer until I came with a rush, my arms laced around his shoulders.

  Yes.

  His answering moan came a second later, his shaft throbbing inside me. “Yes.”

  I tightened my legs when he went to drop me, mewling a protest. I hadn’t realized I kept repeating, “I love you,” over and over as he screwed me in the forest. As soon as I realized, my “I love you’s” trailed off.

  He didn’t reciprocate, but burrowed his face into my neck. His breath stirred the hairs near my ears. My nipples tightened in response.

  In a normal tone of voice, he proceeded, “I am going to have to drop you now. I cannot hold you any longer.”

  The words seemed ominous. A pang shot through my chest. I stood on my own and wriggled, getting my pants back on. He laced up and yanked his shirt on. I picked up my jacket and regarded him warily.

  Marin put his hands on his hips. “Time to head back.”

  I shrugged. “You go back. I want to see what is at the end of this pass. I will be back soon.” My tone was even. I was proud of myself. When I turned, a tear slid down my face and I dashed it away.

  Marin growled. “I am tired from traveling and I am done with these games. Come back right now.”

  I pivoted and yelled right back. “And I’m done with you telling me what to do.”

  His jaw clenched. “You do not get a choice about that.”

  I gasped. “Like hell I don’t, I always have a choice.”

  “Not as my mate.” He grabbed my arm and started tugging me back to town.

  “Wanna bet?” I pulled my arm free rubbing it and stood my ground. “No, there is something I need to find.”

  “Something you need more than me. Why am I not surprised?”

  Oh no. “I needed you more than anything when I traveled here. I knew you couldn’t leave, but I had to. I had to. Don’t you get that? I could feel the land calling. I tried talking to you every night, every single night. And you were the one who didn’t reply. You were the one who said things were over.”

  Marin pointed a finger at my face. “Things between us will never be over. You are my mate. You might take that lightly, but I do not.”

  I flinched back. Fine. I turned away and headed down the path I’d been walking.

  “Elizabeth, get back here.” His hands gripped my shoulders and he swung me around. He placed his face right in front of mine.

  His mouth opened, but before he could utter another word Zanth spoke up from behind us. “Stop, Marin. We had already resolved to explore here before you arrived. I was delayed.”

  Marin turned to him and glared at his brother. Zanth was apparently not in his good graces either. Zanth’s shoulder smacked into Marin’s when he passed. He held his arm out to me. I curtsied and took it. We walked forward, leaving Marin stewing behind us.

  “Thanks,” I whispered.

  Zanth’s lips curved upward. “What are brothers for?”

  That was the first time he called himself my brother. My steps faltered. I resisted the urge to cry and squeezed Zanth’s arm. Marin caught up to us in a few paces. He stomped, which was hard to do on dirt, but he was quite efficient at it, and moved between us.

  There are silent trips and there are silent trips. This was the latter. All the unspoken words danced in the air, refusing to be uttered. I cried inside, but damned if I would show him any more of my tears. An hour passed then two. I handed a canteen to them. We passed it around. Marin sagged behind us and I slowed. Guilt stirred. He’d just gotten here after the mountain journey and had had no rest. Maybe we should head back.

  Then we turned a corner and I saw the building ahead. My senses stirred. The structure had a lot of glass at the front, made of the same translucent rock that marked their buildings.

  “What is that?” muttered Zanth.

  “One of their buildings. I remember this rock from my time on their ship.” I held out my hand and moved closer.

  Marin snagged my waist. “Stop, we do not know what is in there. It might not be safe.”

  “This is what I was meant to find.” I grabbed hold of Marin’s hand and tugged him to the building, Zanth reluctantly trailing behind.

  When we got close, the doors slid open with a scrape and a puff of stagnant air. The inside still sparkled shiny and white, though dust motes floated in the air. I’d dreamed of a place like this.

  As if in a trance, I ventured forward, my nose stinging from the antiseptic smell. I ran my hand along a large central desk made of the smooth indestructible stone.

  This was my laboratory.

  Marin laced his fingers with mine. “Elizabeth.”

  I shuddered and put my free hand on my belly, the hair on my neck rising. This was the place I’d been searching for. I made it.

  Zanth walked to the right. “There are more rooms here. A hallway.”

  “Yes,” I whispered and followed him to the nearest room, pulling free of Marin’s grasp. There were no handles on the doors, but again, when we got close, the doors slid open. Marin and Zanth were right on my heels when I entered the room.

  Desks popped up from the floor. On each desk, there was a monitor recessed inside. I ran my hand across a screen. No
response. My fingers dropped to press on the surface of the desk and drawers popped open. The uppermost drawer was filled with chemicals, the one below had beakers and flasks, just as I remembered, but not. This place had long been abandoned, its purpose lost.

  I remembered faces, the E’mani directing me, their pale countenances undeniable, but there were others here with me, some human, some not.

  Marin turned in a circle. “Elizabeth. What is this?”

  “I don’t know but I’ve been here before.”

  We ducked into every room. One still held a dead body strapped to a central slab. It might have even been the man I got samples from, patient 549321. The bones were picked clean. There were no bugs either. Given the abandoned vibe, I expected more insect activity, more dirt, animals. So far, I didn’t see that. Only a little bit of dust.

  There was a doorway at the end of the hall.

  “This place makes me sad,” Zanth said.

  “Yes,” I replied.

  Marin’s hand rested on my shoulders. Our eyes met. I rubbed my cheek along the back of his fingers then I remembered and pulled away. His fingers tightened then withdrew.

  Zanth stood at the open door. It led to a staircase. Zanth went down first, his knife out, held to the side of his leg. I followed and Marin lagged behind. The stairs were only one story, leading to a basement. We entered a hall identical to the one above. A clicking followed by a whooshing sound reached us from the end of the hallway. We huddled by the door.

  “What is that?” I asked.

  “Not sure,” Zanth replied. “It is coming from the end of the corridor. Do we go?” He looked back at Marin for confirmation.

  Marin glanced at me. “Do you sense them?”

  No question to whom he was referring. “No. This is the place I’ve needed to find. It’s important.” But if he said no, we’d come back later. He’d already come this far after traveling from Groos for me, I couldn’t ask for more. That he was here was enough, even if things didn’t work out.

  His eyes searched mine. “Then we have to see what is there.

  Four sets of doors were open on either side of us, but we ignored them to investigate the noise.