Can't Forget: If she can't forget her past, she won't have a future. (Solum Series Book 2)

by Colleen S. Myers

  “What are you thinking?”

  I turned and blinked at Marin. “Nothing.”

  “Beta?”

  I went quiet. No way was I telling him I was thinking about Rael, even in a non-lustful way. “Remember our last snowball fight?”

  Marin narrowed his eyes. “Yes, you used magic. That was not fair.”

  I smirked. “You hit me first.”

  He grinned. “Yes, but you cheated.”

  “You like it when I cheat.”

  “I like it when you cheat by distracting me with sex.” He moved and leaned his forehead against mine.

  “Oh really.” I ran my hand down his cheek. We smiled at each other, our ease with each other somewhat restored.

  I opened my mouth.

  Zara rushed in and threw herself into Marin’s arms. He staggered under her weight.

  What the hell was she doing here?

  “Oh Marin,” she said and kissed him.

  His hands gripped her shoulders. He pushed her away with a glare. Holy shit. Like that was it? I booked to the door with my bag. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him whispering to her. Damn him.

  I searched out Hana.

  “Time to go back.”

  Wise woman that she was, she didn’t comment on my tears. We were halfway down the path when Marin joined us. He brushed my lower back and I walked faster.

  Twenty Eight

  Everyone was outside when we returned. They sat in the clearing before the doors. The three winged warriors crouched with Rael and the second Avaresh, Prog, with his blood red wings and black skin. I remembered him only peripherally from the labs.

  The rest of the group perched in a precise circle in front of them. Their posture was perfect. It hurt to look at them.

  When we walked close, they rose and assumed a whipped position. Erin was flanked by the four men. One of the men was clearly Fost with his slit eyes, long limbs, and faded jatua. He leaned into Erin’s side and whispered in her ear. Defiance screamed from every pore, wild black eyes met mine. Dela.

  One guy still had his gray hair. He was older than the others. Wrinkles surrounded kind eyes. Roger. He looked human, like Erin and me, but the two next to him were decidedly not.

  Twins, identical in every way, but for their scars. One had a zipper going up his belly, the edges raised and still inflamed. The other had had his cheek opened. Their red eyes burned. Their noses flat, hands and feet webbed, skin blue. Werner and Vale. Rocian warriors.

  “We arre glad you arre ssafe and we arre rready.” Their voices sounded dull to my ears, deep and raw, like they never used them. As they spoke, I noted their tongues were split down the middle. A racial trait or E’mani torture?

  “Ready for what?” I asked.

  “Rready to kill the E’mani, of courrsse. We did as you asked. We have been learrning what we could.”

  “I had you getting ready?” I repeated.

  “Yes, you hated the E’mani. No matterr what they did to you, you rememberred and hated. You made ssure we rrememberred too. You would face them and tell them you would be the end of them. They fearred you, the E’mani, who fearred nothing, werre terrrrified of you.”

  I knew they feared me. I slid Marin a told-you-so glance. He rolled his eyes. “Why don’t I remember anything?”

  “They drrugged you. They drrugged all of uss, but you werre homicidal and quite inventive. They deemed you a thrreat and yourr punisshmentss werre much harrssherr than otherrss.”

  I watched the floor, so many flashes of pain,

  “Elizabeth, why do you make us hurt you?” Xade whispered. A scalpel flashed in his hand. A stab penetrated my flank. Kidney samples now. I could do this. Pain was transient. Hate forever.

  “I don’t make you do anything, you sick fuck. You enjoy it.”

  Xade chuckled. “Well, that is true.”

  Another memory

  “Nothing you do to me, will change my mind. I remember and I will make you pay for what you have done. Nothing will stop me. The E’mani will pay.”

  Xade snorted and motioned to one of his copies. It moved forward. I killed it using one thrust to the heart with the blade I’d stolen. My only regret, it wasn’t Xade.

  Xade wasn’t laughing anymore.

  Marin gripped my hand, grounding me. I clenched his back. Sweat dotted my lip.

  Repetition was key. Every time I remembered what they’d done to me, I let them know. I usually killed someone in the process. No wonder they threw me out. I smiled. Hana looked away. Might have to work on that smile. It seemed to disconcert a lot of people lately.

  “Why were they scared?” I asked.

  Erin interjected. Her voice matched her delicate frame. Soft and light. “They thought you were the key. They had you working on some genetic research beyond me, that wasn’t my area. You found something and refused to tell them. It made them quite angry. You were punished for all to see. All the things I wished I could do and say. You did. We were all their thralls, too afraid to fight, but you gave us hope. We are so happy to see you alive, they said they killed you.”

  Huh.

  We built a fire. The remains ate as if they never eaten before. After years of protein shakes and bars, I got that. While they chowed down, I wandered inside to poke around. I sat at the main desk and studied the computer. My hands hovered over the keys. What was I looking for?

  “I wouldn’t randomly hit buttons if I were you,” a dry voice called out from the hallway. Dela drifted inside the door.

  There was something feral about him. Maybe it was the black eyes. I could just make out the slits in his irises. Looking into them felt like falling into a pit. And the attitude made it that much worse. “I don’t know what buttons to press, so random is all I got.”

  “Now you have me, remember? And I am the hacker of hackers.”

  “But you’re Fost. How did you learn to do that?”

  Dela grinned. “Given the company you are keeping, I guess it is a surprise.” He walked and hip checked me off my chair. “Did you know that the E’mani and Fost are offshoots of the same race? There are a few differences in their genetic makeup that separate us, but less than you would think. Most of what distinguishes us is culture. Not all Fost chose to forget about advancements. Some of us stayed and tried to integrate into E’mani society.” He indicated himself. “Some of us even made it far until Xade’s line came into power. Did you know that Xade is not just the Commander? He is one of the progenitor lines. He pushed for the changes and soon all others became subjects and not people.”

  “He loved hurting people,” I whispered.

  “Yes, and you were his masterpiece. Did you ever wonder why they picked you, why you were immune?”

  “Every day.”

  “They made you.”

  “What do you mean, made me?” My stomach fell.

  “That’s why all of us were chosen, me, you, Erin, Roger. We all share genetics with the E’mani. We carry specific genes they felt would be useful for their research. We are incubators for the cures they wished to engender in their society, some of the most successful experiments in modern biology. Yay, we won torture and years in a lab.” Bitterness laced his words.

  “But why kill everyone?”

  “They’d learned all they could and it was getting harder for them to hide. So they culled the population. It is a common tactic for them.”

  Hmm. “Why did they need to hide?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “How?” I pressed.

  “Well, aren’t you full of interesting questions? Forget me telling you. Let me show you.”

  His hands flew across the stone, touching colors. It wasn’t just about the code, I learned. It was about the brush of your fingers against the keys. They were lucky I hadn’t set them on fire or something waking them.

  A hologram rose from the surface of the desk.

  Xade’s voice rang out.

  “Earth, circa 1744.

  “A primitive planet, resource ric
h, its lands populated by a race called humans. Initial contact made, the subjects appear promising. Similar genetic structure, borderline intelligence and exemplary pain tolerance, how interesting…”

  Jesus, 1744. They’d been watching Earth for centuries, much longer than I thought.

  His voice continued, “It is quite the find. None of the first experiments survived. Next round started 1762. Admirable fire. I like these people. They are fighters, harder to break than most. Inserting E’mani DNA into human genes is easy. The results are not always…palatable. Multiple genetic anomalies noted. This is of no use to me. Our illnesses either do not affect them, or devastate them too quickly. There must be a way to test the disease without killing the target. We cannot test the cures until we perfect the problems.”

  What disease, what problems, what cure?

  “Earth. Circa 1764.

  “For fun today, I met a thrall. He was an exceptional creature and so very close to a breakthrough. I helped him. I gave him the blueprints to an ancient steam engine and several others. We will see what happens.

  “Earth, circa 1768,

  “The industrial revolution is in full swing. I gave them one idea and a whole slew of creativity followed. It is quite exciting to watch. One subject survived initial testing. She is remarkable. Attempting breeding.”

  On it went for generations, every couple of decades an advancement or two in their research.

  “What were they searching for?”

  Dela crossed his arms and leaned back. “I don’t know. You would know more than I. Xade loved to talk to you. Your hatred amused him. He saw us as rats. He liked to make people beg, but once they did, he lost interest. You never begged. You threatened or played along. There was always an edge with you. We all knew it. He knew it, like keeping a snake for a pet.”

  Erin’s light voice added from behind us. “That isn’t a very flattering description, Dela.”

  Dela twisted, his face softening. “But true, my love, and I aim for the truth.”

  “So for years, the E’mani have been coming and visiting Earth, experimenting on the population, and generally mucking about. Putting ideas here and there, advancing or blocking advances as they will.”

  Erin answered this time. “Yes.”

  “And out of all of us, I probably know what they were looking for?” What made me so special?

  Dela nodded and tugged Erin close. She ran her hand through his short blond hair. “Yes, Xade is the leader. We were all brought to him for some reason. He saw you as a key, all of us as keys to solving this mystery of his. We all had our parts to play.”

  “All I remember so far is that some of the E’mani were sick,” I mused.

  “I never saw a sick E’mani,” Dela replied with a quirk of his eyebrow.

  “Some sort of hepatitis, I think. He went into liver failure. My grandfather died of it too, so I recognized the signs. Xade mentioned once that the life span of the clones was three to five years at the most. They aren’t even at a toddler mentality before they die, though their bodies were fully grown.”

  The rest of the remains had entered while we talked and crowded around us. I glanced around at the group. “So, I was the pet, Dela the hacker, what were the rest of you?”

  Erin went first. “I am a doctor, an infectious disease expert. I worked for the CDC on Earth prior to this.”

  “What’s up with?” I pointed to her eye.

  “I’m not sure. They removed it, but it has only enhanced my vision. I can see for miles with this thing.” Erin’s fingers drifted across her lashes.

  George was next. “I am a virologist. The study of bugs is my thing. I was working with Hanta when I was taken.”

  The twins replied after. “We arre engineerrss. We make sstuff worrk.”

  “Rael, Prog?”

  “We were infiltrators of our races. Each Ford, or city as you will, had different leaders and resistances. We found them all out and broke them for the E’mani. They used us to get in and take over the other sects. We also acted as guards and assassins.”

  “Why did they put us all together, what did they want us to find?” That was the question that would solve this.

  Twenty Nine

  The colors blended before my eyes as I watched more of Xade’s documentary on Earth. It was hypnotizing and revolting at the same time. His finger had been in all of Earth’s pies. Why was he so interested in us? I’d always felt like Earth’s history paralleled the E’mani’s. Now I knew the reason. They’d put Earth on a course to mimic their own for a purpose, why?

  Damn it.

  My head drooped and hit the table. The cold helped to clear my thoughts. Everyone had gone to bed ages ago. The remains insisted on sleeping outside. No more tubes for them.

  Xade’s voice flowed over me.

  “This cell, Elizabeth, do you see it? This one started it all. But how? The genome is perfect, absolutely perfect. There are no imbalances. I replicated the DNA myself. How did this happen?”Xade’s knuckles whitened on the edge of the operating table.

  We stared down at the body before us. The subject’s mouth was curled, hands held in front of it. A faint odor drifted from its skin. I knew it well from my time with Xade. Death, urine, tears. The smell didn’t change. The white hair falling out in clumps threw me, so vibrant a platinum it glowed under the lights. This guy was E’mani. His white eyes open, their milky depths almost matched the pale color of his skin. He’d died with a scream on his face, reaching for Xade.

  “I will figure this out, Elizabeth. One day, I vow it.”

  Xade shoulders bent. He looked so defeated, I could almost pity him, but I knew what Xade had done in the name of his research. I’d lived it. He didn’t deserve tender feelings.

  Xade walked to his desk. Bigger than most I’d seen, it dominated the room. Countless monitors displayed various landscapes.

  One always made my heart stop. The Eiffel Tower. I watched people scurrying around the base. Beaten but not whipped by whatever madness Xade fed us. Roger said it was some prion disease like Mad Cow contaminating all our food and water supplies. More people survived than I’d thought. Some weren’t human.

  Did this mean my mom was still alive? Hope stirred and sent my pulse racing. I would be free one day. I would go back and find my mother.

  A hand fell on my shoulder. I turned with a snarl.

  Marin had gripped my hand holding the dagger before it cut him. “You have been at this long enough, time for sleep.”

  “I don’t want to go to bed. I remember more every day. This information will help me figure out what is going on.” I whirled back to the hologram wavering before me.

  Marin settled next to me, his butt on the desk. “Not when you are exhausted. In the morning, I will come watch everything with you.”

  I snorted. “Why?”

  “What do you mean, why?”

  “Why would you come help me? I’m sure you have better things to do, maybe better people to do.” My lips twisted and I stared resolutely at the images.

  “Would that bother you?” Marin asked.

  “Of course it would. You’re my mate.”

  He reached out and ran his fingers down my cheek. Helpless, my eyes drifted shut. “Come to bed, Elizabeth.”

  Marin grabbed my hand and led me to the door.

  “But…” I said.

  His fingers squeezed mine. “No buts. Bed.”

  Once outside, he sped us to our rooms. As soon as we stopped, I stepped away from his side. Again I lay on the bed fully clothed, my eyes squeezed shut.

  The mattress sank under Marin’s weight. He stroked my hair. “I was so mad when you left.”

  I burrowed my face in the pillow. “I had to go.”

  “Seeing this now, maybe I believe you. I cannot forget though, how easy was it for you to leave me behind.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

  I sat up and shoved him away. “It wasn’t easy at all. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You’re
my rock. From the moment we met, it was you.” I threw up my hands. Why couldn’t he understand? This wasn’t supposed to be so hard. “But you are also the Fost leader. You couldn’t go and I couldn’t stay.” I placed my hand against his chest. “It broke what was left of my heart after Hope died to have to leave you.”

  “Why could you not tell me?” His fingers laced with mine.

  “You know why.”

  “No, I do not.”

  “You would never have let me leave. And I am not strong enough to fight you. It just never occurred to me that my leaving would mean the end of us.” I fluffed the pillow under my head and rested back. With conscious effort, I blinked back the burning behind my eyes. No crying now. Control.

  Marin held my face, turning me to face him. “We are not over.” He sounded like he meant that.

  “Why the games?”

  Marin glanced away. “I hurt inside when you left. I do not know how to resolve that feeling. I am fine and then I get so angry that I want to hurt you for hurting me. The emotion is not rational, nor is it my way. I am sorry. But it is there.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means I want time to be angry and understand why you did this, why this was important enough to risk us. And to be very clear, you are still mine and only mine. No others.”

  “If that is so, then the opposite is true. You are mine and no others.” Cough, Zara, cough.

  “Agreed, until we figure where we stand, we change nothing. But know this. We are not over.”

  “I want to believe that.” More than anything, I wanted to believe.

  “Then do,” he whispered. My gaze met his. Marin’s lips crushed mine, his mouth angled to reach deep. He nudged my lips apart with his tongue to suck at the nectar of my mouth.

  I let him crush me onto the bed, his tasted flooding my starved senses. God, I needed this. My hands curled around his shoulders.

  He stopped, turning his head, his chest heaving.

  My hair covered the pillow. Marin’s hand shook as his fingers brushed through my tresses, looking so tender, almost as tender as he’d looked earlier when talking to Zara. And like that my mood soured.